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What You Should Know About Consensual Non-monogamy?

By
Debra Shade
-
Photo by: Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

What You Should Know About Consensual Non-monogamy?

Polyamory is a form of consensual non-monogamy (also referred to as ethical or responsible non-monogamy). In responsible polyamory, everyone knows that there are other partners, and each person gets to negotiate their involvement in the relationships. Romantic, emotional, and/or sexual involvement may differ in each relationship. Polyamory literally means many loves (poly = many, amor = love). Polyamory is not cheating or polygamy.

  • Polygamy: involves marriage between multiple people
  • Open relationships: involve sexual relationships among multiple people
  • Swinging: entails couples “swapping” sexual partners
  • Triads or throuples: where three people all date one another
  • Polyfidelity: all partners in a group agree not to have romantic and sexual relationships outside the established group
  • Casual sex: people have sexual relationships without any romantic relationship or commitments, possibly with multiple sexual partners
  • Casual dating: people date multiple people

What’s the difference between ethical non-monogamy and infidelity?

Infidelity, or what many experts refer to as “breaking a relationship agreement,” involves deception and/or betrayal. With ethical non-monogamy, all partners are aware of one another and consent to the relationship. That’s not to say that infidelity can’t happen in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. Sometimes, people in these relationships overstep boundaries and betray or deceive their partners. This might be considered infidelity.

It can also include relationship anarchy, although many people consider this a philosophy or a political approach as opposed to a relationship style. Relationship anarchy challenges assumptions around relationships and the idea that one relationship (like a married relationship) is more important than other relationships (like friendships). Relationship anarchy might include having multiple intimate partners.

Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term, and polyamory is just one way to practice it. Polyamory is having intimate relationships with multiple people at the same time. In other words, you can have more than one romantic partner at the same time.

How do you introduce this subject?

This depends on your situation. Everybody “starts” ethical non-monogamy in a different way. Sometimes, a couple opens their relationship to others. Sometimes, people meet other non-monogamous people and form a throuple. Others join couples in a committed or casual way. If you’re already partnered, it’s a good idea to talk with your partner about your feelings. Discuss why you’d like to try ethical non-monogamy and emphasize that it’s not that they’re “not enough” for you. Commit to learning more about it as a couple.

Consider connecting with other non-monogamous people without the expectation of sex or relationships. This is a good way to process your feelings, learn more about ethical non-monogamy, and form friendships with non-judgmental people. Apps and dating sites are a great place to start.

Ethical non-monogamy can become complex because there are so many ways to practice it. For this reason, it’s a good idea to continually learn more about it. New terms and concepts are constantly being developed to help people describe relationship styles more accurately, so it’s important to be open to learning those new ideas.

Partner Abuse

Red flags for partner abuse in a polyamory relationship.

  • Insist that their way of practicing polyamory is the only way to practice polyamory?
  • Prevent you from joining a polyamory community or learn more about non-monogamy?
  • Threaten to “out” you to friends, family, or co-workers?
  • Violate your safer sex agreements?
  • Try to control your other relationships?
  • Isolate you from your friends and family?
  • Ridicule you when you try to express limits or emotions?
  • Force you to choose between partners or control your contact with other people?

 An abusive partner might say:

  • “Why are you acting so jealous? You must not really be poly…”
  • “Everything you say to me will be reported to my other partners.”
  • “You need to impress my primary partner…”
  • “Group sex is the only way to build group intimacy.”
  • “You owe me for spending so much time with your other partners.”
  • “If you don’t do this… I will tell your family that you are poly.”

Just as with any other red flag of abuse, you need to immediately remove yourself from the threat.  Seek the help of friends, family, and authorities if necessary. Relationships steeped in pleasure are possible in so many methods and if you are looking to explore ethical non-monogamy, some resources can help you do so.

Did I leave you with a question? Send them to me via X, IG, or FB and keep watch for my response.   Don’t hesitate to reach out to me – it would be my honor to assist you in navigating this aspect of your sexual health and empowering you to experience the pleasure and fulfillment you deserve. debra.shade.youcanbook.me

Global Sound Orgasm Experience

By
Debra Shade
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Photo taken from: https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=25765491183064502&set=a.177865215587117
On May 15, 2024, at 8:00 AM EST, immerse yourself in an extraordinary GLOBAL Sound Orgasm Experience like no other. For just $5, you can purchase the link to gain access to our curated erotic song, “Sonic Flow,” intended to evoke sensations of pleasure, intimacy, and connection simultaneously.

Picture this: listeners from around the globe coming together at the same moment, united by the power of sound and shared experience. As the clock strikes 8:00 AM EST, we’ll press play on “Sonic Flow,” a captivating 7-minute, 23-second journey into bliss.

Whether you’re seeking to awaken your senses, deepen your connection with yourself or others, or simply indulge in a moment of pure sonic pleasure, this event promises to be an unforgettable experience.

To secure your spot in this global listening sensation, simply purchase the access link for $5 and mark your calendar for May 15, 2024, at 8:00 AM EST. Let’s come together, across continents and time zones, to revel in the beauty of music and the boundless possibilities of connection.

Don’t miss out on this unique opportunity to be part of something truly special. Reserve your spot now and prepare to be swept away by the magic of “Sonic Flow.”

If You Know Nothing Else About BDSM Activity…. Know This

By
Debra Shade
-
Photo by Adéọlá Adérè̩mí on Unsplash

Aftercare – Aftercare is the emotional and physical care administered when a scene is over. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop.

Consent – Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship and maintaining it throughout the interactions. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault.

Contract – An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It written or oral.

Dungeon – A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a person’s home or at a club).

Fetish – An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object. Usually required for a “release” to take place.

Kink – A relationship with an experience, body part, or object that arouses you but is not necessary to reach release.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) – This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual.

Discover a New Frontier in Sexual Wellness and Education

By
Debra Shade
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Photo of Debra Shade, certified Clinical Sexologist

Discover a New Frontier in Sexual Wellness and Education with Debra Shade.  

Debra Shade has pioneered an unparalleled sanctuary for mental health and modern sex education, offering a rare and transformative approach to understanding pleasure, intimacy, and healthy sexuality. She has officially been given the honor of being the first Pleasure Education and Healing Center in the state of Ohio.

Shades Oasis is a space to overcome sexual barriers resulting in pleasure on purpose. At this innovative center, individuals and groups can explore barriers to pleasure while learning about 12 vulva and 3 penile releases developed through an intricate understanding of 52 erogenous zones.

With classes, workshops, retreats, and movement sessions, the programs are designed to empower participants to cultivate and sustain consensual, substance-free, shame-free sexual experiences. Debra Shade’s holistic approach bridges the gap between physical wellness and emotional intimacy, fostering environments where education and exploration lead to a more liberated, fulfilling relationship with oneself and others.

This unique space stands as a beacon for anyone seeking to embrace sexual health and redefine the art of connection. Its hours are appointment only except 7p to midnight on Thu-Sat. You can book a private session(s) at debrashade.youcanbook. Check out more about Debra and Shades Oasis at www.shadesoasis.com.

The Golden Path to Swinging: Navigating the Do’s and Don’ts

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Mike Scheid on Unsplash

The Golden Path to Swinging: Navigating the Do’s and Don’ts

The world of swinging is an enticing and adventurous realm where consenting adults explore their sexuality in a shared space. It’s a lifestyle that has evolved over the years, offering a variety of experiences from soft swaps to full exchanges. For those ready to take the plunge or for seasoned swingers looking to refine their experiences, let illuminate the path to a fulfilling swinging journey.

A World Beyond Monogamy

Swinging, often referred to as “the lifestyle,” is a non-monogamous activity that couples and singles engage in to add spice to their sex lives. It can range from watching and being watched to full sexual intercourse with others. Understanding the different levels of swinging is crucial:

Soft Swap: Involves everything but sexual intercourse, such as kissing, fondling, and oral sex with someone other than your partner.

Full Swap: Engaging in sexual intercourse with another couple or individual, with the consent and often the participation of your partner.

Communication is Key: The Heart of Swinging Etiquette

The cornerstone of any successful swinging experience is open and honest communication. It’s vital to discuss your desires, boundaries, and expectations with your partner and any potential playmates. Here are some essential communication strategies:

Be Clear About Your Limit*: Before engaging in any swinging activity, have a candid conversation about what is and isn’t acceptable for both you and your partner.  

Check-In Regularly: Consent is not a one-time conversation. It’s important to check in with each other throughout the experience to ensure everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves.

Use Safe Words: Establish a safe word or signal that can be used to indicate discomfort or the desire to stop an activity immediately.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Swinging

To ensure a respectful and pleasurable experience, adhere to the following guidelines:

Do’s:

Respect Boundaries: Always honor the boundaries set by others, as well as your own.
Practice Good Hygiene: Personal cleanliness is a must in any intimate encounter.
*Be Discreet: Respect the privacy of others in the lifestyle. What happens in the swinging community should stay there.
Engage in Safe Sex: Protect yourself and others by using protection and getting regularly tested for STIs.

Don’ts:

Don’t Pressure Others: Swinging is about mutual consent. Never coerce someone into an activity they’re not comfortable with.
Don’t Overindulge: Excessive drinking or drug use can impair judgment and consent.
Don’t Be Disrespectful: Always treat others with kindness and respect, regardless of whether you’re interested in playing with them.

Navigating Swinging Events and Venues:

Swinging can take place in various settings, from private parties to exclusive clubs. Here’s how to navigate these spaces:

Dress to Impress: Many venues have dress codes, so make sure to adhere to them. Dressing well can also make a great first impression.
Be Social: Swinging events are an excellent opportunity to meet like-minded individuals. Be friendly and open to conversations.
Understand the House Rules: Each venue or event will have its own set of rules. Make sure you’re familiar with them to avoid any misunderstandings.

Conclusion:  Embrace the Adventure with Care and Respect

Swinging can be a thrilling addition to your love life, offering new experiences and deepening connections with your partner. By following the do’s and don’ts outlined in this guide, you can ensure that your adventures in swinging are both exciting and respectful. Remember, the key to a successful swinging experience is communication, consent, and consideration for everyone involved.

Embark on this journey with an open mind and a respectful heart, and you’ll find that the swinging lifestyle can open doors to a world of pleasure and exploration. Happy swinging!

Embracing Morning Erections: A Natural and Healthy Phenomenon

By
Debra Shade
-
Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

Do you know about morning erections? They’re a natural and healthy phenomenon commonly experienced by men. However, this topic can sometimes be met with awkwardness or misconceptions. So, let’s dive into the reasons behind morning erections and shed light on why they’re a positive and healthy aspect of male physiology.

Rapid Eye Movement

First things first, morning erections are a result of a complex interplay of physiological factors. During REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, men typically experience multiple episodes of nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT). This is a sign of a healthy circulatory system and a well-functioning nervous system. Erections during sleep help maintain penile health by ensuring proper blood flow and oxygenation to the genital tissues.

Hormones

Hormones also play a crucial role in regulating sexual function. Testosterone, the primary male sex hormone, tends to peak in the early morning hours. Erections in the morning are often a manifestation of this hormonal surge. A balanced testosterone level is essential for maintaining overall sexual health, libido, and energy levels.

Erectile Function

Now, here’s an interesting fact – consistent erections in the morning can serve as an indicator of good erectile function. Men experiencing regular erections when they wake up can take it as a positive sign that their vascular and neurological systems are functioning optimally. On the contrary, changes in the frequency or quality may warrant attention and could be indicative of underlying health issues such as hormonal imbalances or erectile dysfunction.

Erections in the morning aren’t just about physical health; they also have psychological implications. Waking up with an erection is a natural and positive experience that can contribute to a sense of well-being and body confidence. Embracing and understanding these physiological responses can foster a healthier attitude towards one’s own body and sexuality.

Morning erections can even play a role in intimate relationships. Partners may find it affirming and reassuring to witness their loved one’s physical responses, fostering a sense of connection and intimacy. Open communication about these natural occurrences can contribute to a more supportive and understanding relationship.

So, now you know that morning erections are a normal and healthy part of male physiology. It’s essential to approach the topic with openness and dispel any myths or stigmas associated with them. As with any aspect of sexual health, if individuals have concerns or experience significant changes, consulting with a healthcare professional is recommended to ensure holistic well-being. Embracing and appreciating our bodies’ natural responses, including erections in the morning, is a step toward a healthier and more informed perspective on male sexual health.

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