Valentine’s Day is the one holiday of the year that most women love and most men hate. Men hate it because they aren’t sure what is expected, they have no idea what to give, and they feel pressured to perform on this “manufactured” holiday. Of course I am generalizing, as I had an ex-boyfriend who loved it, but generally it is considered somewhat of a stressful holiday. But it doesn’t have to be. Its supposed to be romantic, and fun!
First, lets talk about what women don’t want. If you are a woman, please tell any men you know about this.
1.) One rose. Omg, whatever you do, don’t give us one freakin’ rose. We hate that. I know, if you are a teenage boy and that’s all you can afford, at least you are trying to be romantic, but if you are older than 17, one rose makes you look like a total cheapskate. At least throw another one or two roses in there. On previous Valentine’s Days, I have seen more than one guy walking down the street in NYC, happily carrying the “one rose”, and have always wanted to stop and tell them to buy a couple more. And when I see couples walking down the street with one, I always think “She got the one rose.”
2.) Lingerie. I know, lingerie is the sexiest thing ever. We like to wear it and it makes up feel super sexy, but every time a guy buys me lingerie it’s too small and my C-cup bazoombas are spilling over the B-cup bra like a cheap hooker, and the thong is so tight that it cuts off the circulation in my lady business. A better alternative is a gift card to Victoria’s Secret, Frederick’s of Hollywood, or any other store that sells sexy lingerie. That way we can buy our own and surprise you. Or better yet, you can come with to the store, and you get to pick out the sexy stuff you dream of seeing us wearing.
3.) Another great alternative is a soft, silky, sexy robe, (as opposed to the frumpy “ugly” robe women secretly wear in private that would give any man a “hard off”). Any woman would love a beautiful lace or satin robe. They are great for keeping warm and snuggling post-doing it, and good for that cold walk to the bathroom after all that amazing sex.
4.) More things not to give us include chocolate or candy, as we are either on the Keto diet or doing CrossFit and we’re trying to starve ourselves so we look hot so someone will sleep with us.
5.) And what gifts do we want? One word: jewelry. Ask any woman and she’ll say jewelry. It doesn’t have to be expensive, just something that reminds us of you. Okay, we’ll like it way more if it’s expensive.
6.) And finally, if you have no idea what to get her, give her the gift of pleasure. There are new vibrators on the market that suck her “little lady in the boat” (in a good way) as well as work her up to an orgasm, like the gorgeous white gold Womanizer. Satisfyer has a groovy 70’s inspired “flower power” vibe with sucking action, and Lelo has some of the most well designed sex toys in the world, including couples toys. She’ll love you for it, and thank you for not giving her “the one rose.”
Photo of Valentine’s Tree by John Tex, Wikimedia Commons