How to Play Safe with Sex Restraints and Bondage
Whether you are curious or experienced, bondage is a taboo topic that excites many people. It’s risqué, kinky, erotic and just dark enough to be tantalizing. Maybe you just want to spice up your “vanilla” sex life a bit, or perhaps you are already into BDSM and exploring darker forbidden sexual fun. Either way, using restraints is an erotic activity that couples can use to spice up the dynamics of their sex life.
Bondage has become much more popular with couples in the last few years due to the success of the Shades of Grey franchise. More and more couples are becoming curious of this type of sensual erotic play, using fuzzy hair cuffs and under the bed restraints as a regular practice to fulfill fantasies and heat up their regular routine.
What is Sexual Bondage?
The definition of sexual bondage is, “use of sex restraints for sexual pleasure”. It does not have to be full on BDSM, with all whips & chains or more extreme types of play. It can simply mean you enjoy kinky sex toys to enhance your sensual relationship with your partner.
Bondage is more about seduction than domination. That is what makes it appealing and exiting. Slow, sensual foreplay with the element of deep trust, surprise that tantalizes the senses for greater pleasure by creating uncertainty, with something new and mysterious.
For the bound partner, the slow tease brings them to greater heights of pleasure and orgasm. For the dominant partner, learning to tune in & turn on is sexy too, for we receive pleasure through the act of giving pleasure.
While this should be fun and exciting, there are other considerations you should also keep in mind. The two most important foundations of bondage sex play are communication and safety. These must be priority before you ever pull out the sex restraints and kinky sex toys!
Your partner may not be ok with bondage play, as it could be a fear or a trigger from past issues. There could be health reasons that they may not be able to participate, that you are not aware of. There are many variables why someone may not be interested in trying bondage or feel unsafe in doing so.
If your partner is not on board, honor that preference. Respect and trust are paramount to a good, healthy sexual relationship. It could be something as simple as claustrophobia, that will not allow them to open and receive enough to use sex restraints.
It also could be something your partner has just never thought of, and it may take time for them to decide if they are keen on this new idea or not. The key is to be open and honest, have a conversation about it beforehand, without any judgements.
These are guidelines, not an all-inclusive list of safety precautions. Always be aware of what is going on and think about the risks involved before you try something new.
- Trust is key to a good bondage experience! Never try bondage with a brand-new partner or someone you do not know well and trust deeply.
- Never engage in bondage play if either partner is under the influence of any alcohol or drugs. This could cause you to have poor judgement about the risks, or not remember safety first and foremost.
- Agree on the limits and scenarios you are both comfortable with beforehand.
- Create and agree on safe words. Like “yellow” to try something different and “red” to stop totally. When safe words are used, there needs to be a discussion about why and how the partner feels.
- If you use neck or throat play, never tie anything around the area, as this could easily cause severe harm. There are special collars made for safe play with the throat.
- Ensure that when you tie a sex restraint there is at least 1-2 fingers gap between the restraint and the skin. Binding too tight could cut of circulation and/or damage nerves. The skin should be regularly checked for numbness or coldness.
- Never leave a bound partner alone, as this could be extremely dangerous.
- Keep a pair of safety scissors nearby in case the need arises to quickly remove restraints.
- Do not bind around or across pulse points which include the upper, inner thigh, throat, and wrists to avoid direct pressure and cut off the circulation.
- Do not apply any pressure or restraint across the Brachial Plexus nerve, along the back near the shoulder blade.
- As a beginner, never keep a partner restrained in one position for more than 20 minutes. It could lead to cramping, numbing and other unsexy things.
- Use simple techniques when you are learning.
- Avoid silk scarves, nylon or other stretchy materials or ropes as these can tighten to a harmful level very quickly. Struggling is usually part of the turn on and could cause a dangerous situation. Stick with nylon, leather, furry metal cuffs or cotton rope. You can also purchase bondage kits and kinky sex toys from sex shops to ensure safety.
Keep communication and safety as your priority, and bondage may become a very pleasurable sex play for you and your partner.