Four Common Types Of BDSM Play

If you’ve been keeping up with my BDSM article series you’ve already learned quite a bit. At this point, you understand the roles of the submissive and dominant and know how to establish consent and negotiate boundaries.  You’re also familiar with constructing a BDSM scene. Now it’s time to dive in a bit deeper and learn about different types of kinky play.

Nothing is Set in Stone

As you explore kink more you’ll likely discover new things about yourself. This means you need to prepare for ongoing change. It’s important to always remain flexible and open to the unexpected on your BDSM journey.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell what you like until you actually try it. When I first explored submission I was most eager to try bondage. I fantasized about getting tied up for years and just knew it would be even hotter in real life. Turns out, when I tried it I HATED it. Nothing went as planned and I had to stop the entire scene. To my surprise the reality didn’t match up to the fantasy. This also forced me to change my expectations moving forward.
Allow for flexibility in your kinky identity too. Don’t feel you must choose being either dominant or submissive and stay in that role forever. If you’re brand new to BDSM be open to trying out both roles. This is especially important when you’re experimenting with new equipment or techniques. If you already know you are a dominant, for instance, it’s still a good idea to know what it feels like to be on the other side of a riding crop. Knowing what your submissive is experiencing can make you a better dominant. On the flipside, having a sense of what your dominant experiences can make you a better submissive.
Don’t be surprised if the role you identify with changes over time. You might start out as a submissive and later discover you want to try your hand at dominance. You may also consider yourself a switch. This is someone that alternates between dominant and submissive roles depending on their mood or partner dynamics. Play preferences can change too. Electric play might sound scary today but may intrigue you next year. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll even enjoy bondage. Because we’re always changing and growing it’s important to reassess your boundaries and have ongoing conversations with your partners.

Getting Down To Business

The following four types of BDSM play are great starters. These can be done sensually or taken to extremes. They are some of the most popular and versatile elements of BDSM, but not your only choices. You’ll also be able to do everything in this article using objects found right in your own home. Common items re-purposed for sexy play are called pervertables.

1. Sensory Deprivation

When one of your senses is dulled, the others become magnified. Removing sight amplifies every sound, smell, touch, and taste. With a sleep mask or silk scarf or tied around your partner’s eyes, everything else they experience becomes a titillating mystery.
Playing music with headphones while using a blindfold doubles the impact of sensory deprivation. With sight and sound gone the remaining senses are further amplified creating more profound sensations. Sensory deprivation is a wonderful place to start on your kink journey.

2. Sensation Play

This is a perfect companion to sensory deprivation. It can also serve as a nice warm-up for heavier impact play. When playing with different sensations it’s important to use opposites. Try these differing sensations to engage the whole body: hot and cold, rough and smooth, firm and light, or fast and slow.
I find some of the best sensation play objects in my home or at the dollar store. Soft dusting mitts, feathers, stiff bristle brushes, ice cubes, and forks can be amazingly devious tools.

3. Impact Play

For some people erotic pain is intoxicating. It gets your endorphins pumping which can cause a feeling of euphoria. Impact play doesn’t have to be anything brutal. Even mild strikes can do the trick. When experimenting with rough body play, it’s essential to know how and where to hit. Make sure you don’t hurt someone in a way that doesn’t feel sexy.
It takes roughly 10 minutes for an endorphin rush to kick in. Start off striking lightly and only increase intensity after this 10 minute warm-up period is over. Also don’t hit the same spot over and over. If you’re spanking a behind alternate between butt cheeks. When the area is ready for more intensity it will be warm to the touch. If the submissive’s skin is fair it will also turn pink at this point.
The most popular place to hit is the butt and back of the thighs. The upper back, nipples, and genitals are also suitable places for impact play. Keep in mind different areas can withstand different intensities so adjust for that. You wouldn’t spank someone’s genitals as hard as you would their butt, for instance. Always avoid bony areas like shins, ribs, neck, and any place where organs are exposed like the lower back and abdomen. Striking these parts of the body can result in serious injury.
Aside from hands, some of my favorite at-home implements are common household objects. Wooden spoons, hair brushes, back scratchers, and even hard cover books can be just as satisfying as expensive BDSM specialty items. You can experiment to see which cause a more “stingy” sensation or deeper, “thuddy” feel. Many submissives develop a preference for one type of sensation over the other.

4. Bondage

While decorative bondage may take years to perfect, you can easily make simple restraints with household items. The belt tie of my thick terry cloth robe is a favorite of mine as well as neck ties. Never use zip ties! They continue to tighten as the submissive moves, cutting off circulation and causing nerve damage in extreme cases. The fuzzy handcuffs commonly given out at bachelorette parties may also cause the same problems and should be avoided.
Submissives enjoy bondage for many different reasons. Some like the vulnerability, while others are happy giving up control. For some bondage can be a form of sensory deprivation as it takes away the ability to touch. While bondage can be fun on its own, it’s often best when combined with another type of play. Try starting a scene with bondage, adding a blindfold, and then some spanking. Sounds like a fun evening, doesn’t it?

Are You Ready to Play?

If you’re curious about these types of play why not try them for fun outside of the bedroom initially? If you have a partner experiment on each other! Practice different ties, play with various impact toys, and go around the house in search of new pervertables. Exploring in a casual setting can allow you both to get the hang of the techniques and experience sensations from the giver and receiver’s points of view. You’ll also get the mistakes out of the way and figure out what you do and don’t like before you hit the bedroom.
Casually experimenting with pervertables and each other will help you discover a host of new sensual possibilities. Coupling this newfound knowledge with the scene building tips from my last article will help you create a dynamic, sexy scenario you’ll both enjoy.
Keep an eye on sexpert.com for more in this BDSM article series. If you’ve missed previous installments you can find them here:
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Sunny Megatron is a sexuality educator, sex and relationship writer, media personality, and pleasure products expert. She’s also the host and executive producer of the groundbreaking, sex-positive Showtime original television series, SEX with Sunny Megatron. Her approachable demeanor and infectious humor puts audiences at ease in her sell-out sexuality workshops and university guest lectures. Named one of the 6 most savvy sexologists in North America, her work has been featured in Cosmo, Playboy, Jezebel, Buzzfeed, and CNN. Sunny’s popular sex ed youtube channel features sex tips, tours of interesting sexy places, and plenty of reviews of the latest pleasure toys. Recently nominated for XBIZ 2016 Sexpert of the Year, Sunny’s passion is helping people become their authentic, sexual selves by learning to overcome shame and shed inhibitions. As a lifestyle BDSM enthusiast, much of her work centers around normalizing alternative sexual practices and ending sexual stigma.

1 COMMENT

  1. I love your BDSM series as I am an active submissive myself. Keep in mind though that BDSM is certainly NOT all about sex or short scenes. Many participants follow 24/7 relationship dynamics and may even choose to marry their partner, as is the case for my dom and me. My fiancé and I participate in a 24/7 TPE daddy dom/little girl relationship. We started out as a mentor/mental three years ago and gradually developed into a taken in hand dynamic, a close sibling to BDSM in which the submissive partner is regularly disciplined by the dominant partner for her own good. The discipline techniques can vary, but almost always include spanking, cornertime, or lines. While we certainly play too when the play is earned, behavior control is serious business. Any behavior deemed dangerous, dishonest, disrespectful or openly disobedient will be punished severely and the act is no joke. Obeying my fiancé is one way to show that I love and trust him. We almost wouldn’t have a relationship without some degree of obedience and submission. Now we have transitioned into BDSM, but we still keep many of the same relationship goals and expectations. I obey him and he gently but strictly keeps me in line and protects me from the dangers of the world, much like a parent. We are SSC, though at this point in our 3-year, 24/7 exclusive relationship, he is frequently permitted to act without my direct consent because we have established a strong sense of trust, particularly for punishment. He permits some degree of respectful negotiation if something needs clarification or change, but it is not normally required. He is in charge and if I deserve it may take away privileges, spank me hard, put me in the corner, etc, which is fine because I speak up if I don’t consent. Otherwise, I’d consent to anything with him.

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