Featured - The Best Sex Education Articles for Adults
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Top sex education for adults featured posts and sexuality articles from our sex experts, sex coaches on everything from female orgasms, sexual pleasure, alternative lifestyle topics, couples sex advice and dating advice, masturbation and sexual empowerment, sexual health and wellness including men’s sexual problems like premature ejaculation and how to last longer in the bedroom.
Our Sex Ed featured articles include all the tips and techniques you need to know to make you a better lover such as the ultimate guide to anal sex, BDSM and kinky sex, oral sex, how to have the best orgasms, sexual relationship topics on how to spice up your love life, as well as female sexual anatomy and the erogenous zones including the clitoris, the cervix and cervical orgasm, all about the g spot, female ejaculation and g spot orgasms, the vagina and the vulva, penis facts and more.
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To me, smell is the country music of the senses. It’s the moist air after a rainstorm. It’s rose petals on the bed. It’s autumn leaves rustling in the wind. Have you ever noticed how quickly a smell can trigger a reaction?
I was working with a man once on a creative exercise and when he opened a box of crayons, he smiled and said, “Wow, that smells like childhood.” Few things can trigger memories quite like smell. That’s because the receptors in the nose send signals to
multiple areas of the brain, including the olfactory bulb, which is part of the brain’s limbic system. This area is sometimes called the “emotional brain” because this area processes memories and feelings.
These receptors take note of seven sensations, generally categorized as camphor, musk, ether, acrid, putrid, mint and flower. The connection between smell and memory is so strong that people can remember a scent with 65% accuracy after a year, while the recall of an image is only about 50% after three months.
While we tend to put more emphasis on the senses of sight, touch and sound when it comes to romantic relationships (How does my partner look? How does my partner feel? How sexy is my partner’s voice?), smell is actually one of the most important senses utilized in sexual attraction due to the invisible pheromones that we share.
These invisible chemicals are so powerful that they carry a greater influence than we
may realize. For evolutionary reasons, both men and women have learned to be attracted to partners with different immune systems than their own, because the combined immune systems help create stronger offspring.
Women are more sensitive to the smell of pheromones than men, and they affect a woman’s love biochemical receptors. In his book The Owners Manual of the Brain, Dr. Pierce J. Howard shows that pheromones can even be at the root of a romantic disconnect, even after a relationship has started. The make-up of many birth control pills causes women to be attracted to men with similar immune systems, as detected via pheromones.
But after a long period of time, including into marriage, a woman may go off her birth control, and suddenly wonder why she was ever attracted to such a man.
Given the strong connection between smell and emotion, it’s important to be aware of what smells work and don’t work for your partner. For instance, Napoleon specifically asked his wife Josephine not to bathe for the two weeks before he returned from battle because he liked her natural scent. Would she have done this if he hadn’t asked?
“Memories, imagination, old sentiments, and associations are more readily reached through the sense of smell than through any other channel.”– Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes
As a side note, did you realize that the vagina doesn’t need to be douched? As Eve Ensler, playwright of The Vagina Monologues says, “My vagina doesn’t need to be cleaned up. It smells good already.” She’s right; the vagina is the cleanest place in the female body with a perfect pH balance that is self-cleaning.
It can be confusing to understand what smells work for some and not for others because our own sense of scents is so engrained in our minds that we may not even realize the psychological aspects at play.
What may remind you of great sex could remind your partner of a bad break up so, if in doubt, go for the cleanest smells possible as a starting point and build up from there.
NEURO-CISE: SMELL, DUO
♥ While beautiful to look at, make sure the scent of flowers is a positive experience. Don’t place them near ripening fruit or vegetables, as they will wilt quicker.
♥ Don’t use scented candles during a meal because their smell could conflict with the aroma of the food.
♥ Experiment with soaps, lotions, shampoos and essential oils to find out which ones you and your partner find most pleasing.
♥ Shower with your partner and enjoy the purity of their clean smell.
♥ Put potpourri sachets in your undies drawer.
♥ Spray flower scents around your bedroom before sleep to promote more positive dreams.
Clinical trials have shown that the smell of lavender can help in insomnia, anxiety,
stress, and post-operative pain, according to a report from Maryland University.
Only Your Nose Knows
“We crave love; we go through withdrawal from love; we relapse into love; we pursue love at all costs.” – Dr. Helen Fisher
Aromatherapy can be a great way to enhance intimacy. In studies conducted by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, the scent of pumpkin pie was found to increase penile blood flood by 40% while increasing sexual desire in women as well. Who says you have to wait until Thanksgiving?
Here’s a list of additional scents to keep in mind, as they have been known to increase sex drive:
A type of kink gear used in kink scenarios or BDSM play, a bondage gag slips into the mouth to muffle speech and make it difficult to communicate. Once in the mouth, most bondage gags include one (or more) straps that fasten the gag to the mouth. This can make it difficult for the wearer to remove – especially if it is locked onto the face.
Gags are available in a wide variety of shapes and sizes for different functionalities. Gags can be as simple as a rubber ball (which is a common shape for beginners!) or duct tape. They can also be more complicated like muzzles or full-face harnesses. A bondage gag may also reflect a niche kink interest like an ash tray, a medical Jennings gag, or a pacifier.
In general, the bottom/submissive partner will be the person wearing a gag. However, that isn’t always the case, and anyone within any power dynamic can use a gag if they so choose. It’s just another kinky tool in your available toolbox!
Why Use a Gag?
There are a wide variety of reasons that someone might want to use a bondage gag. Some of the most common reasons include:
Feelings of Submission: A lot of people find it extremely erotic to be forced into silence. It’s like bondage – but for the voice. This can really enhance the feelings of submission and vulnerability for the bondage gag wearer.
Erotic Mumblings: While the bondage gag wearer may find it erotic to have their speech taken from them, their partner may find it just as erotic to hear the noises that come from the wearer’s mouth. Instead of words, they’ll be muffled noises, and the sound of those noises can be – by themselves – pretty hot!
Induce Drooling: Want to watch your partner uncontrollably drool? Bondage gags can accomplish that. Since some types of bondage gags (like ball gags) force the mouth open and make it impossible to close the mouth to swallow, saliva ends up dripping out of the mouth.
Erotic Appearance: There’s a lot to be said just for the look of a bondage gag. Even outside of its word-mumbling benefits, it has a look to it that’s pretty hard to replicate outside of a gag.
How to Use a Bondage Gag
Just place the bondage gag into the mouth, fasten it around the head, and you’re good to go! Bondage gags are extremely simple to use.
Most importantly, ensure you never use a bondage gag with someone who may have issues breathing. This may be due to a chronic condition – or something as transient as a cold or allergies. Since bondage gags add extra stress to breathing, they should never be used on anyone who is already experiencing issues breathing.
If you’re still in the beginner stages of your kink experiences where you’re looking for BDSM advice, you might be wondering what the “best” beginner gag is.
And, of course, I’m biased, but I think the best beginner gag is a bit gag.
What is a bit gag? Well, a bit gag looks pretty reminiscent of the gags that are used for horse bridles. It looks a bit like a long, bite-able stick (usually made from leather or silicone) that’s held in the mouth by a head strap.
Unlike ball gags or other, larger objects, bit gags are much easier to fit into the mouth. They don’t require the mouth to open as wide, and they are much more friendly to those with jaw concerns.
In addition, since bit gags don’t fill up as much of the mouth, they also can make it easier to swallow and breathe. Depending on how large your bit gag is, the lips may be able to close around the exterior side of the gag – which can make it easier to swallow. This can help with breathing and prevent drooling – which may or may not be something you desire when wearing a bondage gag.
At the same time, bit gags still help muffle sounds and make it difficult to talk – so you get all of the benefits of using a bondage gag without most of the downsides of using the traditional ball gag.
What are Specialty Gags?
Of course, as long as people have been getting kinky, they’ve been getting creative with that kinky. That creativity is exactly where specialty bondage gags were born.
Specialty bondage gags go above and beyond your standard bondage gag styles. Instead, they have very dedicated, specialized uses. If you’re into those uses, these are going to be the most prized toys of your entire collection. But, as their name implies, be aware that these bondage gags are specialized – and may not be toys that you pull out frequently when you simply want to gag someone.
You can see that this gag isn’t just for gagging the mouth. Instead, it turns the mouth into a functional tool for various accessories. The mouth gag can be used as a toilet brush to clean the toilet, to hold toilet paper, or to hang a towel. It isn’t just a general bondage gag, but instead, it’s a special bondage gag that offers specific uses.
So, if you want to accomplish some objectification in the bathroom, this specialty gag set is golden. If you’re simply wanting to quiet your partner during sex, however, this is probably going to look a bit silly.
The 6 Tantra Secrets to Bliss-gasms & Ecstatic Sex
Tantra goes all the way back to the ancient language of Sanskrit which is originally from India and offers sensual and enlightening terminology. Tantra is an ancient yoga-like tradition originating in India that trains one in the ways of weaving and transforming sexual energy into altered states and awakening to enlightenment, thus carrying sexuality to unfathomable heights and depths.
The beginnings of Tantra goes back as far as 1500 BC; its writings concentrated on philosophical issues and ritualistic teachings such as the well known Kama Sutra, a sexual manual from the 14th century. The term “sanskrit” is derived from “samskrta” which means “adorned, cultivated, perfected”. Sanskrit has been maintained as the literary language of the priestly, learned and cultivated castes of India.
The 6 Tantra Secrets or Elements
Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
There are 6 Tantra Secrets or elements of Tantra that are used to create an orgasmic dance. These include: Breath, Intention, Attention, Sound, Movement and Muscle Locks.
“Achieving Tantric Bliss (gasms) through the six elements of Tantra will take your relationship to a whole new physical, emotional, and spiritual level.”
Here’s an opportunity for you to enjoy the quest for enlightenment together and become one with the Universe through mutual orgasms!
1. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Breath
There are 6 elements (or Tantra secrets) in Tantra, beginning with the power of breath.
Breath regulates and relaxes the body so that it can heal. Breath can lower blood pressure. Breathing into the area of dysfunction can increase blood circulation. Breath elevates the immune and refreshes the lymphatic system. Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen.
Our lungs can hold 6 pints of oxygen, but most people only inhale 2 pints or less. In Tantra the word Prana means energy. Breathing is about energizing your mind, body and soul. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. When a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.
When you are sexually excited your breathing increases so if you want to delay your climax, you must slow down your normal breathing pattern. Breathing in unison with your partner can create a deeper form of unity. Synchronized breathing with your lover gives you the opportunity to connect on a conscious level, a respiratory level and breath to breath level resulting in a harmonious bonding experience.
In the following interactive breath exercises, you will learn how to control your breath and how to synchronize it with your lover so that you can make lovemaking last longer. You will find that you can connect on a deeper level of consciousness and experience harmonious bonding through breath. Breathing together is an essential element to experiencing Tantric bliss.
Tantra Breath Exercises
Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips.
Alternatively, warm breath (with mouth open) can be deliciously arousing. For Hot Breath, choose one of your lover’s Chakras and blow your hot breath through your open mouth for 2 minutes as you caress your lover.
For Synchronized Breathing, face each other and hold hands. Breathe in and out through your mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.
To practice Kissing Breath, hold each other, close your eyes, and share the same breath through deep kissing for 2 minutes.
2. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Intention
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels
Where intention goes, energy flows. And without intention there can be no follow through. Intention is about enjoying the journey as much as the destination, to relax the mind and body reducing your stress hormones in the process.
Verbalize: Verbalize your intention for yourself to your partner. Let him/her know what your short term and long term intentions are for your pleasure and the relationship itself. Then put your hand on their heart chakra and tell them how you propose to have a deeper heart connection with them. As you do this, maintain eye contact.
Write it Down: You can also write down your intentions and give them to your partner so they can remind you of your intentions when you are not keeping them. Share your relationship mission statement with your partner and include where you want to see your relationship in the next 12 months.
Exchange Wishes: Make a wish list of 3 things that will heighten your relationship and exchange the list. Take action steps to make at least one of your partner’s wishes come true each week!
Share 3 strengths in your relationship. Then tell your lover 1 weakness and how you intend to turn it into strength.
3. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Attention
Attention is the follow through to Intention. Attention is being 100% present for your partner.
Finish this sentence, “I want you to pay more attention to my…” Then show your lover how you want them to pay more attention to that part of your body.
Eye Gazing Technique
The eyes are the mirrors of your soul. Look into your partner’s soul for a deeper heart connection. Create emotional support so you can create trust, soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
Decide who will be the receiver and who will be the giver. The giver asks permission to look into his/her eyes by saying, “May I come in?” The receiver replies, “Yes” and allows the giver to look deeply into his/her soul. The receiver must open up the door and allow his/her partner to look inside and see the real you. Then the receiver becomes the giver. Discuss what you saw and how it felt when looking into each other’s soul.
4. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Sound
Sound is like an inner massage; cells in your body respond to vibrations and release energy. Sound vibration heals the body, mind, and spirit.
Music and words have power to decrease pain. Laughter helps blood vessels expand in order to increase blood flow.
You can breakthrough inhibitions by releasing sounds and words. Sound releases energy and during lovemaking sounds release sexual energy and allows the orgasmic energy to flow through you for a full body orgasm. If you hold back the sounds you feel inside, it will manifest in resentment, anger and eventually pain. So for your own good health (and orgasms!), give yourself permission to express yourself through words and sounds and sigh, cry, shout or laugh when you need to, especially during sex!
When it comes to making love, sounds let your partner know that you are having a great time. Encourage your lover through words of praise, exhale sounds of ecstasy when you feel them and let the sounds of sex express your lovemaking.
Entraining Exercise
Entraining is when two people make the same sounds at the same time. For example, start by humming with your partner and emulate each other, then make up your own melody and let your partner follow. Feel how much of your body resonates. The deeper the humming, the more vibration your body will feel.
5. Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Movement
Lack of movement can leave your body feeling tight and stiff. It also restricts energy flow and can block your emotions. Even when you visualize part of your body moving, you are creating physiological sensations. How amazing is that?
Take turns receiving loving caresses and kisses from your active partner. When you are really truly giving you are also receiving the feeling.
To experience the full enjoyment of Tantric lovemaking, the male (Yang) and female (Yin) forces must be balanced in harmony. Yin and yang corresponds to the divine feminine and masculine spiritual life force energies in everyone, not male or female gender specifically.
For example, deep kissing and tender kissing is a perfect combination of yin and yang. Let’s face it, if you only kissed your lover tenderly, it would become boring, predictable, and lack excitement. On the other hand if you only kissed your lover deeply, you would probably have sore lips and get bored with that, too.
Tantric kissing is when you face your lover and moisten each other’s eyebrows, then lean into each other with brows touching. Feel the energy flow from one to the other uniting the two of you into a higher level of consciousness and kiss gently at first as you slowly build up to adding more pressure.
The Power of Touch
Rub your hands together and feel the warm energy as you slowly bring them apart. Put your hands against your partners hand and feel their heat. The energy of touch promotes blood flow, boosts the immune system, nurtures and arouses so don’t forget to incorporate different kinds of touch with your lover including:
A Healing Touch like a scalp rub
A Romantic Touch like a hug
A Seductive Touch like a kiss
An Intimate Touch like a sensual massage is an excellent way to fuse your energies
A Sexual Touch like oral sex
An Erotic Touch like finding the G-spot or the Prostate gland
And finally, an Orgasmic Touch by having sex in one of your favorite sexual positions.
The Best Tantric Sex Position
The “Yab-Yum” is an ancient Sanskrit term which defines the classical, heart-to-heart position of Tantric lovemaking. In this position, both partners are seated upright, with the woman on top of the man (cowgirl style). The main consideration is that the spine must be relatively straight so that the spinal energy of the Kundalini (sexual force) can travel unimpeded and a cosmic circuit can be created between lovers.
When a couple comes into union consciously, they move their energy simultaneously. The Yab-Yum position draws the partners into an “auric egg” or circle on eternal union. The Auric Egg is an energy field created by a man and woman in the Yab-Yum position of lovemaking, in which both partners are sitting upright and creating a circle of energy that flows evenly up and down their spines.
Tantra Secrets to Sex Through Muscle Locks
Bandhas are muscle locks used to cleanse and energize the body and organs.
A common type of bandha in Tantra are kegels, which restore muscle tone, as well as increase length of orgasm, and separates orgasm from ejaculation in men.
The pubecocous muscle (Pubo- Cock -ssih- Gee-ous) or PC muscle is the support muscle for the genitals in both men and women. There is a correlation between good tone in the PC muscle and orgasmic intensity and control. Squeezing and releasing the PC muscle during kegels using repetition helps increase blood flow to the genitals, increases awareness of feelings in the genitals, restores genital muscle tone and control over orgasm, strengthens the penis, while increasing duration and orgasmic pleasure during the sexual experience.
To identify the PC muscle you urinate then stop the flow of urine mid-flow. Women can also insert their finger inside the vagina to feel the inside walls as they contract and relax. Look at your genitals in a mirror and watch them contracting.
Simultaneous Orgasms
Achieving simultaneous orgasms with your partner is like doing the Tango. It’s a sensual dance made for two people working together, communicating with their bodies and responding to each other’s movements.
The PC muscle control raises a woman’s libido, makes her wetter and more turned on, while at the same time, teaches men how to last longer before orgasm (or ejaculation).
The male and female sex organs in Tantra are called lingam (penis) which means “wand of light” and the yoni (vulva and vagina) which translates to “sacred space”.
The Goddess Spot is an area of female genitalia is better known as the G-Spot which was named after Ernest Grafenberg who first clinically identified it in the early 1950s. It is the fleshy area in the vaginal wall, right behind the pubic bone and between the opening of the urethra and the cervix. It swells when stimulated, and creates a heightened energy response in women. In some women, female ejaculation may happen, or Amrita – which means “nectar of the Gods”. It is the female ejaculatory fluid that flows from the urethra of some women during orgasm. Some people believe this fluid to have mystical powers; ancient tribes used it to make healing balms and aphrodisiacs.
The Million Dollar Point is the hollow point in the perineum (between the anus and the scrotum) that, when pressed firmly, will block the outward flow of the seminal fluids. It is said that when this technique is used properly, the man will “feel like a million dollars”. Pressing into this area with the pads of your fingertips also stimulates the male prostate glans and can result in non-ejaculatory full body orgasms in men. Men can train themselves to have longer, more full bodied orgasms, using Tantric methods, as well as help overcome premature ejaculation and erectile issues.
Maṇipadme, is a term meaning “The jewel in the lotus” which is a significant eastern expression referring to penis (jewel) inside the many folds of the lotus (vagina). The language of lovemaking!
Take Away
As you learn more about Tantra, there are some important things to keep in mind. Be open to exploring new sexual territory, enjoy the journey of sex, allow yourself to be vulnerable, don’t judge, and most of all – have fun
Photo taken from:https://maiatoys.com/products/vaporator-silicone-smokable-vibrator-black-420-series
Product Review: Maia Novelties Vaporator A Vibe with a Buzz (Literally)
I have been waiting a while to get my hands on this product to review. It is the first of its kind that I have seen in this industry. You get the best of both worlds, a fantastic orgasm and a smoke without leaving your bed or wherever you are.
What am I talking about, you ask? What do you mean pleasure and vape from the same tool? Let me introduce you to this beauty.
It’s the Vaporator by Maia Novelties. It’s not your average vibrator or an average vape pen. With 20 powerful vibration functions, a sleek, travel-sized design, and the ability to double as a cartridge vape battery, the Vaporator lives up to its name by blending pleasure and relaxation into one versatile device. It’s a cheeky nod to the 420™ lifestyle—but it doesn’t sacrifice quality for novelty.
Photo taken from:https://maiatoys.com/products/vaporator-silicone-smokable-vibrator-black-420-series
First Impressions: Straight out of the box, the Vaporator feels luxe, but powerful. Covered in 100% medical-grade silicone with eye-catching golden metal detailing, it strikes the perfect balance between edgy and elegant. The texture is silky-smooth and body-safe, making it ideal for both solo play and couple’s exploration. The compact size makes it discreet enough for travel, but don’t let its size fool you—it delivers a punch.
Performance: With 20 distinct pulsation settings, the Vaporator offers a wide range of sensations—from teasing pulses to deep, rumbly vibrations. It’s impressive for such a petite toy, and you’ll definitely find a rhythm that suits your mood. The addition of 3 heat modes adds a sensual warmth that elevates the experience even further, making it especially delightful on cooler nights or for those who love a warming touch.
Dual Functionality: Here’s where the Vaporator sets itself apart: it fits 510-thread cartridges, meaning you can add your favorite vape cartridge and use the same device to enjoy both your cannabis and your orgasms. This is especially appealing for those who enjoy blending body pleasure with cannabis-enhanced sensations. It’s a rare fusion of function and fun that makes the Vaporator a standout in both toy and cannabis communities.
Photo taken from:https://maiatoys.com/products/vaporator-silicone-smokable-vibrator-black-420-series
Practical Details:
Rechargeable: A USB charger cable is included, so no need to hunt for batteries.
Waterproof (IPX4): It’s splash-proof, which makes it safe for cleaning and bathroom play, though not fully submersible.
1-Year Warranty: Always a plus, Maia backs up its product with a one-year replacement warranty.
Cartridge not included: Be sure to BYO cartridge if you want to use the vape function.
Final Thoughts: The Maia Vaporator is a brilliant crossover toy for anyone who enjoys the pleasures of both vibration and vapor. It’s not just a gimmick—it’s a legit vibrator with satisfying power and versatility. Whether you’re looking to unwind with a buzz, heat things up in the bedroom, or take your toy on the go, the Vaporator hits all the right notes.
Rating: 9/10 – Smart, sexy, and smoldering with potential.
How To Provide Sex Edutainment to a Pleasure Party Presentation
You’re in the middle of your pleasure party presentation, showing and describing products and playing games when all of a sudden…you get the inevitable question from a guest: a sex education question. Do you attempt to answer the question? If so, how deep do you go in your answer? Are you prepared with information to accurately answer the question?
As pleasure party plan owners, one thing that occurs during our parties is the sharing of sexual information. It occurs naturally in the course of describing and explaining the products we sell. How we decide to present the information can determine how successfully the information is accepted by the audience.
Edutainment, a term coined that is part education and part entertainment, is the act of combining and disseminating accurate information (education) in an entertaining and interesting manner that will educate and entertain your guests. It is the most effective way of providing sex ed during a pleasure party – guests learn without ever feeling as though they’ve been taught. It’s a form of accelerated learning. These methods allow learning, or a transfer of information, to feel natural and unassuming. Although providing edutainment to our customers is not our primary reason for having parties, it is a natural fit – one that can be beneficial to you and your company in many ways.
How To Make Sex Edutainment Fun
Making sex edutainment fun is easier than you may think. There are two factors that will determine how effective your sex edutainment will be: Level of Information and Props. Here are a few tips about both that may help:
Keep the information you share basic and brief– stay away from clinical terminology and explanations. The idea is to share information that may be of interest and is quick to share. An example of the information may be locating the g-spot, the number of nerve endings on the clitoris, how the clitoris swells when aroused, the size of a flaccid penis, etc.
Make information light and relatable. Don’t bog yourself or your guests down in long explanations about bodily functions.
Share information that is related to the type of toy you’re presenting at the time. If showing and describing a g-spotter vibe, provide edutainment about the g-spot or female ejaculation.
Every product description isn’t required to include sex edutainment, you can have specific, pre-determined topics that you discuss during your presentation, the edutainment does not need to be extensive.
You can also seek one of the certification programs that are available – there are many good and reputable programs available.
Don’t make up sexual facts. If you don’t know something it’s okay, you don’t know it.
Props or visual aids not only make your form of sex edutainment more fun and interesting, they provide guests with a visual so they can get a better idea of how to find what you’re discussing. The following is a list of possible props:
A vagina puppet (helps to illustrate labia minora & majora, clitoris, vaginal entrance, urethra)
An anatomically correct rubber or realistic feeling penis (dildo)
An anatomically accurate rubber or realistic feeling vagina (masturbator)
Any number of the products being demonstrated can also be used as props (kegel exercisers, c-rings, etc.)
Benefits of Edutainment
Providing edutainment during your parties is beneficial in many ways:
Increases your credibility as a pleasure party plan owner and the credibility of your business. When you’re able to provide accurate sexual health and wellness information to your customers, you build your reputation. You appear more knowledgeable and credible. Being able to speak intelligently about basic sexual health and wellness topics also legitimizes your business, you’re serious about what you do.
Can help to increase revenues. Providing instruction about a creative way to put on a c-ring or how female ejaculation occurs, builds trust in your judgement. Guests will be eager to look to you for product purchasing recommendations.
Can help to build long-term clientele. Customers will return to you over and over, seeking advice and product recommendations. Once you’ve established this type of relationship with a customer, she will always come back to you to make her purchases – regardless of your pricing. As most of us know, after conducting so many home parties, you start to understand that many women aren’t very savvy about their sexuality.
It allows you to provide a ‘value-added’ service to your customers – one they can’t always get in a brick and mortar store and definitely not at an internet outlet.
Edutainment is a way to build a bridge, a connection with your customers while providing them with accurate sexual health and wellness information. It can only enhance your existing pleasure party presentation, polishing it and making you and your company look more professional.
In the future, when a woman’s crying like that, she isn’t having any fun!–Louise Sawyer, a title character in the film Thelma and Louise–a film deservedly listed in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.
So last year commenced the 50th anniversary celebration for the film Deep Throat, a pornographic film credited with launching the ‘porno chic’ movement–a celebration in which the Feminist Sexpert did not take part, because she thinks the flick reeks. She wrote a column detailing the reasons behind her stance here.
Ah, but she’s not done yet.
Now comes the news that, to cap off the big ol’ Throaty Party, a campaign called #VoteThroat has been launched–a campaign that promotes the inclusion of the film Deep Throat in the Library of Congress National Film Registry.
In this column, I would like to address and refute the reasoning presented behind this campaign.
1. The Throaty Committee claims that, despite a stated goal to list a full spectrum of films from all genres, the Library of Congress has yet to include an X-rated film in its heralded registry. This is incorrect. Midnight Cowboy, Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song and Medium Cool all were rated X at the time of their release, as was Pink Flamingos–and all four are now featured in the registry. In fact, a number of sexually provocative movies are featured in this esteemed listing, including the aforementioned Cowboy, She’s Gotta Have It, Sex, Lies and Videotape, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Harold and Maude, Son of the Sheik, Jezebel, Mom and Dad, and many others.
This year alone, Dee Rees’ fantastic Pariah joins a handful of LGBTQA films to make the list.
It may be true that no pornographic film is featured in the registry–but why start with Deep Throat? The Feminist Sexpert, for example, would love to see Candida Royalle’s Femme, a movie that single handedly revolutionized the couples market and marked the inception of feminist porn as a marketable industry, on the list. Another likely candidate would be The Devil in Miss Jones, though I personally am not a fan. Andy Warhol’s Blue Movie was the first explicit sex film to be released nationwide in the United States. Boys in the Sand was the inaugural gay porno to receive a wide release. And Andrew Blake’s beautiful Night Trips was the first XXX film to win a top award at a mainstream international film festival.
2. They listed When Harry Met Sally. Why not Deep Throat? Sure. When I think of When Harry Met Sally, a wise, sweet, gentle romantic comedy, I also think of a porno movie about a woman who discovers that her clitoris is located in her throat.
But yes, the Throat Throng believes that, because of its featured and famous orgasm scene (I’ll have what she’s having and all that), new registry inductee When Harry Met Sally is comparable to Deep Throat. Here’s the problem: in her faked orgasm scene, Meg Ryan’s character of Sally was demonstrating just how easy it is for a woman to fake a climax; something far too many women do every day. In Deep Throat, by contrast, the audience is supposed to believe that the heroine gets her proverbial jollies solely from the performance of oral sex. In other words, just be a good girl and fall to your knees to please your man–only in this way will you find true happiness.
3. Deep Devotees insist that Deep Throat is woman positive, sex positive and fun to watch. This is the saddest, and most grossly inaccurate assertion put forth by the Throaters; that Deep Throat is a light-hearted, fun-loving film that makes a positive statement about women’s sexuality.
The movie’s star, Linda Lovelace, aka Linda Boreman, insisted for years that she was coerced into the making of the film Deep Throat–not by the film’s cast and crew, but by a manager husband who abused her for years.
Boreman’s story drew much support from legendary feminist Gloria Steinem, and credence from witnesses and the affirming results of several lie detector tests.
If you look beyond the blank eyes and childlike smile that she displays in the film, you see the bruises on her body. And as Roger Ebert stated in his brilliant review of Deep Throat, “It is all very well and good for Linda Lovelace, the star of the movie, to advocate sexual freedom; but the energy she brings to her role is less awesome than discouraging. If you have to work this hard at sexual freedom, maybe it isn’t worth the effort.”
And as far as being a peachy couples flick, well the immortal Ebert has an answer for that. “The word just sort of got around: This is the first stag film to see with a date,” he wrote. “There were a lot of couples in the audience Sunday afternoon. Most of them, I thought, left the theater looking a little grim.”
Two points I will concede: Deep Throat exceeds 10 years in age. And it does indeed boast a female lead character–like the vast majority of porn flicks. Congrats on that.
The Feminist Sexpert herself never has attended a public showing of the film Deep Throat. She has, however, visited the film research room of the Library of Congress. When I was researching my book Ladies in Silver, a chronicle of women who worked behind the scenes in the silent film industry, I basked in the beauty and tradition of this hallowed hall–a place that people go to celebrate the very best in film.
Deep Throat has no place at the Library in Congress. Linda Boreman does have a place in history, but it was one for which she constantly had to fight.
During her appearance on the TV show Woman2Woman in 1984, Linda Boreman asked an adult theatre owner point blank, “Do you realize that whenever you show the film Deep Throat in your theater, that you’re showing me being raped?”
The woman said nothing for a moment before mumbling, “No, I don’t realize that at all.”
I am the last guy to toot my own horn or even go so far as to let anyone know I exist. This is why I get such a kick out of playwrighting (this theatre in NJ being my favorite spot where my plays have been produced). I can watch other people say my words, saunter around the stage in a world of my creating and sit back (usually in the booth with the sound and light crew) enjoying from afar. Unless there is an author Q&A, all anybody knows about me is the very brief bio blurb I allow in the theater’s nightly program.
I just ‘do the words’, which is perfectly fine by me.
In my other life, I am a recording and occasional performing musician. Also, as you know, M. Christian and I teach at kink conventions now and again. So, I have no problem, and in fact, enjoy getting up in front of folks to occasionally making an ass of myself if this situation or work warrants it.
It’s just that I’m not so good at self-promotion or even pursuing work… although, as a freelancer I know I damn well should be.
Years ago, for the website, www.shortandsweet.com, I interviewed the fantastic actor, Frankie Faison, a nicer guy you’d never meet. He was promoting a movie at the time, and I was allowed about fifteen minutes with the guy. Besides playing “Barney” in various Silence of The Lambs, movies, he was also in one of my favorite all-time flicks, the Keith Gordon directed film version of dearly-departed Kurt Vonnegut’s Mother Night. In talking with Mr. Faison, he told me that although he was a working actor with a good amount of work to his credit and more coming, he was always looking for more.
Let that be a lesson to you and me.
I think I’m getting better at pushing myself, though. I don’t rightly know why or even when a sudden burst of hutzpah will take me, and I wish it took me more often, but I do know I am getting better at putting myself out there.
Just recently, I landed a client in Ukraine, far from my wild NJ suburban environs, by cold calling (cold emailing actually). I have never actually done this before, but desperate times and all that… although, again, as a freelancer, all times are desperate. In this case, I reached out because I happen to receive a weekly newsletter email from this adult toy company and figured, how could it hurt to just say hello and introduce myself, see if, indeed, they might be looking for copywriters.
It took months though to get an interview/consideration/manage a Skype call with the woman who I was emailing back and forth with, and the CEO of the company. As it probably happened for a lot of us, and might still be happening for a lot of us, the pandemic shut these good folks down for a bit, or at least for considering any new employees. Since I had inserted myself unsolicited into their world, and there had been a slow courtship of ‘Do we need this guy?’ ‘Maybe we do indeed need this guy?’ ‘How do we facilitate even considering this guy?’ I waited patiently over the two-months it took to manage that Skype call. Sure, I checked in via email, and I readied further links had they wanted them, but it really came down to the proverbial ‘Don’t call us, we’ll call you.’
The lessons I learned?
1.) Do indeed reach out, even if there is no actual job posting. You might just hit someone at the very moment they are looking for what you do, without maybe, even them truly considering needing someone to do what you do.
And 2.) Stay persistent but do not cross over into annoying. Admittedly, this is not always a balance you can manage or even determine the parameters of. Still, these days with email, Skype, and digital carrier pigeon, you can maintain a respectful ‘just-checking-in’ distance.
The application of these lessons worked for me in this one instance, and I think they might work again.
I’ll add to this advice for those jobs you already have or those people you do occasional work for… keep on them as well. I am lucky to have seen a few articles published here, at Hot Movies. I hope to keep writing for them for a long time to come, and as long as I do, I will keep in touch with my contact there, as much for the work as to… well… keep in touch.
Sure, it makes it easier when your contact person, employer, editor, etc. happens to be a very nice person (as my contact at Hot Movies is,) but it’s good business to touch base every so often, stay on your contact’s radar, to say ‘hi, how you doin?’ in these times when it so easy to keep in touch.
There’s a line from the movie Glengarry Glen Ross I have morphed to fit my philosophy when it comes now to looking/pursuing work. In the film, Alex Baldwin’s character berates the insurance salesman with “Always be closing,” I feel, for us freelance writers, we should “Always be looking.”
I just have to learn to do this more. Maybe you should too?
INTIMATE COMMUNICATION: Before, During and After Lovemaking (with Special Guest: Dr. Emily Morse)
Also Featuring:
Wednesday, June 23, 2021 @ 12PM Pacific Time
Sponsored by:
Our Panelists Are:
Dr. Ava Cadell, Dr. Emily Morse, Dr. Shannon Chavez, Carol & David, Dr. Megan Stubbs, Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Dr. Hernando Chaves
What You Can Expect:
The Sexpert Panel will talk candidly, as if you were meeting face to face over drinks and discuss fully and openly the most intimate details of topics you are interested in.
Best of all, renowned Sexperts will share their wisdom to help ease your concerns, lower your inhibitions and transport you to sexual empowerment..
DON’T MISS OUT ON OUR RAFFLE!
One lucky attendee will be chosen to win Loveology University’s Certified Relationship Coach Program. A winner will be chosen at random at the end of the event. You must be in attendance to claim the prize.
MODERATOR
Dr. Ava Cadell, Clinical Sexologist, Author & Founder of LoveUniv.com
Free Gift To All Attendees: Communication Course on LoveUniv.com
Dr. Ava is a Clinical Sexologist and AASECT Certified Sex Counselor, author of eleven books and global speaker (who has travelled to four continents giving lectures on love, romance, relationships, intimacy and sexuality). Dr. Ava is the founder of Loveology University® providing online training to certify Love Coaches, Relationship Coaches and Master Sexperts through a multimedia platform, with emphasis on loving & healing yourself, physically & emotionally, while accepting others’ sexual practices without moral judgement, through comprehensive distance learning.
Dr. Emily Morse, Sex Therapist, Author & Media Personality
Emily Hope Morse is a sex therapist, author and media personality. She is known for her 2012 recurring reality television appearance in Bravo’s series Miss Advised and a four-year run as guest co-host on the nationally syndicated Loveline Radio Show with Dr. Drew Pinsky.
With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, Emily Morse, is on a mission to liberate the conversation about sex and pleasure. Over the last 15 years, Morse’s work has made her the best-selling author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight!, a pioneering MasterClass Instructor on Sex and Communication, live SiriusXM radio host and executive producer, and host of the #1 Sexuality podcast on iTunes, Sex With Emily. Morse has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Emily was recently profiled in The New York Times and Forbes. Today, Sex With Emily is the longest-running sex and relationship podcast, and an endeavor that Morse has grown into a thriving media company. SexWithEmily.com
Dr. Megan Stubbs, Clinical Sexologist
Dr. Megan Stubbs holds degrees in Human Sexuality and Biology, Dr. Megan Stubbs is an energetic multi-media savvy Sexologist. She has been building a brand that has sexual wellness, education, and pleasure at the forefront. With her respective degrees in Biology and Human Sexuality, she is able to combine two of her favorite things, science and sex, into a cohesive platform to impact her audience. She is mindful of inclusion and brings a sensitivity to ethnic diversity rooted in her own complex heritage. Her programming is designed to entertain and educate with actionable steps and information the participants can use as soon as they leave. Her first book,Playing Without A Partner: A Single’s Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness, is available now wherever books are sold. She is frequently quoted in national media outlets, writes a column in Playboy, appears on television, speaks on campuses across the nation, and hosts private events around the world.
Dr. Hernando Chaves, MFT
Dr. Hernando Chaves holds a B.A. in Psychology from UCSB, an M.A. in Marital & Family Therapy from USD & a D.H.S. Doctorate in Human Sexuality from the IASHS. He is a licensed MFT in CA specializing in intimacy & relational difficulties, sexual concerns & dysfunctions, plus sexual minority communities (LGBTQ+, BDSM, fetish, sex work, nonmonogamy).
Dr. Chaves is an MFT sexuality graduate school professor at Pepperdine University, a past regional president and board of directors’ member for the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, written/consulted for 14 instructional media sex education projects, including co-host for Penthouse’s Sex Academy instructional series & BaDoinkVR virtual reality sex therapy instructional video, and a contributing author to the International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality.
Dr. Hernando Chaves teamed up with Dr. Ava Cadell to co-host a series of instructional videos called Penthouse Sex Academy on Foreplay, Erotic Massage, Oral Pleasure, Swinging, Anal Pleasure, Masturbation & Sexual Postions
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Certified Sexuality Counselor
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh is a Registered Supervisor & Senior accredited member of the College of Sex and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) in England and a Certified Sexuality Counselor and Approved Training Provider by the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). She is globally known for her contributions to the field of sexual health & relationships at the clinical as well as policy and educational levels. She is the co-author of the award-winning Orgasm Answer Guide and Wheel of Context for Sexuality Education. Her most recent contribution to the field is the Emergent Love model research & the development of a validated Inventory for the holistic assessment of dynamics within a coupledom called Relationship Panoramic ® Inventory.
Her approach is highly informed by her global work across 41 countries. Dr. Nasserzadeh serves at the Advisory Board of the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) and Co-Chairs the annual World Sexual Health Day (WSHD) event at Stanford University. Dr. Nasserzadeh is the chair of Division VII at the California Psychological Association (CPA) which is dedicated to Diversity and Social Justice. Last week she was honored by the AASECT Professional Standard of Excellence Award, 2021. Her practice is in Beverly Hills, California and she continues to work with clients and colleagues around the country and the world.
Dr. Shannon Chavez, Clinical Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist
Dr. Shannon Chavez is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist with a private practice, SHAPE (Sexual Health and Pleasure Enhancement) Center in Beverly Hills, California where she provides individual and couples therapy, sex and relationship coaching, and workshops on sexual health and wellness. Her work focuses on adult sex education, integrating sexuality and spirituality, and sexual discovery towards personal growth.
Dr. Chavez helps women, men, LGBTQIA, and couples identify their barriers to sexual wellness and fulfillment, and how to overcome them with the proper education, resources, and skills. She works with various organizations and programs as a presenter, spokesperson, media commentator, and consultant in sexual health and wellness, relationships, and mental health. She also wrote a guide for clinicians on the treatment of love addiction through the use of attachment-oriented psychodynamic therapy – proving she has actually “written the book on it”!
She frequently appears on national news, radio, and media as a sexual health expert.
Carol & David, Radio Hosts, Sex & Swinging Lifestyle Educators
Carol and David are the hosts of The Sexy Lifestyle on VoiceAmerica radio, a leading provider of Internet talk radio. Each week Carol and David, A fun-loving swinger couple, share their own personal experiences with sex, love and marriage. Their show aims to help listeners have stronger, more meaningful relationships through clear communication, pushing boundaries, exploring limits, and fulfilling fantasies. Through uncensored and honest discussions about great sex, passion, and intimacy, gain insight into a sex-positive and female-centric view of the modern-day couple. The show airs every Thursday at 4pm PT on the VoiceAmerica Variety channel. Tune in for their sex tips, wild stories, and live call-in advice about living a happy, healthy, and horny life!
If you’re an adult content creator, the best way to grow is learning how to carefully cultivate your online presence. That includes using different social media platforms to your advantage, branching out of your target audience, and raising brand awareness.
Here are the best tips for diversifying your online presence, attracting new and retaining regular fans, and increasing revenue. Read on!
Use Multiple Platforms
With adult content creation expanding and reaching previously unimaginable revenue heights, countless platforms that prioritize this type of content have popped up. From posting on OnlyFans to camming or working with different porn sites, your options are endless.
While not all of these platforms are necessary to use, utilizing a few will ensure your audience reaches an all-time high. For one, most platforms have entirely different user bases, so using various will give you access to varied audience pools.
The secret to succeeding in this type of multitasking? Doing research and tailoring content to the specific guidelines and user bases of particular platforms. By doing so, you can attract different types of consumers on different platforms, maximizing both your exposure and profits.
Another key point to remember is that you should promote your content on every platform you use. So, if you post content to OnlyFans and work with a porn site, make sure that audiences on both platforms know where to find more of your content. That way, your exposure will increase exponentially, and you will have a chance to grow your presence on both fronts.
Use Social Media Platforms
Most social media platforms have strict guidelines for posts containing nudity or any other type of sexual connotations. As a result, creators often neglect them when building their online presence.
However, the fact that they don’t allow explicit content doesn’t make these platforms useless. In fact, they give you a perfect chance to connect with your fans, build a meaningful relationship with them, and expand your reach.
For example, you can use Reddit and RedGifs to talk to your fans, post teasers, promote your content available on other platforms, and so on. These sites are milling with potential subscribers, and it is up to you to entice them to join your fanbase.
Besides these two platforms, you can even take a more traditional route and use Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram. If you play your cards right, you can utilize them to post teasers and drive your followers to subscribe and see more on an adult platform of their choice.
The key to success is analyzing each platform, its usual user base, and what type of content it allows. With this info, you can create a content plan that will take advantage of all perks of different platforms and give your exposure a huge boost.
Create Your Own Website
For the vast majority of adult content creators, making their own website is an unattainable dream. After all, you need coding knowledge to run a website, and most hosting providers do not allow adult content.
What many of them don’t know is that there are numerous platforms — such as Vicetemple — that allow you to make and run your own website with zero coding knowledge on your part. Plus, they offer hosting and domain services tailored specifically to adult creators. Thus, there are no limitations to what you can post or sell.
Besides that, you can also pick a theme fitting for an adult website in both aesthetics and user-friendliness. Integrating your own store and offering special feeds and content to subscribers are only some of the ways the Vicetemple themes let you have full-control over your brand and image.
So, there are ways to own a successful website without dedicating all your waking hours to maintaining it. And the advantages are incredible. From building your brand by owning a unique domain to giving your customers access to all your content in a single place, there are numerous ways to profit.
You can even integrate your content from other platforms into your website. In other words, there is no need to stop posting there to focus on your site alone. All platforms can be linked, so your customers can choose how they want to enjoy your content the most.
Summing Up
The adult content creation industry offers you incredible opportunities for growth and profit. To make the most of them, it’s essential to diversify your online presence and reach out to fans on different adult and social media platforms. By doing so, you will vastly expand your reach, appeal to new audiences, and increase your revenue.
So, it’s time to step out of your comfort zone and take advantage of everything the adult entertainment world offers. Experiment with different options until you find a combination that works, and watch as your brand grows!
As an author, filmmaker, magazine publisher and lecturer, Deborah Sundahl shone as a bright glowing light and a feminist pioneer in the erotic industry.
Along with the fabulous Nan Kinney, who I had the honor of interviewing in 2021 when their films were showcased by my friends at PinkLabel.tv as a part of their superb Classic Dyke Porn showcase, Sundahl directed some original, one of a kind–not to mention totally hawt–erotic films made by and for lesbians. Released under the fantastic Fatale Media label, these sensual classics included the signature Suburban Dykes starring Nina Hartley and Sharon Mitchell, Safe is Desire (a vitally important adult sex education film that addresses the subject of safe sex), Hungry Hearts, a gorgeous girl/girl romance, and Burlezk One and Two (which chronicled the real life stage performances of the first lesbian strip troupe).
Sundahl and Kinney also were the co-founders of On Our Backs, the first porn magazine produced by and for lesbians. A sexual wonderland for the modern lesbian, OOB featured centerfolds, erotic fiction, articles, and ads for the XXX videos, audios, phone sex services, and strip shows geared toward women only.
As an author and lecturer, Sundahl wrote extensively on the subject of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot–and also produced videos showing both women and men how to make their ladies feel real, real good.
Deborah Sundahl passed away June 13. Yet the mark that she and Kinney left on the world of women’s and lesbian pornography and sexual agency is eternal and indelible. Beyond joining the likes of Candida Royalle as shameless trailblazers who engaged on a quest to offer quality adult entertainment for women, they gave many bi and gay women the courage and permission to express and enact their identities and desires–proud and unashamed.
Thank you, dear Deborah. Rest in Power.
A GoFundMe has been established, to assist Deborah Sundahl’s family with hospice and funeral costs. Support the effort here.
Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips.
The eyes are the mirrors of your soul. Look into your partner’s soul for a deeper heart connection. Create emotional support so you can create trust, soothe nerves and enhance relaxation. Where the attention goes, energy flows.
Entraining Exercise
