Tantric Sex Through Breath

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March 5, 2023

There are six elements to Tantra, beginning with the power of breath. Breath regulates and relaxes the body so that it can heal. Breath can lower blood pressure. Breathing into the area of dysfunction can increase blood circulation. Breath elevates the immune and refreshes the lymphatic system. Breath is the essence of life and there is no better way to energize the body than to increase your intake of oxygen.

Our lungs can hold 6 pints of oxygen, but most people only inhale 2 pints or less. In Tantra the word Prana means energy. Breathing is about energizing your mind, body and soul. Breathing in through the mouth produces an energy charge and breathing out of the mouth releases emotions. When a person cries, they have to breathe through their mouth.

When you are sexually excited your breathing increases so if you want to delay your climax, you must slow down your normal breathing pattern. Breathing in unison with your partner can create a deeper form of unity. Synchronized breathing with your lover gives you the opportunity to connect on a conscious level, a respiratory level and breath to breath level resulting in a harmonious bonding experience.

Here’s a breathing exercise that I want to share with you called the Canon Breath- When you are felling upset, stressed or angry, inhale one long deep breath and then exhale it with force as if it were shooting out of a canon.

Synchronized Breath with your lover is an intimate activity you can do as part of foreplay – Face each other. Hold hands; breathe in and out through the mouth at the same time for 2 minutes.

Breath can add variety to your lovemaking by blowing your cool breath (with pursed lips) up and down your lover’s spine, on the inside of the thighs, along the crack in the buttocks, on wet testicles and on the vulva lips. Alternatively, warm breath (with mouth open) can be deliciously arousing.

Yin & Yang Sexual Energy

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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February 18, 2023

The Yin force is commonly associated with women focusing on sensuality and the pleasure of the moment while the Yang force is often dominant in men focusing more on the climax rather than the journey. But to experience the full enjoyment of lovemaking, I believe the male and female forces should be balanced with a combination of both Yin and Yang energy.

To say that men are all one way and women are another is too simplistic. We can generalize by saying that many women display predominantly feminine characteristics, such as being sensual, passive, nurturing, loving, vulnerable, sensitive, compassionate, and receptive. And generally, men display masculine qualities such as being sexual, active, controlling, strong, motivating, confident, assertive and protective. Yet, in some successful relationships, the woman is the masculine force and the man more feminine. Between them, balance and harmony have been achieved.

In our relationships, people seek completeness by choosing partners who complement their energy. Some couples, after being together for many years, even look and act alike. They have taken on each others characteristics and found a middle ground between the polar extremes of Yin and Yang.

Like most balanced forces throughout the world whether it is light and dark, hot and cold, wet and dry or positive and negative, there are two essential principles to lovemaking known as Yin and Yang.

In sexuality, it is equally important for each person to blend, within his or herself, activities that are considered Yin or Yang. The following are considered Yin (female) activities: flirting, tender kissing, feeding each other, eye gazing, synchronized breathing, sensual massage, hugging, communicating, and bathing each other. On the other hand, these are considered Yang (male) activities: deep kissing, oral love, G-spot stimulation, erotic talk, using sex toys, intercourse, sexual massage and orgasm.

See how different the Yin and Yang activities are? And how much fun it can be to “mix and match” them in each of us? For example, we all have our “light and dark” moods. Think of it this way: if the sun shone all the time, we would never sleep; but if we had no sunshine, we would become lethargic and depressed from the darkness. So it is with each person sexually: we can’t be the same all the time. For instance, we can alternate tender kissing with deep kissing, and alternate eye gazing with erotic talk. Think about the Yin and Yang sexual activities I’ve listed, and see which ones you would combine to express yourself sexually.

Remember, opposites can attract. It is the combination of who we are and how we give and receive that makes for joyous sex, like the erotic blend of light and dark chocolate!

For more information on Yin and Yang sexual energy, check out the Tantric Sex course at www.LoveologyUniversity.com

Tantric Sex Intention

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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March 7, 2023

Where intention goes, energy flows. And without intention there can be no follow through. Intention is about enjoying the journey as much as the destination, to relax the mind and body reducing your stress hormones in the process.

Verbalize your intention for yourself to your partner. Let him/her know what your short term and long term intentions are for yourself in your professional life and in your home life. Then put your hand on his/her heart chakra and tell them how you propose to have a deeper heart connection with them. As you do this, maintain eye contact. You can also write down your intentions and give them to your partner so they can remind you of your intentions when you are not keeping them.

Share your relationship mission statement with your partner and include where you want to see your relationship in the next 12 months.

Exchange Wishes – Make a wish list of 3 things that will heighten your relationship and exchange the list. Take action steps to make at least one of your partner’s wishes come true each week.

Share 3 strengths in your relationship. Then tell your lover 1 weakness and how you intend to turn it into strength.

Sexual “Afterglow” Lasts 48 Hours

By

Anka Radakovich

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February 21, 2022

It turns out that sexual afterglow lasts a bit longer than that after-sex cigarette. A new study called “Quantifying the Sexual Afterglow,” The Lingering Benefits of Sex and Their Implications for Pair-Bonded Relationships” says afterglow actually lasts about 48 hours. Who knew?

The study, published in Psychological Science, says that it’s an evolutionary thing. “Sex presumably facilitates pair bonding, but how do partners remain pair-bonded between sexual acts?” the researchers asked. “Evolutionary perspectives suggest that sexual afterglow serves this purpose. We explored how long sexual satisfaction would remain elevated following sex, and predicted that stronger sexual afterglow would characterize more satisfying partnerships.”

The scientists studied 215 newlyweds, and asked them to rate their daily sexual activity, because, well newlyweds probably do it more often than anyone else does. (Oddly though, the sexy time results only averaged out to getting laid 4 times in two weeks.)

Every night at bedtime, the newlyweds were asked to take notes. Did they have sex with their partner that day? Were they satisfied with their sex live, their spouse, and their marriage that day? A 7-point scale was used (1=not at all, 7=extremely) to rate their spouse. (People should do this in real life.)

Then the couples were asked again 4-6 months later. To test their theory, the team looked at data gathered from “two independent, longitudinal studies”, one with 96 newlywed couples and the other with 118 newlywed couples.”

“Results demonstrated that sexual satisfaction remained elevated approximately 48 hr after sex,” the study found.”Spouses experiencing a stronger afterglow reported higher levels of marital satisfaction both at baseline and over time. We interpret these findings as evidence that sexual afterglow is a proximal cognitive mechanism through which sex promotes pair bonding.” The study’s results remained consistent through all ages and sexual orientations.

Andrea Meltzer, the lead researcher on the study said. “And people with a stronger sexual afterglow—that is, people who report a higher level of sexual satisfaction 48 hours after sex—report higher levels of relationship satisfaction several months later…. This research is important because it joins other research suggesting that sex functions to keep couples pair bonded.” Like hugging and cuddling, the “feel good” hormones are at work bringing couples emotionally closer.

Affectionate young female couple relaxing on bed

In the future, the research team will study how afterglow affects other aspects of monogamous relationships, including cheating and “whether or not long term relationships result in marriages.” In the meantime, its good to know that doing something twice a week–even if it lasts for two minutes, can last two days.

Fingering Toward Orgasm

By

Debra Shade

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September 19, 2021

How Can Fingering Help Vulva Owners Reach Orgasm?

Let’s talk about an orgasm brought on by vaginal stimulation with fingers. This can result in intense and/or multiple orgasm, and for some, ejaculation. The best method to please a vulva born individual is to experiment with finger manipulation. Up to 75% of vulva owners state that they do not orgasm from penetration alone. This means, that figuring out how to use your fingers to provide a mind-blowing vaginal orgasm is a must.

Fingering the G-spot

The best part about fingering though, is the direct contact made with the G-spot. Which by the way is not a “spot” or “button”, it’s an area at the top frontal wall of the vagina. This area happens to rest between the clitoral legs (inside the vagina) and is super sensitive. It is only 2-3 inches deep, which means that your penetration needs to be very shallow.

If you are masturbating and feel the pleasures of stimulating the Gspot but are not achieving ejaculation, you may be a little too far inside and are missing the spot entirely. Manual stimulation directly on this area will increase your chances of ejaculating.

Different Types of Finger Stimulation or Fingering:

The benefits of using your fingers is that you can curl them. There are three very popular finger movements that can bring on the thunder.

fingering sex — Image by Demie Hadji from Pixabay

The Two-Fingered Salute: Keeping your pointer and middle finger together and keeping them flat, use the padding of the finger tips to stroke with. Move forward and backward and side to side over the area. Use light to medium pressure depending on the person.

Come Hither: When your mate gets really aroused and is displaying all the signs of needing more stimulation switch to the second finger movement; the “come hither”. Curl your fingers toward you as if you are telling someone to come to you. Do so with a little more pressure and work your speed up with your mates breathing and body movements. Do not stop what you are doing until they orgasm, which may include ejaculate.

Spidey Fingers: What are spidey (or spiderman) fingers? This is the act of positioning your hand to look like spiderman when he is shooting his webs. The two middle fingers go into the vagina, with the two end fingers sticking out. The thumb can also be used to stimulate the clitoris in this position.

How to Finger the Vagina

So, insert your lubed fingers into the vagina slow and carefully. Many individuals cannot have an orgasm without clitoral stimulation so be sure to include that once you have them fully aroused. Also be mindful that some folks find that clit stimulation is too intense. If this is the case, lick and suck over the clitoral hood to create a “buffer” from direct stimulation. You can use your thumb or your mouth to tease and maneuver the clit. Once your fingers are in, explore. Stroke the sides of the wall. The roof and the deep spot are very sensitive.

What is the Deep Spot?

Deep inside the vagina is an area know as the A spot (anterior fornix) which you can stroke with your fingers to bring about an orgasm. This can be an intense, all over body orgasm if one allows themselves to relax into the sensations. Right below the Aspot you can find the cervix. It is firm to the touch so be careful not to jam it. However, some vulva owners enjoying having their cervix stimulated. Be sure to use lots of lube for cervical play.

The last area I want to mention is the deep spot. I like to call it the cul-de-sac because you can only go so far with your fingers. That area that is as far and deep in the vagina that you can go to bring on an orgasm. It is also known to cause ejaculate as well.

Manipulating the cul-de-sac should be with medium pressure that you can increase as you press down deeper. You are also manipulating the anal wall from the inside, which increases pleasure. It is not a position where you will be able to do the come-hither motion. Bouncing is more appropriate (stroke up and down quickly), staying close to the back wall for the full effect. Again, don’t stop until the orgasm is over.

Many Types of Fingering Orgasms

The cool thing about fingering is that you have a lot of control over what sort of orgasm you can provide. If you want a more intimate, love making experience, do it slow and steady. The intensity of your finger motion should be determined by the receiver. Never behave aggressive unless asked to do so. Be intentional with where you place your fingers and how much pressure you use when touching the vagina. Be sure to keep your knuckles as flat as possible so that you are not bruising the soft tissue of the vulva.

Body Language Baby

Let’s say you are with someone who is not too verbal in expressing their needs, recognizing some common body language can guide you both to their orgasm.

Any sort of flinching means; stop whatever you are doing. Don’t think it will fix itself on the next stroke, stop, readjust and then move forward. However, if a person scoots closer to you, causing your fingers to go deeper, arches their back, moans/groans, or squirms they want you to continue whatever it is that your doing or even increase the intensity. Now is a great time to play with the amount of pressure you use. Try different speeds and depths. Talk to your mate and find out what works best for them and then sit back and watch the fireworks.

#Keepitsexy #Yourresponsibleforyourownorgasm

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Hello! My name is Debra Shade. Clinical Sexologist and Master Sexpert. I specialize in orgasms. As an orgasm coach, I help individuals and couples to overcome barriers to their best sexual experience. It’s fulfilling work. I also travel the US presenting or teaching at expos, seminars, conferences and festivals. I am excited to have this opportunity to write about something that I absolutely love, my new column: Orgasm Tips by D Shade. I want you to know that there are many methods to an orgasm. Having a few in your toolbox will be very beneficial to you and your mate(s). I want to use my column to give you tips, advice and facts about orgasms that will help you achieve your best sexual experience.

Figuring What You Are Worth, and Sticking To It

By

Ralph Greco

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April 15, 2021

In quite a few of these sex writing columns, I’ve either skirted past what a writer should charge for his or her time and work, tried to wax poetic while giving salient advice, or have skipped over the subject entirely. And while you can find plenty of formulas for calculating your time, what this or that website advises this or that kind of writing might be worth in the marketplace presently, knowing what to charge and sticking with what you charge, needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

Not just from one writer to another but even from the same writer considering one job over another.

Let me give you a recent example of something that was proposed to me:

An agent I had worked with a while ago, somebody who hits me up across Skype every so often or I’ll send a “Hey, how you doin’?” to every couple of months, left me a message that he has a new job for which he thinks I might be suitable. I had worked about a year-and-a half on a massive project for this guy where I had to employ six other writers to handle the workload. I made some good money, got to spread a little cash around to some writers I knew who could use it, and had some fun traveling a bit for the job. It also made me crazy in that I was locked at the computer all the time and, quite frankly, was scrambling to produce more content than was probably healthy for me to do, all because I was being paid so little I had to make it up in volume.

Hey, I had signed up. I knew what I was getting myself into, and at the time, I needed the dough badly.

The new job the guy is presenting? Well, the price for the work is, again, way too low. But these days, ten years on from the last job I did for this dude, my circumstances are a bit better (or maybe I just give less of a shit and really don’t want to aggravate myself now). These days I can choose to be slightly more picky with the work I may take (slightly) and once again, the price the agent quoted me is so low I can’t see clear to expending the time and energy on this job. I countered with a ‘family-and-friends,’ rate but I doubt the client will come up as much as I need them to… and believe me, I’m being very reasonable. I really would like to help the agent and a few more jingles in my old coin purse would not hurt, but I can’t take steps backwards.

But even when you are desperate for work, or know what you’ll be doing might be kinda fun (this new job would be writing dirty evergreen articles, a job that’s right up my back alley, so to speak) there are just some jobs that are not going to be right for you.

Working as hard as I have over these years I have found what I feel I am worth and generally I try and stick to this price quote. Assuredly this calculation wasn’t easily come by and making it for yourself will be one of the harder aspects of the freelance writing life you’ll come to. Like I mentioned, you can rely on formulas and calculations, or even simply assume what you’re worth, but you could come to price yourself out of jobs well before you have the skills or experience to handle them. Or you could quote yourself too low.

I’ve done both.

Consider how long you have been at this, what your unique skills are, and what the job will entail. Think hard on the job presented, will it require you to bend to a learning curve, or is it something you could jump right into? Has the time come now for you to up your quote? Have you just completed a bunch of work that you feel has really increased your skills and even your reputation? Or are you feeling the bite of a tough personal economy and think it might be prudent to adjust your quote, at least for a little while?

Get what you think what you are worth my dear fellow writers but always think hard on what that might be.

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Featured Image by Photo by maitree rimthong from Pexels

Valentino: The Man, The Legend, the Fantasy

By

Megan Hussey

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May 29, 2021

Rudolph_Valentino_and_Vilma_Banky_in__The_Sheik__SAYRE_4629-2048x1498 — Wikimedia Commons

“I am merely the canvas on which women paint their dreams.”–Rudolph Valentino

May 6 marks the birthday of a cinema legend–and of the premiere male sex symbol. And 2021 marks the hundredth anniversary of the film that might be considered the first erotic film for women. Would you be shocked to know that there’s a connection between the two?

The world was blessed with Rudolph Valentino May 6, 1895. This Italian wunderkind made 39 films in 12 years, emerging as both a talented actor who spoke volumes with his eyes, movements and expressions, and as the living embodiment of female fantasy. Valentino was a man of many talents–acting, dancing, singing and boxing among them. Yet in this forum we shall focus on the Erotic Milestones of Valentino’s Career:

1. Valentino was the first sex symbol for women. The Saturday Evening Post, Vintage News, and many other news sources credit Valentino as the first male sex symbol. For while many handsome, appealing actors graced the silent screen prior to his arrival in Hollywood, he was the first to smolder on screen–his expressive dark-eyed stares, his sensual moves, his frenzied kisses and passionate embraces promising all of the heavenly sin that one mortal woman could possibly handle. His image provoked passionate responses in female audience members, tempting them to fantasize and enjoy their sexuality. Or, as film professor Miriam Hansen phrased it in a 1986 edition of Film Journal, Valentino’s popularity marked the birth of female spectatorship–the concept that female spectators or filmgoers were regarded as an economically and socially significant entity–and one of the few times in history that feminine desire was closely linked to their spectatorship (https://www.jstor.org/stable/1225080?seq=1). Translation: The ladies wanted that man. Bad.

2. Valentino made the first erotic film for women. Whether playing Armand in Camille or Count Rodrigo in Cobra, Valentino imbued all of his heroes with romance, mystery and infinite charm. Yet it was in his role as the title character in 1921’s The Sheik that Valentino set fire to the screen, bringing a well-read romance novel to screen as he brought women to the theatre in droves. The Sheik contained no explicit scenes, but instead seethes with a hot undercurrent of brazen sensuality, balanced with passionate, life-binding romance. It was roles such as this one that lead Valentino to–in the words of Man’s World India (https://www.mansworldindia.com/culture/features/rudolph-valentino-sex-symbol-hollywood/)–“transform America’s idea of sex and the art of seduction.”

So The Sheik was the first sex movie for women. But was it a feminist statement? Well, yes and no. Yes, in the sense that–for the first time–women were encouraged and empowered to acknowledge their sensual needs, to explore their fantasies, and to claim at last their own form of erotic entertainment. And in the sense that the film’s heroine–Lady Diana Mayo, portrayed by the luminous Agnes Ayres–is strong and spirited in character. A big ol’ hell no, in that the character of the Sheik is at many times forceful and menacing.

Just as we now rediscuss and reassess problematic classics like Gone With the Wind, so must we reconsider The Sheik. And this discussion should include the consideration of the fact that–at the time of the film’s 1921 release–women who as much as contemplated sex were threatened with societal ruination and literal hellfire. This explains the framing story of the film, the presentation of which would NOT be acceptable in a modern production.

Today, however, the lingering images captured from the film involve the gorgeous vision of Valentino in silken robes, delivering sweltering kisses and bonding embraces that literally provoked swooning in female audience members at the time of the film’s release. It’s also important to note that Valentino himself publicly detested the character of the Sheik, and just as openly spoke in admiration of his wife Natacha Rambova, a silver screen pioneer who served the silent screen industry as a producer, set designer, writer, costume designer and actress.

3. Valentino in all likelihood performed the first male striptease. On film, at least. In the short film The Sheik’s Physique, we follow Rudy as he enjoys an afternoon at the beach–changing into his swimsuit in his car before lounging languid on the sands. True, by modern standards we don’t get to see much (he only partially unbuttons his shirt in the car before getting wise to us viewers and dropping a pesky shade that obscures our view of the proceedings–but not before giving us a glimpse of skin and his infamous come hither gleam), and his swimsuit is tight and form-fitting as opposed to revealing; still and all, it’s a classy tease.

4. Valentino was the only male silent film star to inspire erotica and porn. Rudolph Valentino mastered the art of the tease. He only occasionally appeared shirtless, and never performed nude. Yet the intensity of his sensual aura inspired several erotic works, such as the 1988 pornographic feature Rudolph Valentino: American Lover starring Hakan Serbes, and the erotic new wave picture Valentino, starring ballet great Rudolph Nureyev as Valentino. He perfects Valentino’s tango dancing technique and appears fully nude, wearing only the sheik’s headwear–and nothing else–in some scenes. Most Valentino fans have mixed feelings about these films, but I liked them. But then, I would.

5. Valentino even took it upon himself to steal into the opening credits and start seducing his female audience, right off the bat. The opening titles of Blood and Sand, in which Valentino portrays a bullfighter, are projected over the image of a long cape being held by Valentino. You see only his eyes above the cape, as he lures the audience inward, unblinking, with one of those blasted come hither gleams.

Oh, Rudy…thanks for the dreams.

The 15 C’s of Relationships

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

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December 24, 2021

carly-rae-hobbins-zNHOIzjJiyA-unsplash — Photo by Carly Rae Hobbins on Unsplash

NEURO-CISE: THE 15 C’S, DUO

“On a metaphysical level, harmony between the brains means harmony and integration between our ‘mental’ bodies and our ‘emotional’ bodies.”– Jay Alfred

I created the 15 C’s as “A Code for Creating a Confident & Charismatic Couple.” Simply put, it’s a friendly checklist of the elements that make up the strongest relationships that I’ve seen in my practice.

1. Courageousness

Any relationship takes courage. It takes courage to say the first “I’m sorry” and it takes guts to lower your guard enough to let a partner truly see who you are. It takes just as much bravery to make the commitment to stay in it for the long haul because there are going to be numerous challenges that test your strength, both as a couple and as an individual.

These things might include:

♥ Saying “I love you” first.
♥ Asking for help.
♥ Admitting mistakes.
♥ Discussing family misconduct.
♥ Facing financial struggles.
♥ Confronting sexual needs.

Courage is often associated with gigantic acts of risk or valor such as having the audacity to sing in front of a crowd, the boldness to run for president, or the fearlessness to charge into a burning building to save people. These are obviously courageous and commendable
actions that release dopamine (the fireworks of all chemicals), but there are smaller acts of courage that are no less admirable. Take some time to think about your life. The fact is, it is humanly impossible to reach adulthood without a few acts of courage. Thank your partner and tell them how you think they’ve been brave. We’re taught not to be boastful, so hearing the words “I’m so impressed that you were able to do that” has a tremendous capacity to fill someone’s day with gratitude and love.

2. Communication

We’ve talked a lot about communication throughout this blog because it is the number one reason for both success and failure in a relationship. Remember that conversation is not always communication. Consider the three levels of communication: surface, intimate, and intuitive. Surface communication is everyday conversation: the weather, the work day, dinner plans, what’s on TV, etc. Facts without emotional depth. With intimate communication, emotional issues, fears, and topics that require deep trust emerge.

Intuitive communication is the ability to make thoughts and feelings clear without having to say a word. Your partnership has become part of your instinct, and you can read each other’s needs clearly. Remember that left and right-brained people communicate differently, so be sure to approach your partner by using their predominant brain language and both of you will enjoy the lingering pleasure sensation of serotonin, the feel good chemical.

3. Chemistry

People think that you either have chemistry or you don’t, and they are absolutely right! The limbic system, known as the seat of emotions, drives impulses and desires including sexual ones. So you can enhance your chemical attraction by doing the things you did when you first met, such as making out a lot or finding new erotic areas of mutual interest.

Testosterone and estrogen, the male and female sexual hormones, will be triggered as you go deeper and share your fantasies. Expand your sexual horizons by making love in new positions and locations while flooding your body with feel- good endorphins. Chemistry can also be sparked with the element of surprise, so think outside the box!

4. Compatibility

Knowing where you’re most compatible can go a long way to strengthen a relationship. Shared likes and interests create a lot of opportunity to connect through experience, discussion and the bonding chemical, oxytocin. Compatibility, closeness, romantic
communication and behavior can raise oxytocin levels and lead to deeper intimacy.

Write down all the areas in your relationship where you already know you’re compatible. It’s a good reminder of the foundation you have in place. Then make a list of areas where you don’t feel compatible.

Together divide that list into two parts:

A) Areas where it’s okay that you’re not compatible and can agree to have different interests and pursuits.

B) Areas where you could find more compatibility with a little effort to share an interest.

5. Curiosity

One of the most powerful ways to keep a relationship fresh is to treat it with a constant sense of curiosity. Look at each other without history, if possible. See the person across the table from you, lying next to you in bed, as new. Be curious about his/her day. What did they do? Be curious about the parts of that person that you just don’t know. Never pretend in a relationship that you really know the other person. Be curious about new and exciting facets of their personality, about what they really like. Always be curious about the next step in a relationship. Individually, and as a couple, keep curiosity as the heart center of your relationship and it will keep your brain firing up new neural pathways.

6. Contentment

Some people confuse contentment with boredom. There’s nothing boring about feeling happy and safe. But it’s important to maintain happiness through gratitude. Make a list of the things you’re grateful for in your life with your partner. Tell each other on a regular basis how contented you are in your relationship. Call home from work for no reason at all except to tell your partner how great things are, and how much you love your life with your partner. Focus on the parts of your life that are working and have ease so that you have
the strength to face challenges together. Give each other a quick fix of oxytocin with a heart-to-heart hug as a daily ritual and you might find that you both become addicted to the loving effect.

7. Collaboration

View everything that happens in your life as collaboration so that there is a sense of togetherness even when you’re alone. This may cause the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, but the more that you can do together, the deeper the bond and the better you will feel. Make a list of gifts and talents that you bring to the relationship, and discuss how they could be purposefully mingled together. Make a wish list of the things that you’ve always wanted to do, either individually or together. How can you accomplish them through collaboration? The Journal Scientific American reports that collaboration is built into our genetic makeup and our brain function thrives around sharing, communicating and collaborating.

8. Commitment

Treat your commitment to each other like a sacred promise, not a hopeful dream. Review and renew any stated commitments you have in your life, like wedding vows, love agreements or specific plans. Celebrate anniversaries of when you first met, got engaged and married.

Write a couple’s mission statement! Make sure your commitments are still vital and relevant to how things may have evolved over time. Pair-bonder brains, including yours, are generally set up to attach to a mate. It happens mostly because of the neurochemical vasopressin, triggering lifelong attachment and commitment.

9. Copulation

Sex is a healthy part of an intimate bond and it should be treated with the same kind of attention given to other elements of the relationship. As time goes by and the comfort level grows, the hot and heavy sex that was once a big part of your connection may have moved to the back burner. That’s fine and expected, but the back burner can generate just as much heat as the front one so be sure to turn it on every once in a while. And spice up the pot with some playful positions, experiment with different manual stimulations.

Practice conscious copulation and don’t “race to orgasm” but do increase the intimate connection that will lead you to a “braingasm” that lights up the entire brain.

10. Creativity

Seek out some interesting ways to keep the sparks alive. Decide on a list of creative projects that would be fun to do together, such as cooking, painting, dancing, writing a back-and-forth poem or story, taking an acting improv class, or redecorating one of the rooms of the house. Use your creativity for your date night. Instead of doing things that are passive, find things that you can do that are moreactive in nature: a romantic scavenger hunt, bubble bath followed by massage or a moonlight walk in the park or on a beach. Try looking at your sex life in a more creative fashion, too. Take turns being
responsible for bringing creativity into all areas of your life, starting with your sex life. A study at Dartmouth College shows that the roots of creativity are found in eleven areas of the brain that make up the imagination “mental workplace,” and that this playground
stretches across the full brain-scape, making creative endeavors one of the best mental exercises available.

11. Consideration

Try doing one daily thing for each other that is purely an act of consideration, especially when your partner is sick. Make an appointment for them, take their clothes to the cleaners, get their car washed or just have their favorite drink ready when they come home. If your partner is not well, it’s important to communicate that it’s a temporary situation, and let them know you still find them desirable. If there is one thing daily that you can do for your partner, then you will feel more appreciated, and you will know that you are appreciating your partner. When you give love, you will receive love, and the ensuing oxytocin will help to maintain the bond, even if there is no sex.

12. Contribution

One of the most important aspects of being a couple is a sense of having a mission together. How can you as a couple contribute to other people’s lives, to other people’s projects? Find ways you can contribute to your neighborhood, to your community or charity, to your state, to your country. When a couple has the feeling that there is a strong sense of moral purpose at the core of their relationship, the couple has more reasons to make the relationship work, and there is much more of a grounded, spiritual nature. This is as important in the life of a couple as sexuality.

Paul Zak, founder of Claremont Graduate University’s Center for Neuroeconomics studies found that oxytocin’s ability to amplify feelings of trust, also spark generosity and contribution in a relationship. In fact, he found oxytocin to increase generosity by 80 percent. The subgenual cortex (which is activated by oxytocin) makes people feel good when they are doing something positive such as giving.

13. Compromise

Learning to compromise is one of the biggest lessons to be learned in a romantic relationship. Two people can’t always have the same needs, opinions, and expectations, but they can become encoded by our memories, which are stored as a synthesis of different experiences and emotions. A relationship without challenge stops growing and becomes predictable, maybe even boring, like brain cells that stop growing. This can be especially true when partners having very different approaches to life and ways of processing of information. Your hearts might be in the right place, but if you’re wires are crossed,
then trouble ensues.

Communicating your needs will sustain the longevity of the relationship. You must address these issues from your point of view, not blaming the other person for what you do not get. You’ll need to be honest enough to say what works for you and what does not, without blaming the other person. For example, if sex is the issue, you could say, “I know our sex life hasn’t been the most exciting in the past few months, so I love your idea of trying to spice it up, but I’m not comfortable watching pornography. Perhaps we could go shopping for a fun sex toy to experiment with together.” Or if lack of shared time together is the issue, you could say, “I know you hate sappy movies and I can’t stand violent action films, but let’s make a point to find a film we can both enjoy this weekend, because date night is really important to me.” If you don’t state what you want and offer a compromise, you
can’t expect things to magically work out.

14. Comedy

“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.”– William Arthur Ward

Speaking of magic, humor is a magical thing. True love takes hard work but if you don’t
find the time to laugh, what’s the point of working so hard? Humor is a key element in any
relationship, whether it is used as part of the initial flirtation or as a stress diffuser many years into a long-term commitment.

And we’ve all heard that laughter is the best medicine because when you laugh, your brain reacts by producing chemicals that make you feel happy.

Light-hearted humor, free of sarcasm or ridicule, can soothe conflicts by allowing you to address a concern without raised defenses or hurt feelings. The intent of humor should always be to communicate something positive and never to undermine, insult, or degrade
your partner.

While the joys of laughter may be obvious, are you aware of its health benefits? Reduction
of stress, stimulation of the immune system, a rise of the endorphins in the blood that
work as painkillers, a decrease in systemic inflammation, and lowered blood pressure have all been linked to laughter. It’s also healthy exercise. Dr. William Fry, a leading researcher in the psychology of laughter, says that 20 seconds of hearty laughter can quickly double the heart rate for up to five minutes, which is equal to the physical response to three minutes of vigorous rowing exercise.

15. Celebration

Last, but definitely not least, is celebration. Couples who have a sense of celebration about their own lives and about their relationship don’t just survive, they thrive. Celebration is a life attitude; it’s not something you go out to do. Find ways to celebrate, and you will find more reasons to stay together. Not just anniversaries, but a beautiful day, a great meal, a fabulous date – these are all reasons to celebrate! Celebration implies play and a playful nature in a relationship will keep it fresh, young and exciting.

Psychologists Dr. Wil Cunningham and Tabitha Kirkland at Ohio State University uncovered the effect while scanning brains of happy people and reported, “People with rose-tinted glasses are more responsive to positive things in the environment. But it’s not at the expense of the negatives in life. They’re not seeing the positives in everything, but
they see the positives where they can find them.”

Happy people respond more strongly to joyful objects and events in the world, their increased sensitivity helping to reinforce their happiness over time, and that’s cause for celebration.

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” – Victor Borge, comedian, conductor and pianist

Tantric Gspot Pleasure & Female Ejaculation

By

Dr. Ava Cadell

-

August 7, 2021

The Goddess Spot

“The illusive G-spot is definitely not a myth but a treasure, which when explored can result in a deeper, longer orgasm.”–Dr. Ava Cadell

The G-spot has many fun phrases associated with it; great-spot, glory-spot, go-ahead spot-but I like to call it the Goddess spot. It is located inside the woman’s vagina about a third of the way, in between the vaginal/Yoni opening and the cervix. The G-spot has a ridged texture to it and responds to gentle stroking. In many women, once properly stimulated, it can provide a very powerful orgasm. It also may produce an ejaculation (an expulsion of milky looking fluid) which they refer to as Amrita or ‘divine nectar’ in Tantric terms.

The individual differences and responses to G-spot stimulation are so varied that women should not feel pressured into finding their G-spot. However, if you decide to embark on this quest, consider it a treasure hunt. You may or may not find the treasure you expected, but the hunt can be a great source of adventure and personal knowledge. Many women have reported that they have difficulty locating and stimulating the G-spot by themselves, but they have no difficulty identifying the erotic sensation when a partner stimulates the spot.

Exploring the G-Spot

Gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg, who published research results about sexual pleasure being derived from the urethra, first identified the G-spot area. Dr. Beverly Whipple did further research on G-spot orgasms. The results are available in her book The G-spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality by Dell Publishers. She indicates the G-spot area swells when stimulated and may lead to orgasm. Some women claim that the G-spot can be a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm than a Pearl/clitoral orgasm.

For most women, stimulation of the 8000 nerve fibers of the Pearl/clitoris, especially by a talented tongue, results in orgasm. Then there are those who swear the G-spot orgasm is the ultimate orgasm.

The illusive G-spot is definitely not a myth but a treasure, which when explored can result in a deeper, longer orgasm. Some women are even capable of ejaculating from it.

Stimulating your Lover’s G-Spot

1. Have your lover empty her bladder before you start in order to lessen the possible feeling of needing to urinate.

2. Both of you should get into comfortable position; preferably with the woman on her
back with her pelvis raised by a pillow.

3. Put your thumb on her pubic mound or Pearl/clitoris and insert the middle or forefinger
of your hand, palm up, in a “come hither” motion inside the vagina.

4. Push gently in the outer third of the Yoni’s top region, between the opening and the cervix. When you touch a small, ridged patch area, the woman may feel sensitive as if she needs to urinate.

5. If her bladder is empty, the sensitive feeling will pass and be replaced with intense, pleasurable feelings.

6. For more pressure, use any combination of the other fingers.

7. Use long, linear strokes creating an energetic circuit between your thumb and your finger.

8. Picture a clock-face on the inside of her Yoni, and stroke with your finger from 6 o’clock to 12 o’clock.

9. Alternatively, imagine your fingers are a “windshield wiper,” and stimulate the G-spot moving your fingers from side to side.

10. Now, put your thumb above the pubic bone (with your fingers inside the Yoni) to stimulate the G-spot from inside and outside simultaneously.

11. Tap the G-spot area with your finger/s towards her navel in pulsating motions.

12. Ask her to make a mental note which movements pleasure her most.

The G-spot can also be reached using a specially designed vibrator or by making love in certain sacred sexual positions.

G-Spot Sacred Sexual Union

Don’t make love in the same position, in the same place, at the same time. Be daring; spontaneous!

Your partner will love you for it!

1. In the Missionary position, the woman can rest her feet on her lover’s shoulders. This allows for maximum stimulation of the back wall of the Yoni and thus potential stimulation of the G-spot.

2. The alternative to the ‘Woman On Top’ position is for the woman to face away from her partner. This way, the whole of the Yoni is stimulated, and the woman herself can decide where she wants to receive maximum stimulation.

3. The rear entry alternative is for the man to lay his whole body along the woman’s. In this position, the entire Yoni is stimulated, but attention is concentrated on the upper part of the front wall, which means there is relatively good stimulation of the G-spot.

4. An alternative to the standing position is for you and your partner to face one another with the woman lying back. In this position, the front wall of the Yoni is stimulated, and good contact with the G-spot is made.

The Venus Butterfly

The Venus Butterfly is an ancient lovemaking technique first practiced in India 3000 years ago. It allows the male to bring his lover to a high peak of ecstasy by simultaneously stimulating two centers of pleasure at the same time.

Directions on How to Perform the Venus Butterfly

1. Pull back your lover’s clitoral hood.

2. Stimulate the Pearl/clitoris with short and long strokes using your tongue, fingers or vibrator until the woman reaches a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being the point of no return; orgasm.

3. Move away from the Pearl/clitoris and stimulate the entire outside of the Yoni in circular motions with your tongue, finger or vibrator, allowing her arousal level to lower by a couple of points.

4. Return to Pearl stimulation as above using short and long strokes until the woman reaches a 9 on the pleasure scale.

5. Slip your finger/s, palm up, inside the Yoni and tap on the G-spot towards the navel.

6. Continue to stroke the Pearl/clitoris while tapping the G-spot with your finger/s or use a G-spot vibrator.

7. Combining clitoral and G-spot stimulation may result in multiple orgasms.

8. Practice the Venus Butterfly technique and exchange feedback.

Dr. Ava’s TriGasm

How do You Achieve a Trigasm? I have been teaching the combination of simultaneous G-spot and Pearl/clitoral stimulation for several years. Couples loved it. Women got some serious attention–learning how to climax internally and externally at the same time, and men felt like they were heroes. So, here’s the revolution, the ultimate technique in orgasmic potential for women: The TriGasm.

A TriGasm is the result of arousing the 3 points of pleasure, the Pearl/clitoris, G-spot and Rosebud/anus simultaneously. Many people are experienced with various forms of dual stimulation–a Lingam and a toy, a tongue and a finger, and other combinations.

Here are some tips for you as you go off on your Trigasm exploration. Begin setting the mood and prepare to stimulate all five senses. Be creative using sensual sound, visual arousal, and feeling your lovers heat. You should also have some lubricant nearby, especially for G-spot and anal play. The final tip tell your lover to take up juggling, because it’s going to take some coordination to master this technique, but it’s well worth the effort and mighty fun while learning!

Here is the ideal way to create 3 points of stimulation with a lover.

1. The woman should lie back while her lover lavishes her Pearl with oral pleasure until she
has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10. (10 equals orgasm.)

2. Change course and stimulate her vulva in small circles with the tongue or fingers for 2 minutes.

3. Return to the Pearl and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9; almost to the point of no return.

4. At this peak, he should insert his forefinger palm up into her Yoni and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.

5. Simultaneously with step four, he must stimulate her Rosebud/anus gently with a
feather, his pinky or a vibrator to bring his lover to a mind-blowing, earth shattering, energy-melting multiple orgasm.

Her Tantric Pleasure: Female Ejaculation

Female ejaculation has been documented in ancient Asia for many thousands of years. Here in the Western world scientists are finally accepting it as a reality and women of all ages are enjoying the experience of ejaculating during orgasm. I believe that every woman can ejaculate if she is stimulated correctly and if she knows how to control her PC muscles.

It’s estimated that less than 10% of women ejaculate, or at least admit to it. In Tantra, female ejaculation is called, Amrita, which means Nectar of the Gods. Some women who experience ejaculation admit that the feeling is like an intense orgasmic release; much stronger and longer than a clitoral orgasm. Female ejaculation can be attained with stimulation of the G-spot, the spongy area located inside the Yoni about two inches on the upper wall towards the navel.

Always empty your bladder first so that the ejaculation doesn’t have any urine in it. The ejaculate fluid is protein based (much like semen) but it’s thinner and of course it doesn’t have any sperm. In summary, female ejaculation is a normal natural occurrence, so why not try it? You might like it!

Female Oral Delights

A woman is more sensitive so begin with less pressure than you would like, as a man.

1. Kiss and lick the inside of her thighs to create sexual anticipation.

2. Explore the entire vulva (outside of the Yoni) with circular tongue motions.

3. Suck on her labia (Yoni lips) gently.

4. Lavish her Yoni with your tongue in long lapping motions from her Yoni opening to her Pearl/clitoris.

5. Use a pointy tongue all around the Pearl/clitoris but not directly on it.

6. Write numbers on her entire vulva area with your tongue, then the alphabet.

7. Slip one or two fingers inside her Yoni as you gently lick her Pearl.

8. Use a stiff tongue to lick her Pearl from side to side.

9. Make humming sounds with your lips so they vibrate as you kiss the Pearl/clitoris.

10. Stroke her perenium (between the Rosebud/anus and Yoni opening) while sucking gently on her Pearl/clitoris.

11. Never rub or insert anything sugary in a woman’s Yoni because it can cause infection.

12. Draw her closer by lifting her buttocks and kissing her Yoni just as you would her mouth.

13. Alternate pressure with your tongue as you lick long and short strokes from the Rosebud to the Pearl.

14. Insert a fingertip into her Rosebud/anus as you lick her Pearl.

15. Gently pull her labia majora apart (outside lips) and lick the labia minora (inside lips) with the tip of your tongue.

16. Nuzzle your face in her mound and brush your lips and nose over her Pearl.

17. Insert your tongue into her Yoni opening with quick pointy motions.

18. Flick your tongue over Pearl alternating from up and down and side to side.

19. When she is on the verge of orgasm, make your lips into an O and take her Pearl in your mouth sucking gently.

20. Insert one or two fingers and discover her G-spot while licking her Pearl.

21. Lick her entire vulva like an ice cream cone with lapping motions.

22. Use your tongue like a snake sliding and twisting it inside her slowly, then fast.

23. Suck on some ice before licking her Yoni for a cool sensation.

24. Drink some hot liquid and then suck and twirl your hot tongue over her.

25. Don’t change the rhythm of your motion when she is climaxing.

26. Don’t stop immediately after she has climaxed. Keep going until she stops you, then cup your hands over her Yoni with fingers facing the navel.

27. Ask her how and where she wants you to lick, kiss and suck her. Tell her to direct you.

28. Orally delight her Yoni while she is lying on her stomach.

29. Orally delight her Yoni while she is in the tigress position from the rear.

30. Tell her that you love honoring her Yoni orally because she tastes and smells delicious.

Remember that practice… practice… practice makes perfect!

+++

Excerpt from Dr. Ava’s Tantra Workbook

Approaching Dating During Quarantine

By

Debra Shade

-

October 11, 2021

pexels-andrea-piacquadio-3967470 — Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Dating changed drastically during the quarantine. We went from thinking only the creepers where online to setting up several dating accounts. We are forced to be lonely or try our hand at love online. We had to let guards and pieces of us go in order to relax and be entertained by the prospects available via any of a zillion social sites. How do you get someone to pursue you and explore relationship options?

1. Confidence is key. See yourself as the prize and realize that the person who is chasing you sees your intellect, strength, and your beauty. While its important to note that the chaser needs to have some sort of response from you to be encouraged to pursue if you wish. So, give validation, emotional support, and compliments to let the person know you are open to dating.

People are turned on by confident people. You must let them know you are interested without spilling your guts. Don’t agree with everything they say, but don’t be mean either. Be your true self and know that lots of folks are turned on by someone who is naturally themselves. Realize you can build a healthy solid relationship with everyone being their authentic selves.

2. Attraction is a process. Attraction is the chemistry that motivates us to be with another person. Usually, it is a visual attraction and then physical when you meet the person. But here we are, with Covid we are not getting the physical attraction part. Keep challenging your chaser by keeping them interested in the future they may see with you. Remember that just because they start doing things that hint, they are interested, doesn’t mean that its time for you to stop attracting the person. Keep the hunt up.

3. Be Sexy. Confidence, strength, and personality of our own traits make up what kind of relationship you would be looking for. Try looking “sexy”, whatever that looks like for you. The right outfit can flatter and display our attractive features just as highlighting features and physiques play roles in our search for a partner. The summation of confidence is that you should not be predictable or boring. Be in control without being controlling. Many will find that you are more attractive when you are easy to get along with and are confident in yourself. Just know, your personality, strength, confidence, and traits become those things that you must put on display to open yourself to meeting people to date.

4. Personality. In dating considerations include psychological attractiveness such as pleasant and cheerful personalities. A great personality will bring out the best in others. Be careful not to over focus on personality alone, however. This often results in a deep friendship without a sexual spark. Thus, changing the trajectory of the relationship. You basically need to find your own style of attraction. We are all different and the great news is, none of us are perfect so we are all developing our dating wants as we go. Do what is natural to you, then work on other traits and skills that help you establish the kinds of relationships you really want.

5. Be Engaged but Aloof. Find that balance of being engaged and aloof, be engaged in conversation and let them know you. You should want them as well. Understand the difference between wanting someone and needing someone. Don’t try to trap a person into a relationship. Be cautious about when you profess your love for the person. The other thing to note when talking about confidence and sexiness in getting someone to chase you, is letting them ask you about other people. This will let you know their level of interest and allows you to prioritize the relationship and its growth. Just as you will play games, they will too, it will be their way of making sure you are worth the chase.

6. Time. Another change to the dating game is the amount of time you have now to chat with this person and to do it virtually! Some ideas that I can share are virtually taking them with you for tea, watch a television show together or share your hobby with them.

7. Get Over Your Fears. Virtual dating requires you to overcome any fears you have about being on camera, utilize uploaded images or stock images for your background.

Online dating has become the new normal. So go for it!

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NEURO-CISE: THE 15 C’S, DUO

1. Courageousness

These things might include:

2. Communication

3. Chemistry

4. Compatibility

Together divide that list into two parts:

5. Curiosity

6. Contentment

7. Collaboration

8. Commitment

9. Copulation

10. Creativity

11. Consideration

12. Contribution

13. Compromise

14. Comedy

15. Celebration

The Goddess Spot

Exploring the G-Spot

Stimulating your Lover’s G-Spot

G-Spot Sacred Sexual Union

The Venus Butterfly

Dr. Ava’s TriGasm

Her Tantric Pleasure: Female Ejaculation

Female Oral Delights

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