Wednesday, June 20, 2018

5 Weird Things To Do To His Penis

Before I stepped into “Snake Charming” class on my trip to Hedonism II, the clothing optional, adults only resort in Negril, Jamaica, I thought there is no way I’m going to learn anything new. At the risk of sounding cocky, my boyfriend says my hand-job skills are quite epic.

But, we were at Hedo to try new things, like going nude 24/7, having sex on the beach, and taking the weeklong courses in Tantric sex for couples. So, epic skills aside, we gave it a go.

Well, kudos to Kim and Brad Walker of Houston, Texas-based Tantric Hearts, who have been teaching tantric sex and couples workshops at Hedonism II for 17 years, for proving me oh so wrong. They taught this old dog a few new tricks – 16 new tricks in fact, five of which I’ll share in detail.


During class we learned how to massage the penis with the Thank U, Sausage Roll, Polish the Helmet, The OK, Windshield Wiper, Fire Starter, Ring N Tickle, Peace Grip, Thumb PPT (PPT=Pressure Point), Knuckle PPT, Bendy Thing, Sextension, Press N Pull, Peace Press (not to be confused with the aforementioned Peace Grip), Vas Press, and the Thumbs Up.



Here are five of my boyfriend’s favorites:

Windshield Wiper

Put oil on your man’s belly just above the pubic bone and pull gently down on his scrotum. With your hand placed flat on the outside shaft of his penis, you move the penis from left to right like a windshield wiper (the oil helps it glide with ease). This one evoked a bit of a giggle from us. My boyfriend thought it was “exciting” because it was new, but didn’t quite love it as much as other techniques.

The OK

Make the “OK” sign with your thumb and first finger in the shape of a circle and your remaining fingers straight up and place the tip of the penis in the circle. Focus the massage on the ridge and tip of the head. Some men are too sensitive for this, so be aware of how your partner is responding.

Sausage Roll

Grasp the base of his cock with one hand and layer your other hand in a grip on the top of his penis so that the edges of your fists are touching. Hold this penis tightly, but don’t squeeze too hard. Stroke the penis with both hands going in unison up and down. This makes a guy with a small penis feel bigger.

Polish the Helmet

Grasp the penis tightly with a full-hand grip. As you are stroking it up and down, place your other hand over the tip of the penis with the head in the middle part of the inside of hand and move that hand in circles. It helps if the inside of that hand is oil-ed up. It’s kind of like the thing we all did as kids where you’re patting your hand and circling your belly to test your coordination.

Fire Starter

Don’t attempt this dry! Coconut oil is your best friend here or you can cause some serious friction to your man’s skin. Place one hand on one side of the penis and the other on the other side and move your hands back and forth as if you are starting a fire with a stick, or when one rubs their hands together to generate heat. This works best when the penis is placed between closed-fingers so that the fingers feel like ridges.

Pheromones Make You More Attractive, Social & Successful

Have you ever been drawn to someone whose smell was intoxicating and you just couldn’t stop thinking about them? That’s called chemical attraction, and is caused by our natural pheromones that are secreted from our glands, which send signals to trigger specific mating responses in our brain. They are sensed by an organ in the nasal passage known as VMO, then send messages to the brain to interpret signals that can include fertility, confidence, sexual attraction, trustworthiness and even success or power. Consequently, pheromones can produce overwhelming attraction, even when the physical attributes are lacking.

Studies have shown that pheromones can help others to see you as more open, attractive, charismatic, and easy to talk to. They can facilitate conversations, interest and create enhanced friendly feelings. For best results, apply just below the neckline and wrists where you have your sweat glands. For a variety of products infused with pheromones such as candles, fragrances and sunscreen, go to here.

Our natural gender specific pheromones include Androstenone associated with alpha male sexual tension, Androstenedione, a chemical found in sweat, Androstenol, the female pheromone associated with romantic interest and Copulines, the female pheromone released during ovulation that has been shown to increase male testosterone.

Pheromones are emitted from our sweat glands, pulse points and anywhere that we have hair, so you can release attraction-boosting signals by going commando, not showering right after exercising and by not wearing deodorant or fragrances that will mask your natural scent. I’m not suggesting that you don’t maintain good hygiene, but bathing with warm water while cutting down on soap will wash off fewer of your body’s pheromones. You can also enhance your pheromones by eating foods high in zinc such as oysters and other fresh seafood aphrodisiacs known to increase testosterone in men and women.

Independent studies have been conducted at leading universities worldwide, such as Stanford University, the University of California at Berkeley, the University of Chicago and the Karolinska Institute, one of Sweden’s oldest medical schools have shown that pheromones do have a profound effect on human behavior.

Fitness Guru Ben Greenfield Shares His Penis Strength Secrets

Mastermind Talks 2014 in Toronto, Ontario. ©2014 Mark Adams

Bestselling author, global speaker and fitness guru Ben Greenfield takes on the PrivateGym this week in “How to Make Your Penis Stronger With A Private Gym,” an extremely informative and quite hilarious blog that chronicles his first four weeks of penis training with the male fitness program.

From the moment of picking up the discreet package in his mailbox, (“So much for 7-minute abs. I now have the promise of 7-minute gonads”) through all the penis lifts and pelvic floor contractions, I had to laugh out loud in several places at this honest and humble account of a man super-charging his penis.

I have to say my favorite part is when, at one point, Greenfield is losing his erection while exercising, and instead of turning to porn, he breaks out sexy pictures of his wife. You simply can’t help but root for his penis-strength journey after that! And in the end (spoiler alert) his wife actually notices the pelvic strength he’s developed, leaving him feeling confident and falling asleep with a smile.

I highly recommend reading this blog for a play-by-play on how the Private Gym training system really works. He gets into nitty gritty details that you can’t learn from reading the product box, and describes the experience in helpful ways.

Here at Sexpert, you can read another informative review of the PrivateGym by Dr. Don Etkes, and some great information from Urologist Dr. Andrew Siegel about erection rigidity, penis hydraulics and what to expect of erections as you age.

There’s still time to enter to win your own Private Gym in our June contest. ENTER NOW!

Sex, College & Social Media: A Commonsense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture – Interview with Author Cindy Pierce

I have long been interested in the psychology of young people when it comes to sex and relationships. There’s a lot of confusion about how to deal with negative emotions such as jealousy and rejection that lead to low-self esteem, poor body image and unhealthy competition. All these can shroud the path to healthy relationships and satisfying sex.

In my own seminars with young people, I often ask them to throw their anonymous questions into a hat so that they can receive answers and insight without any fear of shame or embarrassment. I believe direct, frank discussion is the best educational tool when it comes to uncomfortable topics like how to find love and define intimacy.

That’s why I was thrilled to discover Cindy Pierce’s book, Sex, College and Social Media: A Commonsense Guide to Navigating the Hookup Culture, which lives up to its name with everything college age kids should know. I love her answers to my questions in this interview below, where she includes insights into how watching porn affects college sex, what terminology to use for the TGNC community, and some funny stories about how consent apps have managed to work their magic without actually functioning properly! Enjoy.

Dr. Ava Cadell: What inspired you to write this book?

Cindy Pierce: The rampant below-average hookup sex in collage motivates me to provide information and guidance to as many students as I can in hopes that they choose to raise their standards. There is a lot of pressure on college students to be super knowledgeable and confident about sex, but the reality is that most of them are confused and have a lot of questions. College students continue to report that hookup sex is not particularly enjoyable or fulfilling, but they are willing to keep it in hopes that it will get better.

Telling friends that you hooked up is satisfying because you have checked the box and joined the club. When asked, students are willing to break the unspoken hookup code by admitting they were expecting more. Relentless messaging through social media, peers and the culture perpetuate the idea that if you just keep hooking up, you will eventually figure sex out. In reality, better sex requires communication, connection and vulnerability, which is juxtaposed to the rules of disconnected, pretend-to-not-care hookup sex.

Great sex is happening with people who are in tune with what gives them pleasure and comfortable enough to speak up and guide their partners.  When students say, “It would be too awkward” to guide their partner, ask for consent, or discuss contraception and STIs, I remind them that being naked with another person and having sex is awkward. Two naked people having sex is a recipe for a wide variety of cringe-worthy moments, but communication can make it an excellent experience.

Before I got into this work, I assumed college students were dialed in with information on the Internet. The reverse is proving to be true. Reliable information improves people’s sex lives and helps reduce their anxieties.

AC: What advice do you have for college students who enjoy watching porn?

CP: Be a well-informed consumer. Masturbation is normal and healthy for everyone, but the content of porn skews expectations of how bodies appear and respond. Obviously, viewers understand that porn isn’t real and is meant for fantasy. The average age a boy in the U.S. looks at porn was recently age 11, but more findings have indicated that the average age is closer to 9. This means years of viewing porn reinforces ideas about sex before you have sex with an actual partner.

I have heard from many boys and young men that it is difficult to reconcile real-life sexual experiences with what has been getting them off. It is fairly common to hear that guys struggle to get off with a partner and rely on fantasies from porn to help them ejaculate. More and more guys report that they can only get off with porn. There is emotional safety in avoiding sex with a partner, and getting off with porn is easier than managing another person’s needs and potential rejection. Erectile Dysfunction is an increasing issue for college men. Many who stop looking at porn report their erectile function returns.

Girls and women are viewing more porn. Some are using it as masturbation fuel. Some girls tell me they get ideas for sex dares from porn. Some find it interesting to learn what their male friends or partners are spending so much time viewing. I hear from a lot of women that they try to like porn, but the objectification of and violence against women starts to grate on them. While there is feminist-made porn with healthier portrayals of women, those sites get less traffic and require more effort to find. A number of women claim they watch porn because guys want them to. Being a chill, uncomplicated girl or woman who doesn’t question objectification earns social credibility with some guys. Recent research indicates that many young women value pleasing their male partners and seeming hot more than they value understanding their own capacity for pleasure. Claims of sexual liberation and empowerment would be more compelling if more of these girls and women were authentically engaged in their own needs and pleasure, having orgasms and communicating their desires to their partners.

Males and females who watch a lot of porn report genital image issues. Most women in porn remove their pubic hair and surgically alter their vulvas. This trend originated when porn producers had to replace underage girls with adult women. Trimming the labia and removing pubic hair was intended to make the women look young. The average size penis in porn is around 8 inches. The average size of an average guy’s penis is 5.5 inches.

The privacy of Internet porn enables people to seek answers and avoid admitting to anyone what they don’t know about sex. The most frequently viewed porn, however, is misleading viewers about what converts to sexual encounters in real life. Porn is the first stop for sexuality education for most boys and a number of girls. It is rare to meet a college guy who doesn’t watch porn, or who hasn’t at least seen it. Occasionally, I hear about or meet the one guy from northern Maine or New Hampshire where dial-up limited his access to porn throughout his teens. The streaming issues made it annoying enough that they got really good at using their imaginations. Studies show that guys who stop looking at porn regain erectile function, a happier state of mind, productivity and a healthier highlight reel (fantasy reel).

One of the first college guys I interviewed said, “I am only masturbating to porn until I have a girlfriend or wife.” The poor dear thought he would have sex on tap (access to sex by virtue of sharing a bed with a woman) once he regularly shared a bed with a woman. I shattered his dreams when I informed him that sex on tap is a rare thing, especially if the couple has kids and a job or two. I also told him to keep up the masturbation skills as a gift to his future partners.  I consider this a public service.

AC: What are some of the pros and cons to sexting?

CP: Pros with twist of con – Sexting enables people to: think before they express themselves or post a photo; carefully prepare what they say or post; keep some distance from emotional risk and pain; if someone responds in a hurtful or abusive manner, you can hide your reaction; yield nudes without having to ask directly; gain social credibility with peers who are the gatekeepers of acceptance; get more sex without having to put yourself out there to withstand rejection.

Cons – Sexting can give a person a false sense of comfort and confidence to rely on the opportunity to carefully compose a message or doctor up a photo; if it leads to sex, there is no app to rescue a person from the inevitable face-to-face awkward interaction; avoiding awkwardness leads to inevitable awkwardness (delays one’s learning); some people take offense; some people expect it even if you are not comfortable; if and when things don’t work out, your personal message may be shared publicly at your expense; nothing is ever really private.

AC: What can students do to avoid sexual assault on campus?

CP: Create a culture where intervention is the norm and people don’t tolerate and address micro-aggressions such as disrespectful language, objectification, and degradation as well as more blatant aggressions such a sexual harassment and hazing. Believing victims would lead to more reports from survivors who have feared reporting because so many cases have been mishandled. Schools that have the courage to risk tarnishing their image and losing support from alums will ultimately gain a better reputation as a fair and safe college.

Clear consequences for perpetrators carried about by law enforcement and/or the college would deter others and reduce incidents. There should be ongoing required programming for all men and women on campus such as Speak About It and programs from Prevention Intervention Resource Center (PIRC) . Common language and understanding of sexual assault, sexual harassment, and affirmative consent increases the chance for productive conversations about and engagement in solutions.

If we look at what students can do to avoid being sexually assaulted, the solution would also involve students taking an active role in improving the culture of their campuses by engaging men and women in educational programming and in ongoing conversations about improving their campus climate. The idea of using coercion, physical restraint or alcohol to subdue a person should be considered deplorable enough that people will step in and stop a friend or stranger from committing or becoming a victim of sexual assault.

70% of sexual assaults on campuses involve alcohol. 6-14% of men are repeat offenders, responsible for 90% of campus assaults. 68% of assaults are not reported, mostly because the survivor doesn’t think s/he will be believed. Sexual assaults are almost all committed by boys and men. False reports are rarer than people think (2-10%, equal to almost all other crimes). Information is power. Students don’t absorb it in one presentation. It is much more powerful if it reaches them in a variety of ways over time with plenty of overlap for the important details.

AC: How would you advise a student to tell his or her date that they have herpes?

CP: If you are on a date or just hooking up, STIs need to be addressed directly if you are going to be intimate. Many people carry and can pass long the herpes virus, even if they have never had an outbreak. Telling someone you have herpes is awkward and worth diving into. Since you can pass along the virus even if you aren’t having an outbreak, it is important to make your partner aware that you carry the virus whether your lesions are active or not.

Most people fear that they will be considered a gross, sleazy person if they admit they have herpes. It seems much more gross and sleazy to not tell a person and put them at risk of contracting it. Your honesty could ultimately be a trait that your partner finds refreshing and admirable. With that knowledge, you could decide together if you want to use a condom or a dental dam or refrain from sexual contact altogether. That is what an informed sexual decision looks like.

AC: How would you advise students to communicate sexual consent & what do you think about putting consent in writing?

CP: With more conversations and education around “yes means yes” (affirmative consent), it is becoming an expectation and a norm for college students to get and give clear, verbal consent. Many older people (including parents of college students) struggle to accept this and complain that it is not realistic to “go through a checklist.” Rather than a checklist, getting affirmative consent is about checking in as you go along with simple questions that are quite reasonable: Does this feel good? Are you comfortable with this? Does this feel ok? Laci Green has a great short video to help everyone:

I would like to hear more about college students aiming for healthy, consensual, communicative and pleasurable sexual encounters, rather than signing a consent form on an app to avoid being accused of sexual assault. Consent apps emphasize the idea of getting clearance and don’t encourage the idea that the right thing to do is to verbally ask for or give consent. It is worrisome that some of the potential users seem to be focused on avoiding consequences in case they make a sketchy choice or reach a point of intoxication that their judgment may be off, a recipe for nonconsensual sex.

Healthy sexual relationships involve two people of similar age consensually exploring each other’s bodies for pleasure. BOTH partners should be experiencing pleasure, which requires communication. Sloppy, drunk sex is common because the unspoken social contract of hookup culture is about depending on alcohol to make sex less awkward.

Navigating one consent app has proven to be so full of snags that couples are forced to stop and communicate to figure it out together before starting again. I heard a great story about a couple having so much trouble with the app that they had to turn on the lights, the guy had to reach for his glasses because he had already taken out his contacts, and they hunched over the phone together to work through the complicated app. By the time they had given consent on the app, they decided to just snuggle and go to sleep and have sex another time. I have also heard stories about couples whose arousal and interest in sex had been completely depleted during the process of figuring out the app. Upon realizing they were comfortable enough to rally up for sex after all that, it was evident that they didn’t need an app to ask for and give clear consent. In these two cases, a consent app is doing a nice job of slowing down the decision-making process.

AC: What is appropriate terminology to use for all things LGBTQ

CP: I included an extensive Glossary of Transgender and Gender-Nonconforming Terms in the resource section of my book. It is adapted from the glossary put together by the NYC Administration for Children’s Services in Safe & Respected and includes over thirty terms and definitions. There are many glossaries available through reliable resources online.

There is considerable misunderstanding about what terms are acceptable when discussing any aspect of the LGBTQ community. Some college students will avoid engaging in conversations, fearing they may offend or reveal their lack of awareness. First and foremost, it is important for students to understand the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. Gender identity encompasses a person’s roles, expressions and internal identities. Sexual orientation describes a person’s attraction or sexual relationship (or lack thereof) with others. Gay, lesbian and bisexual students are still marginalized on college campuses to varying degrees, but acceptance has become an expectation on many college campuses. While acceptance of TGNC (transgender/gender nonconforming community) individuals is improving, it is clear that more educational programming is needed for the general population of students to get up to speed.

Many incoming college students have not had personal relationships with members of the TGNC community or have been taught respectful terms. Since terminology has been evolving in recent years, even open-minded parents and professors tend to use terms that are outdated such as cross-dresser (gender expression – a person who wears clothes of another gender). It is also common for people to use offensive terms such as sexual preference (rather than the correct term, sexual orientation) and hermaphrodite (intersex is the correct term for a person whose combination of chromosomes, gonads and hormones present in a way that is not strictly males or female). Being informed enables people to participate in conversations to further their understanding and avoid making assumptions and being offensive. Awareness of respectful language is a great first step toward acceptance and understanding.


About Cindy Pierce

Cindy Pierce is a sex educator and comic storyteller who is on a mission to give students perspective and information so that they can better navigate cultural, media, and peer pressures, particularly around their social lives and sexual relationships. By weaving together expert opinions, personal anecdotes, and the real feedback of today’s college and high school students, Pierce helps make those ‘difficult’ conversations a little less difficult for everyone.

For more than a decade, Pierce has spoken at schools across the country about the importance of consent and communication in sexual relationships. She is the author of Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World and co-author of Finding the Doorbell: Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul, in addition to her new book for college students. Pierce has been interviewed on NPR’s Here & Now, was honored as one of 14 Remarkable Women of the Arts in New Hampshire magazine, and is an in-demand speaker at college and high schools nationwide, where she consistently receives glowing praise from students and administrators nationwide for her honest and humorous approach to sex education.

How To Make A DIY Sex-Attracting Fragrance

Olfactory senses play a significant part in our sexual stimulation. Whether we’re aware of it or not, smells send important chemical messages to potential mates. Tests show that Lavender ranked highly among both men and women, but the scent of licorice earned the most positive erotic response from females while pumpkin (more accurately, the spices we associate with pumpkin) was #1 among men. How appropriate that the holiday season is upon us. It’s one that often hosts scents of spiced pumpkin and other tasty foods, so naturally, it should be one that inspires people to get a little closer. Fun fact: most babies are conceived in December! Coincidence?

If you’re in the mood to entice your romantic interest and heat things up indoors while things get cooler outdoors, you may want to consider creating the ideal scent for your room or for yourself. The steps below are simple, so if you have even the slightest talent for DIY projects, the following is definitely worth trying.

For body:

To make your own irresistible scent, you’ll need a carrier oil, such as jojoba, almond, grapeseed, avocado or sesame oil. These are all easily accessible oils that are lightweight and safely absorb into your skin.

You will also need 100% pure essential oils. FYI, licorice is a difficult smell to come by, but fennel and anise have a licorice smell. Below are suggested oils for you to select from and create your own holiday spice mixture.

In a 10ml roller bottle or perfume jar, mix 10 – 14 drops of each of your favorite smells. You’ll probably want to keep this below 24 drops in total and if you want a particular scent to be stronger, make that number of drops greater than the other scents (EX: 14 drops lead scent, 8 drops secondary scent or 10, 8, 6 of a combo of 3 oils). Fill the rest of the bottle with your preferred carrier oil, close and shake. Apply to hot spots on your body like the back of your neck, wrists or insides of your elbows when you’re ready to seduce.

For home:

  • Decorative jar
  • Reed diffuser sticks
  • Essential oils (Ex: cedarwood, lime, vanilla, nutmeg, cardamom, clove, cinnamon, pine, orange, anise, ginger)

To create your own diffuser, blend 1/4 cup of hot water with ¼ cup of vodka…yes, vodka. Then, ad no more than 25 drops of whichever combination of essential oils you chose to blend to create your ideal scent. Mix it up, then carefully pour it in into a decorative jar. Dip a handful of diffuser sticks in the jar, then take your stick out, turn them upside down, place them back in the jar and let them stay in that way. The subtle scent that this ads to your home will help set the right mood for your time with you company.


Erika Jordan’s “Advice for Men” – How To Pull Her Hair

Erika Jordan offers her sexpert advice for men at where you can learn tips like this one on how to pull her hair for the sexiest results.

10 Ways To Make Time For Sex Over The Holidays – Even If You’re Single

The holidays are right around the corner, but that’s no reason to give up on finding love or keeping your couples passion sizzling hot.  If you’re in a relationship, the in-laws might be driving you crazy or the kids and pets may keep jumping up on the bed ruining your chances for intimacy. Or, if you’re single, you might feel lonely or left out, and wish the stupid cozy, romantic season would just end already.

That’s why I’ve come up with ten great ideas for couples and singles to make love and sex a priority this season.

10 Tips For Couples

  1. Plan for sex by making a date ahead of time – tell your in-laws to take the kids to a movie, or go for it in the middle of the afternoon when no one is home. And make sure to keep the conversation about intimacy on the date!
  2. Being quiet while you’re having sex can super-charge your erotic experience, especially if your family or friends are in the next room. Giggling like teenagers in your childhood bedroom has its own kinky rewards, so don’t be too quick to rule it out.
  3. Use technology to build anticipation. Send your partner sexts describing what you’d like to do during the day to make them smile, and invite them to rendezvous later.
  4. Quickies never go out of style. You might only have fifteen minutes alone with your partner, so make out passionately, give each other oral pleasure or tease with a little striptease. Sex doesn’t always have to be a marathon.
  5. Put some sexy toys on your partner’s gift list so that you can share new experiences together and have even more fulfilling sex.
  6. Do a “sexy wish exchange” with your partner. Exchange a fun list of three things that could heighten a romantic, sensual and sexual experience for you with your partner, as in: “I wish you would give me a sensual massage.”
  7. Eat chocolate! Chocolate releases neurotransmitters such as Dopamine and Serotonin that can work as an anti-depressant and make us feel like we are happier or even in love!
  8. Steal a kiss with your lover at least twice a day in the morning and at night but make your smooches last for at least 12 seconds! This is a sure way to maintain passion and intimacy in your relationship. An added bonus is that the man transfers testosterone from his saliva to a woman’s mouth during passionate kissing. You can get away from the crowd for 12 seconds, right?
  9. Play a sexy game – Are you a couple lucky enough to be alone together for the holidays? Have a playful night of strip poker, truth or dare or try one of the many adventures in my book The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games.
  10. Watch or read erotica together. You may be surprised how quickly you’ll both be in the mood if you indulge in some sexy movies or read passages from a naughty book to each other.

If you’re single, make the season a sexy one by treating yourself as if you are madly in love with you! The first step is to lower your stress, which triggers cortisol levels and then increase oxytocin, known as the love hormone.

10 Tips For Singles

  1. Laughter is the best medicine and releases bursts of the feel-good hormone oxytocin, so go to a comedy club or watch a funny movie.
  2. Listening to soothing music releases oxytocin, so listen when you are in stressful situations such as driving in rush hour or cooking. Also, listen to your favorite music without multitasking as studies show that just listening to music for 30 minutes a day is as healthy as meditation.
  3. Do accept invitations to parties and don’t be afraid to go out with someone new on a date even if you know they are not who you are looking for, they could introduce you to your soul mate, become a great friend or even a business contact.
  4. Sexycise to stay in shape and release feel-good endorphins by going to the gym, taking a yoga or Pilates class and even going for a walk in the park or on a beach, which can lead to meeting another sexyciser!
  5. Solo sex with some warming lube is a great way to heat up a cool winter night. Self-pleasuring can boost your immunity so you’ll be less likely to get a pesky cold!
  6. Buy yourself a naughty gift such as satin sheets, new undies, a sex toy, erotic DVD or a sexy book.
  7. Remember that being alone without being lonely is very healthy – so own it! It’s not a negative thing that you need to be ashamed of, it’s an opportunity to reflect on the kind of partner you would want in your life.
  8. Write a list of things you would do if you had your dream partner – why can’t you do them anyway? Take a stroll downtown to enjoy the holiday lights or take yourself out for dinner, to a movie, theatre or a concert and enjoy!
  9. Pamper yourself! Book a massage, a facial, a mani and pedi, or a whole day at the spa! Self-love brings more love toward you.
  10. Get festive and decorate your home, then curl up with a great movie and a glass of wine or cup of tea. Even if no one will see your efforts, YOU will. And that’s the point. You’re worth it. Now take a selfie!


Back To Basics – Sexual Positions

When it comes sex, we often get so caught up in orgasms and “goal oriented” sex that we miss the mark. We are so busy trying to impress each other with our sexual prowess that we forget the simple pleasures of good ol’ fashioned sex! These three basic sexual positions will bring you back to that space of connection and romance that inevitably leads to deeper satisfaction.


Good Ol’ Missionary Position is one of the most romantic sex positions there is. Face to face and heart to heart, it allows partners to intimately connect on a deeper and more meaningful level. The bodies are in alignment and easy entry into the vagina means you’re not angling for any acrobatics – you’re just focused on each other. Partners are able to gaze into each other’s eyes, breathe together, take long passionate kisses, maintain body-to-body closeness, and synchronize their movements. Take your time and enjoy the pose that makes penetration more satisfying, often leading to intense orgasms for women and men.

Woman On Top

Woman on Top Position, in any variation, includes positions like “Cowgirl” “Reverse Cowgirl” “The Lotus” “Yab-Yum” etc. Women love these positions because they allow them to be able to control the speed, angle and depth of penetration. When a woman is on top, it makes it easier for her to move in a way that feels more pleasurable for her. The man’s hands are free to roam and stimulate other pleasure points of her body such as: breast, back, butt, etc., which also helps to increase her body’s sensitivity. These positions also offer direct stimulation of the clitoris and G-spot which can maximize her chances of having an orgasm.


With spooning positions both partners can cuddle closely together. The angle of this position puts pressure in all the right places for both partners. Although spooning does not allow for eye contact, it offers a nuzzling closeness that’s hard to beat. Similarly to the woman on top positions, spooning positions allows the man all access to all the pleasure points on the woman’s body. Her partner can caress her stomach, breast, neck, and clitoris. Another reason this position is so popular is because of the full-body contact which allows for cuddling and low-intensity sex that can last for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a sweaty, highly charge, acrobatic sex session. However, sometimes we need to take back to the basics. With these three sexual positions, you can not go wrong.

Q & A With Creators Of “The Elator”

At the Sexual Health Expo this year I met with a dynamic couple, Mark and Lisa Schneider, who have created a brand new device called The Elator. It’s so simple, yet it’s quite revolutionary because it’s completely natural and custom fit for every penis. The trick is, you need to measure your penis so that they can send you your individual custom-fit Elator. So you can’t lie about your size!

We connected at my seminar for Sex & Disabilities where they were interested in reaching out to men with issues like premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, prostate cancer recovery or men with spinal cord injuries who could all benefit from The Elator.

I’m happy to introduce them to my Sexpert audience because I’m a great believer that any product that help people have better sex is valuable and can lead to a happier life. I interviewed them to find out more information on why and how they came to create the Elator.


Mark and I just celebrated 9 very happy years of marriage on September 20th, 2015. We decided to work together because we both share the same passion of the desire to become young entrepreneurs. I had been working in Corporate America for years holding demanding management positions that honestly became unattractive after awhile.   After having two beautiful children together and in order to find a healthy balance in life we decided to go for it. Being that I have 20 years of experience with sales and marketing and Mark had 20 years of design and R & D experience, we felt that our skill sets highly complimented each other talents, which is an awesome formula for success.


Mark’s father has a condition called Venus Leakage which involves the valve that holds the blood in the penis. When one suffers from Venus, the blood flow becomes weak and therefore he had challenges with erectile frequency. Mark’s Father researched external penile support device and found answers among a group of inventors. These inventors were looking for successful individuals that would take their product to market. The device was intriguing for both Mark and for a few reasons; we both lead healthy, natural lifestyles and natural products appeal to us. Being a happily married couple with a healthy sex life, we felt the desire to help other couples that may not be as fortunate. We believe that all couples should be able to be intimate, even those with challenges with Erectile Dysfunction. We felt that it wasn’t fair that only unnatural solutions were available to those that suffered. It was then that we knew we wanted to help couples all around the world and present them with a natural solution., The Elator.


There is nothing like the Elator on the market. The Elator is an ultra thin but durable wearable support device. It’s basically a support splint that allows men to have intercourse without an erection. The Elator has no side effects, which is very different than what other ED products face.

  • For example, ED pills and prescription medications are highly ineffective in roughly 30% of men and have a long list of dangerous side effects.
  • The vacuum pump does not allow men to achieve a full erection and leaves their penis only 80%-90% engorged for a short period of time, depending if a clamp is used.
  • Injections and suppositories are not always effective and are very painful to administer
  • Surgery is very expensive, invasive and come with great risk with many possible complications.



  • The Elator can be attached and ready for intercourse in less then 30 seconds
  • No reported side effects
  • Cost effective – A custom Elator is only $298.00 and allows for nearly 4 years of use
  • No risk of losing your erection
  • Allows you to have intercourse as long as you like even after ejaculation


  • Measuring your penis can be tricky. Approximately 25% of the time it requires an additional shaft.
  • Initial investment may seem a bit expensive for some men because it is not yet covered by medical insurance.
  • The gentle sensation of the shaft may take some getting use to for both the man or woman


It’s not required but some men choose to. The only area that could pinch or pull hair is where the back of the Elator attaches to the base ring.


As long as the man or woman is physically capable.


A woman may introduce the Elator to her partner as a simple and effective natural solution that has been especially designed for a healthy sex life. It can be encouraged for a simple way to have intercourse never like before. One that will increase intimacy within a relationship. It can also be positioned for those moments where by erectile frequency may be a challenge. Just by keeping in the night stand drawers helps the confidence levels to know that its there, just in case.


Communication is critical in any relationship. It is important for the man to share his feelings as to how important intimacy is when in a relationship. It is essential to include your partner when discussing options for ED treatment and possible ED solutions. Communication about ED may be uncomfortable, however it plays a significant part to relieve unwanted stress. Resilient communication creates a strong bond within a relationship for those struggling with erectile dysfunction. With each conversation, those involved may experience unexpected highs and lows. It is critical to have a loving, compassionate partner to be patient and supportive through the process. Physical connection is essential in any healthy relationship and this connection should be your end goal no matter what obstacles are involved. It is imperative to unite and agree that you are in this together and together you will prevail with the device.


How do I measure my penis? We have an online video on YouTube which addresses this question.

Will it hurt my partner? No, it will not hurt my partner. In addition, it is made with medical grade silicon which is safe for woman.


Our feed back has been consistent. Women say they don’t feel the front loop because it is gently tucked behind the head of the penis. Woman have reported they slightly feel the support bars on the bottom but it is not painful or uncomfortable. In some instances it actually feels like an erect penis.


The device is available worldwide. Due to its custom nature we ship everything from San Diego, California.


We are working on vibrating attachment to the base ring.

Read more in the USA today panel of experts by Mark Schneider.

Sexual Health Expo Highlights

Talk about sex and the city! This season’s Sexual Health Expo featured dozens of leading sex experts and ground-breaking pleasure products all under one roof in Manhattan’s Millennium Broadway Hotel.

Of course the trade floor at SHE is always fun and entertaining. Here I am above with Tom Nardone of, a unique site that tailors toys to your specific needs. He brought “The Bombshell” with him – the biggest vibrator in the world – and as you can see in the video below, it’s definitely a wild ride.

As SHE Sexpert of the Year 2015, it was an honor to return with a new presentation, this time discussing sexual disabilities and limitations and the positive solutions that disabled people can use to improve their sex lives, including incredible products, toys, games and more.

The Pleasure Chest sponsored the presentations, and were so generous with connecting participants with the products they need. Thank you also to all the companies whose products enhanced my talk. I gave away a hands-free masturbator Hot Octopuss Pulse, the Fleshlight the wearable We-vibe, the non-phallic suction vibe the Womanizer, the incredible male sexual health devices Private Gym and Viberect, and the female kegel exercisers the Apex & Intensity. The Sybian and the Hi were also part of my presentation, and people were able to try out the Sybian vibrating ‘saddle’ at their booth, while Nancy Sutton Pierce was demonstrating the Hi in her suite, helping women masturbate! I also gave away Screaming O rings and tongue vibrators, and learned about an all new device, The Elator, which customizes penis rings to fit a man’s exact size! All of the toys I gave away can be used by people with limitations whether their issues are with mobility, developmental, cognitive, sensory or psychiatric modalities.

Jessica-OReilly-SHE pic

I really enjoyed Dr. Jessica O’Reilly‘s standing-room-only presentation on oral sex which was highly interactive, with people practicing oral techniques on apples, oranges and baby carrots. Apparently she had asked her husband to pick up some carrots for blow job simulation, and he showed up with the baby kind! I truly regret that I couldn’t attend her talk on the G-spot and female ejaculation which was the ‘climax’ seminar. But I did see Dr. Hernando Chaves‘s lecture on Unique Orgasms, a talk that we wrote together and presented at the inaugural L.A. SHE event in January. The clip below shows Dr. Hernando outlining some well-known and little-known orgasmic ‘spots.’

New York is one of the sexiest cities in the world, and I’m glad I was able to see a Broadway show called Kinky Boots, which I recommend for everyone to see because it’s fantastic!