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What You Should Know About Consensual Non-monogamy?

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by: Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

What You Should Know About Consensual Non-monogamy?

Polyamory is a form of consensual non-monogamy (also referred to as ethical or responsible non-monogamy). In responsible polyamory, everyone knows that there are other partners, and each person gets to negotiate their involvement in the relationships. Romantic, emotional, and/or sexual involvement may differ in each relationship. Polyamory literally means many loves (poly = many, amor = love). Polyamory is not cheating or polygamy.

  • Polygamy: involves marriage between multiple people
  • Open relationships: involve sexual relationships among multiple people
  • Swinging: entails couples “swapping” sexual partners
  • Triads or throuples: where three people all date one another
  • Polyfidelity: all partners in a group agree not to have romantic and sexual relationships outside the established group
  • Casual sex: people have sexual relationships without any romantic relationship or commitments, possibly with multiple sexual partners
  • Casual dating: people date multiple people

What’s the difference between ethical non-monogamy and infidelity?

Infidelity, or what many experts refer to as “breaking a relationship agreement,” involves deception and/or betrayal. With ethical non-monogamy, all partners are aware of one another and consent to the relationship. That’s not to say that infidelity can’t happen in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. Sometimes, people in these relationships overstep boundaries and betray or deceive their partners. This might be considered infidelity.

It can also include relationship anarchy, although many people consider this a philosophy or a political approach as opposed to a relationship style. Relationship anarchy challenges assumptions around relationships and the idea that one relationship (like a married relationship) is more important than other relationships (like friendships). Relationship anarchy might include having multiple intimate partners.

Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term, and polyamory is just one way to practice it. Polyamory is having intimate relationships with multiple people at the same time. In other words, you can have more than one romantic partner at the same time.

How do you introduce this subject?

This depends on your situation. Everybody “starts” ethical non-monogamy in a different way. Sometimes, a couple opens their relationship to others. Sometimes, people meet other non-monogamous people and form a throuple. Others join couples in a committed or casual way. If you’re already partnered, it’s a good idea to talk with your partner about your feelings. Discuss why you’d like to try ethical non-monogamy and emphasize that it’s not that they’re “not enough” for you. Commit to learning more about it as a couple.

Consider connecting with other non-monogamous people without the expectation of sex or relationships. This is a good way to process your feelings, learn more about ethical non-monogamy, and form friendships with non-judgmental people. Apps and dating sites are a great place to start.

Ethical non-monogamy can become complex because there are so many ways to practice it. For this reason, it’s a good idea to continually learn more about it. New terms and concepts are constantly being developed to help people describe relationship styles more accurately, so it’s important to be open to learning those new ideas.

Partner Abuse

Red flags for partner abuse in a polyamory relationship.

  • Insist that their way of practicing polyamory is the only way to practice polyamory?
  • Prevent you from joining a polyamory community or learn more about non-monogamy?
  • Threaten to “out” you to friends, family, or co-workers?
  • Violate your safer sex agreements?
  • Try to control your other relationships?
  • Isolate you from your friends and family?
  • Ridicule you when you try to express limits or emotions?
  • Force you to choose between partners or control your contact with other people?

 An abusive partner might say:

  • “Why are you acting so jealous? You must not really be poly…”
  • “Everything you say to me will be reported to my other partners.”
  • “You need to impress my primary partner…”
  • “Group sex is the only way to build group intimacy.”
  • “You owe me for spending so much time with your other partners.”
  • “If you don’t do this… I will tell your family that you are poly.”

Just as with any other red flag of abuse, you need to immediately remove yourself from the threat.  Seek the help of friends, family, and authorities if necessary. Relationships steeped in pleasure are possible in so many methods and if you are looking to explore ethical non-monogamy, some resources can help you do so.

Did I leave you with a question? Send them to me via X, IG, or FB and keep watch for my response.   Don’t hesitate to reach out to me – it would be my honor to assist you in navigating this aspect of your sexual health and empowering you to experience the pleasure and fulfillment you deserve. debra.shade.youcanbook.me

Embracing Morning Erections: A Natural and Healthy Phenomenon

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

Do you know about morning erections? They’re a natural and healthy phenomenon commonly experienced by men. However, this topic can sometimes be met with awkwardness or misconceptions. So, let’s dive into the reasons behind morning erections and shed light on why they’re a positive and healthy aspect of male physiology.

Rapid Eye Movement

First things first, morning erections are a result of a complex interplay of physiological factors. During REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep, men typically experience multiple episodes of nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT). This is a sign of a healthy circulatory system and a well-functioning nervous system. Erections during sleep help maintain penile health by ensuring proper blood flow and oxygenation to the genital tissues.

Hormones

Hormones also play a crucial role in regulating sexual function. Testosterone, the primary male sex hormone, tends to peak in the early morning hours. Erections in the morning are often a manifestation of this hormonal surge. A balanced testosterone level is essential for maintaining overall sexual health, libido, and energy levels.

Erectile Function

Now, here’s an interesting fact – consistent erections in the morning can serve as an indicator of good erectile function. Men experiencing regular erections when they wake up can take it as a positive sign that their vascular and neurological systems are functioning optimally. On the contrary, changes in the frequency or quality may warrant attention and could be indicative of underlying health issues such as hormonal imbalances or erectile dysfunction.

Erections in the morning aren’t just about physical health; they also have psychological implications. Waking up with an erection is a natural and positive experience that can contribute to a sense of well-being and body confidence. Embracing and understanding these physiological responses can foster a healthier attitude towards one’s own body and sexuality.

Morning erections can even play a role in intimate relationships. Partners may find it affirming and reassuring to witness their loved one’s physical responses, fostering a sense of connection and intimacy. Open communication about these natural occurrences can contribute to a more supportive and understanding relationship.

So, now you know that morning erections are a normal and healthy part of male physiology. It’s essential to approach the topic with openness and dispel any myths or stigmas associated with them. As with any aspect of sexual health, if individuals have concerns or experience significant changes, consulting with a healthcare professional is recommended to ensure holistic well-being. Embracing and appreciating our bodies’ natural responses, including erections in the morning, is a step toward a healthier and more informed perspective on male sexual health.

Debra Shade – 2024 ASN Awards Finalist

By
Debra Shade
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Photo taken from: https://asn.asnlifestylemagazine.com/asnlm/202410/#p=1

Exciting News!  Debra Shade – 2024 ASN Awards Finalist

I am thrilled to share that I have been chosen for the October 2024 cover and feature of ASN Lifestyle Magazine, a premier publication dedicated to the lifestyle community.  The magazine is known for celebrating authenticity, wellness, and connection in every form, offering readers insights into healthy living, social behaviors, and sexual freedom.

ASN consistently pushes boundaries, tackling important issues around intimacy and self-expression while also providing tips for living your best life.

I would like for you to introduce myself to those who do not know me.  I am an ABS Clinical Sexologist and owner of Shades Oasis, located in Columbus, OH.  

At Shades Oasis, our pleasure education center bridges the worlds of sexual arousal and whole-body wellness, showing how intimacy is more than just physical—it’s essential for emotional and mental balance too!

In this feature, you’ll find details on how arousal and hormone release (think dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins) enhance your overall health and well-being. ASN has been a true leader in helping people explore these topics safely and with joy.

Dive into the latest issue for my full feature!

Catch the article on ASN and check out Shades Oasis and more about Debra 

Don’t hesitate to reach out to me – it would be my honor to assist you in navigating this aspect of your sexual health and empowering you to experience the pleasure and fulfillment you deserve. debra.shade.youcanbook.me

The Truth About Cupping

By
Debra Shade
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Photo by Katherine Hanlon on Unsplash

Here’s the truth about cupping.  Cupping therapy is an ancient form of alternative medicine that involves placing cups on the skin to create suction. The practice has a long history and has been used in various cultures throughout the world.

Cupping massage is a therapeutic, relaxing, and rejuvenating method that relieves muscle soreness and body tension daily. It can have several benefits, like improving blood flow in the targeted areas, releasing tightness in the fascia, promoting flexibility, and reducing restrictions.

Cupping therapy can also stimulate the lymphatic system, aiding in the drainage of excess fluids and toxins, which can contribute to reduced swelling and inflammation in the muscles.

Although cupping is considered safe, it is crucial to consult with a qualified healthcare professional or experienced therapist before undergoing any alternative or complementary therapies, especially if you have underlying health conditions or concerns.

Anyone seeking relaxation, stress relief, and an immersive wellness experience should try this beneficial care method.

Photo by Vi Vi on Unsplash

Cupping therapy has roots in traditional Chinese medicine, dating back thousands of years. It is also found in ancient Egyptian, Greek, and Middle Eastern cultures.

The fundamental principle of cupping involves creating suction on the skin, which is believed to mobilize blood flow, promote healing, and release tension. The suction is typically created by briefly heating the air inside the cup and then placing it on the skin, or by using a mechanical pump to extract the air.

Types of Cupping

There are different types of cupping techniques:

  • Dry cupping is the most common form of cupping, where cups are placed on the skin, and suction is created to draw the skin into the cup.
  • Wet cupping involves making small incisions on the skin after the cups are applied, allowing a controlled amount of blood to be drawn into the cups.
  • Fire cupping is the traditional technique that involves using fire to create suction in the cups, while silicone cups are a modern alternative to traditional glass or bamboo cups.
  • Moving cupping is gliding or sliding the cups that are applied with oil to the skin, and the therapist moves them around, creating a massage-like effect.
  • Flash cupping is done by quickly applying and removing cups in a rhythmic fashion, which is sometimes used in sports massage to stimulate blood flow and relax muscles.

It is important to note that cupping leaves temporary bruising, known as cupping marks.  It is considered normal and typically fades within a few days.

Individuals with certain medical conditions, such as bleeding disorders or skin infections, may not be suitable candidates for these techniques. The choice of technique and application depends on the individual’s health condition and the therapist’s goals.

Discover a New Frontier in Sexual Wellness and Education

By
Debra Shade
-
Photo of Debra Shade, certified Clinical Sexologist

Discover a New Frontier in Sexual Wellness and Education with Debra Shade.  

Debra Shade has pioneered an unparalleled sanctuary for mental health and modern sex education, offering a rare and transformative approach to understanding pleasure, intimacy, and healthy sexuality. She has officially been given the honor of being the first Pleasure Education and Healing Center in the state of Ohio.

Shades Oasis is a space to overcome sexual barriers resulting in pleasure on purpose. At this innovative center, individuals and groups can explore barriers to pleasure while learning about 12 vulva and 3 penile releases developed through an intricate understanding of 52 erogenous zones.

With classes, workshops, retreats, and movement sessions, the programs are designed to empower participants to cultivate and sustain consensual, substance-free, shame-free sexual experiences. Debra Shade’s holistic approach bridges the gap between physical wellness and emotional intimacy, fostering environments where education and exploration lead to a more liberated, fulfilling relationship with oneself and others.

This unique space stands as a beacon for anyone seeking to embrace sexual health and redefine the art of connection. Its hours are appointment only except 7p to midnight on Thu-Sat. You can book a private session(s) at debrashade.youcanbook. Check out more about Debra and Shades Oasis at www.shadesoasis.com.

Permit Yourself to Touch Yourself for Pleasure.

By
Debra Shade
-
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

Masturbation is critical for learning/creating your orgasm formula. Permit yourself to touch yourself for pleasure.  This is the combination of touch, environment, and mindset you need to release. The importance of masturbation is not only making the perfect storm of hormones that release at the peak and resolution of orgasm.

The hormones oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine build during arousal, build up, and MAGIC!!

Oxytocin is known as the feel-good hormone. Makes you want to cuddle, snuggle, and seek connections beyond the physical. Serotonin is the hormone that…… Dopamine is an “intoxicating hormone”. One that triggers the brain’s pleasure sensors just as a drug does. Often blamed for the driver of sex addiction. The “high” that the body feels is something people chase.

Together, these three hormones cause the body to contract and release tension, which can relieve stress and lift moods from depression. Making it an antidepressant. Believe it or not, it is also an antihistamine because it relieves sinus pressure.

The overall orgasm can lower both blood pressure and cortisol. The many benefits are under-studied in all gendered bodies. What we know so far has been pioneered by scientists and experts of the Kinsley Institute. The founding institution of human sexuality.

The research done on the understanding of vulva orgasms is slim, to say the least. It was not until the early 20s that “female” orgasm was recognized by science. The concept of female ejaculation is still being challenged as a phenomenon.

History shows that doctors treated people with “incontinence” and “hysteria” with a vibrating wand which caused the release. The fix – orgasm. This is funny to me as the wand, known as the first sex toy (novelty item), was a medical tool used for generations.

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