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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Need A Libido Boost? These Women Over 40 Have Some Great Ideas

*Photos by IconicPinups.com

You know that old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Well, these eight women flash some serious side-eye to that sentiment by trying something new, past the age of 40, that transformed their sex lives forever. Here are their suggestions, so take notes!

Try Tantric Sex

Tantric Sex is not all about having sex for hours on end as rock star Sting once boasted. It actually includes realistic practices that can help sex last longer. “My boyfriend and I learned the tantric  ‘Breath of Fire’ in which he breathes very fast through his nose to delay his climax. To feel more sensation during the Big O, we growled like tigers to tap into our primal nature. Sounds silly, but it totally worked!” explains Caroline, 51.

Take Sexy Selfies – For Yourself!

For Lisa, 46, taking sexy photos of (and for!) herself gave her a whole new sense of self… and sexiness! “I gained a lot of weight and my self-confidence was down. So I started taking photos of myself for fun. With my digital camera, I was able to control the angle, the lighting, and use a filter and I liked what I saw. I gave me my confidence back. I don’t apologize for my size anymore and I feel more confidence in life and the bedroom,” she says.

Embrace Your Inner Goddess With Buti Yoga

BUTI instructor Karen Resulto of One Down Dog (www.onedowndog.com) in L.A. in “Goddess” Pose. Photo by Rachel Madrigal

If you want to feel like a warrior princess, a goddess, and a sex kitten all in one hour, then try BUTI yoga. That’s how Carrie, 47, describes this unique yoga practice that combines shakti (the female principle of divine energy) awakening power yoga, primal movements, and tribal dance with a bit of twerking, belly dancing, and exotic dance moves. “When I get out of BUTI class, I want to have sex. I feel sexy, strong, powerful and very fired up. It awakens the goddess in me!” she says.

 

 

Take a Burlesque Class

Burlesque, a form of striptease that dates back to the 1800s, helps women learn how to tease and seduce in a classy way using vaudeville-style props and cheekiness. (Pun intended!) “My friend told me it was very empowering, so I gave it a shot. I would practice my routine for my boyfriend after class and we both loved it. I would never dance for a guy like that before, but this class was a real confidence-builder and it spiced up the relationship big time,” says Janie, 47.

Book A Boudoir Photo Shoot

Photo courtesy of IconicPinups.com

Why should models have all the fun? Photo studios, like Iconic Pinups in L.A., offer Pinup Girl and Boudoir photo shoots to help women tap into their inner pinup model or vixen. ” It brought back the va-va-voom in me! I gave a book of my Iconic Pinup photos to my boyfriend as a gift and it reminded us of our desire for each other. I felt sexier and when you feel sexy, the sex is better!” says Shari, 54.

Sext Your Partner

A recent study reported that 80% of adults have sexted. Have you? Sending sexy photos and/or messages is a great way to add some spice into any relationship. Just ask Alexa, 47. “I’ll sext my boyfriend all day and by the time I get home, we’re just ready for each other. When you’re flirting all day, you feel hornier at night. It’s also a great way to ask for what you want sexually without having the awkward conversation in person,” she says.

Smoke Some Weed

Guess what? Cannabis is now an aphrodisiac. Many sativa strains are blended specifically to increase the libido. “I smoked for the first time in about 20 years and it opened doors for me sexually. I had an absolute sexual awakening with weed. It helped me let go of insecurities and made me feel freer. I walk around naked now… and I’m crazier in bed. And, that feeling has stayed with me even when I’m not smoking weed,” says Jennifer, 49.

Read Erotica

If reading is to the mind what exercise is the to the body, then reading erotica is to the female libido what Viagra is for men with erectile dysfunction! “I didn’t realize how not in touch with my sexuality I was until I started reading erotica late one night. It woke me up, and taught me a lot. I learned to use my voice in bed, which was a liberating lesson for me and made it hot for my lover,” says Kate, 49.

Give The Perfect V-Day VJ: Cunninglingus Tips

Give the perfect VJ for the sexiest Valentine’s Day gift ever!

These oral sex techniques will create truly memorable sex and have her begging for more.

Start Slow to Build Sexual Anticipation

First, slowly and sensuously caress, kiss and lick every part of her body from head to toe. You can use your own breath, hair or a feather to tease her hot spots and give her goosebumps. Use your cool and warm breath, followed by a variation of short flicking motions and long lapping motions with your tongue on the nape of her neck, her throat, between her breasts, over her hips, and then romantically kiss and lick the inside of her thighs to create sexual anticipation.

Since most women orgasm through oral sex more often than through sexual intercourse, it’s very important to get to know a woman’s vulva and vagina up close and personal. It you want to rock her world, you need to know how to heighten her arousal one step at a time in slow motion.

Encourage her to lie back comfortably with a pillow under her head and another under her buttocks. Raising her pelvis with a pillow will provide you with the best access to her clitoris, vagina and anus. It will also help alleviate strain from your neck. Keep her legs spread flat on the bed so that you can lie between them.

Explore Her Vulva like Her Mouth

You can’t go wrong if you make out with her vulva the same way as you do with her mouth, using your lips and tongue passionately.

Lavish the entire outside of the vagina with circular tongue motions and make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact with her as it increases the intimacy between you.

Get her mons as wet as you can with your mouth and passionately make out with it. When it comes to oral sex, enthusiasm is even more important than technique. Use your hands to draw her hips toward you.

Kissing Her Vagina

French kiss the inner and outer lips of her vagina as you use the flat of your tongue with consistent long strokes, pressure and speed from the bottom to the top of the vaginal opening.

Spread and suck on her lips gently while caressing her heart for a deeper heart connection. The more she trusts you, the more uninhibited she will be.

Pay attention to her body language. If she’s pushing her pelvis toward you, or doing a pelvic rocking motion, there’s a good chance that she’s having a great time. If she’s pulling her body away, then stop and ask what you can do to please her. Every woman is different!

Clitoris

Gently lick with a pointy tongue around the clitoral hood, and then on top of it, before pulling it back, as the 8000 clitoral nerve endings create intense sensitivity.

Try playfully writing the alphabet on her entire vulva with your tongue, continuing to twist and slide your tongue in different ways, alternating from up and down, side-to-side, small and big circles, soft and firm, quick and slow, pointed and flat. If all goes according to plan, she’ll have the big “O” before your get to the letter “O.”

Take in one big suck on her clitoris and gently shake your head from side to side as you breath through your nose. Beware of too much pressure and avoid using your teeth.

Suck on her clitoris as if it were a nipple. Wrap your lips around, and start sucking lightly, then add more pressure until she signals you to stop. Make humming sounds with your lips so they vibrate on her clitoris because ‘Mmmmmm’ is not just a sound, it’s a sensation that can awaken her most erotic senses. Then follow up with some very light finger taps directly on the clitoris for sexual peak sensation and go back and forth with your mouth and finger until it takes her over the edge.

Stroke her perineum (located between the anus and vaginal opening) gently while sucking on her clitoris.

Add Sensations

Suck on some ice before licking her clitoris, meanwhile, use your two thumbs to massage her labia in circular motions.

Drink some hot liquid and then suck and twirl your hot tongue over her clitoris. Be creative!

Don’t be shy about getting some help in the stimulation department. Sex toys can take the pressure of the giver, and women love them because they feel so good. Try the Lingo by Screaming O for added vibrations.

Change Positions

Try changing positions slightly in these creative ways, to increase access, switch things up and increase pleasure.

Place the woman’s legs over your shoulders so that you can hold her ankles. This is a great position for the giver of oral pleasure to feast their eyes on the woman’s entire vagina from top to bottom.

Try the woman sitting on her lover’s face, facing away. This position makes her feel uninhibited because her lover cannot see her face, but she is in total control of the angle, speed, motion and pressure of her oral satisfaction.

Swing her legs up and over as far as they’ll go comfortably. This is a highly erotic visual position for her lover to see her vagina fully protruding. It makes for easy oral access – especially to the G-spot.

Try doggy style with the woman on all fours and her butt high in the air. This is the best position for the giver of oral pleasure because the pressure is off their neck and back. I would recommend kneeling on the floor while the woman’s butt is angled over the bed. This gives you a great visual of her entire vulva for easy oral access and is also great because the woman can stimulate her clitoris simultaneously. Stick your tongue out as far as you can to lick her from her perineum to her clitoris and repeat until she is satisfied.

If you want to try some vertical fun, have her stand like a tulip before you and spread her labia. The sensation of being pleasured while standing in a dominant stance can add to the eroticism and satisfy a woman’s wildest fantasies. The receiver is in control here, so she can direct her lover’s dead and guide them to the exact angle and push their head back for gentler pressure

Penetration

Ask her if she’d like to feel a finger inside her, and it she responds positively,

slip one or two fingers inside her vagina (only if she’s already wet) and cross your index / middle finger, then move it in and out, twisting and rotating it corkscrew style as you gently lick her clitoris. Encourage her to tell you what she likes, as partner communication is key to experiencing great sex.

Steaming Diamond Technique

Take a washcloth and cut a four-inch diagonal slit in the middle. Then dip it in a bowl of hot water, wring it out and place the washcloth over her vagina at a 45 degree angle so that it looks like a diamond instead of a square. Line the slit up with her vagina and use your hands to press and hold the washcloth in place as you insert your tongue between the slit to make oral magic happen!

G-Spot Joy

Insert one or two fingers and discover her G-spot while licking her clitoris, but make sure she is already wet and willing. Begin by resting your thumb on her clitoris while inserting the middle finger of your prominent hand in a “come her” motion into her vagina, palm up. Just imagine there is a clock on the inside of your lover’s vagina and you are stroking from 6 o’clock (at the bottom of her vaginal opening) to 12 o’clock (her G-spot). Use long strokes, creating an energetic circuit between your thumb and finger. Now replace your thumb on her clitoris with your mouth and tap her G-spot with your finger while you lick her clitoris. If all goes well, she will have an internal and external orgasm simultaneously.

Let her push you away when her orgasm has ended. A woman’s orgasm can last much longer than a man’s by the way, especially a clitoral and G-spot orgasm combined, which can result in deeper, more intense spasms, followed by waves of pleasure until she feels like she’s going to explode. She may ejaculate, and that’s all part of the pleasure!

Tri-Gasm

The only technique to top the blended clitoral G-spot orgasm is the TriGasm!

A female TriGasm is the result of arousing three points of pleasure – the clitoris, G-spot and anus simultaneously.

Step 1: The woman should lie back while her partner lavishes her clitoris with oral pleasure until she has reached a level 8 on a pleasure scale of 1 to 10.

Step 2: Change course and stimulate her vulva in small circles with your tongue.

Step 3: Return to the clitoris and orally increase her level of pleasure to a 9, almost to the point of no return.

Step 4: At this peak, insert your forefinger palm up into her vagina and find her G-spot, then tap, tap, tap it gently towards her navel.

Step 5: Simultaneously with steps 3 and 4, stimulate her anus gently with a vibrator to bring her to a mind-blowing, magical TriGasm!

Analingus

Give her erotic shivers by licking down her spine, swirling your tongue as you trail your way towards her butt. Gently open up her butt cheeks to see if she’s receptive to anal play.

Use the tip of your tongue to lick around her ass cheeks playfully. Some women enjoy a little light spanking in this position as it makes them feel very naughty. Be sure to watch for her body language as to whether she wants it lighter or harder.

Analingus involves kissing and licking up and down the ass crack, as well as sliding the tongue in and out of the anus itself. As a word of caution, you should know that the anus is not as clean as the vagina. In fact, it is filled with bacteria, so unprotected analingus can transmit viruses that include HIV, hepatitis, herpes and warts. Using a barrier such as a dental dam or even transparent food wrap can be fun and safe.

One more rule is that once your mouth or fingers touch your lover’s anus, her vagina is off limits, so no going from the back door to the front as it can spread bacteria.

But it’s worth the effort because the anal area, like the clitoris, has thousands of nerve endings that can drive her to sexual ecstasy.

As a new master or mistress of cunnilingus and analingus, you can do no wrong. These techniques and tips go a long way to creating peak sexual memories that will keep her happy, and not just on Valentine’s Day.

Read Carrie Borzillo’s Give The Perfect V-Day BJ here!

Top 10 Sexual Resolutions for Women

How can you make 2022 the sexiest year ever? I’ve got a surefire way for you to explore your desires so it can happen for you now!

This is an exercise that I have demonstrated with audiences in the U.S., the U.K. and five cities in Australia, and it’s not only a great ice-breaker for people to discuss their wants and needs, but it results in a tangible blue print for the actions you can take to make your fantasies come true.

I always start out by asking, “Are you making love a priority in your life?” and I usually get mixed results. There are single people focused on their careers who have just started to feel the urge to get ‘out there’ and look for a soul mate, and singles who have been looking forever and keep dating the same type of person who’s making them miserable. There are couples who are afraid they’re growing apart and want to reverse that trend, and couples who are closer than ever, ready to take on new sexual adventures together. There are also couples in predictable relationships where they make love in the same place at the same time in the same position all the time – and at least one of them is not sexually satisfied and could be resentful.

Next I ask everyone write down ten things that they believe would make their love lives better. I encourage you to do this before the new year too! You can choose things like I want to feel confident when I’m naked, or I want more cuddling. Here’s an example of a top ten list from a female client:

1. I want to find the right lover
2. I want to love my entire body
3. I want to overcome my sexual inhibitions
4. I want to overcome my sexual guilt & shame
5. I want to get some amazing sex toys
6. I want to have a sexier bedroom
7. I want to have more time for sex
8. I want sex more often / I want sex to last longer
9. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires
10. I want to have more sexual adventures

Now that you’ve made your list, I want you to keep the five things from your list that are absolutely necessary in order for you to have more happiness, more satisfaction, more fulfilment, more intimacy and more sex. Then delete the other five.

My female client’s top five list:

1. I want to love my entire body (because she couldn’t surrender to a lover without feeling self-conscious about her weight)
2. I want to find the right lover (it had been four years since her divorce)
3. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires (her ex-husband was unwilling to learn about her sexual needs)
4. I want to have more sexual adventures (she tried to get her husband to make love in different positions and try Tantric sex, but he said he wasn’t interested)
5. I want some amazing sex toys (she wants to have orgasms even without a partner)

Now, my client was astonished when I asked her to choose only two essential items from her diminishing list. I gave her ten minutes, five minutes for each! She decided to keep:

1. I want to love my entire body (which includes overcoming sexual inhibitions & using sex toys)
2. I want to find the right lover (which includes sexual adventures and good communication)

The next session I spent with this client was dedicated to discovering how she could love her body. We used a naked “Gingerbread Lady” exercise to help. She drew a simple outline of her body, then I gave her a red crayon to highlight the areas on her body that she didn’t like. She focused on her belly and thighs, so we discussed them both, and came up with reasons for her to turn that disdain into love. With her belly, she was self-conscious about the layer of fat, but as we discussed her joyful pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth, she began to see that there were good associations with her belly as well, including a healthy digestive system that had never given her any problems. With her thighs she managed to transform, “They’re too big” into “They’re strong and I love how the muscles feel when I’m hiking.”

After that we tackled how she could find the right lover. I gave her a pheromone-infused lava rock bracelet from Eye of Love to attract potential partners and help make her feel more confident. Then I recommended that she go to three different places where she might find a man with the qualities she was looking for in a partner – a hardware store, a popular hiking trail and a health food restaurant. You may have gathered that she was looking for a man who was fit, handy and a vegetarian! By the way, she met him when he complimented her bracelet.

The thought-provoking conclusion to this new year’s resolution exercise is that you don’t need as much as you thought you did in order to be sexually fulfilled and satisfied! The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we often write a long list of things we want to change, eliminate or improve that it becomes so overwhelming we don’t do any of them! I don’t want that to happen to you in your love life.

I encourage you to do this exercise because your sexual pleasure is guaranteed to improve the quality of your life, and create memories that last a lifetime.

Manly Toys For May Masturbation Month

For most guys, their hand, some lotion, and a little privacy is all they need for a successful masturbation session. Hell, sometimes the lotion isn’t even needed… or the privacy for that matter. The point being – men are simpler than women when it comes to getting off.

But the problem is, in their simplicity, they often miss out on some great masturbation toys because they think they don’t need it, which is why we’re dedicating this article for May’s Masturbation Month to male masturbation devices.

You see, in my not-so-humble experience, most men don’t realize how amazing masturbation – either solo or mutual masturbation sessions with a partner – can be with the aid some of the fancy toys out there. In fact, 9 out of 10 men I’ve been with have never used a stroker, a fake pussy, or any other masturbation device on the market. They think it’s “weird” or “unnecessary.” But, when I spring one on them, let’s just say: Masturbation. Game. Changer!

Guys, if you’re still shaking your head “no,” just read with an open mind. Ladies, these items make for great gift ideas for your man.

Guybrator – Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo

You might have heard about this on Saturday Night Live, but Hot Octopuss’ PULSE, the world’s first Guybrator, is no joke. The male masturbator was featured on SNL when the savvy London-based sex toy company erected a “GuyFi” booth in NYC for men to “self-soothe” as a marketing stunt in January 2016. The stunt created insane brand awareness for the award-winning product and increased visitors to their website from 1,000 to 20,000 in just three hours following the event.

What’s unique about the PULSE II Solo (their male-only toy for $99) is that is uses oscillation technology instead of vibration. “We’ve created a high amplitude, deep basey vibration, which is better for stimulating men. The regular vibration used in female toys works great for women, but not for men,” says co-founder/inventor Adam Lewis.

PULSE can be used in two ways: With lubricant and without. With lubricant, the man lubricates his penis, inserts it into the unit, and masturbates with the device. Or, he can insert his penis into the toy without lubricant, turn the toy on, and, as Lewis puts it “it finishes him off without having to do anything whatsoever. So it’s the lazy toy in that respect.”

It’s also great for men with erectile dysfunction issue. “We discovered that men can actually orgasm completely flaccid. For example, if a man suffers from prostate cancer and he no longer can get an erection, he would’ve probably given up masturbating because it’s like pulling on a rubber string. However, he can use PULSE completely flaccid and still achieve an orgasm. Or it’s good for a man suffering from erectile dysfunction who just has a hard time getting an erection, this can help him get one,” adds Lewis.

Also, be sure to check out their couples’ toy as well – the PULSE II Duo ($139). The toy is worn by him, but provides vibrations on both sides to pleasure both partners.

Blowjob Robot

Male Masturbation - Auto Blow

There was clearly a demand for robot that can blow you because when founder/creator Brian Sloan set a goal of $275,000 for his Autoblow 2, they ended up raising $318,000 instead. More than 100,000 units at about $159.95 a pop of this robotic oral sex simulator for men have been sold since it debuted in 2014, and the demand is so high that they even released an Autoblow 2.

What’s the fuss? It’s hands’ free, has several speeds, and can go up until 1,000 hours or until “your dick falls off,” as Sloan says in their hilarious how-to video. “The Autoblow 2+ is more powerful and we added an extra row of beads plus covered the springs which used to wear away at the sleeves. We made a new sleeve with Real Doll to give guys something nicer to look at than the relatively strange looking mouth we created,” says Sloan.

Prostate Massagers

Male Masturbation Hugo Black
LELO Hugo in black

We’ve covered oral and hands, now let’s talk anal. LELO reports that with prostate stimulation, the size of the male orgasm can increase by 33% and prolonged use of prostate massage can help alleviate symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

The company offers three vibrating prostate massagers: Hugo ($219), Bruno ($169), and Loki ($169). They’re like the three little bears of prostate massagers – Hugo’s the most powerful with its hands-free feature and 8 settings for the more experienced man, Bruno’s somewhere in the middle, and Loki, which is hand-held for manual stimulation, is better suited for the beginner.

Male Masturbation Bruno Purple
LELO Bruno in purple
Male Masturbation Loki Federal Blue
LELO Loki in blue

“Although the prostate can be reached with fingers it’s near impossible to do solo without the aid of a tool,” says Sunny Megatron, sex educator and host of “Sex with Sunny Megatron.” “If you have a partner to help with the massage it can be very stressful on their fingers, hands, and wrists making it difficult to maintain for long periods. Massagers not only make things easier in that regard, the vibration also gives more pleasure options than a stationary object.”

Travel Toys

Male Masturbation Travel Pump

If your boyfriend or husband travels a lot and has a wondering eye, this is the perfect gift for him. Why have him be tempted by the prostitute in the hotel lobby bar on that business trip when you can send him off with Nasstoy’s Travel Pump? It’s a compact travel kit ($50) with two interchangeable bases (one for suction like a BJ and one with a vagina base for sex simulation) in three powerful suction settings, as well as 4 cock rings and a discrete zippered shaving kit-style carrying bag. Remember, for better suction results, shave your pubic hair!

Simple Strokers

If you don’t want to spend a lot of money or dive into the more complex items, there’s a bevy of simple strokers available for $10-$20. Doc Johnson’s Mood Pleaser masturbators, for instance, comes in a very artsy shape with four distinct internal textures (massage beads, thin ribbed, zigzag, and thick ribbed) and four stylish colors (frost, purple, blue, and orange).

Male Masturbation Doc Johnson Mood Pleaser Purple 1Male Masturbation Helping Head

My favorite stroker to enhance my BJ game is Doc Johnson’s GoodHead Helping Head ($12). It’s a 2-inch mini-stroker that I use to stroke my partner’s penis as I’m giving him head. It makes my “job” a lot easier. You can use these with lube or without, but it’s better with! This is a great intro toy to the guy who is sex-toy-shy.

Hooking Up: What Are The Emotional Risks?

Have marriage, monogamy and longterm commitments really taken a back seat to casual sex?

“Hooking up,” “Friends with Benefits,” “Hit it and Quit it,” “Cuddle Buddies” – whatever you choose to call it – has become the focus of many Internet ‘dating’ sites, and has perhaps also become more socially acceptable, or even expected, if not glamorized in today’s society.

If this is the case, what are the implications for the emotional wellbeing of our dating population? Is the notion of ‘no strings attached’ – “NSA” – really the epitome of simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could it be a nightmare waiting to happen?

Frisky & Risky

Some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, some reports indicate that people are often left emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.

Once someone has been a “Hook Up” for an extended period of time, they inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical hormones are responsible for “bonding” individuals together, which is why even long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to them.

In fact, there are some serious consequences with a “no strings attached” sexual life that should be considered beforehand. Here are just a few;

  • Risk for sexually transmitted infections including HIV
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Potentially ruining friendships
  • Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Lower to self-esteem
  • Spiritual conflicts
  • Inability to form healthier relationships

Right For Some People

On the other hand, engaging in sex with “NSA” can be just what the doctor ordered for some. The freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies without feeling fear, guilt or shame. “Hooking up” adds variety to a sex life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are more focused on work or other thing and do not have the desire to be in a committed relationship.

Rules For Hooking Up

Having a sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on having casual sex, you may consider some of the following tips before moving forward:

A Shared Understanding Is Essential

It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the NSA arrangement. Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say in the situation.

Honesty & Communication Come First

Be upfront and direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner as well. This will help to minimize confusion.

Find A Balance Between Physical Intimacy & Emotional Detachment

Remember this is just a casual arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.

Limit Time Together

This gets you into dangerous territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable situation.

Keep Your Feelings In Check

If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate a change or end it all together.

Be Considerate

Don’t take advantage of the situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Practice Safe Sex

Never take for granted the importance of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with. Be responsible for your sexual health.

Re-evaluate Your Situation And/Or Agreement

To ensure everyone is on the same page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest, there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things at anytime.

Sex NSA is certainly not for everybody! However, should this be your choice, make sure that you approach it with consent and a thorough understanding of the rules of engagement. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.

If it’s a relationship you’re looking for, do not accept a sex NSA arrangement. Do not enter into a NSA agreement hoping to change your partners mind or trick them into a relationship. You will be the only one to end up being hurt and potentially ruining the friendship. If at any time during the sex NSA agreement you start to notice a change in behavior, it’s important that you address the change immediately. First, decide if you even want to continue the sex NSA then discuss if the original NSA agreement needs modification or if the best course for all is to walk away.

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice For Men’ – 3 Steps To Orgasm

Erika Jordan gives men the 3 steps they need to make sure their lovers orgasm!

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Sexual Choreography

Sex is a vital component of any relationship, and it’s something most of us are not willing to live without. Sex drive, sex style and sexual communication all weave together to create what I call “sexual choreography.”

When’s the last time you talked to your partner about your sex life together? Allow me to give you some talking points for each one of these complex elements of sexual choreography, so that you can develop a beautiful sexual dance with your beloved, and maximize your sexual compatibility.

Sex Drive

Sexual desire and arousal are way more complicated than we think. Our sex drive is affected by a variety of things including: hormones, life stressors, medical issues, environmental factors, relationship challenges, social factors etc. Something as simple as a change in the weather can easily put a damper on the mood! Now add to that the uniqueness of you and your partner and here comes a whole new layer of complexities with each of your sexual thoughts, beliefs and behaviors. I strongly believe that differences in sex drive can be worked through as long as both parties are committed to putting in the required work.

Here are some talking points for you and your lover about sex drive:

  • How often do you think we should have sex?
  • How much sex is too much sex and/or when do you prefer sex?
  • How do you perceive our balance of who initiates sex?
  • What are your turn ons and turn offs?
  • How important is foreplay to get you turned on?

It is also important to keep in mind that sexual desire and arousal, although are closely linked, they are two different things. Sexual desire is an emotional and mental response, while sexual arousal is the physiological response. So in essence, your partner may desire to have sex but his or her body may not be responding physically. For example her vagina may not be lubricating . Or vice versa, your partner may NOT desire to have sex but their body may be responding. Keep that in mind and don’t judge a situation if you don’t know the facts.

Sex Style

Kinky, vanilla, freaky, romantic, bi-curious, hetero-flexible or a beautiful custom blend of a few – we all have a “sex style.” Our sex style involves a combination of our learned thoughts and behaviors, favorite sexual positions, sexual preferences, past experience but also our openness to different sexual experiences and experimenting. Our sex style can develop at any time and can also change, based our growth and life experiences. Therefore it is extremely important to learn how to be flexible – literally and figuratively! Allowing fluidity to exist in your sexual style increases your opportunities for experiencing pleasure. Of course, it goes without saying that all sexual experimentation with your sexual style should be safe, sane and consensual between adults.

Here are some talking points for you and your lover about sex style:

  • Are you more traditional are open when it comes to sex?
  • What positions do you enjoy?
  • Would you consider yourself to be more vanilla or more kinky? And what does that mean to you?
  • Do you consider your sexual style to be fluid and flexible?
  • Is your preferred sexual style monogamy or are you open to having sex with other people i.e. swinging, open relationships, threesomes
  • Do you like sex toys?
  • Do you like rough sex or gentle sex?
  • Do you like to switch up the routine?
  • Do you like sex beyond the bedroom?

Sexual Communication

Your sexual frustration is your fault! Stop blaming your partner. We are responsible for our own sexual pleasure We often set our partners up for failure because we think they should automatically know how to please, and this leaves us feeling frustrated. Teaching your Beloved might not sound sexy, but trust when you do, your sexual experience life will become a beautiful choreographed experience of synchronized movements, sounds and moments. To help choreograph your next “routine,” perhaps you could consider taking a sexy and sensual sex education workshop together, play lovers games, try body mapping and guiding your lover’s hand to your hot spots or just sit down and have a true heart to heart conversation, which brings me to my next point….Speak up!

Faking an orgasm? That’s your fault! We have to learn to speak up! It is important that we communicate our sexual expectations, desires, beliefs and attitudes to our partner even it feels unnatural in the beginning…just try!   When we don’t communicate, it sends the wrong message to our partners. When we don’t talk with our partners and tell then exactly how we feel about our sexual experiences, we do them and ourselves a disservice. They may think they are pleasing us when they’re not, and we are not receiving the pleasure we deserve. As a result, not only do we end up dissatisfied, we may end up resenting our partner, which may ultimately result in cheating. It’s important to always remember that we are responsible for our sexual health and pleasure—that is we absolutely must communicate our wants, needs and desires.

Here are some talking points for you and your lover about sexual communication:

  • Are you willing to talk about our sex life together?
  • Have you ever faked an orgasm with me?
  • Do you pretend to like techniques I use and secretly dislike them?
  • Do you feel sexually satisfied with our sex life?

Our sexuality is not black and white. It exists on a spectrum of beautiful colors and complexities. Learning to understand the value and importance that each individual places on acknowledging, exploring and expressing their sexuality is key to creating sexual compatibility with our partners. Operating from this lens gives our partners the permission to fully express their sexual selves as well. This does not mean that you or your partner need to change fundamental parts of your sexuality, but rather choreograph your sex life together for ultimate sexual satisfaction.

Erika Jordan’s “Advice for Men” – 4 Ways to Get to the Second Date

Are you good at first dates, but can’t seem to get that second chance? It could be one of these four things that I outline in this video. You’ve got to show confidence and be positive, or else what’s in it for her? Make sure you’re leaving her with the impression that you’re a fun person to be around and you’ll be having fun with or without her. That’s the moment when she’ll be texting for a second time around.

People want to be involved with someone who makes them feel good, and someone who – perhaps ironically – doesn’t need them to be happy. No one wants to be responsible for making someone else happy, they’d rather be lifted up themselves! It just makes sense.

So take a look at these four tips and let me know in the comments what works for you to get to that second date.

Come find me at PlaymatePickup.com My six week course, The Art Of PickUp is available with personalized guidance at Virtual Sexpert.com. Acquire the skills to approach women with confidence and get them to want you!

Embarrassed To Buy Condoms? Safer Sex, Delivered

Is anyone really embarrassed to buy condoms at the store anymore? Apparently so. If you search Google for “too embarrassed to buy condoms” 1.76 million results appear. You’ll find countless articles titled along the lines of “How To Buy Condoms Discreetly” or “10 Things More Embarrassing Than Buying Condoms,” and terrified teens tearing up the message boards on Reddit and Yahoo! Answers with cries for help like “I’m too embarrassed to buy condoms. Help!”

Embarrassed cartoon face

Here’s a thought, kiddos: Buy them on Amazon! Or… have a little more fun with your online shopping and subscribe to CupidQuiver, a monthly condom subscription service (like Birchbox for beauty products, BarkBox for doggie goods, or HelloFresh for recipes, this is a box for sex) that delivers you condoms before you need them. What CupidQuiver offers that Amazon doesn’t are fun little extras like free lubes, little role play cards, sexy tips on using lube, and/or other miscellaneous product they decide to throw in for fun.

“Remember the Saturday Night Live skit, D**k in a Box? We like to think of ourselves as Sex in a Box,” quips Todd Harris, President of CupidQuiver, which launched in mid-March.

But in all seriousness, the beauty of what CupidQuiver provides is that they reliably deliver what you need before you need it. “The goal for our clients is to have fun, safely, and to always be prepared. Nothing is worse than getting intimate only to realize you are out of protection! Remembering condoms after-the-fact is not ideal,” says Harris.

Here’s how it works: You choose the type of ID Condoms condom that you want: Studded, Extra Thin, Extra Large, or Superior Feel Lubricated. Then you choose your package: No Strings Attached (1 condom for $1 plus $2 shipping and handling), Friends with Benefits (3 condoms for $5), Singles Mingle (6 condoms plus 1 ID lube for $7), or Lucky You (10 condoms plus 1 lube for $10). The latter three packages include shipping and handling. And, you can easily change your subscription based on how fast or slow your sex life is moving.

Harris tells Sexpert.com that they are shooting for a late-July launch of curated “Fun Boxes.” “They will include sex toys, more tips, and other bedroom goodies,” he says.

CQ Mailer

10 Ways To Make Time For Sex Over The Holidays – Even If You’re Single

The holidays are right around the corner, but that’s no reason to give up on finding love or keeping your couples passion sizzling hot.  If you’re in a relationship, the in-laws might be driving you crazy or the kids and pets may keep jumping up on the bed ruining your chances for intimacy. Or, if you’re single, you might feel lonely or left out, and wish the stupid cozy, romantic season would just end already.

That’s why I’ve come up with ten great ideas for couples and singles to make love and sex a priority this season.

10 Tips For Couples

  1. Plan for sex by making a date ahead of time – tell your in-laws to take the kids to a movie, or go for it in the middle of the afternoon when no one is home. And make sure to keep the conversation about intimacy on the date!
  2. Being quiet while you’re having sex can super-charge your erotic experience, especially if your family or friends are in the next room. Giggling like teenagers in your childhood bedroom has its own kinky rewards, so don’t be too quick to rule it out.
  3. Use technology to build anticipation. Send your partner sexts describing what you’d like to do during the day to make them smile, and invite them to rendezvous later.
  4. Quickies never go out of style. You might only have fifteen minutes alone with your partner, so make out passionately, give each other oral pleasure or tease with a little striptease. Sex doesn’t always have to be a marathon.
  5. Put some sexy toys on your partner’s gift list so that you can share new experiences together and have even more fulfilling sex.
  6. Do a “sexy wish exchange” with your partner. Exchange a fun list of three things that could heighten a romantic, sensual and sexual experience for you with your partner, as in: “I wish you would give me a sensual massage.”
  7. Eat chocolate! Chocolate releases neurotransmitters such as Dopamine and Serotonin that can work as an anti-depressant and make us feel like we are happier or even in love!
  8. Steal a kiss with your lover at least twice a day in the morning and at night but make your smooches last for at least 12 seconds! This is a sure way to maintain passion and intimacy in your relationship. An added bonus is that the man transfers testosterone from his saliva to a woman’s mouth during passionate kissing. You can get away from the crowd for 12 seconds, right?
  9. Play a sexy game – Are you a couple lucky enough to be alone together for the holidays? Have a playful night of strip poker, truth or dare or try one of the many adventures in my book The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games.
  10. Watch or read erotica together. You may be surprised how quickly you’ll both be in the mood if you indulge in some sexy movies or read passages from a naughty book to each other.

If you’re single, make the season a sexy one by treating yourself as if you are madly in love with you! The first step is to lower your stress, which triggers cortisol levels and then increase oxytocin, known as the love hormone.

10 Tips For Singles

  1. Laughter is the best medicine and releases bursts of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, so go to a comedy club or watch a funny movie.
  2. Listening to soothing music releases oxytocin, so listen when you are in stressful situations such as driving in rush hour or cooking. Also, listen to your favorite music without multitasking as studies show that just listening to music for 30 minutes a day is as healthy as meditation.
  3. Do accept invitations to parties and don’t be afraid to go out with someone new on a date even if you know they are not who you are looking for, they could introduce you to your soul mate, become a great friend or even a business contact.
  4. Sexycise to stay in shape and release feel-good endorphins by going to the gym, taking a yoga or Pilates class and even going for a walk in the park or on a beach, which can lead to meeting another sexyciser!
  5. Solo sex with some warming lube is a great way to heat up a cool winter night. Self-pleasuring can boost your immunity so you’ll be less likely to get a pesky cold!
  6. Buy yourself a naughty gift such as satin sheets, new undies, a sex toy, erotic DVD or a sexy book.
  7. Remember that being alone without being lonely is very healthy – so own it! It’s not a negative thing that you need to be ashamed of, it’s an opportunity to reflect on the kind of partner you would want in your life.
  8. Write a list of things you would do if you had your dream partner – why can’t you do them anyway? Take a stroll downtown to enjoy the holiday lights or take yourself out for dinner, to a movie, theatre or a concert and enjoy!
  9. Pamper yourself! Book a massage, a facial, a mani and pedi, or a whole day at the spa! Self-love brings more love toward you.
  10. Get festive and decorate your home, then curl up with a great movie and a glass of wine or cup of tea. Even if no one will see your efforts, YOU will. And that’s the point. You’re worth it. Now take a selfie!