Ashley Madison, the cheating site for married people who want to cheat with other married people, has released a new study on how people cheat. The good news is that “women take the lead in the extramarital affair.” The bad news is she could be “taking the lead” with your husband.
Of course we’re not advocating cheating, we’re just telling you how people cheat, in case you want to know how its done, like when you’re “asking for a friend”.
Since married guys on this dating site are “married but dating,” many of them don’t know how to act on their philandering first date. So Ashley Madison has come up with an “Extramarital Dating 101” guide they say is “first date etiquette for an affair.”
According to the company, “Ashley Madison surveyed more than 1,600 members to find out what happens on a first date when stepping out on their marriage with someone new. The results showed that women choose to meet a “new affair partner” one week earlier than men, and when the chemistry is there they are more willing to become intimate before men are.”
The survey also found that “Females predominantly meet with someone new within the first week of talking to them (42%), whereas only 29% of males say the same. Men actually hold off a little bit, with 35% meeting someone new within the first two to three weeks of connecting.” (That’s because men are terrified of getting caught and getting financially “taken to the cleaners” by their wives of 20 years).
So do married ladies “put out” on the first date when dating someone else who is married? “Sometimes people are looking for more of an emotional connection, sometimes the focus is of a more sexual nature,” say the peeps at Ashley Madison. “But once that chemistry and connection has been established, nearly half of females (45%), say they would wait only one date before having sex with someone new. These women aren’t hesitant to get down to business as 28% say they waited only one date to have sex with their spouse too.”
According to the survey, more than a third (35%), say they would wait two dates before having sex with someone new for the first time. This is a lot faster than than the 5 dates 40% of men surveyed said they waited before having sex with their spouse. (Who has time for 5 dates when you have to “get in and out” then go home to your spouse?)
Dr. Tammy Nelson, sex and relationship therapist and author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity, says “People cheat for different reasons, and the factors that drive their decision to stray outside of their marriage may determine how their first date will go. The date could be initiated purely for sex, to compensate for a low sex or sexless marriage. Others are looking to find a deeper connection, one that they feel has been lost in their marriage. For emotional intimacy seekers, the first date tends to be more conversation driven, which then eases them into the sexual affair.”
In my book, The Wild Girls Club, Part 2, (I know, so tacky of me to plug my own book), I devote a chapter to the “Married but Cheating” crowd and asked married men why they didn’t just get a divorce if they were banging other people? Or try moving into an open marriage/non monogamy situation? Their answers: 1.) “My wife will clean me out”/the money. 2.) “She will get the house.” 3.) “My kids will hate me.” 4.) “The dog.”
So back to cheating behind your spouse’s back then, these are Ashley Madison’s “Most important factors to determine on a first date”:
“Finding out if there is chemistry between the two of us” – 45%
“Determining if we are looking for the same thing” – 31%
“Getting to know the person” – 17%
“Learning about why they are looking to have an affair” – 5%
“Learning about their extra-marital affair history” – 1% (TMI)
And where do cheaters like to meet? And when? 50% say early evening and the other 50% say in the middle of the day. (The married men I met researching my book told me they liked to meet on Sundays when they’re supposed to be playing golf.)
Here are the “Top places cheaters like to meet with their affair partners for the first time.”
Coffee shop – 42%
Restaurant – 25%
Bar – 19%
At a park -4%
In one of their vehicles – 5% (Good for “road head”.)