Valentine’s Day is just one lousy day a year! It’s business as usual in the romance department for 364 days and then – BOOM – we’re supposed to suddenly become frantically romantic for 24 hours, cramming in all the love, sex, seduction, chocolate, poetry, snuggling – you name it – into one measly, gone-in-a-flash day.
Well I say no more!
This year, I’m introducing my 69-day Valentine’s Season! Let’s take the pressure off, shall we? It’s absurd to think we could actually make meaningful changes to our intimate lives in one day, one week, or even one month! Sixty-nine days, give or take, is the amount of time it takes to change habits, and create new patterns as a couple. Or, to deepen your self-love to attract the right partner if you’re single.
In my book Neuroloveology, I talk a lot about the many exercises couples and singles can do to change their habits and create new rituals that enrich their lives and give positive energy back to their relationships. I challenge you to try one of these techniques and kick start your Valentine’s season now, and discover how you can make your love life better.
Passion Wheel (couples) / Perspective (singles)
For couples, I encourage you to create your own Passion Wheel. Take a large piece of paper and draw a circle, then divide the circle into 8, 10 or 12 pieces to create a pie chart. Take turns writing a romantic or sexual activity in each ‘pie slice.’ Some examples would be: take a bubble bath together; engage in oral sex, kiss passionately, give or receive a sensual massage etc. Then decide on the number of times you will spin the wheel each week, and stick to it! Ideally every day, but even if you just spin the wheel once week, you will be brought closer together by the mere act of talking about your desires and acting on them.
For singles I recommend starting a gratitude journal to record all the positive things in your life, which ignites an optimistic attitude around you and attracts love. Then, try this exercise from Marelisa Fabrega in her book Daring to Live Life Fully. When something negative happens to you, instead of wallowing, ask yourself these questions: What’s good about this? How can I learn from this? How can I benefit from this? And finally, Is there something about this situation that I can be grateful for? Watch the results pour in.
Loveology Loop (for both couples & singles)
This is a very simple exercise that has powerful results. Couples that I’ve instructed to do this report huge changes in their habits. It’s simply this: identify a trigger in your life (such as the phone ringing around bedtime) that leads to a negative result (your wife is too tired for sex when you finally get off the phone), and then replace the behavior that the trigger causes (answering the phone) with a new behavior (kissing your wife). It sounds too good to be true – I can hear you saying, “But what if it’s an important call?” – but if you can’t let go of nighttime business calls for a 69-day Valentine’s Season, then you’re not going to have more sex.
For singles, this works the same way. If your trigger is a rejection on an on-line dating site and this causes you to run for the freezer and eat a pint of mint chocolate chip, the result will likely be negative feelings toward yourself and a bummer night. But what if you change that behavior and do something healthy for yourself instead – like going for a walk, or calling a friend – then your result will be positive. It works like a charm.
Mission Statements (for couples & singles)
Successful businesses have mission statements. Why shouldn’t successful couples? Team up and write down your hopes and dreams with your partner. Discover the desires you share, the goals you have in common and the future plans you want to make. This is a fantastic way to re-energize a relationship and get back on the same page.
For singles, do the same thing for yourself. List your goals for your work, romance and fun. Write down what kind of partner you’re looking for, what you plan to bring to the table, and what you expect your partner to bring. Don’t worry, no one but you is going to read this, so have fun with it and don’t sensor yourself.
At the end of your 69-day Valentine’s Season, I predict you will have discovered many new things about your partner. Couples whom I’ve counseled have reported everything from learning their husband loves dancing to discovering their wife’s G-spot. And single people reap tremendous rewards from creating positive habits and practicing gratitude.
Feel free to share with Sexpert.com how your Valentine’s Season played out! We’d love to hear from you. And for a special treat, watch this video to see what celebrities are giving and receiving for Valentine’s season!