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I am a Bisexual Queen: Bisexual Problems & Bi-Erasure

Bisexuality Erasure

I am a Bisexual Gender-Fluid Drag Queen

Hello friends! My name is Miss Colleen. I am a gender-fluid bisexual drag queen and I today want to talk about my bisexuality, as well as issues that bisexuals face, including bi-erasure.

How I Found Out I Was Bisexual

Miss Colleen

Author: Miss Colleen

I found that I was bi-curious when I was 20 years old. I was attracted to women ever since I hit puberty, but at 20 my curiosity about being sexual with men was strong and I would get aroused at the idea of having sex with men.

Not too long after had my first sexual experience with a man, I was left with doubts about if I really liked it or not. I was overwhelmed and needed time to digest how I felt. Months later I tried again and had a new experience with someone else and found that I do enjoy sex with men.

But I still had a really strong attraction to women. I did some soul searching and at times I was struggling with insecurity and anxiety but once I began to love myself and accept who I am I became proud to be bisexual and I came out to the world about my bisexuality and my drag!

I am primarily sexually and romantically attracted to women. I have never had a relationship with a man before and I am not really sure if that is something I want in my life? Everyone wants to feel loved and accepted and I am sure if I came across the right guy that made me feel that way, I would happily be in a relationship. What troubles me about having a relationship with a man is my primary sexual attraction to women. I feel there would have to be an open relationship to satisfy my desires to be with women. 

Bisexuality is a Phase–A Common Myth

A common belief about bisexuality is that it’s a phase, that eventually someone who is bisexual will either lean to either heterosexual or homosexual, even though studies show that bisexuals make up more than 50% of the LGBTQ+ community.

Bisexuals Bi Majority Infographic

From GLAAD: 13 Things You Didn’t Know About Being Bisexual

I have been told this a few times in my life. I remember being out in drag one night and explaining my bisexuality to someone. They told me along the lines that I was confused, that I was embarrassed that I liked men and that I would eventually become gay.

I feel most people are not as accepting of bisexual people because we do not fit into a binary. I have heard stories about bisexual people not being accepted by gay communities or straight communities.

From my personal experience, I am happy to say I am very accepted and loved in my local gay and drag communities. But ever since I came out, I lost most of my straight friends. Even nowadays, when I go to a local bar or club, not in drag, with my straight friends I have not felt comfortable. I worry about doing or saying the wrong thing, about being too queer, I feel like I constantly second guess myself. I feel more comfortable being among my queer friends and community, in or out of drag. I feel more vibrant and my energy is higher.

My only wish is to build a bisexual+ community locally. I am hoping with my advocacy for bisexual people will help create a local bi+ community!

Bisexual Erasure (Bi-Erasure) –The Stigma Bisexuals Face

Bi-Erasure

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Bi-Erasure: “Bisexuals experience high rates of being ignored, discriminated against, demonized, or rendered invisible by both the heterosexual world and the lesbian and gay communities. Often, the entire sexual orientation is branded as invalid, immoral, or irrelevant. Despite years of activism and the largest population within the LGBT community, the needs of bisexuals still go unaddressed and their very existence is still called into question. This erasure has serious consequences on bisexuals’ health, economic well-being, and funding for bi organizations and programs.” —from Biresource.org, Bisexual Invisibility: Impacts and Recommendations (PDF)

A stigma bisexuals face is bisexual erasure (Bi-Erasure). People are misconceived that bisexuality simply does not exist yet bisexual people make up the majority of the LGBTQ+ population here in America. This is why it is so important to me to be visible. People go out of their way to make bisexuals feel unvalidated or unaccepted.

Bisexuals are least likely to be out of the closet because of the general doubt that people are not truly bisexual. My hopes and dreams in being visible and out there is to help those that are questioning their bisexuality and have insecurity about themselves, to give my example to see and make others feel validated and that they deserved to be accepted and loved!

Bi-Erasure is critical to the reduction of resources and support bisexuals need. According to the Bisexual Resource Center, bisexuals have higher rates of anxiety, depression and other mood disorders compared to heterosexuals and homosexuals. Bisexuals also have a higher rate of heart disease, cancer risk factors and STI diagnoses.

I have personally dealt with anxiety and insecurity about being bisexual. My biggest insecurity is finding love with women. I dated a cisgender woman for two years. Among other issues, I decided to break up with her. She was not accepting or supporting of my bisexuality. We have talked numerous times about having an open relationship but there were limits to that open relationship that did not benefit me from having an open relationship.

I absolutely adored being in a relationship and having someone that was there for me for whatever I needed. But at the same time the no support of my bisexuality, which makes up a huge piece of me, hurt. This anxiety comes and goes and I do my best to implement by best self-care techniques to work through any anxiety issues.

Bisexual Men and HIV

bisexual men and HIV

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon

There is also little to no accurate information or research on bisexual men and HIV. National reporting standards only distinguish between gay men and straight men. Bisexual men are grouped together with gay men, as another form of Bi-Erasure. This makes gaining accurate information about bisexual men difficult. The lack of accurate information further deepens the stigma bisexuals face.

Going back to my past relationship, my ex stigmatized me when it came to hooking up with men. She did not trust that I would play safely and if I were to have sex with men I would without a doubt give her a disease. Their is no concrete research or data about bisexual men and HIV/STIs. I do hope in the future more research and studies will be coordinated with bisexual men to end the stigma.

Why We Need More Conversations About Bisexuality

Bi-Erasure

From sexualalpha.com

Talking about bisexuals can help save lives. This is why I share my bisexuality and am open and honest not only to myself about who I am and what I do, but to others as well. We can fight the stigma and Bi-Erasure by having open and honest conversation about who we are as bisexual people.

Self acceptance, talking about our sexual interests, practicing safe sex and communicating with your partners. All these things can help people better understand bisexuality and acknowledge that bisexuality is not a phase and that bisexual people do exist.

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Featured Photo by Marta Branco

Sources:

  1. Bisexual Men Aren’t ‘Spreading HIV’. https://www.hivplusmag.com/stigma/2014/10/06/are-bisexual-men-missing-hiv-link-or-pure-myth 
  2. Mental health Biphobia Brochure. BiResource.Org. http://biresource.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Mental_Health_Biphobia_Brochure.pdf

The Sexual Consent Form By Dr. Ava Cadell

Photo by Cliff Booth from Pexels

How to Protect Yourself From Sexual Abuse

Superstar athletes, actors, rock stars, politicians, even entrepreneurs have groupies that will do just about anything to have sex with them, but can they be trusted?  Will they lie about the act being consensual?  Could they threaten to sue or worse still, make an accusation about sexual assault?  You bet they can!  So how can these people who are regularly out of town and away from home, which can lead to loneliness and result in temptation, protect themselves?

Sexual Consent Form

Condoms can protect from STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.  Another form of protection is to have a signed Sexual Consent Form before having any sex as I described on TV’s Celebrity Justice, CNN with Anderson Cooper, ABC News, Fox News, and Good Morning America right after Kobe Bryant was accused of sexual misconduct.  Even Jay Leno talked about my Sexual Consent Form in his monologue on The Tonight Show.

If you think that a sexual consent form is only for the rich and famous, think again.  Even if you have no assets, you need to protect yourself from false accusations because you can lose everything including your personal property, freedom, and reputation.  There are many other benefits to signing a sexual consent form, including the fact that you literally open up a form of intimate communication prior to rushing into sex.

And, ladies the sexual consent form can protect you from being taken advantage of sexually because there is an “out clause” that stipulates that if you say the words “CODE RED,” your partner must stop immediately.  I chose this phrase because the words “NO” and “STOP” have been used all too frivolously in our society and unfortunately, they are not always taken seriously.  By using the Sexual Consent Form with an FDA approved condom, you could protect yourself legally and sexually.

Click here for Sexual Consent Form

So to summarize why I created The Sexual Consent Form, here are 10 good reasons to use one before engaging in sex:

  1. The Sexual Consent form is a cautionary way for one person to ask permission to have sex with another.
  2. There will be no confusion or miscommunication as far as sexual consent is concerned by both parties.
  3. Nobody is obligated to sign the Sexual Consent Form if they are not ready for sexual intimacy.
  4. The Sexual Consent Form can be a form of foreplay since you get to talk about safer sex and sexual behavior before rushing into it.  This can create open communication and lead to mutual trust and respect.
  5. You and your partner get to choose which sexual activities you want to indulge in and list special requests in writing so there are no unrealistic expectations or misunderstandings.
  6. Women can benefit by signing The Sexual Consent Form even if they change their minds in the middle of the sex act.  However, instead of using the words “NO” or “STOP” which have been used frivolously, playfully, and teasingly in the past and are not always taken seriously, I created the phrase CODE RED which will not be mistaken for anything other than “HIGH ALERT,” hands off, you’ve gone too far.  You may be interested to know that non-sexual “Code Words” are often used as an ‘Out Clause’ in consensual B & D/Bondage and Domination and S & M/ Sado Masochism activities so that people don’t get carried away.
  7. The Sexual Consent Form can protect men from manipulative women who may bring false charges of sexual misconduct for financial gain.  Remember that even men who have no assets need to protect themselves from false accusations because they can lose everything including their property, freedom, and their reputation until found innocent.
  8. The Sexual Consent form is NOT a rape tool.  On the contrary, I believe that it could prevent rapes because most rapists attack total strangers and they are not likely to use a Sexual Consent Form to coerce a victim.
  9. As for the argument that a woman can be forced into signing it, I contend that a handwriting expert could probably identify a forced signature.
  10. Of course any contract is contestable, including a surgery consent form, prenuptial, or Will.  But if I were accused, I would rather go to court with a signed Sexual Consent Form than without one.  The Sexual Consent Form would be admissible and relevant as evidence of consent if signed by the alleged victim.

The Causes of Mismatched Sex Drive by Dr. Ava Cadell

Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels

What is “Normal” Sex?

How much sex in a relationship is considered “normal?”  There are many couples that have sex one or two times a month, and are completely satisfied.  The only time there could be cause for concern, is when a couples sex drive is unparalleled. According to one 2015 study, 80 percent of couples experienced a desire discrepancy in their love lives.

Reasons for Mismatched Sex Drive in Couples

There are several reasons why a couple may not be in the mood at the same time.

Physical: It could be physical: too tired, a medical condition, or certain medications certainly affect arousal.

Emotional: It could be emotional: too stressed, feeling emotionally deprived by a partner, unresolved issues.

Boredom: It could also be just plain boredom.  Look, its no secret that a relationship can get stale after a while.  Just like anything else, if we don’t put effort into creating a great sex life, it could all be over once the “honeymoon phase” ends.  You know, the first 2-3 months (if you’re lucky) in the beginning when attraction seems effortless.

Most Couples Have Sex More Than Once a Week

According to a 2002 study by the highly respected National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, married couples say they have sex 68.5 times a year, or slightly more than once a week.  That may not sound like a lot, but contrary to popular belief, married people have 6.9 more sexual encounters a year than people who have never been married.  After all, you can’t underestimate the value of having an (occasionally) willing partner conveniently located in bed next to you.

Problems that Arise from Mismatched Libidos

Couples who have a mismatched libido can often have problems in their relationship.

If one member of the couple is attempting initiation, and the other constantly refuses, the person with the lower sex drive can tend to feel barraged and possibly even harassed.

The one who is feeling the desire more often can feel neglected, unattractive, and unloved.  Arguments occur, and the sex slowly slips away.

When the sex slips away, so does the casual affection like kissing, caressing, hand holding, laughing at each others jokes, and the playfulness that comes with intimacy.

It all comes down to negotiation, communication, and making the decision to be receptive to your partner’s advances.  Easier said than done, but there is hope!

12 Ways to Deal with Mismatched Libidos

  1. Be empathetic to your partner ad try to think about how they may feel.
  2. Don’t remain silent, communication is important in a healthy  sexual relationship.
  3. Try to remember what it was like when they were having great sex and reproduce that.
  4. Masturbate, self-pleasure and practice self-love so you are not relying on your partner for all your sexual needs.
  5. Expand your meaning of sex and try other types of sexual intimacy that doesn’t always include penetration. Kissing, making out, cuddling, oral sex, fingering, sensual massage, Tantra, and more. Also try adding something to spice up your regular routine, such as shades of kink.
  6. Focus on quality versus quantity!
  7. Schedule sexy time and date nights with each other.
  8. Try doing other adventurous activities together that boost adrenaline, dopamine and testosterone like bungee jumping, or rock climbing. Even just having sex in a different place can raise adventures, desire and libido.
  9. When you do make time for sex, make sure to set the mood so there are no interruptions, have lots of foreplay, and take time to enjoy each other.
  10. Consider going to a sex therapist to talk about the issue if you can’t resolve it on your own.
  11. Perhaps try a consensual non-monogamous relationship. While this doesn’t work for everyone, it is becoming increasingly popular as a way to improve sexual satisfaction in a relationship.
  12. If it is a real deal breaker, consider breaking up.

The Ultimate Hand Job

Photo by Deon Black from Pexels

Generally speaking, most hand jobs — whether DIY or by a partner — don’t vary much. But if the same old routine is feeling routine, I have a couple of favorite techniques that will be sure to set a man’s rocket off to new heights either by himself or if he has a sexy co-pilot.

Lube it Up A hand job without lotion or lube is like taking a car out that hasn’t had … well, a lube job. I don’t recommend most off-the-shelf hand lotions. The thin skin of the penis can easily get irritated from fragrances and other chemical additives. Plus, safety for your partner is pretty questionable if you’re going to follow up bareback. My favorite thing to use is aloe vera gel. It’s naturally good for your skin and the slickness lasts quite a while. If you use lube, go with a silicone lube. It will last longer than a water-based lube. Plus, the cock will already be well-lubed when it’s time to slip on a condom. The downside of using silicone lube: its lasting power requires a bit more cleanup effort than just wiping up with a hand towel or tissue.

It’s All in the Wrist A good stroke job is all about flexing the wrist and not yanking a rigid hand up and down on a cock like a machine. Some men like a firm and fast grip. Other men like a hand that slides up and down his shaft. If he doesn’t say which approach he prefers, try both and ask him how it feels.

Tempo and Timing is Everything If your man’s cock is a bit flaccid at first, start out slow. Yanking on it from the get-go will feel just as pleasurable as someone trying to rouse you out of bed during a sound sleep. My favorite technique is to caress the cock in a soft grip as if I were molding soft clay. As he gets harder and starts thrusting, this is when you want to pick up speed. Some guys like to turn up and turn down the speed. If he doesn’t say anything, read his body language, moaning or breathing. If he’s struggling to get hard or come, slow things down for a bit and gradually built up the grip and tempo. When he’s about to orgasm, give him everything you’ve got.

Don’t Just Stroke Him Grip two hands around the cock and twist in opposite directions while going up and down. He’ll feel like he’s in a phantom threesome.

Hand-ling the Jewels Not all guys like anyone messing with the balls, but if he does, cup and coddle them gently while stroking him. If you can get between his legs or get underneath him, take his balls in his mouth to keep them warm and yet. Don’t suck on them too vigorously and by all means don’t use your teeth!

Stand at Attention Ideally, this is what you want your dick to do, but what I’m talking about is standing on your two feet for a hand (or blow) job. While it might feel relaxing to lay back in a chair or a bunch of pillows against the headboard, more blood flows to the penis while standing resulting in a firmer erection and more intense orgasm. Make sure you have something to hang onto … the back of a sofa, a countertop or a door jam.

Pull Back at the Base When the penis is hard as a steel pole, form an O-ring with the thumb and forefinger of your free hand and pull back on the penis firmly at the base. What you’re doing is squeezing on dorsal veins that run along either side of his shaft that make the veins more engorged than usual while stroking (or sucking). It’s guaranteed to create a more explosive orgasm.

Put a Ring on It A cock ring will have the same, if not better, effect than squeezing and pulling down at the base of the shaft with the thumb and forefinger. I recommend getting an elastic cock ring with a Velcro release that will say on tight yet is easy and quick to take off. A vibrating cock ring will amp up and erection and orgasm even more. It’s also an amazing she-pleaser since it will press against the clit during deep penetration.

Don’t Mess with His Head Before he’s ready to come, avoid touching the head of his cock. It’s super sensitive right before orgasm.

Delay the Finish If want to keep him from coming too quickly or want to keep him on the edge, slow things down by squeezing under the head of the penis.

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This article was previously published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/the-ultimate-hand-job/

Lelo Ina Wave Review by Erika Jordan

New! Lelo Ina Wave Video Review by Erika Jordan

Watch here on Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyhoO3qPBtg

Erika Jordan reviews the Ina Wave by Lelo in her latest video post on Youtube.

Set patterns, wild variations, g-spot stimulation, something for everyone!

Most impressive of the products that Erika tried, she had two orgasm in the first few minutes! Or, as she likes to call it, “Lazy Masturbation!” LOL! aka: Very  minimal work for extreme results! She also likes that it was rechargeable, plug it in, charge it, and its ready to go, just like your phone. The clit stimulation part was perfect, with even vibrations that took her clit stimulation to a whole new level of WOW! A complete wave of ecstasy…

Get creative with it, its a lot of fun. Find what works for you.

Definitely Erika’s FAV toy by Lelo thus far. A BIG Winner!

Lelo is a wonderful brand. The Channel of Sex Toys!

Get the Lelo Ina Wave Here!

 

Vital Statistics of the Ina Wave 2

Ina Wave 2 via @Lelo

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INA 2™ offers a combined clitoral and G-spot orgasm thanks to motors in the body and clitoral stimulator

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10 Juicy Relationship Ideas For June

relationship ideas

10 Juicy Relationship Ideas for June

Things are starting to warm up, so here are some hot relationship ideas to bring on the heat this June!

Relationship Ideas

Why are weddings so popular in June?

Historically it was the ideal time to conceive a child, since a spring birth the following year would ensure better winter survival. These days not everyone opts for spring nuptials, so let’s bring on some new traditions for this happy month to spice things up in our relationships, whether we’re tying the knot – or not!

In my book, Neuroloveology, I explore the positive results of actively seeking new behavior with your partner. When you learn something new together, or step outside your comfort zone as a couple, you grow your brain cells, and your relationship.

Here are ten juicy relationships ideas and ways you can take this relationship-enhancing step, and create a new June tradition while you’re at it!

Make A Fantasy Come True

relationship ideas fantasiesSharing sexual fantasies with your lover can boost arousal and provide an avenue of exciting escape for both of you. Choose an idea – whether it’s making love in a public place or dressing up like a cowboy – and make it happen! Use your imaginations and exhilarate your brains and bodies together.

Aphrodisiac Feast

When you grab groceries this week, add some aphrodisiacs to your cart and make a tradition out of serving an sexy feast to your lover. Pumpkin pie boosts men’s penis blood flow by 40%, and licorice stimulates women’s sex glands, bringing oxygen to the female genitals 40% faster. Go here for more sexy feast ideas.

Striptease Please

For this little number, you will need a few props: layered clothing, sexy lingerie, high heels, some sexy background music and a chair. Find an open space in your home and sit your partner down in the chair. Play your favorite sexy music and let the dancing begin!

Sexy Picture Day

Why not start a tradition of photographing each other nude? You don’t need to share them with anyone else, and watching each other pose can be a huge turn-on. There is nothing more beautiful than the human form in its natural state.

Weekend in Bed

relationship ideasStart by clearing your schedule. The only work you’re going to be doing over the weekend is pleasing your lover between the sheets! Cook breakfast naked in the kitchen and then eat it together in bed. Skip lunch and order take-out food for dinner.

Sensual Experience

Before making love, prepare something to heighten all of your and your lover’s senses to create an unforgettable lovemaking session. For your sense of sight: dim the lights, smell: light scented candles, sound: talk erotically, taste: snack on fruit and for touch: use feathers, silk, or oil. Try out sensation play for couples!

Raid the Toybox!

What is a sex toy? It’s anything that you use to enhance foreplay or sex. The most commonly used sex toy is the vibrator, which many people mistakenly think can only be used by women for solo masturbation. Not true! Incorporate sex toys into your lovemaking, and it just might become a daily tradition!

Supercharge your Kiss

Of course you’re not going to save kissing for June alone, but this month is as good a time as any to reconnect with a powerful, passionate, fall-to-your-knees kiss. Many people don’t realize that a man’s testosterone gets transferred to the woman’s mouth during French kissing, which boosts her libido, and gets you both in the mood.

Sex Picnic

Make sure you buy all of your lover’s favorite finger foods, hot and cold, and create a picnic in the middle of your bed.  Spread out a large sheet and cover it with the variety of delectables.  Take turns feeding each other slowly and licking each other’s fingers sensuously.

Hot Spots

relationship ideasMake a habit out of sensual massage! The best way to find your lover’s erogenous zones is to give them a massage from head to toe and ask them to rate their ‘zones’ on a pleasure rating scale from 1 to 10. It’s your job to focus on their favorite parts. Try licking your lover’s eyebrows, kissing their nose or stroking the backs of their knees. Enjoy the journey!

For more relationship ideas and tipcs on how to create new experiences in your love life and grow your brain cells while doing it, read Neuroloveology: The Power To Mindful Love & Sex.

Vaginal Fingering Techniques

Photo by Deon Black from Pexels

How to Finger the Vagina

When performing the following, make sure that your fingers are well lubricated. There is nothing more uncomfortable (and painful) than a dry finger roughly rubbed across a woman’s clitoris or pushed inside. In most cases, proper foreplay stimulating a woman’s erogenous zones will usually avoid the problem of Dryness. Nevertheless, it never hurts to keep a “tube of lube” sitting nearby. Under no circumstance should you put pressure or blame on your partner for this if it happens; work with her to get around it.

Vaginal Massage

Most women masturbate by rubbing a finger or two over their clitoris, sometimes “through” the skin of their inner or outer lips, in a circular or back-and-forth motion. You can do this too, and it is most helpful to ask, or better yet, have her show you how she likes it done. Lie down side by side, and put your hand over hers while she shows you what she likes. You can also try having her hand over top of yours guiding.

External

Another technique which women are very receptive of is to have your partner lie on her back, spread her vaginal lips wide apart with your outer fingers, and use your middle finger to rapidly slide up and down her vagina rapidly and lightly grazing her clitoris. This motion alone will often bring a woman to orgasm. Don’t forget to use your mouth while you are fingering, keep kissing her, her neck, and all her other erogenous zones.

Internal

An excellent way to begin manual stimulation is to stick one, and later two or more, finger(s) inside her, with your palm cupped over the mons area. We’re talking about that fleshy ‘mound’ over her pubic bone. Your finger should have freedom to move in and out freely while the palm of your hand can add pressure against her vulva and clitoris. Once you get better, you can start moving your palm to add more stimulation.

Another, more intense motion is to position your hand so that you have one or two fingers inside her with your palm facing her body. Now bend your fingers inward and move them in rapid but short movements focusing on her G-Spot. This technique can quickly bring your woman to orgasm, especially when combined with cunnilingus.

Fingering Techniques

Labial Massage

Place a well lubricated hand over her labia, fingers pointing towards her anus. Pull up toward the navel and alternate hands. Explore the inner and outer lips with your fingers. Pull gently on one lip and then the other. Rub the outer lips gently between your forefinger and thumb, then the inner lips.

A-One and A-Two and a-Three

Try inserting your first two fingers into her vagina, then arch your thumb back ‘hitch-hiker’ style and thrust in until your thumb rests against her clitoris. Now wriggle, twist, thrust, and vibrate your hand to drive her wild.

Close But No Cigar

If your partner has a particular spot that they like to have licked or caressed, try doing so very close to but not quite on that spot. This trick will make them take longer to reach their orgasm, but they will likely have a much stronger, more powerful orgasm when they finally do.

Push Here to Start

Gently insert one finger deeply into her vagina and, when she’s ready, insert a second. Then take your thumb and place it against her anus (Don’t insert it). Press against her anus while you move your fingers inside her vagina.

Tap Dancing

Place the palm of your hand on her mons (the mound where her pubic hair is), and rest your fingers lightly on her vaginal lips. Rest your thumb on her thigh. Lightly but firmly press your palm onto her mons and begin to move your hand in a tiny circular motion. Your palm should not slide too much over her skin during this process. Rather, her skin should move underneath it. Repeat this process until you have done ten circles. You then raise your fingers and lightly tap her vaginal lips about once a second until you have given her ten taps. After giving the taps, rest your hand for five to ten seconds. Then repeat the whole routine over and over.

Cervix Clock

A woman’s cervix can usually be found in the upper rear part of her vagina. The cervix feels like a little dome of tissue, and may also have a small cleft in the middle, like your chin. Carefully stimulate the area surrounding the cervix. Some women may enjoy this and want you to do it more often; others won’t.

From the Outside

Lay your free hand over the lower part of your partner’s abdomen. Experiment by applying different kinds of pressure with the top hand while fingers from your other hand are inside her vagina.

Off the Edge

Another form of genital massage can be done by holding a lubricated vaginal lip between your thumb and forefinger. While squeezing just a little, pull your fingers straight away from the woman’s body. Your fingers will end up in the air an inch or two above her body. If she likes this, repeat it often.

Ovaries

Ask your partner to help you locate her ovaries. They can usually be felt in the deepest part of the vagina and to the far left or right. Some women will like you to massage this area, others will find it painful. Sensitivity will also vary with her menstrual status.

Tracing

After applying lubrication, it might be nice to begin with one of the large outer lips. Place the lip between your thumb and forefinger, clasping it at the base where it attaches to the main part of the woman’s body. Then run your fingers (or fingertip) from the lower to upper part of the lip, as though you were tracing one side of a parenthesis. Repeat this as long as your partner’s feedback is positive.

Crecent Moon

Insert your thumb in her vagina, curl your palm around onto her clitoris, and rest your fingertips on top of her pubic bone. Alternate stimulation between the internal G-Spot, the clitoris, and the external G-Spotbladder.

Four Directions

With two fingers press firmly up/side/down/side in her vagina, eight times each side.

Gentle Touch and Tickle

Tickle the clitoris extremely lightly.

Healing Thrust

Some women might need and want good, hard, deep, vigorous thrusting penetration. Be sure to keep her relaxed – don’t let her get tensed.

Pinch and Pull

Gently pinch and pull on the clitoris. This is definitely not for everyone.

Rock Around the Clit

With your forefinger make tiny circles, stopping at every ‘hour’.

Tour de France

Orbit your forefinger around between her inner and outer labia from perineum to above her clitoris.

Triple Digit Pet

Use your three longest fingers, with your middle finger gliding along the outside of her vaginal opening and your other two fingers running along the area where her thigh meets her labia.

Twist and Shout

Using one or more fingers, massage in and out while twisting at the wrist.

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This post was previously published at: http://agoodwomansdirtymind.com/vaginal-fingering-techniques/

Sex Writing: Mix It Up Different Genres for Unique Erotica

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

From squirting warm water on your sub’s bottom before spanking them or only ever frying your empanadas in canola oil, there are lots we try to make life a little more fun. Not all of what we get into works or even fits well into our day. Just as many bucket list items can exceed our expectations, as plenty more can come up short.

The point I’m trying to make here is that giving stuff a try, messing with the old program, shaking life’s snow globe is a good thing for humans to do from time to time, even if the results on each attempt vary.

As it is for us writers.

When it comes to my fiction writing, I primarily pen erotic or fantastical fiction (horror, science fiction, fantasy). As a general rule, I don’t try my hand at mystery, romance, westerns, crime, or ‘straight’ fiction of the kind you’d find in The Paris Review or The New Yorker. This is not to say I haven’t flicked my keys (did I ever tell you about the time I got pulled over in Florida for flicking my keys at a busload of nuns?… sorry, that’s a story for another time) over a wide range of fiction genres.

Still, I just don’t write stuff other than erotica and fantasy fiction, mostly. When I do attempt to shake up my usual approach, I mix my favorite genres (ala Robert Sheckley, Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury… all Godheads of what I meagerly try to scribble, I concede). And when I can, I’ll slip in some satire.

Shmushing in some mocking of organized religion into a horror story or attempting to write a hot robot sex scene is how I challenge myself, good/bad/effective/lame.

Should you be doing the same?

Maybe not writing the hot robot sex scenes, I’ll give you that, but should you be mixing genres, even writing something completely foreign to anything you have ever attempted? While I have mentioned this kind of exercising the old mental muscles in other columns, I still like to avoid those: “You must do this or that to become a better writer” edicts. But as I began this little diatribe, I do think experimentation, a little bob-and-weaving to the side of your usual chugging down the track, changing up your way of doing things, clears out the old cobwebs, and might just be fun.

You also might stumble into a genre you never considered or thought you had the talent for and suddenly find you do.

Mostly, as I say over and over again in these little writing life lessons, a writer needs to write. That’s really the only absolute I will give you (a writer also must much read). But trying your hand at something beyond your usual or flicking your keys across a mix of genres might just do your skills a world of good.

(Did I ever tell you about the time I got pulled over in Florida for flicking my keys at a busload of nuns?… sorry, that’s a story for another time)…

Learn How To Write Erotica From M. Christian

Sexpert’s very own M.Christian will be spreading the joy of writing erotica with his special online class for AsYouLikeIt, a women-owned adult pleasure shop based in Eugene, Oregon. Get the basics of translating passionate fantasies into beautifully raw erotica by signing up now!

Who is M. Christian?

M.Christian is a renowned and respected author, editor, and publisher. Respected equally for his staggering imagination as well as his chameleonic ability to write convincingly for any and all interests and orientations, his short fiction has graced the pages of anthologies such as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, and many other publications.

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Photo courtesy of M.Christian

His fiction has been collected into books such as the Lambda Award finalist Dirty Words, and others such as Speaking Parts, Filthy Boys, BodyWork, Bachelor Machine, Skin Effect, and the recently released Hard Drive: The Best Sci-Fi Erotica Of M.Christian. As a novelist, M.Christian has further demonstrated his versatility with titles like Running Dry, The Very Bloody Marys, Brushes, Painted Doll, and the rather controversial gay horror/thrillers Finger’s Breadth and Me2.

And he will be the guiding light for both budding writers and successful professionals in Sex Sells, a two-part online class where he shares every bit of wisdom and technique he’s gained in his almost 30 years of experience as a prolific and prominent contemporary erotica writer.

Sex Sells, Part 1: Getting Started As An Erotic Writer

In this special online version of his popular writing class, M.Christian will playfully and enthusiastically get into everything you ever wanted to know about turning your imagination into actual stories and books, which could very well pave your way into someday actually getting paid to write erotica!

Here you’ll learn the essential basics, such as finding inspiration, what can make (or break) an erotic story, forging interesting characters, the ups and downs of plot, making sex scenes that sizzle, great exercises to juice up your erotic imagination, how to stay motivated, dealing with your inner critic, as well as all kinds of tips and tricks to managing your emotional well-being as a writer.

Sex Sells, Part 2: How to Sell Your Erotic Writing

The good news is that now, more than ever, the market for erotic books and stories is booming. The bad, though, is that getting from passionate amateur to successful professional can be an extremely rough one — that is if you aren’t well-prepared for the harsh realities of the erotica writing biz.

In this class, you’ll learn all about how and where to submit your books and stories, pay rates, royalties and rights, social media and PR, the pros and cons of self-publishing, the care and feeding of editors and publishers, how to write for a wide variety of erotic genres, the importance of stretching yourself as a writer, plus how to deal with the inevitable emotional kicks-to-the-ego that can come from sending your work out into the world.

Where do I sign up for Sex Sells?

The introductory class, Sex Sells, Part 1: Getting Started As An Erotic Writer will be held on Sunday, June 14, 2020, from 1:00 PM – 2:00 PM PDT. Tickets can be purchased through Eventbrite.

The advanced class, Sex Sells, Part 2: How to Sell Your Erotic Writing follows on Sunday, June 28, 2020, from 3:00 PM – 5:00 PM PDT. Tickets can be purchased through Eventbrite. It is highly recommended to take the introductory segment prior to this advanced class as important writing basics will no longer be covered.

If you’re looking to pick up a new sexy skill or just looking to try something new while we’re all at home, give these classes a whirl and discover the fun and fulfilling world of erotica writing!

View Event on FB – https://www.facebook.com/events/3868248766549671/
Find MChristian on social media:
Twitter: @MChristianzobop
Instagram: mchristianzobop
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mdot.christian
https://www.facebook.com/zobopmchristian

Sex Writing: Social Media–The Writer’s Curse or Champion?

Admitting what I will here, I know instantly stains me as some sort of a pariah. But, I am not ‘on’ any social media platforms. I am not a Facebooker. I do not tweet or twat, Snapchat, or post to Instagram. I even try to censor how much I text. Yes, I am better than you because of all this, more evolved, just that much cooler. Actually, that’s not true, I’m joking. You do you; I do me; I make no judgments how you come to spend your time as I do not want you judging me.

But what about one’s social media presence when it comes to business? Specifically, for our purposes here, what’s the skinny, the good, bad, and the necessary of social media when it comes to the writing business?

Yes, I am sure I am truncating my job prospects by not being ‘on’ any social media. I see plenty of job postings that ask for writers to create Facebook posts, help with Twitter feeds, but this is just not a playing field I play on or one I know of. While I understand the concept of how this all works, and I can get together click-worthy SEO copy (I do write a lot of blogs with this) I’m just not so well-versed; best leave that work for somebody who knows how to do it, and furthermore, wants to do it.

And that’s ok. I took this stance a long time ago and it’s the way I wish to conduct my life and business. As I say, you do you; I do me.

Image by Pixabay.

What I will conjecture about social media-ing for those of you who may have come here for some sage advice (or just to laugh at the crusty old curmudgeon I am) is that, if you are ‘out there,’ or social across that old Interweb thingie all the kids talk about, you are probably dealing with the double-edged sword I have noticed lots of my fellow social media savvy scribes deal with daily.

My buddy, fellow smut writer M. Christian says all the time, that he’s consistently balancing his social media-ing with the time to write. One can get all too easy sucked down the rabbit hole of endless hours spent chasing after tweets, posting, and staying on one’s phone through the night being ‘social.’ But if you are writing for a living, you need to have some writing from which to make your living. See what I am getting at?

Yes, many would argue that social media-ing, for any business, is presently part of how one does business. So even if you are writing, there are those who will tell you, you do indeed need to find that balance my buddy “Chris” consistently works hard to maintain but many a modern-day writer can’t. And for those who do get lost, where social media becomes more important in their day than anything else, science actually excuses you. The old dumb naked ape that we are receives an actual Dopamine surge when we hear a “Weewho,” feel our phone vibrate, or see we have a new ‘like.’ It’s akin to the same shot of chemicals that rush through of pleasure center when we are sitting at a slot machine, and the lights go off, and colors swirl when we ‘hit.’

My other caution here is that there is such a great glut of stuff out there—writings, music, political ramblings, videos—it’s a hell of a lot harder to be noticed above the din. You must ask yourself: Do I want to be part of all of that? And in becoming part of all that will I truly be lending my voice in some substantive manner to the wave, or will I get drowned under it?

Please don’t ask me the answer to that one, by reading down this far you must know what my answer will be. (My answer is: Why be just like everybody else?)

Photo by Prateek Katyal from Pexels

I have had experience in seeing, first hand, how spending hours and precious coin on social media did not mark any marketable turn-around in a publishing venture of which I was involved. In still others that I know of on an intimate level, I have seen social media bring near ruination. And indeed, I have met plenty of writers who are running around like dogs chasing their tails, not understanding why all their online chattering isn’t bringing them more readers.

I keep thinking all of this noise will reach a critical mass (if it hasn’t already), and as we have always seemed to, the culture will retreat en mass, take their collective interest in another direction. But this need to be heard (and it is truly more than the need to listen to somebody else) is an epidemic in modern society and seems to be increasing.

So, be cautioned about how much social media you let into your writing day. But then again…you do you, I’ll do me.

Featured Image by Kaboompics .com from Pexels