I’m about to launch a new course at Loveology University® called Healing From Loss & Abuse – Loving Solutions to Live Your Life to the Fullest for Victims of Grief, Trauma, Assault & Sexual Harassment, a wide-ranging look at how to emotionally heal from loss, pain, disabilities, accidents, disease, toxic relationships, sexual dysfunction and sexual trauma, harassment and abuse. The course has a personal connection for me, as I was a victim of sexual abuse and human trafficking as a teenager, and have spent my life learning to heal myself and others. I also suffer from chronic pain with trigeminal neuralgia and have lost my soul mate to cancer, each of these life events driving me to find ways to repair and restore my faith in happiness. The exercises I suggest in the course and companion e-book are a combination of my own and ones from other sources that have worked for me or my clients. My goal as a Love Coach and sexologist is to help people find their way back to intimacy, to love again and feel the physical and emotional pleasure we all deserve.
Healing from pain
It was only after I started seeing my chronic jaw pain as a gift that my life changed for the better. I literally woke up one day and said, “No matter what the Universe throws at me I’m going to be happy, even with this agonizing pain, which I will now perceive as a gift.” This was after two brain surgeries and many prescriptions that did not help. Shortly thereafter, I was contacted by a pharmaceutical company to do a nationwide city tour as a speaker to help people suffering from psoriasis. Even though I didn’t have psoriasis, I could relate to what suffering they were going through. Pain is an obstacle to intimacy because it can feel isolating, but ironically sometimes intimacy and sex can help to heal pain by creating positive feelings that translate into a mind-body connection. Looking at pain from a different prospective is one of life’s challenges that can make you stronger. In this section, my exercises include water therapy, humor therapy, animal therapy, journaling and many more easy-to-accomplish efforts that relieve the stress associated with pain such as visualizing the many aspects of your pain and breaking it down with your mind. I also offer practical ways to talk to others about your pain, which can add a whole other level of tension as you navigate family and friends while being distracted or debilitated.
Healing from toxic relationships
Toxic relationships damage our ability to thrive and allow ourselves the full spectrum of joy and pleasure. Whether it’s a domestic abuse situation that’s held us back or a co-dependent relationship that went on way too long, we feel trapped and paralyzed to move forward in the way that would benefit us the most. In this part of the course I cover all the bad habits we find ourselves in, like pandering to narcissists by “people pleasing” or staying in a marriage long after its expiration date. I have some archival videos here about how to get over a break up, and ways to process the grief that you are experiencing so that you can recover more quickly and most importantly, not repeat that toxic pattern! Not every relationship is meant to last, and some unions or friendships are sent to us to learn a lesson. It’s my job as a Love Coach to make sure that people recognize their patterns and break the cycle of toxicity.
Healing from sexual dysfunction
Sexual dysfunction manifests in many ways for men and women. Medical issues like diabetes, hormonal deficiency like low testosterone, medication incompatibilities, chronic pain from arthritis, and emotional issues such as depression all affect sexual performance. I’ve helped men recover from erectile dysfunction by repairing their communication with their partners, and I’ve also seen women with vaginisthmus find relief through a combination of talk therapy and pelvic floor therapy. As a coach, it’s vital to refer to a medical doctor first to discover any medical conditions. Love coaching can work alongside treatment, which can be more holistically effective. This section in the healing course outlines all these topics, laying out the medical options to consider and suggesting counseling tactics to try for yourself or with your clients. Exercises for premature ejaculation, ED and many other common sexual dysfunctions empower people with these every day issues to feel like they’re not alone and there are plenty of ways to heal and enjoy sex to the fullest again.
Healing from Overwhelm
I often hear from clients that they feel “overwhelmed,” and to me, overwhelm is a sign that you’ve lost control of your life in some important way. Experiencing a loss or dealing with trauma or disability can leave you feeling overwhelmed as you move through a range of emotions. Sadness, anger, disbelief, confusion, shock, depression – these are all natural reactions to loss or abuse, but they can leave us exhausted, and unable to get on with our lives. In this section I explore the notion that these emotions are part of the healing process and that sharing them with family and friends is helpful, so that they too understand what you’re going through and hopefully empathize. When you are overwhelmed by the stresses of life and burdens of others, treat yourself kindly by setting boundaries and saying ‘No” to things that you will resent. Say “Yes” to things that will make you feel safe, happy and valued. Resist the urge to numb your emotions with drugs or alcohol or to punish yourself for your feelings of overwhelm. Practice self-care instead, focusing on your health and wellbeing.
I will write another blog about the section in this course on sexual healing because it’s a vast topic of discussion on its own, but I wanted to give you a taste of the insights and tools you can expect to find in Healing from Loss & Abuse when it becomes available at LU as part of the Certified Love Coach Program. I will also be offering this information as an e-book so stay tuned, stay sexy – and emotionally healthy!
