How to Be the Master of the Clitoris

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The two main ways women can orgasm are by the G-spot and the clitoris (fact: 70% of women get off by clitoral stimulation). For the sake of keeping things focused, let’s talk about the clitoris.

Finding the Clitoris

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The external size and appearance of the clitoris is different for every woman. For the most part, it usually looks like a fleshy pebble that gets hard during sexual arousal. Sometimes, you can’t see or feel the clitoris until a woman is sexually aroused. So before you hone in on the clit, get her going – seduce her, caress or massage her body and breasts, or softly play or caress her labia. Any one or more of these techniques will bring the clitoris out to play!

A Light Touch is the Best Touch

A light touch is the best touch, at least at first. Flick the tip of your tongue on or around her clitoris. Lightly move your fingertip on or around her clitoris. Lube helps if you’re using your fingers. The slick sensation of lube feels awesome and will usually help get her wet. Start with a gentle setting on a vibrator or a vibrator that doesn’t feel like a grinder. Check out our review of the Magic Wand Original Vs Magic Wand Rechargeable!

A note about vibrators: I know a lot of guys are threatened by vibrators. Don’t be! Vibrators are not intended to be a replacement for a man or his penis, and she really prefers having you in bed with her! Vibrators provide a much different sensation that will send those thousands of nerve endings into a wild frenzy. Just give it a try. You’ll love the way she’ll spin into a frenzy!

Change Things Up

Think of fingering, licking or using a vibrator on her clit the same way you enjoy a hand job or a blow job. Change things up every once in a while. Circle your tongue around the clit. Tease the clit by lapping on the folds of her inner labia. Be spontaneous. If there’s something that she really likes, stick with it. If you pay attention to how she sways, shimmies, moans or tells you how she likes it, you’ll know that you’re the Master of the Clitoris!

When to go Full Throttle

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If you have a woman who knows what she likes and is comfortable with letting her inner wild woman (Goddess 😉 out, believe me, she’ll tell you. She might tell you to rub harder, pull your head closer during oral, start taking God’s name in vain, or moaning and trashing around like a demented banshee. Any or all of these not-so-subtle cues are to let you know it is time to go full throttle baby!

The Clit and Penetration

There are some positions that are great for clitoral stimulation during penetration. Rear entry or doggy style is a great way to allow you or her to rub her clit.

Vibrating cock rings are a great hands-free way to stimulate her clit while your penis is penetrating her as far as it will go in. And, don’t forget about the Trigasm (clitoral, g spot and anal pleasure all in one)!

The Approach

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Don’t view playing with her clit as an obligatory chore as a means to an end, i.e. thrusting your dick inside of her. The more you pleasure her this way, the more likely she’s going to be when she’s ready for a good pounding. I promise you that she will be and penetration will be off the charts, even if she comes wildly while you’re playing with her clit. If she needs a breather after she comes through clit play, she can usually get it back up again through other ways often in minutes. An orgasm can actually energize a woman instead of making her feel like she’s done for.

By all means, don’t ask her if she’s ready for penetration. This is an automatic mood killer. If you don’t know, she’ll feel like you’re not paying attention to her or think that you’re just in this for yourself.

Most importantly, be patient. Some women get aroused immediately. Some women need as much as 20 minutes. Even the same woman may need varying amounts of time to be clit- and penetration-ready.


This article originally appeared on A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind.

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Bobby Morgan was a prolific and dedicated sex blogger, sexuality advocate and beditor-in-chief at A Good Woman's Dirty Mind (2012-2015), as well as creator of #AdultSexEdMonth (2013-2015). She was well loved and know by the sex-positive educator's community. She died suddenlt in 2015 at the age of 52, leaving a large body of work behind her. Before she died, she made me an Admin of her FB page, and gave me permission to syndicate her articles. So much of her writing still resonates today, so I am making her work available via Sexpert to share with a larger audience. "[My blog] was built on the inspiration of the love affair of a lifetime between me and my lover, Parrot... If only we could teach, bottle, sell or share our secrets of our great sex, romance and relationship, more people would be happier and more fulfilled. Like the way Parrot and I talk with each other, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is open, frank, and nakedly explicit in the way it talks about sex and relationships... In short, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is all about real sex — and really great sex at that — for real people." Website:


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