Scrambling for a Valentine’s Day gift idea and the standard heart shaped box of chocolates isn’t cutting it? Looking for something to make your partner feel appreciated, pampered, and help you both intimately connect? After reading my BDSM series, are you eager to try something a little unconventional? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, an erotic kinky massage may be the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. Even better, it won’t cost you a thing.
What exactly is a kinky massage?
You don’t have to be be an expert masseuse or an experienced BDSM master to give this type of massage. In fact it’s a great place to start experimenting with the four basic BDSM techniques from my last article.
A kinky massage combines full-body massage with BDSM play types like sensory deprivation, sensation play, bondage, and impact play. How much massage and kink you include is up to you and your partner. Those new to BDSM can keep things on the lighter side while more experienced players can bring in specialized equipment and play harder. Genital massage and sex can also be a part of your routine but they don’t have to be.
How do I start?
Begin your kinky massage by undressing your lover and laying them on a massage table or comfortable bed. Because sensory deprivation is a key element in a kinky massage, a blindfold is a must. Headphones playing instrumental music can help the receiver further relax and tune out the outside world. Light restraints on the wrists and/or ankles may also do the same. Make sure the room is warm enough for their comfort and smells pleasant. Scented candles or incense are a nice addition.
You can start the session like any other full body massage. Take time working on major muscle groups and relaxing your partner. Don’t rush straight for the genitals. Instead concentrate on releasing all tension from their entire body. Using a sex friendly massage oil will allow you to transition to more erotic activities later without skipping a beat. Extra Virgin Coconut oil is a personal favorite and is safe for all types of genitals. Don’t use coconut oil with latex condoms, however, because oil is not compatible with latex.
Once your partner is completely relaxed and turned on, slowly transition in kinky elements.
In my last article I recommended opposites for sensation play. You’ll apply the same principles here. Gently rub something soft along their skin, then something slightly scratchy. Next go for warm and cold, firm and light, etc.
What do I use?
If you are just starting out, use ‘pervertables’ from around your home or those purchased inexpensively at a dollar store. Car washing mitts, feather dusters, bristle brushes, loofah sponges, kitchen utensils, and clothes pins are all wonderful items to repurpose as kinky sensation tools. Don’t forget to grab some sex toys from the bedside drawer too. You can use a simple bullet vibrator on nipples, the nape of the neck, or behind the knees for a unique sensation.
If you are a more experienced BDSM player, get out your floggers, nipple clamps, canes, and the like. Just like a vibrator has alternative sensual uses, so does some of your kinky equipment. Take your flogger and drizzle it across skin for a tickling sensation or use the handle as an impact instrument. No matter what your experience level, your imagination is one of the best tools you have in your arsenal.
It’s important to have your equipment and supplies laid out before you begin. Keep everything within easy reach for your kinky massage. Nothing kills the mood faster than running over to the closet to search for something you forgot.
How do I know what my partner will like or that I won’t go too far?
Before you begin, go over with your partner what they may or may not like during their massage. This pre-negotiation does not have to be as detailed as it would be for a heavier BDSM scene. You still need to find out the essentials, though. For instance, ask if they want to engage in impact play, if putting clothespins on their nipples is okay, if genital stimulation can be part of the massage, etc. Don’t forget to establish a safe word or signal so the receiver can let you know if you’ve crossed a boundary. Lastly, make sure to go over health issues or allergies that may affect the massage.
It’s also important go over how your partner likes to be rubbed because touch can be very subjective. I like firm, deep touches with the palm of the hand. The first time I massaged my husband I did it the way I like and he hated it! I found out he prefers light, soft strokes with the fingertips. Take a minute before you start to have your partner rub your arm the way they like to be touched. Then do it back on their arm to make sure you have the right technique down.
Read more about Bondassage
If erotic kinky massage sounds like something you may enjoy, I highly recommend reading Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Tips for Lovers by Jaeleen Bennis and Eve Minax. It’s a short book at a little over 100 pages that you can read in an afternoon. The Bondassage book is full of helpful information including specific massage techniques, music playlists, choreographed sample massage sequences, and equipment lists. Hands down, it’s the best resource on kinky massage available. If you’re curious what a Bondassage session is like check out this video.
Giving the gift of an erotic kinky massage for Valentine’s Day (or any day) can be a game changer in the bedroom. It’s a wonderful way to ease into BDSM or reacquaint you with a long time partner. You can even schedule massage time on a regular basis giving you each the opportunity to be the receiver. You never know, kinky erotic massage may just end up transforming your sex life.