Wednesday, January 28, 2026

Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults

Sexpert.com has the Best Sex Education Articles for Adults from an expert line up of certified sex experts.

Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.

Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.

Sexpert.com is an all-inclusive sex education site for adults and has many empowering articles on gender and sexuality, as well as articles for gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, sissies, and alternative lifestyles including cuckold and hotwife relationships, threesomes, polyamory and swinging. See our sacred sexuality topics including Tantra sex, yoni yoga, sexy goddess rituals, energy orgasms and more.

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Sexy Sounds: Aural Sex Tantric Style

Photo by Yaroslav Shuraev from Pexels

Tantric Sounds

Sound releases energy and during lovemaking, sounds release sexual energy. Sound will also amplify sensation, as the sound waves vibrate throughout the body. If you hold back the sounds you feel inside, it will manifest into inhibitions, resentments and anger. So for your own good health, give yourself permission to express yourself through words, sounds, sighs, cries, shouts and laughter.

In the following interactive sound exercises you will learn how to communicate through humming, the sounds of sex and how to articulate your sexual wants, needs and fears. Sound is an essential element to experiencing Tantric bliss.

Making love without sound is like watching a movie on mute.

The Sound of Your Chakras

Each Chakra has its own sound and when you chant the matching sound or Mantra, you will energize, empower and open each Chakra. Make it a ritual to ‘voice activate’ each of your Chakras every day. This exercise should be done facing your lover. Synchronize your chanting for at least five minutes.

Root: Place your hand upon your perineum (the strip between the Rosebud/anus and the Jewels/testicles on men and the strip between the Rosebud/anus and the Yoni/vagina on women). Squeeze your sphincter mus- cles and chant ‘Lam, Lam, Lam, Lam.’

Sacral: Place your hand over your sacral (sexual organs) and as you chant, squeeze your Love Muscles/ PC muscles (the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine) and chant ‘Vam, Vam, Vam, Vam’.

Solar Plexus: Place your hand over your navel. Inhale and exhale feeling your belly expand and chant Ram, ‘Ram, Ram, Ram.’

Heart: Place your hand over your heart and chant ‘Yam, Yam, Yam, Yam’.

Throat: Place your hand around your throat and chant ‘Ham, Ham, Ham, Ham’.

Third Eye: Place your hand in between your eyebrows and chant ‘Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh’.

Crown: Place your hand on top of your head and chant ‘Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm’.

Creative Visualization

This time place your prominent hand over your lovers Chakras, chant the matching sound while visualizing the color of the Chakra with your eyes closed.

Chakra Sound/Mantra
Root
Sacral
Solar Plexus
Heart
Throat
Third Eye
Crown
Lam
Vam
Ram
Yam
Ham
Ooooh
Mmm

 

Tantric Colors & Visualizations

Root: Visualize a deep red color. Red represents physical strength, vitality and stability.

Sacral: Visualize a bright orange color. Orange is associated with warm creative energy that nourishes us.

Solar Plexus: Visualize a golden yellow color. Yellow stimulates the emotions and enhances our power within.

Heart: Visualize a crisp, green color. Green represents life, nourishment, balance and harmony.

Throat: Visualize a sky blue color. Blue is associated with peace, calm, confidence and clarity.

Third Eye: Visualize an indigo color. Indigos’ deep color represents positive, intuitive strength.

Crown: Visualize a violet color. Violet is the regal color of your higher power and it represents acceptance and understanding of the Universe.

Sound Exercises with your Lover

1. Mmm: Tell your lover what sounds you want to hear during lovemaking.

2. Yes: Tell your lover what words you want to hear during lovemaking.

3. Oooh: Pretend you are building up to having a climax and make those sounds for your lover to hear.

4. Turn-on: Tell your lover 2 of your greatest turn-ons.

5. Turn-off: Tell your lover 1 sexual turnoff.

6. Fantasy: Whisper a sexual fantasy that you have in your lover’s ear.

7. Blend: Hold each other, close your eyes and blend the sounds of love for 2 minutes.

8. My Body: Tell your lover what parts of your body you love the most.

9. Position: Tell your lover your favorite sexual position and why.

10. Worship: Ask your lover how he/she wants to be worshiped and then comply.

11. Lover’s Appreciation: Exchange a physical, an appreciative and an emotional compliment with each other. (An emotional compliment is one that let’s your lover know that they are making a difference in your life and it makes the heart sing).

12. Name that Yoni/Lingam: Name each other’s genitals in a way that honors your lover’s sacred sexuality. If they already have a name, give them a new nickname.

13. Tantric Lovemaking: Get into Yab Yum position or Missionary position and simulate the movements and sounds of making love. Use moans, whispers, panting, giggling, growling and heavy breathing. This can be done dressed or naked.

14. Happy Sighs: Get into Yab Yum position or Missionary position and hold each other cheek to cheek, then sigh gently, lovingly into each other’s ears for 2 minutes. Express yourselves through the sound of your sighs and the touch of your bodies only.

15. Yoni/Lingam Talk: If your Lingam or Yoni could talk, what would it say? Have a conversation between the Lingam and Yoni to discuss what you want sexually from each other.

16. Sexual Hum: Put your mouth over one of your lover’s erogenous zones; navel, breasts, buttocks, Lingam or Yoni; their choice. Make sensual humming sounds combined with breathing for 2 minutes. Let him/her feel the vibrations of your sexual energy.

17. Share a Fantasy: Start telling your lover about a sexual fantasy that you have, and after 2 minutes your lover must finish the fantasy.

18. Memorable Erotica: Look at your lover and finish this sentence: “The most memorable erotic experience that I have ever had with you was when we….”

19. Significance: Ask your lover to name 3 of the most significant times in your relationship. Then share your most significant times with your lover.

20. Lovable: Tell your lover what makes him/her so lovable for at least 2 minutes. Then it’s his/her turn to tell you what makes you so lovable.

21. Rate your Erogenous Zones: Blindfold your lover and then kiss 4 major erogenous zones (such as lips, ears, nipples, Yoni, Lingam, testicles). Ask your lover to rate them from 1 to 10 with 10 being the most pleasurable. Do this for 2 minutes.

22. Finger Licking Good: Blindfold your lover. Suck on each one of his/her fingers in slow motion. Make the kinds of sounds you would make when you are enjoying a delicious meal. Feel free to exaggerate with slurps and sensual noises.

Sing Like No-one Is Listening!

Hum to yourself every day, say words you find embarrassing out loud, sing like no-one is listening, make love without restraining your sounds.

Chant OHM (for the crown Chakra to open), AH (for the heart Chakra to open) and HOM (for the sex Chakra to open). This chant will unite these physical areas.

Practice asking your lover for what you need, compliment your lover and praise him/her when they do something you enjoy. Don’t hold back resentments, communicate hurt feelings and create closure with your lover.

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Excerpt from Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook

Tantra Sex Positions & Movement for Tantric Bliss

Photo by Jo Kassis from Pexels

Tantra Sex Positions & Movement for Tantric Bliss

The lack of movement can leave your body feeling tight and tired. It also restricts energy flow and can block emotions; especially sexual ones. Even when you visualize parts of your body moving, you are creating physiological sensations.

In the following interactive exercises you will experience moving different parts of your body with your lover. The physical connection will be different than the standard lovemaking positions you may have experienced in the past. Some of the movements will be playful, while others will be spiritual or sexual. Movement is an essential element to reaching Tantric bliss.

Movement Exercises with your Lover

1. Pelvic Circles: Do circles with your pelvis while standing facing your lover for 2 minutes. Play music if you like.

2. Finger Talk: Touch each other’s face in slow motion with fingertips and communicate only through your eyes and fingers for 2 minutes.

3. Tantric Dance: Hold each other close and move your entire bodies, but not your feet for 2 minutes (add music if you like).

4. Tantric Hug: Put your arms around each other, bury your head in each others neck and press your bodies together for 2 minutes.

5. Tantric Kiss: Press your bodies together and kiss passionately for 2 minutes.

6. Eyelid Kiss: Lick your lover’s eyelids and kiss his/her eyelids tenderly.

7. Dominate: Dominate your lover by holding him/her down and kiss and caress him/her wherever you want to.

8. Striptease: Do a striptease for your lover and take off two pieces of clothing.

9. Feather: Use the feather on your own body and show your lover where it turns you on the most.

10. Rock the Cradle: Get into Yab Yum position or kneel in front of each other. Embrace. Breathe together, eye-gaze and rock your pelvis back and forth together at the same time. As you breathe in, the belly fills up and you both rock back. The belly expands from breath. As you exhale you rock towards each other. Do this exercise for 2 minutes.

11. Sensate Focus: Take turns showing your lover how you want to be touched on your face and neck. Now your lover should emulate the same touches that you just showed him/her. Give each other verbal feedback (you may use a feather or a blindfold to heighten this experience). Do ‘Sensate Focus’ for 2 minutes. Add music if you like.

12. Surrender: Take turns receiving loving caresses and kisses from your lover for 2 minutes.

13. Body Worship: Worship your lover’s body by caressing him/her with the feather or your hair followed by baby kisses. Both of you should make sounds of love and move in unison to the rhythm of your foreplay.

14. Yin Yang Kissing: Decide who will be Yin and who will be Yang. The Yang (active lover) has to explore with his/her tongue the Yin’s mouth (receptive lover) until he/she has kissed for at least 2 minutes. Then exchange roles for 2 more minutes.

15. Hand Dancing: Rub your (own) hands together and feel the warm energy as you slowly bring them apart, then put your hands against your lover’s hands and feel the heat/energy as you hand dance together. Decide who will be Yin (follower) and who will be Yang (initiator). Yin must follow Yang’s movements, keep your hands pressed up against each others for 1 minute, and then Yang must follow Yin’s movements for 1 minute.

16. Standing Cradle Rock: Stand in front of your lover with hands on hips, feet pointing ahead. Bend knees slightly and rock your pelvis cradle (back and forth) in slow motion. Go in circles, then side to side for 2 minutes simultaneously. Have fun with this and play music.

17. The Pelvis Roll: This is a variation on the ‘Missionary’ position with the man on his knees while his lover raises her knees and rests her feet on his chest. The woman has her arms and hands free to caress herself or her man. During penetration, she can roll her pelvis up and down so that his Lingam can stimulate her G-spot. The woman must surrender herself to complete and utter Tantric pleasure. Use lubricant if necessary.

18. The Swooping Goddess: This is a variation on the ‘Woman On Top’ position. She is on top with her feet on the bed or ground and her toes pointed for extra elevation. The woman needs to have strong legs for this position because she is doing all the thrusting (swooping) down on her man while he lays back, surrenders and receives. Her hands are free to caress herself or her man. Use lubricant if necessary.

19. The Crouching Tigress: This is a variation on the rear entry position. The woman gets on all fours and crouches like a wild cat with her buttocks raised high, while her man presses his lower body against her on his knees. He has the freedom to hold onto her buttocks, hips or waist. This position gives the man complete power to penetrate his lover. If the strokes are too deep and fast it may cause her discomfort, so to enhance the pleasure for both man and woman, he should thrust his Lingam into her Yoni ever so slowly and then work up to a more rapid penetration as and when she desires it. Use lubricant if necessary.

20. Enhanced Tantric Kiss: Get into Yam Yum Position. Begin your kiss by tracing the outline of your lover’s lips. Then take your lover’s bottom lip between the two of yours and suck gently. Next, wrap your lips around your lover’s tongue and suck on it with passion. Finally get a cube of ice and put it in your mouth as you kiss your lover. Continue to kiss until the ice has melted. This exercise is even more fun during Maithuna/intercourse.

21. Sixty Nine: Decide who will be Yang (on top) and who will be Yin (on bottom) and get into the classic sixty nine position. The woman gently tugs her man’s scrotum while sucking his Lingam from the base to the glans (head) changing her rhythm to long, slow sucking to short, fast milking motions. Simultaneously, the man nuzzles his face into his woman’s Yoni and licks her labia and Pearl/clitoris while stroking her perineum (between the Rosebud/anus and the Yoni opening) for at least 5 minutes.

22. Animals: Get into an animal pose with your lover and make the sounds and movements of your chosen animal. You can be a snake and slither all over your lover, a monkey who playfully explores his/her lover, a cat who snuggles, or any other animal you choose. Play with each other for 2 minutes and guess what animal your lover chose.

23. Musical Instrument: Imagine you are a musician, choose an instrument, and play a rhythm on your lover’s body for 2 minutes. You can play a concerto up and down your lover’s body, stand them up and pretend to play the cello or just get down and dirty with your lover’s flute. The choice is yours.

Connect Each Day

Hold hands, hug your lover every day. Cuddle at bedtime. Stretch your body, take a walk at least once a week and dance whenever possible with your lover. Caress your own body, discover your own erogenous zones, then do the same with your lover and ask him/her to rate their erogenous zones from 1-10.

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Excerpt from: Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook

31 Valuable Vagina Facts

For as fascinated as society is with sex and the female body, you’d think we’d be better informed about the vagina. A 2010 Cosmo poll found that 60% of women didn’t know a lot about their vaginas. (I’m convinced that 60% of the people that write for Cosmo don’t know much about the vagina, too.) Heavens knows how many men don’t know much about the love canal. Knowing it and understanding it can lead to better sex and health.

There’s a lot of know and learn about the vagina. That’s why I broke down this adult sex education lesson about the vagina into 31 little mini-lessons so it would be a lot easier and a lot more fun to take in.

Being Anatomically Correct

1. The first and most important thing to know is that the vagina is an internal structure. The outer portion of a woman’s privates is called the vulva, which includes the outer labia (the labia majora). The inner and or usually concealed parts include the inner labia (the labia minora), the clitoral hood, the clitoris, the urethra and the vagina.

2. The average length of an unaroused vagina in a mature woman is between 2.5 and 3 inches wide and 3.5 inches long. The vagina can expand up to 200% during sexual intercourse and giving birth.

3. Inside the vagina is a series of ridges produced by folds of the vagina called the vaginal reggae. They allow the vagina to extend and stretch.

4. The vagina is tilted at roughly a 130-degree angle. That will change with time if it hasn’t already. The vaginal angle flattens a bit, which may make vaginal intercourse feel different to women as they age and go through menopause.

5. Both sharks and vaginas have a substance called squalene. Squalene exists in shark livers and is also a natural vaginal lubricant. No wonder why people are so into Shark Week on the Discovery Channel! #SharkPorn!

About Those Smells, Discharges and Lubrication

(Yeah, I know, some of this stuff is unpleasant and uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s important to know in order to be sexually healthy.)

6. A woman’s vagina is designed to clean itself. Douching is completely unnecessary and can actually do more harm than good. In fact, most physicians discourage douching. The vagina has colonies of mutually symbiotic flora and microorganisms that protect against dangerous microbes. Disrupting this balance can cause yeast infections and abnormal discharge. After menstruation, it cleans itself out and continues to do so throughout a woman’s monthly cycle. It also will clean itself out after sex. However, a funky smell or discharge is usually a sign of a yeast or bacterial infection. These can usually be treated with over-the-counter creams.

7. While vaginal discharge keeps the vagina lubricated, it’s different from the vaginal lubrication produced during sex. The lube comes from special, pea-sized ducts called Bartholin’s glands, which are located around the vaginal opening.

8. Vaginal discharge does not contain any waste products. It contains fluid that seeps through the walls of the vagina, cervical mucus, uterine and tubal fluid, secretions from glands in the vulva, oil and sweat from vulvar glands, old cells from the walls of the vagina, and healthy bacteria. Vaginal discharge contains mostly salt water, mucus, and cells.

9. The average amount of vaginal discharge a woman of reproductive age secretes over a period of eight hours is ¼ teaspoon. Every woman makes different amounts of vaginal discharge, though it varies depending on where a woman is in her cycle. A woman procures the greatest amount of discharge, about 0.40 teaspoon, around the time of ovulation.

10. The vagina signals when it’s baby making time. The cervical mucus during ovulation gets clear, rubbery and stretchy.

11. Each vagina has its own smell. The smell depends on a variety of factors, including the combination of normal bacteria that live in the vagina, diet, types of fabric a woman wears, level of hygiene, how much a woman sweats, and gland secretions.

12. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes the classic fishy smell in a vagina and is sometimes associated with discharge, odor, pain, itching and burning. Researchers don’t fully understand how a woman develops BV, but know it is associated with an imbalance of the bacteria that are normally found in a woman’s vagina. Increased risk includes having a new sex partner or multiple partners and douching. A woman cannot get BV from toilet seats, bedding, or swimming pools. Women who have never had sex can also be affected.

13. Sitting in a wet bathing suit or sweaty workout underwear can give you a yeast infection. So can drinking a lot of alcohol or eating a ton of sugar. Being on antibiotics can kill off good bacteria in your vagina and cause an imbalance that is hospitable to the fungus. Eating yogurt with live cultures may help restore that balance.

14. Vaginas have can different smells at different times of the day. Right out of the shower, a vagina may not smell. After running or exercise, a vagina might smell musky from all the sweat glands. A menstruating vagina may smell like iron, and when a vagina has an overgrowth of yeast, it may smell like bread. After intercourse, a vagina may smell faintly like bleach, as semen has a smell of its own. If there is an overgrowth of bacteria, the vagina may smell like fish.

15. There are ways to make a vagina smell fresher without douching. Tactics include removing pubic hair; wiping with baby wipes instead of toilet paper, going panty-free or wearing cotton panties, avoiding panty hose and tight jeans, and eating a vegetable-based diet. Eating lots sweet fruits like pineapple or drinking cranberry juice will make it taste and smell sweeter, which can be great for your partner when they are going downtown. Probiotic foods like yogurt help to keep the vagina smelling fresh, too. Foods such as coffee, asparagus, beets, alcohol, broccoli, onions, garlic, and curry can make your va-jay-jay smell funky.

16. Sweating “down there” isn’t only normal; it provides a necessary function. Just below the skin of the labia and clitoral hood are hundreds of tiny glands that secrete oil and sweat. This can protect your delicate areas from friction and overheating.

Female Ejaculation

17. Female ejaculation DOES exist! Women, in addition to men, can ejaculate varying amounts of fluid during orgasm. It can be a few drops or enough to soak through a large section of a mattress. This is not an urban legend. I can personally attest this can happen. Some skeptics, even clinical researchers say that the ejaculate that comes from a woman isn’t actually ejaculate at all, but urine. However, I can tell you from first-hand experience it is not pee. There are other scientist that say that the components of female ejaculate are separate and different than the ones found in urine and comes from the paraurethral ducts, not the bladder. So, whenever the medical and scientific communities can pull their heads out of their asses and stick them into some vaginas to give us some definitive answers, I’ll be one of the first to let you know if this happens in my lifetime.

More Vagina Facts

18. Birth control pills can have an effect on how wet you get. So can breastfeeding and menopause. That’s because the vagina’s ability to lubricate is partially tied to estrogen levels. The lower your estrogen levels, the harder it is to get wet naturally. Using lube will help and it can even make sex more enjoyable even if you don’t need it.

19. A vaginal fart, also called a “queef,” is common. It often happens when the vagina contracts after penetration or sexual arousal. Unlike gas expelled from the rectum, which contains fecal waste and has an odor, vaginal flatulence is odorless and unrelated to the rectum.

20. It’s possible for a woman to develop an allergy to the proteins in semen. This condition is known as human seminal plasma protein hypersensitivity. Most cases only involve itching and swelling after sex, but in some cases it can be life threatening. Research shows that certain women are allergic to certain men but not to others.

21. Feel like you have to pee during sex? Sometimes a male partner might be stimulating the urethra or bladder during sex, which can make you feel like you have to pee. There’s also a thing called nerve cross-talk. It’s what happens when there’s so much is going on down there that your nerves can become confused about what exactly it is they’re experiencing when you get aroused.

22. Vaginas can get saggy. Pregnancy, childbirth, age, hormonal changes, genetics and years of gravity can weaken the supports of the female genital tract. Doing kegel exercises and using kegel balls, maintaining a normal weight, avoiding constipation, and not smoking are some ways to keep your vagina fit and healthy. So does having sex. Like the rest of your muscles, the vagina needs to be used and exercised or it will become weak and brittle. During prolonged periods of abstinence, the delicate tissues inside will thin and can begin to break down. Regular sex, however, will help keep a woman’s genitals in peak form. If you don’t have a sex partner or a male sex partner, this is when dildos aren’t just toys. They’re essential for your health as well as pleasure.

23. A woman’s vagina can fall out and hang between the legs. It’s a condition known as pelvic or vaginal prolapse. It happens when the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes or vagina (or a combination of all of these) moves downward from its natural place in the body. This condition is common following surgeries such as hysterectomies, but can also happen without any prior event. In severe cases, this medical condition will cause the inner tissues to protrude through the vaginal opening. In most cases, it can be fixed.

24. Painful sex (dyspareunia) is normal after a woman loses her virginity. But if the pain does not lessen and resolve after a while, other conditions may be involved, including vulvar vestibulitis (inflammation of the vestibule), vaginismus (involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles), allergic reactions to things such as latex condoms or spermicide, and endometriosis (when lining from the uterus gets on the ovaries, bowel, and pelvic lining). As women age, lower levels of estrogen can cause atrophic vaginitis, or thinning of the vagina.

It’s also common for women to occasionally and unpredictably feel pain while having sex like if your partner rams your cervix, if the fit is too tight, you aren’t quite lubricated enough, or during or even a few days after rough or aggressive penetration. This can often be remedied by finding a more comfortable position, using lube, or getting your partner to spend a little more time getting you aroused.

The Vagina is Pleasure!

25. The first inch or two of the vagina has the most nerve endings and is the most pleasure receptive.

26. The G-spot (Grafenberg spot) lies two to three inches inside the vagina, on the anterior wall (near the belly button), just under the urethra. Researchers believe this area has a different texture than the rest of the vagina because it may be a remnant prostate gland.

27. Increasing evidence suggests that the G-spot feels good because it lies right over a deep part of the clitoris. Although experts describe the G-spot as being inside the vagina on the anterior wall, just under the urethra, the crura of the clitoris actually runs right there.

28. The A-spot is a tender bit of tissue at the end of the vagina, just in front of the cervix. You can find it past the G-spot along the upper wall of the vagina almost to the cervix. The A-spot produces lubrication and orgasmic contractions. The recommended technique is to stimulate it, along with the G-spot, in long strokes on a regular basis to build up the response in the area.

29. Guys, because a woman’s vagina expands 200% when she’s aroused, this is why it pays to take your time during foreplay. When your lady is aroused before penetration, you’ll get to go a lot deeper and she’ll be much more comfortable during sex.

Vagina Crazy Facts

30. Vaginas are strong enough to clamp down on penises. This is known as penis captivus. This can happen intercourse when the muscles in the vagina clamp down on the penis so intensely that makes it impossible for the penis to withdraw from the vagina. This usually subsides when a woman is no longer aroused. It’s a pretty rare occurrence.

31. People get things stuck in their vaginas sometimes. Actually, often. Crazy but true! The most common items that get stuck are condoms and tampons, which can be tough to retrieve on your own. If this happens to you, and you can’t get whatever it is out by yourself, go to your doctor, urgent care or to the ER. Leaving things in for long periods of time can cause infections or injury.

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/31-valuable-vagina-facts/

100 Questions to Ask Before You Make a Commitment

Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels

Anyone who is planning on getting married should ask their significant other these important questions before getting hitched. It can give them the opportunity to discuss any potential problems before they occur. Here’s my list of 100 questions you could ask your spouse to be before getting hitched.

Questions you should ask your potential long-term partner:

  1. What is the worst thing a lover could do or say to you?
  2. Which role-playing fantasy would turn you on the most? Master & slave, biker & slut, nurse & patient or Hooker & John.
  3. What qualities are you looking for in a lover?
  4. Prioritize what is most important in your life; work, family, spirituality, friends, money, health?
  5. What is your definition of love, intimacy & sex?
  6. What is your most precious possession?
  7. Do you approve or disapprove of learning different sexual techniques from experts who author books or DVD’s?
  8. List the best qualities you have to bring to a relationship.
  9. What would you like to improve about yourself?
  10. Name 3 of the most significant times in your life.
  11. Do you think you need to make any personal improvements in yourself? If so, what?
  12. What are your biggest fears about marriage?
  13. What is one life lesson you would like to share with your partner?
  14. What is your definition of intimacy?
  15. What would you do if you and your lover had a mismatched sex drive?
  16. What is your definition of a romantic evening?
  17. What questions could you ask them to get to know them more intimately?
  18. Describe yourself in one word?
  19. Who or what do you love?
  20. What do you feel is the biggest success you have achieved in your life?
  21. How many times have you been in love?
  22. Would you rather your lover was funny, seductive, smart or nurturing?
  23. How would you like your lover to dress in order to light your fire?
  24. How would you get them in the mood for lovemaking?
  25. When do you feel most vulnerable?
  26. What lessons have you learned from past relationships?
  27. What is a relationship deal-breaker for you?
  28. Do you like a lover to talk erotically in bed?
  29. What was your most embarrassing relationship moment?
  30. Name 2 crushes that you admire and why.
  31. What is your favorite part of your body?
  32. How do you think potential partners perceive you at first glance?
  33. What’s your favorite sexual activity?
  34. What makes you believe that you are ready for marriage?
  35. What one word would you use to describe your sexual personality?
  36. Would you say that you are a good lover, average lover or below average lover and what would it take to make you a great lover?
  37. What turns you off sexually?
  38. Is there any sexual act that you will not perform?
  39. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
  40. What’s the most hurtful criticism you’ve ever received?
  41. List 2 things that a potential partner could do or say that annoys you.
  42. Are you fanatical about anything?
  43. Do you have a pet name for any intimate part of your body?
  44. What do you feel is the biggest failure or drawback you have ever experienced?
  45. Can you overlook anything from your future lover’s past?
  46. Do you have any deal breakers that would prevent you from getting married?
  47. Do you have any sexual inhibitions?
  48. What is the wildest sexual encounter you have experienced?
  49. Where does sex rank in life’s priorities for you?
  50. What are your biggest strengths?
  51. What are your weaknesses?
  52. Have you ever regretted being intimate with someone?
  53. Finish this sentence: I wish my lover would…
  54. How would you feel about having a three-way in a foreign country?
  55. Name 3 sexual activities that turn you on the most.
  56. What do you love most about a lover?
  57. What do you love about yourself the most?
  58. What are you not willing to change for your marriage?
  59. What do you think are the benefits from being married?
  60. What is your favorite part of your lover’s body?
  61. Would you partake in a nude Jacuzzi with other couples in a resort where clothing is optional?
  62. How often would you like to have sex?
  63. What sexual fantasies do you still have that you’d like to turn into reality?
  64. How often would you like to have sex?
  65. What have you learned from your past relationships?
  66. Describe the best sexual experience you ever had.
  67. Who do you still need to forgive in your past?
  68. What is one life lesson you would like to share with your lover?
  69. What did you dislike most about your childhood?
  70. If your past lovers listed your most negative characteristics, what would they be?
  71. What was your most embarrassing moment?
  72. At what point in a marriage do you feel divorce is inevitable?
  73. What gift would you like your lover to give you on your wedding night?
  74. What are you sexually inhibited about?
  75. What makes you feel sexy?
  76. How do you like to be romanced?
  77. How long would you like lovemaking to last?
  78. What do you like to be called during lovemaking?
  79. How important is foreplay to you?
  80. Where is the place to touch you that turns you on the most?
  81. How would impotence affect your relationship?
  82. Have you had any sexual problems with any previous lovers?
  83. What changes do you expect to occur in your life after you are married?
  84. What if you and your lover can’t agree on having children?
  85. What is your greatest possession?
  86. Who or what do you love?
  87. If your lover wanted to see one of his exes socially, would you object?
  88. What fears do you have about marriage?
  89. What animal would best describe you in bed and why?
  90. Would you do a striptease for your lover?
  91. Would you have sex with your lover even if you weren’t in the mood?
  92. Would you let your lover tie you up?
  93. Do you like to use sex toys? If so, which ones?
  94. In order of priority, what sex act do you enjoy the most, oral sex giving, receiving or intercourse?
  95. Do you like to talk erotically in bed?
  96. What is your favorite sexual position and why?
  97. How do you feel about spanking?
  98. Do you enjoy sexual role-playing? If so, what role turns you on the most?
  99. What is the wildest sex act you’ve ever done?
  100. What would you do if your lover was unable to have sex with you due to an illness?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Labia Minora: A Sexual Delicacy

Many women aren’t comfortable with the way their vulvas look, especially the labia minora. That’s a shame. But, learning what they’re capable of, can put a whole new perspective on enjoying sex and your sexuality.

What is the Labia Minora?

Clinically speaking, the labia minora are tiny, delicate folds of skin (or lips) that protect the vagina. They’re rarely symmetrical and no two sets look alike.

Sexually, I don’t know why we don’t talk about them more often. I get my rocks off during sex, oral sex and masturbation with my labia minora as much as I do my clitoris.

There are many more tiny nerves and blood vessels in the labia minora than the labia majora. During arousal, they become fuller and more erect. Bartholin’s glands lie just within the labia minora and secrete lubrication. This is why you want to give these tiny little petals some extra special attention during foreplay and masturbation.

How to Stimulate Your/Her Labia Minora

Sex tip: A great way to get things going is by giving the labia minora gentle, gliding strokes with finger tips or the tip of the tongue barely touching the surface or with a soft vibration or a vibrator set on a low speed.

Too often, people are focused on the big “O”, but I love the tingly feeling that I get when the labia minora spring into action. Holding onto that sensation for as long as possible is like having a mini-orgasm. It also pays off to hold onto this state of arousal for as long as possible to make fingering, clitoral and G-spot play and penetration much more wetter and more sensitized.

I find it odd that we don’t talk about and value the sexual power and benefits of the labia minora in Western cultures. In sub-Saharan countries, girls start stretching their labia minora before they get their periods. Elongated labia minora are viewed as a sexually desired bonus for both women and men.

Personally, I can’t say that bigger is better when it comes to the labia minora, but they’re a sexual delicacy that shouldn’t be overlooked and nothing that should be considered physically embarrassing or shameful.

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-labia-minora-a-sexual-delicacy/

Her Fantasy on Film: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Nathan Bronson

Photo @ https://twitter.com/Nathan_Bronson

When it comes to fulfilling women’s fantasies on film, the gorgeous Nathan Bronson says he’s here to help. Ladies, take heed!

Ladies, we’ve all been there. Your guy suggests the viewing of a porn film as your evening’s entertainment, and suddenly you remember a whole pile of dishes in the kitchen that simply must be done. Oh, it’s not that you dislike erotic films–quite the contrary. It’s just that you don’t favor the concept of spending two hours staring at an intimidatingly beautiful woman, who screams with pleasure at the touch of a man who may be hygienically/aesthetically impaired, and who may not (despite all that enthusiastic hollering) be responsive to her needs and desires.

But what happens when you press play, and you see a dream man?

He’s gorgeous–and I mean, drop dead model gorgeous. He relaxes you with his sense of humor in the sequences leading up to the sex scene–but in the scene itself, his intensity, seduction, and pleasuring of the actress blows you away. Sending hubby away to do those blasted dishes, you park your chair in front of that screen and enjoy a hot fantasy affair.

Chances are, you just witnessed a Nathan Bronson film. Oh, and did I mention he cooks too?

With a little more than five years’ experience in the industry, Nathan has performed more than 900 scenes for top-shelf sites, including Pure Taboo, Adam & Eve, MissaX, Nubiles, Wicked Pictures, Penthouse, Evil Angel, Kink.com, Adult Time, Naughty America, New Sensations, Girlfriends Films, Sweet Sinner, Hustler, Burning Angel, Team Skeet, Reality Kings, and Cherry Pimps. He’s one of the most requested male performers and has a non-stop work schedule. Nathan has scored some top-notch awards nominations from the XBIZ, AVN, Inked, XRCO, XBIZ Cam, and AltPorn Awards, including Male Performer of the Year, Best Actor, Best Leading Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Clip Artist of the Year – Male, and Best Newcomer, as well as accolades for his scene work. Nathan has been featured in multiple editions of Hustler Magazine’s Sex Boot Camp, where adult performers dole out advice on everything sex, and AVN Magazine.

The Feminist Sexpert would like to add another accolade to this list: one of the most women-friendly male porn stars on today’s XXX scene, one known for putting her pleasure first. And this applies equally to his co-stars and fans.

“I always ask my co-star what I can do to make her feel good, to make her comfortable,” he said. “It’s my first priority.”

Nathan’s work with Bellesa Films, a leading women’s porn company, is the stuff of a feminist porn fan’s dirtiest dreams.

“Nathan brings the romance and hot passionate sex in two new titles from Bellesa Films previously exclusive to their site. In First Times & Second Chances 3, Nathan’s roommate Alex Coal comes home from a horrible date and needs to vent. Nathan knows just what to do to soothe her frustration and give her what she wants. First Times & Second Chances 3 also stars Abigail Mac, Emma Starletto, Victoria Voxxx, Ryan Mclane, and Damon Dice. Try before you buy and get a sneak peek at adultempire.com/3144979/first-times-second-chances-3-porn-movies.html.” read a related news release. “Nathan’s second Bellesa Films offering is Going for It. The title lives up to its name. Lulu Chu has been training Nathan for a while and pining after his hard body. Her attraction is undeniable, and at the end of their session, she can’t hold back. Going for It also features Vanna Bardot, Aidra Fox, Ana Foxxx, Codey Steele, Damon Dice, and Johnny Castle.”

I’ve always said that, more than any other film genre, good pornography must provoke the viewer to think and feel. The legendary female film critic Pauline Kael was sometimes accused of ‘holding her typewriter between her legs’ when she gave a favorable review to an erotic film–a nasty thing to say about a legend, but I say, so be it. When one watches a Nathan Bronson film, one often sees his female co-stars screaming, whimpering elatedly, smiling dreamily and rolling their eyes back in their head in response to his attentions. And many of his viewers feel the same way. He makes us feel real, real good.

And he has worked with a number of prominent female directors, including Jacky St. James, Missa X, and Serena Blair. St. James is a particular favorite of his, owing to both her strong work ethic and positive attitude. .

“Although all directors are different, working for a female director can make a difference,” he said. “In some cases, they can be more sympathetic.”

In regards to his fans, who he communicates with through numerous platforms that include OnlyFans and many more, he also aims to please.

“I was once in a heavy metal band, and I always knew that it’s all about the fans–the people who come to the show. It’s their energy that makes the show,” he said. “I want to get to know my fans. I’m always asking, What do you want?”

One thing that concerns but sadly does not surprise the Feminist Sexpert. Nathan says that both his fans and co-stars sometimes fail to provide complete answers to these questions–which leads me to repeat my frequent admonition: Ladies, don’t be afraid to express your needs and desires!!!

…but back to Nathan. Aside from achieving mainstream success as a stuntperson, he’s currently attracting more fans via his YouTube channel Hanging with Nathan youtube.com/channel/UC1zn3U6TYtTrzkKjm2L50KQ. Here you see him cooking, talking with guests from all facets of the industry, taking viewers on the set of his films, answering fans’ questions, making his audience laugh, doing daredevil stunts, and more.

“I started the show because I missed cooking in the kitchen,” said this professional chef, who counts Anthony Bourdain as a role model. “Also, I wanted to be able to talk with people in our industry, not so much to interview them but to give them a chance to talk–for people to get to know them.”

The culinarily challenged Feminist Sexpert enjoys these cooking segments so much, she might even attempt to try out one of the recipes herself. Someone stand by with a fire extinguisher!

Nathan’s new releases include MissaX’s “Sister’s Bad Date” Penthouse’s “Mommy Has Big Big Boobs”, both available on VOD; new scenes “Heat Wave Pt. 1” and “A Family Affair,” both featured on the MissaX.com website. On July 3, his Devil’s Film scene Ebony Anal Queens #02: Alexis Tae was made available exclusive to site members.

Nathan would love to make more content for his female fans, and wants to encourage them to express their needs and desires for their own quality adult entertainment.

“Ladies, this is a new day,” he tells us. “You are empowered. It’s a new world. Grab your sexuality by the balls.”

The only way that women will ever command their own genre of the pornographic industry, he says, is to speak up and demand what they want in terms of content. Buy your porn, write to the studios, make your voice heard.

And tell Nathan. He wants to know your desires–and act on them via his films.

“Tell me what you want to see,” he said. “Daddy Bronson will film it for ya.”

Good Gawd, Ladies. What are we waiting for?! Here are his links, let’s go:

onlyfans.com/nathan_bronson. Subscribe to his Verified Pornhub and “like” his videos pornhub.com/pornstar/nathan-bronson. Purchase his one-of-a-kind clips on ManyVids manyvids.com/Profile/1000382864/Nathanbronson and Clips4Sale clips4sale.com/studio/115048/hanging-with-nathan. Vote him for Best Actor in this Year’s Night Moves Awards (https://nightmovesonline.com/vote-now/). And subscribe to his YouTube channel Hanging with Nathan youtube.com/channel/UC1zn3U6TYtTrzkKjm2L50KQ

Major Love for the Labia Majora

Photo by Anna Tis from Pexels

The labia majora is part of the female genitalia that is often overlooked and underrated when it comes to foreplay and masturbation. And I’m sure there are lots of people out there who don’t know much about it.

What is the Labia Majora?

The labia majora is the proper term for the outer flaps of skin and tissue that cover the female genitalia. Their appearance differs from woman to woman. They can appear slim, thin, pillow-y, lippy, loose or meaty. They’re very rarely symmetrical.

What is normal? There is no normal. Take a look at the photos of The Great Wall of Vagina exhibit. Of the 400 plaster casts of women’s vulvas, you’ll see that they each differ dramatically.

Great-Wall-of-Vagina-Exhibit-Panel-6 by Jamie McCartney

The labia majora can be uniform in skin tone as the rest of the skin on the body or pinkish or dark brown or bluish. These variations are all normal and darker colors can appear after childbirth.

The anatomical role of the labia majora is to protect the vagina. The labia majora contains thousands of nerve endings under the skin that become more sensitive during sexual arousal. Tiny blood vessels under the surface of the skin also make the tissue swell during sexual arousal. In some women, the swelling may cause the slit to open slightly.

Pubic hair, or the absence of it, affects the sensitivity of the labia majora during sex. The skin on cleanly shaven or waxed labia majora is very delicate, soft and very sensitive to touch. However, public hair also serves a protective purpose. While it may decrease sexual sensitivity, pubic hair serves as a protectant from friction from a man’s pubic hair from all the thrusting and rubbing that goes on during intercourse.

Do note that shaving and waxing can present risks of ingrown hairs and skin infections that can get wildly out of control in such a warm, moist and covered place. Shaving, waxing and trimming should always be a woman’s personal choice and preference.

How to Pleasure Your Labia Majora

Sex Tip: Start your masturbation and foreplay with some major labia majora love. Cup it with a warm hand or run your fingers very slowly up and down the length of the lips. Use a warming lube or super slippery silicone lube to tantalize those tingly nerve endings. The longer you or your partner tease those fleshy bits of skin and tissue, the more intense the orgasms.

Also, stroke the lips with the head of a small vibrator at a low speed or a vibrator with a soft vibration. This can have a very calming effect. Masturbation doesn’t always have to lead to an animalistic orgasmic experience. This technique can be a great way to clear your mind from stress or even help you fall asleep or have a better night’s sleep … or it can be a extended prelude to bigger and bolder things to come.

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/major-love-for-the-labia-majora/

Advanced Tantric Breathwork for Lovers

Breath is Life

Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. That’s why when a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.

Nostril breathing holds in the energy charge and it enhances sexual control. In the following interactive breath exercises, you will learn how to control your breath and how to synchronize it with your lover so that you can make lovemaking last longer. You will find that you can connect on a deeper level of consciousness and experience harmonious bonding through breath. Breathing together is an essential element to experiencing
Tantric bliss.

When you are sexually excited, your breathing increases naturally. Consequently, you have less control over your orgasm. Many people want lovemaking to last longer. Several methods have been devised to assist you in prolonging the pleasures and intimacy of sex. The following exercises will help move your sexual energy throughout your body; not just localize it in the genitals.

Tantric Breath

Breath Exercises with Your Lover

*While these exercises are written in He/She pronouns and Man/Woman genders, any couple can do these techniques together regardless of sexual orientation and gender to include GLBTQ+ couples and non-binary individuals. Regardless of gender, we all have both masculine and feminine energies (Yin/Yang) that are more prominent at different times.

Synchronized Breath: Face each other. Hold hands, breathe in and out through the mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.

Alternate Breathing: Face each other. Hold hands and breathe in through your nose and exhale through the mouth in slow motion for 2 minutes.

Kissing Breath: Hold each other, eyes closed, and share the same breath through deep kissing for 2 minutes.

Erogenous Breath: Blow your cool breath with lips pursed around and onto your lover’s nipples for 2 minutes.

Hot Breath: Choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your hot breath through your open mouth for 2 minutes as you caress your lover.

Hum Breath: Face each other and hum every time you breath out for 2 minutes.

Toe Breath: Exhale your cool breath in between your lover’s toes. All of them.

Auditory Breath: Suck on your lover’s ear lobes and breathe gently in his/her ears.

Spine Breath: Ask your lover to lie down on his/her stomach and blow your cool breath up your lover’s spine all the way to his/her neck and back down over the buttocks. Nudity required.

Neck Breath: Blow cool and hot breath (mouth pursed and open) on and around your lover’s neck; front and back.

Yin Yang Breath: Alternate Breathing. Face your lover in Yab Yum position. Decide who will be Yin (receiver) and who will be Yang (giver) to start. Yin should breathe in through the nose, as Yang exhales through the mouth for 2 minutes. Then switch roles for 2 more minutes. Maintain eye contact as you do this.

Hot and Cold Breath: Choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your cool breath from your mouth through pursed lips on to it, then your warm breath (through an open mouth) with your lips apart. Alternate your hot and cool breath on your lover for 2 minutes.

Control Breath: Face each other, kneeling or sitting with legs over each other, whichever is most comfortable for you both. Now simultaneously take a deep breath filling up and expanding your bellies. Hold that breath for 5 seconds, then exhale from the throat releasing a gentle sighing sound. Do this for 2 minutes and maintain eye-contact with each other.

Synchronized Breathing: Face your lover; kneeling or sitting with legs over each other, which ever is most comfortable for you both. Breathe in at the same time, then breathe out together in slow motion for 2 minutes. Maintain eye-contact as you do this.

Nostril Breathing: Face your lover. The woman should breathe through her right nostril (for one minute) while blocking the left nostril. The man should breathe through his left nostril while blocking the right one for 1 minute, then alternate for the 2nd minute.

Charging Breath: Get into Yab Yum position. Inhale and exhale through your nose using the pumping action of your abdominal muscles to force the exhalation. The emphasis should be on the exhalation. Breathe in through the nostrils and release your breath through your nostrils and pump your abdominal muscles at the same time. Do this for 2 minutes.

Hearing Breath: Get into Yab Yum position, and breathe gently, sighing behind your lover’s earlobes for 2 minutes in unison. Be careful not to use excess sound around the ears because they can be highly sensitive.

Cannon Breath: Sit back to back with Chakras aligned and say, “As we do this breath, I honor you.” Then inhale one long deep breath (through the nose and exhale through the mouth) as if it were shooting out of cannon for 2 minutes. If either of you become lightheaded during this exercise, communicate to your lover that you need to stop. This is a good alternative to arguing.

Lingam Yoni Breath: For this intimate breath, the woman needs to get into a traditional ‘Woman On Top’ sexual Maithuna/intercourse position. She is the Yang (masculine) force so she is the initiator. Now both man and woman should start breathing in and out together. Fill up your bellies as you inhale and collapse your bellies as you exhale. This can be done during intercourse or without penetration. The choice is yours.

Heart Beat: Put your arms around your lover and rest one of your ears on his/her heart Chakra. Listen to the soothing sound of the heart beat and the sound of your lover’s breath for 2 minutes. Tell your lover what you heard and how it made you feel.

Neck Massage: Massage your lover’s neck with your hands and follow each stroke with your breath. Do this for 2 minutes.

Yoni Lingam Breath: Get into the traditional sixty-nine position. The woman should blow her cool breath around the Lingam, Jewels, perineum (testicles and the landing strip between from testicles to anus) while the man blows his warm breath around her Yoni, (not inside the Yoni) around the Rosebud/anus and up and down the perineum. Do this for 2 minutes minimum.

Abdominal Breathing

Abdominal breathing exercises can help relax the pelvic region and prolong the level of sexual excitement in masturbation and lovemaking. The purpose of this exercise is to develop awareness of your body while practicing relaxed breathing. By experiencing specific body movements coordinated with deep breathing you will learn how to continue deep breathing while engaged in sexual activity.

1. Commence abdominal breathing by lying on the floor or a bed with arms at your side and legs uncrossed.

2. Close your eyes and begin breathing slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth.

3. Place one hand gently on your lower abdomen and focus on the movement of your stomach as you breathe. The goal is to develop comfortable and relaxed breathing in the pelvic region.

4. Continue abdominal breathing and as you inhale, turn your right foot out to the side. As you exhale, turn your right foot back up so the toes point up toward the ceiling. Do this six times and then switch to the left foot.

5. Repeat the above exercise sequence again, first with the right foot then with the left. Watch and help each other to do the abdominal breathing.

Pelvic Breathing

The purpose of pelvic breathing is to help coordinate pelvic movement with breathing during lovemaking. Remember, the power of breath controls both the male and female orgasms.

1. Lie on your back, on the floor or bed, with your arms at your sides and your legs uncrossed.

2. Breathe slowly, using abdominal breathing for a few minutes to establish your rhythm.

3. As you inhale, press your buttocks toward the floor and fill your abdomen with air.

4. As you exhale, imagine that your pubic bone is being drawn towards the ceiling by a magnet.

5. Your pelvis will slowly tilt up as you exhale.

6. Repeat this at least ten times. It is important to have the pelvis tilt backward on the inhalation and tilt forward on the exhalation.

7. Do the same exercise kneeling with your hands flat on the floor in front of you. Watch and help each other to do the pelvic breathing.

Make A Commitment

Make a commitment to take long deep breaths while you are doing every day activities, such as driving, watching TV, reading reports, taking a bath and so on. When you are stressed out, inhale 4 breaths then exhale 4 breaths (‘Stress Breath’). When you are upset, inhale one long deep breath and then exhale it with force as if it were shooting out of a canon (‘Canon Breath’). When you are angry, inhale 4 breaths and then stick your
tongue out as you exhale with force (‘Dragon Breath’). It will make you laugh and you’ll forget what you were angry about. When you make love, slow down your normal breathing pattern because the faster the breath flows, the faster the orgasm.

+++

Excerpt from Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook

Self-Publishing & Erotica: The Cold Hard Facts-Part 1

Photo by Khaled Reese from Pexels

Nobody wants your book.

 

Let’s face it. You write smut, stuff where people, puppies or even big globs of electrically infused jelly-like masses are doing nasty things to other electrically infused jelly-like masses. Do you truly think there is an audience ‘out there’ waiting for your scribbling, let alone enough of an audience out there that some publisher will come along and agree to put out a book of your very odd, extremely niche content?

 

You’re not even that well-known of a writer. In fact, nobody knows you at all.

 

Come on, kiddo, believe what I say… nobody wants your book.

 

The above scenario describes me back in 2009 or so. I was writing only part-time then. Still, I was making some headway with my scribbling, specifically my naughty scribbling, and had managed, with a good friend I was partners with, to get to an industry convention of creators/owners/and web workers in the adult industry. My partner and I had come to learn, network, and ply our wares to site owners with the web copywriting/marketing we did. And at this convention, I met a wonderful lady who was the owner of the preeminent eBook house publishing erotica. She (Jean Marie Stine of Renaissance eBooks) would be the first publisher to publish me in book form and would remain my go-to house/publisher and very dear friend to this day.

 

I wasn’t well-known, I was a newbie in the business, and I wrote smut. Go figure… I found somebody to publish me. Yeah, forget my opener here, I was just trying to get your attention.

 

Then, as now, there are places out there to get your erotic book published. I’d dare say there are more eBook publishers available for this than print, but don’t get discouraged; this is true for all genres of writing. But print, that’s another story.

 

When I walked into my local Barnes and Nobles (and don’t even get me started on how those stores presently carry the stench of going-out-of-business among their shelves loaded now with fewer books and more games, calendars, and Funko figurines) and I saw that rows upon rows of Howard Stern’s last book, Howard Comes Again, were on sale post the holidays, for a whopping 30% off (in addition to my member discount) I took a pause.

 

Consider though, if my local store was any indication, and a bunch o’hardcovers by a well-known media-star, a book that charted on the best-seller’s list when it was published and earned a bunch of publicity, would very soon going to have to be boxed-up and returned, publishers have to be skittish indeed to sign somebody’s book.

 

Sure, the industry was shocked into submission (no, not the bend-you-over-my-lap-give-you-ten-high-hard-swats-across-your-ripe-bare-firm-booty kind of submission) over Fifty Shades of Grey. But the E.L. James series began as a web-based publication and was pretty much an anomaly.

 

The fact of the matter is, most erotica writers I know being published presently publish through eBook publishers, some audiobook, some print-on-demand, and some a combination of all of the above (I take the combination route). It’s just more economical for smaller houses and niche publishers to publish digitally. It’s even more economical for houses of all writing genres to publish electronically, but major, even smaller press do produce print copies of books; they are still out there; you see them all the time. And while I am thrilled to see, hold, smell, read a printed copy, a good amount of what you come across in your local store or at that airport candy store is going to be returned to the publisher or placed in the discount rack.

 

Then there is self-publishing, certainly a legitimate way to get your book out among the masses, and that which I will tell you about in part two of this two-part column. Sorry, I had to start somewhere and figured I’d just suck you in with the above.

 

Until next time.

Leather, Fetish or Fashion? My Obsession with Leather

Image by Khusen Rustamov from Pixabay

I’ve always loved leather.

I bought my first leather jacket when I was 14 years old, and wore it everywhere. It made me feel good, powerful, confident, at an age were in reality I was shy and awkward.

Marisa Miller for Harley Davidson

Leather fashion stared with the biker gangs, and has since been incorporated by many different subcultures and mainstream ones too. From the gay scene as early as the 40s and 50s, where many were inspired by Marlon Brando’s character in The Wild One, to the rock and metal music scene, and now more than ever, by the mainstream fashion industry too. Today celebrities grace magazine covers and appear in music videos dressed in what would have once been seen as fetish attire.

The gay scene is where leather as fashion first took a turn into the world of sex and kink. As early as the 40s wearing certain leather items could indicate a sexual preference or an interest in BDSM, even just the term leather could indicate an interest in kinky sex. The community catered for this fashion with leather fetish nightclubs and parties becoming increasingly popular in the 70s all over the world. The leather look signifying the ultimate feeling and expression of masculine sexual liberation and an alternative way of life.

Image by Igor Link from Pixabay

Traditionally it has always been the more dominant roles that wore the leather, a female Dominatrices nearly always portrayed head to toe in leather or latex. And in the world of BDSM these roles may still be in place a lot of the time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that a straight guy with a leather fetish wants to be dominated or that people who love wearing leather should be stereotyped as being into certain things.

Leather fashion started with the bikers, and to this day they still wear it for practical and fashionable reasons. It’s no coincidence that the origin of the term Heavy Metal came from the biker anthem Born to be Wild inextricably linking bikers to heavy metal and therefore heavy metal to leather.

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Goth and alternative fashion is also influenced heavily by the leather and biker style, but also BDSM in general, taking it one step further with more overtly sexual accessories, such as leather chokers, chains, and straps, a fashion style that definitely crosses over into the world of kink.

Why do I like wearing leather?

It’s hard to say. I like how it feels on my skin, being laced tightly into a leather corset feels a little like I’m being bound. It clenches in my waist and pushes up my breasts, it’s sexual. I like how it makes me look, it gives me confidence. Wearing leather high heels, a leather jacket and pants, I’ll walk with my head held high feeling sexy and knowing I look good. I’ve never been an extroverted person, but I feel I can express my true personality through my style.

I enjoy it in the bedroom too, leather whips, riding crops, paddles, chokers, lingerie. It sets the right tone for what I’m into, bondage and kink.

For me is it a fetish?

I’m not sure…

Dita Von Teese

For someone with a fetish seeing someone dressed in leather may ignite a feeling, whether it just be excitement, appreciation, or a strong sexual desire. For me I guess maybe I want to be the one being looked at and thought about in that way.

However, does the sound of a leather whip on flesh, or leather belt being unbuckled turn me on? Yes, so maybe there is a sort of fetish there.

With the fashion industry bringing leather more and more into the daily lives of everyone, and faux leather options making it more accessible and affordable for all, there are multiple reasons why someone might enjoy it. And although when worn as fashion it’s not necessarily classed as a fetish, it’s a look that remains dark, mysterious, and undeniably sexual.

dita von teese

Some may feel those that wear leather are hinting at their sexuality, maybe they are more likely to be open minded, or experimental, not afraid to show their raw character or desires.

Gone are the days of having to buy DVDs or top shelf magazines to get a glimpse into the world of kink, for most its now as easy as following a hashtag on your phone. With social media making it easier than ever for different fashions and fetishes to be shared and seen by many it’s a look that may become more and more normalized, however it’s always kept its sexy and powerful image, and always will.