Friday, March 24, 2017
Authors Posts by Valerie Baber

Valerie Baber

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Valerie Baber is a sexuality writer and dating coach with over 15 years of experience in adult entertainment, including credits as a Playboy TV host, glamour model and erotica actress.   In addition to having studied Digital Publishing at New York University, she holds a M.A in Critical Writing from Sussex University in Sussex, UK and a B.A in Creative and Media Writing from MiddlesexUniversity in London, which she considers her home away from her home away from home (her first two being Los Angeles and New York). The relaunch of her erotic memoir, An Escort Story (Formerly Notorious VIP – Confessions of An Emperor’s Club Companion) is due in summer 2016. Go to valeriebaber.com to learn more or to book a date coaching session. She also happily accepts followers on Twitter@valeriebaber or under ValerieBaber on Instagram.

Desire & Novelty – A Sexy Gift Guide For Valentine’s Day!

Each Valentine’s Day, approximately 50% of people hope to create a romantically charged evening on February 14th. Many of these people may be perfectly content with their sexuality, totally confident about their bodies, and the last thing on their mind is getting a new sex toy.

However, even if they’re not fifty shades of curious, there is the fact that scientific data shows novelty in our intimate encounters increases our level of arousal. And what could be more novel than a new toy?

Just by introducing an element of surprise and taboo can get juices flowing. Even if the new object itself does not necessarily make your orgasm better, the simple act of exploring something different with your partner can strengthen the bonding experience, generating more trust, vulnerability and communication.

If your plan this February involves finding a new way to connect to your partner (or to yourself), you might enjoy some of the following suggestions from our friends at Adam & Eve.

You might be familiar with the Hitachi Magic Wand. If so, then you know how awesome its power can be, but also how clumsy and big it is. For women who want the same intensity but would appreciate more aesthetic appeal, the Sensual Touch Wand Massager would make an excellent addition to the toy box. Its lightweight, stylish, wireless design comes with 10 speeds and functions as well as a USB cord for when it’s time to recharge. This smooth and portable wand will bring intense pleasure without all the awkward parts of the traditional wand.


Curious couples seeing variety may be interested in The Complete Lovers Kit. This best-selling, battery powered pack included vibes, sleeves, rings, balls and beads for a well-rounded assortment for a diverse exploration of sensation with your partner or by yourself.
Finally, here’s something for an even deeper exploration – the waterproof Satin G-Gasm Plus. This smoothly textured, underwater friendly, G spot/P spot stimulator might make things a little wetter this V-day and the best part is that it can be used on men or women to reach those elusive places of pleasure.

Speaking of heating things up, this Warming Rabbit G radiates heat from within! As if this waterproof, clitoral stimulating, G-Spot stimulating silicone device didn’t do enough, it also features 5 vibrating functions and a USB charging cable. With so many functions, this rabbit can amuse and delight all night.


However you decide to enjoy your romantic holiday, remember that whether you’re learning about yourself or want to turn up the heat for a night, our level of sexual desire actually increases when we open ourselves up to something new.

Interview With Sitara Devi, Modern Courtesan

New York based East Indian courtesan, Sitara Devi, is candid in her description of why men pay $1,500 for a brief encounter with her. She says that while men do value looks, a woman has to offer more than that to win over the VIP clientele she entertains. She is spiritually and intellectually elevated. She’s well-spoken with a magnetic energy and a charitable heart.

With long chocolate locks, smooth dark beige skin, a luscious derriere that is most en vogue, and a body limber from Yoga classes, she would easily fulfill the fantasy of any man or couple who has a curiosity about the charms of a Bollywood beauty or Hindu love goddess. She considers this an untapped market that is growing right along with the visibility of Indian women in media and in the workplace.

“A lot of my clients are non-indian men that have a budding desire in them because they don’t have access to her (Indian women) but the lust for her has been building in them.”

In my interview with the erotic, multicultural companion and sacred sexuality guide, Sitara told her unique story of going against the societal grain to follow her true life calling in erotic servitude to those seeking a deep, meaningful, soul connection in their intimate encounters.

There are “guidelines” for Indian women, she says. “You become a doctor, you meet a suitable Indian guy, you have kids…”. Although she did follow social norms to the extent  of receiving a Master’s degree and a notable professional résumé, she discovered that the freedom to exercise her true life calling was far more rewarding than following the traditional “blueprint” that was expected of her as an Indian woman.

“Indian woman are raised with the ‘good Indian girl’ stereotype. It’s a total lie. There’s a lot of pressure in my culture for women to be a certain way. I’ve met a lot of Indian women who are not happy having followed that or don’t have the same class and grace and well-roundedness that I have because of all the different paths that my life has taken.”

Sitara feels liberated by her unusual path. Not only is she confident about breaking free of the pressures of society to do certain things or play a certain role, she is passionate about providing clients with a safe space to do the same. “For me, sexuality is sacred. When two people strip away all the roles they have to play and let go of the heavy societal conditioning that they hold, they can have access to something in that moment that connects them to Divine Source, that takes them to a higher experience orgasmically.”

To her, eroticism is godliness, and she feels that most people are too trapped in their everyday pressures to truly let go and experience the sexual bliss they deserve, which is why it’s paramount to her to help people tap into a more relaxed physical state and higher spiritual frequency during their sessions. “Men on our planet are so hungry for emotional intimacy where they get to lay down all the shields that they’re holding. They don’t have to be masculine. They can allow themselves to relax and just be themselves. Conscious touch, not robotic, is something that men are missing.”

Sitara considers herself a lifestyle coach as well, and client’s often request her guidance to be able to call upon this spiritual source of pleasure even when they aren’t with her. She speaks about her work with clients of various backgrounds and physical abilities with pride because she enjoys helping people who face challenges like social anxiety, deep psychological blocks, or serious physical limitations. She insists that her profession makes her feels closer to her ancient roots, which she explains are heavily tied to sexuality.

“Hindu mythology is full of stories where the woman is both strong and feminine. She is both soft and a heroine at the same time. She is goddess and warrior.” In one famous story, Draupadi, an important female character in the Mahabharata (a Hindu epic) was married to five men. Sitara compares herself to this ancient princess. “I am a big believer that no one person can fulfill all our needs. I feel very lucky that I have the ability to have different men in my life which help serve different needs and I serve one need in their life.”

As a practitioner and teacher of tantric philosophy, Sitara believes her career as a pleasure provider is ideal for her. She feels “aligned with the goddess archetype” and thoroughly enjoys focusing her efforts on providing clients with an escape into a heightened sense of connection and fulfillment. It is important for her to continuously better herself as a sacred sexuality guide by taking classes and workshops where they’re available to her and what she takes away, she incorporates in private time with her clients.

“I have taken ample classes by different well-known instructors in the world of sacred sexuality, tantra, mind body souls, healing.” When telling me how yoga carries over to her work, she explained that the “fundamentals of yoga is about breath, it’s about awareness, it’s about presence, it’s about being in the moment. We [usually] engage with sexuality in a very hard and fast way but I prefer long, extended dates because I really enjoy men dropping all elements on what they have on the outside.” For her, yoga is among other philosophies that she believes enhance intimate experiences, but of course, it has other benefits. “I can do some pretty fun things with it in the bedroom.”

And what about those other women in her clients’ lives? Does she have any thoughts about them or resentment towards her married clients for coming to see her privately? She thinks nothing negative about her work, her clients or the other women at all. “I feel like I am an outlet where a man can release a lot of his tension so that when he goes home to his wife, he feels more relaxed and there’s less drain on their marriage. I give her man a sense of freedom so that she has a lighter load when he goes back home to her. I’m a sort of peacekeeper.”

Her positive approach towards life and her erotic services shine through in every statement she makes. Time with her is what she describes as experiential and her ability to provide a unique and spiritually elevating way for her clients is her deepest joy. She is not someone who is bound to “the conditioning of the 21st century girl” or focused only on the exterior. She is a woman who is in the fortunate position of being truly in touch with the “life force”, which she explains is our radiance, energy and vitality – all coming from our sexuality, and she holds that sacred. “I see it as a gift.”

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How To Make A DIY Sex-Attracting Fragrance

Olfactory senses play a significant part in our sexual stimulation. Whether we’re aware of it or not, smells send important chemical messages to potential mates. Tests show that Lavender ranked highly among both men and women, but the scent of licorice earned the most positive erotic response from females while pumpkin (more accurately, the spices we associate with pumpkin) was #1 among men. How appropriate that the holiday season is upon us. It’s one that often hosts scents of spiced pumpkin and other tasty foods, so naturally, it should be one that inspires people to get a little closer. Fun fact: most babies are conceived in December! Coincidence?

If you’re in the mood to entice your romantic interest and heat things up indoors while things get cooler outdoors, you may want to consider creating the ideal scent for your room or for yourself. The steps below are simple, so if you have even the slightest talent for DIY projects, the following is definitely worth trying.

For body:

To make your own irresistible scent, you’ll need a carrier oil, such as jojoba, almond, grapeseed, avocado or sesame oil. These are all easily accessible oils that are lightweight and safely absorb into your skin.

You will also need 100% pure essential oils. FYI, licorice is a difficult smell to come by, but fennel and anise have a licorice smell. Below are suggested oils for you to select from and create your own holiday spice mixture.

In a 10ml roller bottle or perfume jar, mix 10 – 14 drops of each of your favorite smells. You’ll probably want to keep this below 24 drops in total and if you want a particular scent to be stronger, make that number of drops greater than the other scents (EX: 14 drops lead scent, 8 drops secondary scent or 10, 8, 6 of a combo of 3 oils). Fill the rest of the bottle with your preferred carrier oil, close and shake. Apply to hot spots on your body like the back of your neck, wrists or insides of your elbows when you’re ready to seduce.

For home:

  • Decorative jar
  • Reed diffuser sticks
  • Essential oils (Ex: cedarwood, lime, vanilla, nutmeg, cardamom, clove, cinnamon, pine, orange, anise, ginger)

To create your own diffuser, blend 1/4 cup of hot water with ¼ cup of vodka…yes, vodka. Then, ad no more than 25 drops of whichever combination of essential oils you chose to blend to create your ideal scent. Mix it up, then carefully pour it in into a decorative jar. Dip a handful of diffuser sticks in the jar, then take your stick out, turn them upside down, place them back in the jar and let them stay in that way. The subtle scent that this ads to your home will help set the right mood for your time with you company.

Enjoy!

Secrets Of A Professional Seductress

Amy Taylor is a blue-eyed brunette with a glowing smile, a body fantasies are made of and classic beauty that defies age. She looks like the wife next door – the wife you wished lived next door, if you lived in Beverly Hills. Amy is also a woman of many coveted secrets. Why? Because Ms. Taylor is a professional seductress. Her rates begin at $2,000 for up to 3 hours of time. A weekend with her is priced at $10,000.  Some may call her an escort, while others refer to her as a VIP companion. However you refer to it, she’s got what it takes for men to pay big money for a brief encounter with her. So what makes her able to charge these fees and what advice might she have picked up in her career as a professional dream girl? I had the opportunity to chat with her, and what she revealed could help provide you with insight to help you evaluate your own situation and even possibly save your relationship.

In this interview, Amy shares some of what she’s learned about staying desirable and keeping love alive as an elite entertainer to her select clientele.

VB: What makes a highly desirable woman so desirable?

AT: I think physical beauty is obviously desirable…but confidence, intelligence, kindness, generosity of spirit, and interest in and connection with others are also desirable. People are attracted not only to beautiful women, but women who make the feel attended to, heard, valued and connected.

VB: What secrets do beautiful women have?

AT: Being beautiful is a full-time job; from product knowledge and use, to investment in diet/trainers/surgeons/clothing/makeup/hair and skin products, it’s expensive and time-consuming, no question.  But none of it is “secret;” like most other things, it’s about educating oneself and devoting time and resources to it.  Beauty is somewhat genetic, sure, but most women can become more beautiful if they learn and execute things learned. Which can sometimes be a hassle, I’ll admit…but which does reap rewards of society’s obvious preference for beauty.

VB: Why do clients come to you?

AT: Some tell me they like my brilliance (I hope this is the truth), all of them acknowledge that I have a great body (I do, thanks DNA/diet/trainer/surgeon), they all like that I have integrity (I operate 100% honestly, my ego can’t tolerate being anything less than trustworthy in any area of my life), and I think some like my openness (I have nothing to hide, and am utterly content with my lifestyle…in my opinion, this takes some of the stress away from men who want to enjoy these interactions but are held down by idiotic social stigma of a world which it utterly natural and harmless).

VB: What do your clients complain about most in terms of their intimate lives?

AT: Lack of frequency, enthusiasm, and sadly, youthful looks of their partners…

VB: What do men secretly want in their relationships that they’re not getting?

AT: Attention, flattery, acknowledgment of their efforts, more sex almost always (!), and their partner to spend more effort being fun/sexy/attractive.  Some women seem to forget that what it took to get the guy, is what it takes to keep the guy.  I’m not sure why this happens, and I’m glad it doesn’t always, but it seems sadly rampant.

VB: What are the most popular requests from your clients?

AT: Weekends spent together.

VB: Do your clients have special requests because wives/partners refuse to do certain things?

AT: Yes, I have 2 clients whose wives would rather stay home with children and church, than travel the world with their husbands.  I find this ridiculous, but it’s great for me, as I get to go with him on business and personal trips. I suppose truly, I’m outsourcing for her, servicing a part of her marriage she’d rather not do.  Strange, but not everyone loves travel and dating, I guess…

VB: Do you consider yourself a threat to your clients’ marriages?

AT: Not at all.  I have never wanted to break up any marriage, and none of my clients have ever wanted to leave their wives (for me or anything else).

VB: Do you ever feel sorry for your clients’ partners (girlfriends/wives)?

AT: Yes, when they’re physically sick and that’s what preventing them from fully being the wife their husband needs.  It’s unfair, fate-wise, that a couple in love makes life plans and then sees them somewhat derailed by medical problems.  My clients handle this the best way they can, but it’s a very difficult situation with no perfect solution.

VB: Are most of your clients one-offs or repeats?

AT: Repeats.

VB: What do you feel people find the most difficult to say to their partners that they aren’t afraid to say to you?

AT: That they aren’t physically attracted to them anymore, and while they love them and want to stay partners, that they want to date someone newer, younger and hotter. Biology is brutal.

VB: Have clients taught you anything that you feel you’ve grown personally from?

AT: Sure, so many things. I’ve learned about business, politics, cultures, languages, foods, love, aging, health, and happiness. I’ve been so lucky to see what life is like down the road; it’s made me realize how short and beautiful life is no matter how you choose to live it, and that connection is everything.

VB: What do you believe drives men wild?

AT: Oh heavens, I don’t pretend to know about all men. What I have seen is that they’re unique, and their desires differ as much as that of women. So it’s best to get to know a partner deeply (a life of one-night stands is a sure way to end up craptastic in bed, I promise you) and learn what HE likes.

VB: What’s a good way to talk your partner into being more experimental?

AT: Just ask…most men are totally open to trying new things.  Phrase it as a fun experiment, rather than a suggestion that he’s inadequate (male egos are very fragile since society has never required much of men other than them being men…so flatter him, rather than pointing out that things are boring or insufficient).

VB: Is there anything that women should be doing more for their men?

AT: Paying more attention, being more “girlfriend” and less “roommate” when appropriate and possible.  Trying to stay as physically attractive as possible (difficult in the face of aging, I know), and remaining interesting (have hobbies and interests outside him and the kids, so you aren’t boring). And articulating their sexual needs, instead of simply refusing to have sex with him (it’s your fault he’s rubbish in bed, ladies, if you aren’t teaching him anything and he’s clueless).

VB: Is there anything that you think men should be doing more for their women?

AT: Learning to be better in bed (stop watching porn, that’s not a real female orgasm!), staying physically more appealing to whatever degree possible (your wife wants someone hot as much as you do), paying attention and listening to her (women need to be heard; studies show men talk over us and actually don’t even realize they talk more than we do…).  Share chores and errands, and thank her for the life she has given you (don’t take her for granted).

VB: What could people do to step up their game for the opposite sex?

AT: Remember how you behaved when they weren’t yours.  Don’t take the other person for granted. Don’t assume that someone new will be better, simply because he or she is new. Put more effort into your appearance, your focus on and connection to your partner. Basically, act the way you acted when you knew they could easily choose someone else…because guess what?  They still can, even if they’re yours right now.

***

What people tend to overlook about the world of gentlemen’s entertainment is that it’s filled with important lessons about love, sex and society. Those on the providing side are gifted with rare insight that most people never learn. As a provider, it becomes easy to pinpoint exactly what “real world” issues people are facing that they hope to fix in the “fantasy world”.  If you’re in a relationship, or if you aren’t but you think you might be one day, the lessons provided to us by entertainers are important to consider, and lessons from women like Amy are critical to remember.

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Tips For Writing Your Dating Profile

One of my services as a dating coach is to create online dating profiles for my clients. Although fun and rewarding, it can also be disheartening to learn just how bad people are at personal marketing. Sometimes, even basic communication can be a challenge for them. This doesn’t mean they’re bad or uninteresting people. It just means their strengths are somewhere outside of written intercommunication.

Unfortunately, our written communication is often the first (and possibly only) impression we get to make, so if we don’t know how to effectively communicate on the page or screen, we lose valuable opportunity.

If you’re ready to pick up a few tips to help you come across as a more dateable person, read on. As your coach, I want to see you discover your inner magnetism, so here’s a little freebie to get you on the right path and to avoid making these three common mistakes.

Rule #1

We all have pet peeves and deal breakers, but it is important that we focus on the positive when creating our personal marketing campaign. Studies show us that people respond better to those who are positive, so yes, while there will be some dislikes that will inevitably be addressed, these are not the comments that are going earn us the attention of great people. Remain pleasant and focus on what you do like and what makes you a fun and interesting person to be with. Later on, you and your date(s) can discover the rest, but if you begin on a negative note, you’ll never have the opportunity to discover that you both have a fierce hatred of green M&M’s together.

Rule #2

A rule for good writing in general, is to treat your paper like a canvas and paint a picture. For example, you can say “I like steak. I can make it pretty good”, or you can say, “I love the sumptuous, caramelized deliciousness of a steak when cooked by the hands of a skilled chef who understands the importance of temperature. I’m no Cordon Bleu alumni, but I’m a pretty impressive novice.”

Which sentence structure offers a more enticing, entertaining, sensory experience? Which helps you demonstrate your personality and lifestyle better? When it comes to words, be a painter. You will see more interest from prospective dates when you communicate like a passionate and dynamic person.

Rule #3

Do NOT say you like or expect physical relations. Unless you’re on Asexual Finders or PlatonicFriends.com, the expectation of a physical relationships developing after getting to know each other is a given. If the chemistry is right, intimate activity will follow, but stating this in your dating profile makes you sound like you’re focused on the wrong thing. Don’t be a creep.

The way we express ourselves can make or break us. Learning how to deliver an effective message will greatly increase your success rate. If you’re ready to see a difference today, take a look and see if you might be guilty of one of these three common mistakes, and when you’re ready to get really good, call me.

How To Talk About Sex On A Date Without Being Creepy

Conversations about sex can be just as sexy as physical play. Since our greatest sex organs are our minds, taking the time to talk about sexual activity before you engage in it can build the intensity of your overall connection. It also allows you to discover what your partner enjoys and fantasizes about, which will give you valuable tools to work with during your upcoming encounters.

So how do you talk about sex without sending the wrong message or being seen as a pervert? It’s not about what you say, it’s how you say it. The communication techniques discussed in this article rely on tact and syntax.

Syntax is defined as “the arrangement of words and phrases to create well-formed sentences in a language”. Tact is defined as “adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues”. In dating, it’s important that we remember, develop and practice these two skills together. Let’s call the blend of skills “syntact”.

A skilled practitioner of syntact in dating knows many things, perhaps the first rule is to never get too personal too quickly. Talking about sex isn’t synonymous with dirty talk and a partner who is willing to speak about sex isn’t necessarily giving you an open invitation to cross personal boundaries. On a first date, you probably don’t want to ask someone what their favorite position is, if they’ve ever participated in a group sex or how often they masturbate. Instead of bringing up topics that could be too graphic or personal, try asking your date what attracts them to a partner.

If they mention something physical, like clean hands or nice grooming, you could say you understand how cleanliness is important, not just because it shows that a person pays attention to detail, but because you wouldn’t want to be intimate with someone who had jagged fingernails or bad breath. This opens the opportunity to discuss other important factors in intimate settings, which is essentially a discussion of turn-ons, turn-offs, and sexual preferences. The beauty of this tactic is that, to learn the answers, you don’t have to say anything about sex or make your date feel uncomfortable.  You selected a topic that effects everyone at a certain age (previous relationships), you’ve expressed interest in understanding what drives them (what did you/didn’t you enjoy about your previous relationships), you’ve shown empathy and understanding (I appreciate your desire to have a partner with good hygiene! I wouldn’t want to kiss someone with bad breath), and you’ve also shown your vulnerability/put yourself on equal footing by sharing something about yourself. The language you choose, the way you phrase your questions, and how you respond to your date will determine how receptive to the conversation your partner will be.

So next time, although you may be secretly wanting to ask, “what do you like in bed”, try approaching the topic from a genteel perspective and ask something like, “What were you most and least satisfied regarding chemistry in your last relationship?” You’re much more likely to receive positive outcome.

How To Make Love To A Penis

Among the many lessons I’ve learned from the men in my life, one that may come as a particular surprise to women is that not all blowjobs are created equal. In fact, there is such a thing as a bad blow job, and men are disappointed with their partners’ orals skills more than ladies may know. Why? “She was just trying to hurry up and get the job done,” is an explanation I hear over and over again.

Although women do earn kudos for being proactive in bed, many of them seem to be going through the motions, something men actually do notice and do experience frustration with.

While there is a time and a place for all techniques, we ladies must remember that we aren’t the only gender who appreciates slow sensuality and the art of lovemaking. Men may not vocalize it, but they also like moments of non-penetrative body worship. Even if he doesn’t yet know the pleasures of cock-amory, if you will, trust that he’ll want more of it after you orally express your loving desire for his lingam.

So how exactly does one “make love to the penis,” as one of my frustrated male friends described it? Slow down, baby, and become more involved.

Remember that he has sensitivity around his cock, not just in it, and that licking, kissing and sucking not just his dick, but other areas very close by can create a sensational buildup and delightful breaks in between those moments your mouth is full of phallus. Guys go nuts over their nuts being played with and I’ve never met a man who didn’t welcome his perineum being teased.

Use your tongue, not just your lips, when you work your way up and down his dick, and remember that the varied use of a free hand will create a more robust sensation when combined with your sensual suck.

Men aren’t always looking for a jerking up and down motion, they actually love to be stroked, tickled and caressed while your mouth is exploring his body and capturing his gentle reactions to your controlled, wet, movements. Try gently and slowly stroking his shaft while also softly sucking a testicle. Or, try teasing just the dense nerve endings of his glans and corona with the inside of your lips while massaging his taint or his anus.

There are so many different bits to give attention to and so many ways to do it, so if you think you may be stuck in an oral rut, definitely try to slow it down and switch things up. Oral sex is not Daft Punk. Harder, faster and stronger does not mean better.

Again, there’s a time and place for everything, but if we stop thinking of giving oral sex as a motion that must quickly be completed, and start treating the act like his body is poetry rolling off our tongues and feathers under our fingertips, you may find that your skills quickly earn the title of “best blowjob ever.”

Yes, ladies, men do want to be made love to, and so do their penises.