Dating on the spectrum

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August 4, 2021

Autism & Dating — Illustration by Hattie Reid

Written by Grace Blucher

My name is Grace Blucher, and I am a cisgender, neurotypical psychologist who lives and works on Woiworung Country. While I do not have autism, I work with many clients who are, and we work together to navigate the complex world of sex, love and dating. In writing this blog, I am not attempting to own or explain the experience of autistic individuals, but to share research, experiences and stories from the therapy room. While this article focuses on the experiences of autistic people, the information shared may also be relevant to other forms of neurodivergence.

Throughout the article, I have used identity first language (autistic, autistic person, autistic people). I realise that some people may prefer person first language (i.e. person with autism, person on the autism spectrum) and thus I would encourage the reader to supplement preferred descriptors where appropriate. All examples and quotes used in this article have been deidentified and represent themes of client content.

Dating is an experience filled with nuance, subtlety and uncertainty. This can be confusing, stressful, and overwhelming for most people, and even more so for neurodivergent (or neurocosmopolitan) individuals. Building new intimate relationships relies heavily on both the spoken and unspoken – interpreting someone’s eye contact, body positioning, questioning style and interest. There are lots of unspoken rules and possible complications. For autistic people who experience depth and intensity in? social experiences, this uncertainty or confusion may be felt very deeply. This is one of the main points of discussion in my work with autistic people in the therapy room. I often hear things like this from my clients:

“I had a good time, but then she didn’t want to hang out again. It was confusing.”

“We went on a picnic and I was supposed to bring cheese, but I didn’t know how much I was supposed to spend on cheese.”

“I don’t know what to talk to them about.”

“We were at a coffee shop, but it was too loud, and I had to go. I didn’t know what to tell him.”

What is autism?

Autism has traditionally been defined from a medical lens, with descriptors about difficulty with communication, social interactions and sensory experiences. However, autistic advocates explain autism in a way that talks to neurology: how and when information inputs and outputs are communicated from the brain to the body, and vice versa. From this perspective, autism is considered to be a different neurology, whereby much more sensory information is experienced by an autistic person. Due to this significant increase in sensory input, this can mean differences in how long it takes to process information, differences in how information is understood and differences in how the brain responds to the information it has deemed important or relevant.

Previous labels of ‘high functioning’ or ‘low functioning’ autism may refer to external judgements about how well an autistic person appears to be ‘coping’ and ‘passing’ in a neurotypical world. This also brings up the idea of masking, where autistic people attempt to ‘fit in’ to a defined social norm in order to maintain safety. This includes conscious, rehearsed, learnt behaviours for set situations whilst concurrently suppressing natural behaviours or impulses – often at the expense of self-identity.

Social scripts – helpful or not?

Dating and sex is inherently a mine field of vulnerability. For a lot of people, this can feel unsafe. Autistic children learn very early on that many environments are not safe for them (either through real experience or a subconscious awareness leading to heightened anxiety). One way of managing this feeling of unsafety is to learn the social scripts (learnt behaviours) that are ‘appropriate’ for a social setting.

However, the use of these scripts in the context of heightened sensory input, for example the social uncertainty of meeting new people, and the vulnerability of showing romantic or sexual interest is, understandably, an overwhelming experience. This can lead to a push-pull dynamic where autistic people want sex, love and relationships; but understandably, they can feel overwhelmed in such situations.

Some neurotypical people may mistake this feeling of being overwhelmed in romantic or sexual situations for a lack of interest – but this couldn’t be further from the truth. While there is diversity in all of our relationship preferences, relationships are an important and fundamental part of being human, and this is no different for autistic people. Sex and relationships are good for us too! Research tells us that autistic people in romantic relationships have a greater sense of sexual wellbeing and social and community belonging.

The impact of privilege

Dating is complex and multifaceted, and includes interpersonal, intrapersonal, and sexual factors. As neurotypical people, we need to realise that benefits are conferred onto neurotypical people by society, simply due to the fact that we are neurotypical. And this – boys, gals and non-binary pals – is privilege.

Recognising neurotypical privilege means being aware of the systems, structures, and sensory experiences that we can navigate without experiencing heightened sensory input, while also recognising that this is not the case for all people. In romantic and sexual spaces, this means actively noticing and considering how we, as neurotypical people, can better support and advocate for autistic people in these spaces. (For a brilliant piece on the sensory experience of autistic people having sex, please check out this article, and also this one. The onus is not on the autistic person to do the work, and clients have told me repeatedly how tiring self-advocacy is. However, autistic clients who I work with sometimes bring their relationship issues to the therapy room to talk about how they can support themselves, while other clients want to talk about how they can do better for their autistic partner(s). Some of these issues are listed below.

Let me be clear not all autistic people need support. However, for those that do ask for extra support – and for neurotypical people who do want to do better – I would encourage the reader to read on.

Small talk

Some of my clients tell me about the difficulty they face in having ‘small talk’ with new individuals. Small talk is the introductory conversation that doesn’t lead anywhere or seek to achieve anything. This can be difficult for autistic people as this communication doesn’t conform to a learnt social script and isn’t direction oriented.

It can be helpful to utilise activity-based gatherings when trying to meet people or when with new individuals. Instead of small talk, activity-based gatherings give us the opportunity to talk directly about what we are doing or experiencing. It also provides small breaks in conversation as we turn our attention to the activity. For example, clubs, interest groups and activities can be a great place to meet people with similar interests, providing initial common ground (instead of small talk).

Additionally, activity-based conversation reduces the experience of vulnerability, as we are ‘trying to find things to talk about,’ and may increase an autistic persons’ level of comfort with another or a group of people over time. If you are romantically or sexually interested in someone, complimenting their performance of the activity also provides a good opportunity to express your interest.

An important note – if you don’t like small talk, you don’t have to do it! Learning to engage in small talk is experienced by some autistic people as ‘masking’ – a disingenuous adaptation to the neurotypical world. Masking helps keep autistic people safe by pleasing others and prioritising the needs of others (usually neurotypicals) in order to conform to arbitrary social rules.

Some autistic people say that this helps them move through a world not built to support neurodivergence, while others say that it is exhausting, marginalising and fuels self-criticism. In an ideal world, the environment in which romance, dating, sex happens should be made safe in order to support autistic people. If you are dating or in a relationship with an autistic person, check in with them about what they might need you to do in order to help them feel safe and to reduce their sensory input – and proactively take steps to do this.

Dating can focus on interpreting non-verbal communication

Dating in the neurotypical world is usually centred on socially-based activities where there is a focus on nonverbal communication and interpretation. For example, consider going out to dinner or for a drink. In these instances, we are trying to ascertain if someone is interested in us platonically, romantically, sexually or not at all. This involves paying attention to body cues and language. Because there is such a strong focus on ‘making a good impression’ (especially early on), this can be particularly stressful for autistic people who may be suppressing their true selves (for the reasons explored above), while also trying to understand if the person or people they are dating are right for them. Not only are we contending with the stress of a new environment, the ‘pressure to impress’ and uncertainty about a new person – but also the sound, sight, taste, and touch experiences of bars, clubs and cafes. No wonder it’s overwhelming!

Some of my clients also talk about the confusion about unspoken social roles and “who does what” when newly dating. For example, many people can feel the gender role expectation of who ‘makes a move’ really challenging. There may also be power dynamics at play in terms of gender, sexual preference and relationship structure that make this murkier too.

It can help to make these unwritten rules and expectations clear either before the date or at the start. If you are going on a date with an autistic person, it may be helpful to flag these expectations early on. For example, “I think we should each pay for ourselves today,” “If today goes well, it is ok if I ask to kiss you?” “I would like it if we could talk again, but I probably will wait until Wednesday.” By bringing these worries, expectations and social scripts into the conversation explicitly, we are able to reduce uncertainty for all.

Liking someone = preoccupation and fixation

Finally, some of my autistic clients also talk to me about what happens when they are really into someone, and how sometimes, this person or people can almost become like special interest areas. They describe curiosity and early infatuation that comes with a new relationship can quickly turn into a preoccupation or fixation. I have worked with people who can spend hours upon hours on the social media accounts of their new love interests, trying to remember and research all the things that this new person is into just in case this is something that comes up on the date. This may sometimes be driven by anxiety, however also then becomes part of the mask that autistic people wear in romantic environments.

Being really into someone and wanting to find out all about them is wonderful, and setting up boundaries and consensual arrangements with a new partner(s) can be really helpful in understanding what is okay for all people involved. For example, it can be useful for the new relationship to think about how often you might want to spend time together, and what does communication look like when you are not together.

Dating, like anything worth having, can be hard at times. However, we as the partners, friends or lovers of autistic people need to recognise the privilege we bring to sexual and romantic spaces, and actively work to promote and support equity in these places.

At SHIPS, all our practitioners are knowledgeable and skilled with working with neurodivergent individuals. If you or your relationship may benefit from some extra support, please check out our website here.

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Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS) is a progressive psychology practice in Fitzroy, Melbourne. They provide sex, intimacy and mental health treatment in person and online. All SHIPS practitioners share inclusive and progressive values, are passionate about improving the lives of their clients and aim to create a safe space for you to get the help and support you need.

This article was previously published at https://www.xesproducts.com.au/blogs/news/dating-on-the-spectrum

XES Products is an online sex toy store dedicated to providing premium, accessible products and resources for everyone, without exception. In particular, we focus on empowering individuals with physical, cognitive and sexual health conditions to engage their sexuality, join the conversation around sexual wellbeing and explore their innermost desires. With XES, you’ll have access to high-quality, ergonomic products that support a diverse range of sexual interests and cater to unique individual characteristics.

Becoming a Sex Expert: Helping People Have Better Sex

By

Janet Lovelace

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August 4, 2021

We often think of sex as an immensely intimate activity between at least two consenting adults. Even when we freely talk about sex, the way our language has so many euphemisms for things that relate to sex tells you about how private it all is despite the openness. Before writing about sex, I never really thought about the idea of people needing help with sex, let alone asking for that help from a trained professional. I figured that it was something that came instinctively, something that you kind of picked up along the way and with trial and error.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Do we even really know how to have sex?

Our collective idea of sex has always been heavily influenced (dare I say dictated?) by how Hollywood and TV portrays it. On the other end of it is hardcore pornography setting up unrealistic standards for how sex actually goes with its uncomfortable positions and unusually long erections. Since we can’t all have sex therapists as moms like Otis from Sex Education, all we have are these two sources of information to sort of figure out how to have sex. I mean, the typical sex ed at school didn’t really help either.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels

Looking up on these topics on the Internet was often met with a certain tinge of disgrace. Which is totally ridiculous. (Though to be fair, it is kind of funny to type up “how to give a blowjob” on Google.) No one becomes a master lover by reenacting porn in the bedroom. If it weren’t for the sex writers, I think I’d still be cluelessly and irresponsibly feeling my way around my lover’s body. Which is why I want to be one.

Becoming a Sex Writer

Writing about sex isn’t necessarily finding out all the ways that you can spice things up in the bed a la Cosmo or weaving steamy erotica Fifty Shades style, but it definitely sounds like it’s as exciting as it is fulfilling. It surprisingly involves a lot of introspection and research. In combining a psychological and sometimes spiritual understanding of the act of sex, sex writers and coaches can guide you towards a more satisfying sex life.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels

What a lot of people don’t realize about sex is that it involves a significant amount of dealing with your own issues. Whether it’s too much guilt over watching too much porn or a deep-seated issue that’s affecting your performance, you’ll find that these things can be easily amended by asking for a little bit of help.

Aside from this, it’s an actual viable career option. Imagine getting paid to help people have better sex, and you get to choose when and how you want to work. Admittedly, it requires a lot of self-branding and it might be a slow start, but once you get the ball rolling you’ll have loyal clients who’ll be recommending your teachings to their friends. Plus, sex on the Internet always sells.

The one big hurdle in my perfect career plan is my personal fear of being an impostor. Sex and helping people with it is as much an art as it is a science, and heaven knows that I’ve only ever had sex my way. I didn’t want to be limited by my own experiences, because that would be boring and leave my insights ungrounded. I don’t want to be just another writer who only ever talks about themselves or someone who rounded up the many kinds of orgasms one can have in a listicle.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels

Though there aren’t a lot of colleges or universities that offer Advanced Sexpert training as a degree. So, I was really glad to find that Loveology University made it easy to get certified.

Mastering Sex

Like I said earlier, our usual idea of sex is a sort of gut-feeling that helps us find our flow while we’re in bed. Breaking down the many aspects of sex sounds rather robotic, but looking at how Loveology University’s curriculum is designed makes me realize that this really is how we should be approaching getting better at sex: without any fear of humiliation, only a serious and genuine want to improve.

Stripping sex of the taboo that surrounds it makes it easier to really see it for what it is. It’s an intimate activity that involves very specific aspects, all of which is explored extensively in the Master Sexpert course. Everything from kissing to sex toys to back door play is covered, but what I appreciate the most about the curriculum is its emphasis on establishing safety protocols and boundaries during sex.

This makes me think about how important it is to create a healthy relationship with sex and with your partner/s, despite it being a frustrating and emotionally-taxing process if you didn’t know how to handle it. The course is holistic, telling us that while anyone can learn how to get better at sex, not everyone can have healthy sex.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels

Anyone who wants to be a sex writer needs to understand this. Learning from the pros can give you quite the advantage, since it helps you underscore your personal insights and revelations with everything you’ve learned from your mentor. Again, sex is much an art as it is a science. In the same way research helps us move forward by standing on the shoulders of giants, getting certified as a Master Sexpert can help you empower people to enjoy the sex they want to have.

Isn’t that a noble profession?

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Founded in 2007 by Dr. Ava Cadell (Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor), Loveology University (LU) is an online love coach training school that has trained and certified thousands of aspiring coaches worldwide, with our cutting-edge love, sex and relationship coaching programs. LU offers the most comprehensive Love Coach, Master Sexpert and Relationship Coach training programs online, teaching you everything you need to know about love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality so you can to help your clients thrive romantically.

Graduates are eligible to get international accreditation by becoming members of The American College of Sexologists and CE’s towards AASECT https://www.aasect.org/

You can sign up for Loveology University’s cutting-edge courses on their website. They’ve got a special discount on individual and bundled courses right now, so now’s a good time to start earning your Sexpert Certification.

Featured photo by Pixabay

Tantric: Lingam Worship & Pleasure Techniques for Penis Owners

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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August 3, 2021

pexels-majd-sheikh-3105363 — Photo by Majd Sheikh from Pexels

When a man has his Lingam worshiped by his lover, he feels a deep emotional and physical connection towards her. The gratification he gets enables him to surrender himself to her
female Goddess power.

Lingam Love Strokes

1. The Secret to Moving His Sexual Energy: You can direct sexual energy from his genital area to other body parts, particularly the heart Chakra, to create more of a connection. While stroking his Lingam with your right hand, move your left hand up the center of his body to his heart.

2. The X Stroke: Move your right hand over his right hip across his Lingam to his left nipple like a giant ‘X’. Then move your left hand over his left hip across his Lingam to his right nipple in a fluid motion.

3. Spiraling the Stalk: Both hands go in opposite directions in a corkscrew motion over the Lingam. One hand twists up while the other hand twists downwards. Make sure you use some lubricant or massage oil.

4. Blended Bliss: Stroke his Lingam with your prominent hand and stimulate his prostate externally by sliding your fist back and forth over the perineum. Make sure you use some lubricant or massage oil.

5. Making the Fire: Rub his Lingam with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire. Make sure you use some lubricant or massage oil.

6. The Thousand Yoni Stroke: Rub his Lingam from the top to the bottom covering the glans (head) and sliding your hands down to the base with one hand after another in a fluid motion. Make sure you use some lubricant or massage oil. This will give him the erotic sensation of entering a thousand different Yonis.

Male Oral Delights for Her to Give Him

If you suffer from the ‘gag reflex’, leave your tongue outside of your mouth, then suck and lick his Lingam.

1. Get into a comfortable position so that you don’t get a sore back or neck and put his buttocks on a pillow for easy access.

2. Put his Lingam inside of your cheeks to avoid ‘gag reflex’, then suck and lick his Lingam.

3. Always use your hands as an extension of your mouth.

4. Try to keep eye contact with your lover.

5. Pump his Lingam up by squeezing it in the palm of your hand.

6. Use the tip of your tongue from side to side across his urethral opening.

7. His frenulum deserves extra licking, kissing and gentle sucking.

8. Wrap your lips tightly around his glans (head) and use plenty of suction.

9. Flick your tongue around his coronal ridge (around the base of the glans).

10. Lick and lap his raphe with the flat of your tongue (underside/seam of his penis).

11. Change your rhythm from long, slow sucking to short, fast, milking action.

12. Shake and wiggle his Lingam in your mouth.

13. Hold the base tight while making spiral motions around the glans.

14. Gently tug his scrotum while sucking him from the shaft to the glans.

15. Push on his perenium (between the Rosebud and the Jewels) while sucking.

16. Put your finger (palm up) inside his mouth, while giving him oral love.

17. Stroke his ‘Hero Spot’ (just inside the Rosebud) while sucking.

18. For ‘deep throating’ keep your head back and let him straddle you.

19. Stimulate his glans with your index finger while you are sucking.

20. Suck on an ice cube prior to oral love.

21. Drink some hot liquid prior to oral love.

22. Make humming sounds during oral love for some extra vibration.

23. Rub fruits and juices on his Lingam and lick them off.

24. Put his Lingam between your Pillows of Compassion/breasts (cleavage fornication) for variety.

25. Wrap beads around his Jewels tugging gently while sucking.

26. Stroke his Lingam lovingly with your hair and
your face.

27. Gargle with mouthwash or suck on a mint prior to oral love for a tingle.

28. Don’t change your rhythm just before he climaxes unless he asks you to!

29. Ask him how he wants to be sucked; gently, hard, slow, fast, deep…

30. Enthusiasm is more important than technique!

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Excerpt from Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook

5 Ideas For The Erotica Writer’s Writing Routine

By

Ralph Greco

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August 3, 2021

post-it-3847384_640 — Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Masturbation: 5 Ideas For The Erotica Writer’s Writing Routine

I can’t tell you when/where and how to write any more than you could tell me. How you come to set your writing time/place/habits, has to work best for you. Everybody’s output is different, as is everybody’s writing style. But what I might be able to impart here (well, I am going to impart it, the ‘might’ part comes in when or if you chose to apply what I advise) are five ideas that I feel work for all of our writing routines (not just for those of us writing smut), no matter the when/where/how or what we write.

1.) Have a delineated space to write in. This one is not so easy to come by or create, especially if you are just starting to scribble, are a part-timer, live in a kinetic household. It might be tough to squirrel away a specific space all your own, apart from the family or a romantic partner, someplace quiet where you can dream or secluded enough that you can blast the Iron Maiden at all hours for your inspiration. Steven King tells of when he was first starting, how he found the smallest back laundry-room space in his small living quarters to write Carrie. Then again, what the hell does he know, he’s not successful or anything…

I am all for getting out with the laptop, balancing it on your knees as you sit on the beach or some far-off mountain deck. But generally speaking, I think it’s a good idea, if you can manage it, to have a place that, when you walk into it—be it backroom, shed, cramped attic alcove—is the place where the writing gets done. Also, and let’s admit this, (we’re all adults here) if you happen to be penning erotica and what you write, well, gets you all hot and bothered and you feel you have to… do I have to spell the rest of this out for you? When a moment takes you that you’ll want/need a little privacy, then you damn well are going to be happy you have a little privacy.

2.) Find the right tools. If you enjoy clacking away on a manual typewriter, then get yourself one. I don’t happen to use one, so I can’t tell you what the availability of these machines is presently, but if this is what you write on, then write on it. The point is, be it a #2 pencil and yellow lined paper (Woody Allen lays on his bed, scribbling out the first drafts of his movies with a pen and yellow lined paper pads) or the old Intel processor HP laptop, chose your weapon and go forth.

Don’t be resistant to changing your tools, though, and for the fact of the matter, a routine as well. When I first began working on a laptop, I recall telling my buddy who was walking me through the process, that the idea of ‘cutting and pasting’ was something I was sure I’d never get used to. These days, I couldn’t write any other way than in a word processing program.

3.) Set a schedule. Again, not as easily done as considered, especially if writing is not (yet) your full-time gig. I know as many writers who need the discipline (no, not the discipline of tethers sprayed across your backside… Jesus, get your mind out of the gutter!) of a set time to sit down and ply their wares, and plenty more who function best just sitting down, and closing the basement door when the mood strikes.

As my great friend, great writer, and contributor to this website, M. Christian will tell you, he and I think of ourselves as ‘hacks,’ in the very best sense of that word. We don’t sit around waiting for the muse to whisper in our ear, and only then get to writing. We tend to go to our writing space each morning and get on with the getting on; answering emails, attending to open assignments, looking for jobs, etc. But we are professional writers, and we have set the time and space for this pursuit. However, even pros can have a whole bunch of different ways of setting a schedule if they set one at all.

4.) Schedule time not to write. This one is especially hard for me, as I find myself pretty much writing all the time. It’s what I like to do, as much as I can do it. I recall Isaac Asimov mentioning how his wife was always on him to take vacations, but he would repeatedly tell her, he had no need for them; writing was all the vacation he ever needed.

That’s the way it is for me. I get to travel to a whole bunch of different places, meet a whole bunch of cool people, and indulge my perfectly muscled (and superbly hung) body in a multitude of ways (not unlike my real-life… NOT), so it is hard for me to take time away from writing. But I would advise it. You need to fill the old coffers; you need to experience life, you need to smell fresh air, hang with friends, enjoy the touch of someone other than yourself. I’ll say it often, but it needs to be repeated, writing is not all there is to writing.

5.) Work on consistent organization. Lots of writers see the word ‘organization’ and go screaming off into the night. I understand. You should see my desk, talk about a mess! But I have a manner of organization set, a method to my madness, a way of keeping track, as much on my desktop as in my mind (both cluttered spaces that are always in danger of losing their ever-dwindling power) that works for me. Depending on how much output you put out, it might be a good idea to get things in order, best as you can, or at least be working to this goal as you work. I generally don’t like anything mucking-up my writing, and knowing that I have to still throw those bunch of stories in my “Three-breasted Amazon,” folder, or having some phone calls on my mind that I am trying to avoid returning, will lead me to distraction.

I hope some of, or maybe even all of the above will help you… if you need the help. I am sure you have habits you adhere to that get you through your day (I’d love to hear about those), and yes, being writers of smut, we might be a little more quirky than other writers. Although I dare say, all writers probably have odd little habits that get them through the day. As I will always advise: it is less how/when/where and why you write than that you do write.

So, get writing!

Tantric Attention: Focused Techniques to Awaken Desire

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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August 1, 2021

pexels-jonathan-borba-2950331 — Photo by Jonathan Borba from Pexels

In Tantra, “Attention” is the follow through of “Intention” because where the attention goes, energy glows. Attention is all about being 100% present for your lover. Attention is also about focusing intently on their pleasure and sharing your emotions with each other. In the following interactive exercises you will learn how to look into your lover’s soul, and how to make love with your full focus. Attention is an essential element to experiencing Tantric bliss.

Give your lover the full attention that they deserve.

Attention Exercises with your Lover:

1. Buttocks: Caress and feather your lover’s buttocks around the crease where the buttocks and upper leg meet with a feather or your hair.

2. Feet: Massage your lovers feet with a feather, fingers, tongue or hair.

3. Toes: Blindfold your lover and kiss his/her feet. Suck on the toes as if you were kissing him/her on the mouth.

4. Thighs: Blindfold your lover and tickle the inside of your lover’s thighs with a feather, your hair or fingernails.

5. Knees: Lick behind your lover’s knees.

6. Buttocks Contact: Sit astride your lover’s back so that your Lingam or Yoni is in contact with the buttocks and rub your genitals gently over it.

7. Fingers: Massage, kiss and suck on and in between your lover’s fingers.

8. Stomach: Rub your Yoni or Lingam against your lover’s stomach.

9. Lips: Suck on your lover’s bottom lip, and then explore your lover’s mouth with your tongue.

10. Attention: Finish this sentence, “I want you to pay more attention to my…”.

11. I Want: Pay attention as I show you how and where I want to be worshiped.”

12. The TriGasm: Stimulate her Pearl, G-spot and Rosebud simultaneously using your tongue, finger, feather or Lingam for at least 6 minutes. Then stimulate his Lingam, Jewels and Hero Spot simultaneoulsy.

13. Polishing the Pearl: Lift the clitoral hood up over her Pearl and make circular motions around it (not on it) with your tongue for at least 4 minutes.

14. Kiss Her Yoni: Kiss your woman by focusing your energy on her outer and inner Yoni lips. Explore the area around her Pearl (clitoris) for 2 minutes.

15. Penis Bliss: Stroke his Lingam with your prominent hand and stimulate his Hero Spot, Rosebud and Jewels externally by sliding your knuckles back and forth over the perineum (landing strip between the Rosebud/anus and testicles). Use plenty of lube or oil and ask for verbal feedback from your man. Do this for 3 minutes.

16. Find her G-spot: Ask your woman for permission to enter her Yoni. Then gently insert your ring finger inside one and a half to two inches. Curl your finger in a “come here” motion so that you can easily locate her G-spot. It is located on the upper vaginal wall before you get to the cervix. It will feel like a small area (about the size of a dime) with ridges on it, much like the roof of your you have found it, slowly, tap, tap, tap your finger
up towards her navel as you stimulate her G-spot. Ask your lover for verbal feedback. Do this for 6 minutes and use plenty of lubricant.

10. The Venus Butterfly: Orally stimulate the Pearl until your lover is on the verge of orgasm, and then find her G-spot simultaneously. Ask her for feedback. Use lubricant if necessary.

11. Goddess Waterfall: Starting very gently, run the tip of your tongue with varying degrees of firmness like running water down one side of her outer lips from the clitoral hood to her perineum. Then tap your tongue down the same side from the hood to the perineum like the pitter-patter of mist drops in a waterfall. Exhale warmly around the outside of her Yoni as you make sounds of pleasure to convey to her how much you are enjoying honoring her.

12. Godly Waterfall: Run the tip of your tongue with varying firmness like running water up one side of the Lingam from the base to the tip and then bring your fingertips down the other side from the tip to the base like the pitter patter of mist drops in a waterfall.

Paying Attention to Your Lover

Focus on listening to your lover the next time he/she speaks to you and acknowledge what he/she said in your own words. Give your lover a Tantric massage by focusing only on his/her pleasure. Then exchange roles. When making love, keep your eyes open and look into your lovers soul. Pay attention to your lover’s needs and be 100% present when he/she needs you.

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Excerpt from Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook

A Lyon Among Feminist Adult Filmmakers: The Feminist Sexpert Interviews Jennifer Lyon Bell

By

Megan Hussey

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July 31, 2021

https://blueartichokefilms.com/ — blueartichokefilms.com

Jennifer Lyon Bell is most literally a first among equals in the world of feminist erotica; one of the first and best to capture female fantasies on film–and to great cinematic effect, as every film released through her signature production company Blue Artichoke Films is a work of sensual art.

The Feminist Sexpert is proud to interview a feminist sex industry pioneer: Ms. Jennifer Lyon Bell.

1. For the past decade, you’ve been bringing us beautiful feminist porn films, featuring tenderness, arty visuals and compelling storylines. Tell us about your newest release, Wild Card!

Wild Card is the second in a series of “erotic game films” I’ve been making. It’s really fun. The first one, Adorn, was such a nice surprise that I wanted to make a new one with a new cast and a new game. So, in Wild Card, Bishop Black and Kali Sudhra come together in a room that has cards hidden all over it. Each card has a not-typically-sexual body part listed, like elbow. Their game is to do as much as they can with or to that body part, for as long as it’s fun, and then move onto the next card. I made sure they know they had freedom to be goofy, rough, loving, erotic —whatever they felt in the moment. And they could talk and communicate as much as they liked, in whatever way they liked. What I like about these two game films is that the performers have to get really creative about foreplay and sex itself, because they can’t just launch into the typical list of activities in a certain order that we’ve been taught to expect from mainstream films and porn movies alike. I think this is a great message — sex is creative, and as long as you and your partner feel free to be honest with each other, you can craft a sexual experience together that’s maximally enjoyable for both of you. As a bonus, Kali and Bishop are friends — not partners, just good friends — outside of the film, so they have a fondness for each other that you can sense. It’s a perfect combination of comfortableness and electric-charged clumsiness, as they find their way towards getting aroused and climaxing! (Climaxing many times, in Kali’s case).

See a preview of one of her films (Second Date VR):

2. What first inspired you to make erotic films from a woman’s point of view?

I liked porn when I first saw it, but I wished that it was a better fit for my own sexuality. As a cisgender woman myself, I felt that porn was missing some of the activities that my friends and I most enjoyed in real life, like fingering. I wanted to integrate those back in. And, although I personally like looking at people in all different gender combinations, I really missed seeing the face and body of men in mainstream porn. I think that’s why so many women watch gay porn, to really enjoy the faces and bodies of men. So I wanted to bring that back into movies as well. I expected that it was mainly women who would enjoy the films I was making. To my surprise, it became immediately clear that just as many men liked it too. They even wrote me letters about it. I’m glad that so many different kinds of viewers share my view on what’s sexy.

3. What do you feel that are the ingredients or elements of a good feminist porn film?

I think a feminist porn film involves the vision, the production practices, and the message.

Vision: the film reflects the erotic vision of a woman —or somebody who’s in a sexual minority not usually represented in mainstream porn, like trans folx

2) Production practices: the director creates on-set labor practices that are fair for cast and crew, especially including women and sexual minorities. Fair pay, time for breaks, good food, safer sex materials.

3) Message: The overall message of the film contributes positively to sexual culture. Maybe it shows gender relationships in a healthier way, or lends visibility to sexual practices we don’t often see on film, or even brings attention to an underrepresented fantasy.

4. You explored Virtual Reality in your release, Second Date. What special challenges did this present?

I loved shooting Second Date! Shooting VR, particularly 360° VR, is wholly different than shooting regular cinema. For one, the cinematic language is different. You can’t cut back-and-forth between characters, or it would make the audience disoriented and nauseated! You have to embrace that the viewer can choose to look anywhere they want. You can guide their choices, but you can’t force them. And the physical shooting situation is so different. For 360° video, you plan and light the whole set, and direct the performers, and then when shooting starts, the entire crew has to physically leave the set. You have to trust the performers intensely. Luckily for me, that’s already the way I shoot. We do a lot of advance preparation and then I very much trust the performers to do what they feel is right in the moment. VR came naturally for me. What I liked about applying virtual reality to erotic moments is that the movie gets a very real-time feel. Second date is actually a real second date between the two performers, and you can see how the real intimacy builds slowly between them, as if you were literally standing right next to them. It’s organic and intense.

5. Your films hold great crossover appeal on the indie and adult film circuits. Do you find that your work is popular with people who generally don’t enjoy porn?

Absolutely! It’s fair that there are many people who wanted to find something arousing, tried some random porn, and didn’t care for it because it didn’t meet their needs. That’s part of why I sometimes try to use alternative wording when I can, like “explicit erotic film,“ or “adult cinema,” to communicate that you might get a different experience than you would expect from a sex movie. I think the reason that I’ve been lucky to have my films run at art/indie film theaters and cinemas, as well as in more traditional porn channels, is that I’m trying to integrate emotion with sexuality, and, if possible, in a surprising way. Folks that are into art films are interested in that. There’s so much great filmmaking that we can still do that fits in between the traditional porn and traditional arthouse film genres!

That’s one reason I felt it was important to build our own Blue Artichoke Films platform. While some of my films are available on other ethical porn platforms, I wanted to create a fresh space for people who didn’t feel that it was necessarily porn. And then, at the same time, I could use the platform to open up doors for them to all kinds of sex-positive culture they might like: events like play parties and screenings nights, blog posts chatting about TV shows and sexual culture, and then of course the films themselves. It’s like an erotic community.

6. Tell me more about your public lecturing regarding film and women’s issues.

I really enjoy public speaking and I try to use my platform as a filmmaker to draw attention to issues I think are important. For one, I teach classes about erotic filmmaking to film professionals and students. They tell me that it’s very rare anyone offers them tools and suggestions for how to approach writing or directing a sex scene. No wonder there are so many sexual representations out there that are clichéd and boring! It’s gratifying to help the next generation of filmmakers with building that toolkit. I do the same when I teach my erotic filmmaking workshop, “From Fantasy To Film: Design Your Own Erotic Film.” It gives you ideas of how to dive into the emotional core of what you find personally sexy in a scene, so that you can bring it out and do it justice. In many cases, the people that take my workshop are just everyday folks who feel inspired to explore their sexuality, and the workshop becomes a space for them to get in touch with what they truly like. It’s empowering to be honest with yourself about your desires. People seem to get a lot of enjoyment and relief from these workshops.

I also do quite a bit of speaking where I show filmclips and educate folks about the wide variety of erotic ethical film that’s already out there! Most people have no idea, and I am pleased to evangelize for this genre of film.

And because feminism is the underpinning of all my filmmaking work, I’m always happy to talk about the relationship between feminism and porn, or the ways in which we as a culture could do a better job improving sexual culture by changing the way we represent sexuality in porn, mainstream movies, and advertisements.

7. What’s next for Jennifer Lyon Bell and Blue Artichoke Films?

Now that the pandemic is ending, I can’t wait to start shooting again! Fiction, experimental – the sky is the limit.

Self-Publishing & Erotica: The Cold Hard Facts-Part 2

By

Ralph Greco

-

July 30, 2021

pexels-lisa-4194403 — Photo by Lisa from Pexels

Sorry to leave you hanging in the last column, spurting through a ruined handjob, left with aching clit or blue-balls. But there is lots to say about this subject, and I needed to get through part one, regale you of the prickly potential of print and the wonderfulness that is eBooks, especially for us erotic writers.

Now onto self-publishing…

As with most things I find in our dizzying digital age, there are good and bad aspects to self-publishing. The good is, you can potentially get your book out there for not so much money, little effort, while controlling pretty much every aspect of its publication. You can also set it up to see 100% of the profit from your book’s sales.

The bad?

I’m sure, to some degree, you already have this figured.

For one, you have no distribution network set-up, or if you do, it will most probably be woefully weaker than an actual publishers’. Not that you can’t create a healthy and profitable distribution network over time, you can even begin a cottage industry all on your own, but it will take a lot of time and a lot of work… unless you get exceedingly lucky.

And if you don’t think luck figures into the publishing game, as it does in lots of aspects of our lives, then you have probably not lived all that long.

And be warned, if you do indeed take this route, as most self-published books need to, promoting your book all on your own, working hard to Twitter and Twitter news about it, catch every opportunity to spread the news of its existence far and wide, you must realize (again, this is something you are probably aware of already, just not something you want to admit) that there are plenty of other writers just like you, pushing their books.

You are just one of many.

Competition is fierce, while the facility to self-promote is better than ever before.

Do I write this to discourage you? No. It’s just one of the cold hard negatives of self-publishing.

Another negative is that you will not make a ton of money or maybe any real money at all with self-publishing unless, again, you are exceedingly lucky. The good here, though, is that, because you self-publish (and hopefully do so smartly; and I’ll hit on how best to do this in a bit), your overhead is low. You don’t have to sell a lot of books to put yourself into profit. As I mentioned last time, there are tons of books by well-known authors returned to their publishers all the time. The cost for these books returned/not sold can come out of the author’s profits, advance, reputation (all 3) with his or her publisher. Printed books produced by a company and not sold and indeed returned, or put on a clearance rack, always creates ramifications.

You won’t have this problem with self-publishing.

There’s more cautions you might need to consider along the way: companies that advertise packages where they take your book through copywriting, formatting, publishing, and distribution (they are not a publisher per se but a book ‘wrangler’ ) who might rip you off in any of those areas of work they do for you; the complete waste of time and resources that could plague you as you crawl deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of social media self-promotion; surfing through the soul-crushing criteria listed at each place/site you try and put your book up on (especially true for erotica authors) that might, in fact, get your book thrown off that list/site or call for revisions you can’t see clear to make.

But mostly you come to level the playing field when you self-publish, and as I mentioned before, the best way of doing so presently, is in eBook form.

And I will tell you all about it… in part 3. 😉

The Realities of Sexual Fantasies

By

Bobby Morgan

-

July 30, 2021

woman-6174830_1280 — Image by Сергей Катышкин from Pixabay

We All Have Sexual Fantasies

Even if you think your fantasy is weird or might freak out your partner, chances are, that your fantasy is not all that unusual. It’s a safe bet that your partner has fantasies, too.

In October 2014, a group of scientists at the University of Montreal published a study that asked 1,517 adult men and women residing in Quebec about their sexual fantasies. (How cool would it be to have that job?)

Top Female Fantasies

The study found the Top 10 fantasies among women were:

1. The location is specified: 27.2% (No. 6 for men: 11.3%)
– Exotic or unusual private place (e.g., deserted beach, swimming pool, forest): 21.4%; public place (e.g., office, restrooms, bar, aircraft, etc.): 5.8%

2. Spouse or current lover is exclusively involved: 20.1% (No. 10 for men: 7.9%)

3. Focus on own submissive behavior: 18.8% (Not reported as a Top 28 fantasy for men)

4. Specifically involves a stranger: 14.3% (No. 24 for men: 1.9%)

5. The type of ambience is specified: 11.7% (Not reported as a Top 28 fantasy for men)

6. Exhibitionism: 8.9% (No. 23 for men: 1.9%)

7. Involves homosexual activities: 8.2% (No. 7 for men: 8.2%)

8. Group sex: 7.8% (No. 9 for men – with men and women or only women: 8.1%)
– Active role with men and women: 3.9%; passive role surrounded by men: 3.9%

9. Specifically refers to an authority figure or a celebrity: 7.1% (No. 14 for men: 4.2%)

10. Involves a sexual object: 6.5%

Top Male Fantasies

The Top 10 fantasies among men were:

1. Voyeurism: 15.0% (No. 11 for women: 3.9%)
– Watching a spouse having sex with another man: 8.4%; alone, spying an unaware stranger: 3.3%; watching spouse having sex with another woman: 3.3%

2. Fetishism: 14.0% (Not reported as a Top 19 fantasy for women)

3. Threesomes: 12.6% (No. 13 for women: 3.2%)
– With strangers or acquaintances: 7.0%; with a spouse: 5.6%

4. Oral sex (non-homosexual): 11.7% (Not reported as a Top 19 fantasy for women)
– Receiver (fellatio): 10.8%; giver (cunnilingus): 3.3%

5. Anal sex (non-homosexual): 11.7% (No. 19 for women (as a receiver): 1.3%)
– Receiver (with a strap-on or shemales): 6.1%; giver with a woman: 5.6%

6. Location-specific: 11.3% (No. 1 with women: 27.2%)
– Exotic or unusual private place (e.g., deserted beach, swimming pool, forest): 7.5%; public place (e.g., office, restaurant, bar, aircraft): 3.8%

7. Homosexual activities: 8.9% (No. 7 for women: 8.2%)

8. Involves an acquaintance: 8.5% (No. 18 for women: 1.3%)

9. Group sex (with men and women or only women): 8.1% (No. 8 for women: 7.8%)
– Active role: 7.5%; passive role: 0.6%

10. Spouse or current lover is exclusively involved: 7.9% (No. 2 for women: 20.1%)

What Fantasies are Typical?

In all, five sexual fantasies in the study were statistically typical and endorsed by more than 84.1% of participants — feeling romantic emotions during a sexual relationship, fantasies in which atmosphere and location are important, and fantasies involving a romantic location; receiving oral sex, and having sexual intercourse with two women. Among the remaining sexual fantasies, 23 were common in men and 11 were common in women.

What Fantasies are Rare?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, two sexual fantasies were found to be statistically rare (endorsed by 2.3% or less of participants) — having sex with a child under the age of 12 (0.8% of women and 1.8% of men) and having sex with an animal (3% of women and 2.2% of men). Among the 53 sexual fantasies studied in the survey, nine were statistically unusual (endorsed by 15.9% or less of participants) — seven for women (urinating on partner, 3.5%; being urinated on, 3.5%; wearing clothes of the opposite gender, 6.9%; forcing someone to have sex, 10.8%; abusing a person who is drunk, asleep, or unconscious, 10.8%; having sex with a prostitute, 12.5%; and having sex with a women who has very small breasts, 10.8%) and four for men (urinating on partner, 8.9%; being urinated on, 10.0%; having sex with two other men, 15.8%; having sex with more than three other men, 13.1%).

“Many fantasies that one might suspect would be unusual are, in fact, endorsed by a significant portion of individuals,” says Dr. Richard Krueger, MD, an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons in New York City who was not a researcher that was part of the study. “Yet this doesn’t mean that these are pathological at all. It just means that people have them. The only way that it becomes pathological is if it involves distress, dysfunction, or action on a non-consenting person.”

Does it Mean You Want it in Real Life?

While many women who took part in the survey expressed more extreme fantasies, especially of submission and domination by a stranger, they say that they never want these fantasies to come true. However, the majority of men that took part in the survey have more fantasies than women, express them much more vividly, and would love their fantasies to come true, especially threesomes.

But let’s say that you have a fantasy your partner doesn’t want to act out, let alone talk about, or if you don’t have currently have a partner. Perhaps you have a fantasy that will never play out in your life or is socially taboo.

“Having (fantasies) does not automatically translate into wanting to act them out,” says Michael Wiederman, a professor of psychology at Columbia College in South Carolina. “Perhaps it’s the assumption that fantasies say something about desired behavior that leads some people to feel guilty about their sexual fantasies. However, by definition, fantasies are safe (no one is actually hurt in real life) and they can end the way the fantasizer desires. Conversely, attempts to act out fantasies frequently result in less than desirable experiences. So, as long as your fantasies remain just that, you can give yourself permission to enjoy that aspect of your sexuality without guilt or concern about normality.”

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-realities-of-fantasies/

Why You Should Attend A Cuddle Party

By

Debra Shade

-

July 30, 2021

I love, love, love the energy and healing I get from attending a Cuddle Party. I hear so many different things about the experience and I can firsthand tell you that the experience you have is up to you. First, no one is having sex at a Cuddle Party. There are boundaries that are adhered to by all attendees. There are some rules and they are respected. I have never had a negative event, so I am a fan of cuddling.

I want to become a facilitator for Cuddling Parties. It takes training and there is a foundation that offers a weekend program that includes coaching, CPR, and facilitator skills. I would love to add this to my resume of services that I offer my clients. A cuddle/puddle is an experience designed to allow people to experience non-sexual, group physical intimacy through cuddling. Of course, you must ask permission and receive an energetic yes before you touch anyone. You can change your mind at any time. You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.

The environment is cozy, and the pleasure comes from the release of oxytocin! It helps when there is soft music and munchies. It is necessary to tell you that there should be no intoxicants. The only high should be natural. You should be clear-minded and open to receiving the energy from the puddle. At the end of the event, there is a closing “ceremony” that includes a conversation of thoughts from the event. As a facilitator, I love the thought of helping individuals open themselves up from the benefits of Cuddle Parties.

Participants are often in a state of cuddle intoxication at the end. Feeling a sense of connection with the group that they never would have anticipated at the beginning of the event. Folks are free to exchange hugs, phone numbers and receive thank you’s from the facilitator for making the cuddle party special. I think that could be so fulfilling. So here is what I have experienced at cuddle parties that may sway you to try it. The first thing you do is change into pajamas.

Oh, and clothing matters. Wear something that is not risqué. Something comfortable not sexy. Think no lace, no shorts but drawstrings. Bring a pillow or anything that makes you feel safe and comfortable. There was no liquor, and everyone seemed lucid. There was sparkling cider and water to go with fruit and crackers. The setup was very calm and inviting. We sat in a circle until we began to connect with others.

We created a welcome circle where we were all welcomed to create the structure and safe space for socializing. We were able to introduce ourselves and we played a get to know you game that allowed me to sync with the environment. We were taught the cuddle party philosophy. What I saw was participants cuddling in groups, as two and some talked and didn’t cuddle at all. We were told that we could feel free to be feet against feet, give full-body hugs, head rubs, spooning… it really was up to me to decide what I wanted from the group. I had the best head rubs! It was relaxing and I must admit, I slept better.

All during the experience, the facilitator participated with us. Encouraging us to feel relaxed and supported and having a great time. I got oriented to the rules as we moved through a very organized process of exchanging energy and staying in the moment. I felt comfortable to cuddle in my comfort and I carried on a few great conversations with other participants. Lying down while being held allowed me to fall into my thoughts and feel safe to explore what was heavy on my mind. Some self-reflection so to speak.

As I write this, I am getting excited about being a facilitator. I am that happy with my experiences, I want to offer this to others. Cuddle Parties serve a purpose. As an Orgasm Coach, I believe attending a Cuddle Party will give clients an opportunity to feel something different. To learn something about themselves sexually. To experience something that is pleasurable, but not sexual. is an experience. Cuddle Parties happen all over, you can invite one into your home by finding a facilitator in your area. You have got to find a Cuddle Party in your area. I hope reading this you will find yourself wanting to play.

Taking the Job Out of Blow Jobs: 16 Oral Sex Tips

By

Bobby Morgan

-

July 28, 2021

mushroom-2751318_1920 — Image by Anja from Pixabay

I wrote about how to give the best blow job ever a couple of years ago. It’s been the top article on my blog ever since. But when I looked back on the original article, I felt it was lacking a lot of specific details at least to my standards.

So what’s the secret of taking the job out of blow job? Here are some of my favorite tips…

As your man is getting undressed, lie on the bed with your head where your feet usually go, rather than perched on the pillows. As he walks toward the bed, slide down so your head is hanging over the bed, grab his buttocks, and take his penis into your mouth. Your head should be off the bed as you give him oral sex upside down. He’s ultimately in control of the thrusting, but you can use your hands as a guide to speed him up or slow him down. Not only does this look sexy, but it also opens your throat wide so you can take in more of him without gagging.

2. Lift his penis to expose his testicles, then find the tiny, sometimes darker line that runs up between them. Start a long lick from the underside of his testicles and continue very slowly to the tip of his penis.

3. Cover your teeth with your lips and then take as much of his penis in your mouth as you can in one movement. You don’t have to deep throat him; just let him see his penis disappear rapidly. If he really likes for you to go down deep, aim his penis downward instead of toward the back of your mouth. If it takes you a while to master that move, try using an oral sex spray to help numb your throat.

4. Use one hand to hold the base of the penis and let saliva pool in your mouth to keep your tongue slippery. Make a loose fist with your other hand, lube it up, and slide it up and down his penis, closing it when you reach the head. Get the hand motion right first, then add your mouth, letting your hand act as an extension of it. Create a snug vacuum with your mouth as if it’s a tight vagina and then slide up and down with your hand following your mouth.

5. Spice up any oral technique by adding some “twist and swirl” action with your tongue. The combination of firm fingers and a soft tongue feels fantastic, and it’s easy to master. As if you’re using your hand to masturbate him, twist it slightly once it reaches the head. At the same time, swirl the flat of your tongue around the rim of the head.

6. Use a tensed tongue to flick on his frenulum, the band of skin between his head and the foreskin or shaft, or make like a butterfly and flutter the flat surface of your tongue on it.

7. A nickel- to quarter-sized dollop of flavored lube will make sucking much more fun and enjoyable as well as keeping his shaft slippery if you alternate between playing his skin flute with your mouth and your hands.

8. Keep your tongue moving. Alternate between active, slow and sensual tongue moves. Think of giving a blow job as something like playing free-form jazz or even a symphony. Changing the tempo as you go along keeps things interesting and more fun for givers as well as receivers.

9. Don’t just limit your attention to his shaft while going down on him. Some guys like when the person sucking them off pulls down tight on the penis at the base of the shaft. Or try cupping or massaging his balls. Don’t neglect licking and sucking his balls, too.

10. Perineum, prostate and anal play are great ways to double up on the wow factor during fellatio. Stick a finger, dildo, anal plug or prostate massager up his ass while you’re giving his shaft some mouth or tongue action. If you or he aren’t big fans of anal play, press on his perineum to stimulate his prostate gland for an extra orgasmic jolt.

11. Men are totally into visuals. Bob your head up and down when you’re going down on him.

12. Eye contact is hot, too, and something I’ll admit that I totally forget about when I’m focused on giving oral pleasure.

13. Humming and moaning are hot for men, too, especially for the vibration.

14. If he’s squirming and trying to hump your face, do more of whatever you’re doing. Listen to what he wants, even if it means discerning the changes in his moans, body movements and any other non-verbal cues.

15. No matter what techniques you use, make sure that you complete the job. In other words, don’t quit or peter out before he’s had a chance to come.

16. Several of the men I’ve talked to over the years about giving head have said one of the things they enjoy most is when their partner enjoys giving oral sex. Be an animal and not a machine. Giving great oral sex isn’t all about technique. Enthusiasm goes a long way, too.

Previously Published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/taking-the-job-out-of-blow-jobs/

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Now onto self-publishing…

You are just one of many.

You won’t have this problem with self-publishing.

We All Have Sexual Fantasies

Top Female Fantasies

Top Male Fantasies

What Fantasies are Typical?

What Fantasies are Rare?

Does it Mean You Want it in Real Life?

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