Sunday, February 18, 2018

10 Tips For Better Sex In Time For Valentine’s Day

While you never really hear someone describe sex as bad, the reality is there’s sex that’s mind blowing and sex that is just average.  Even couples who once had great sex sometimes cool down in the bedroom for many different reasons.  How do you turn the heat up? Where do you start?

As a clinical hypnotherapist, I specialize in helping patients with relationship issues, and Valentine’s Day always seems to bring up questions about how to have great sex. Here are ten tips that you can use with your lover:

1. Stop Focusing On Sex

When a physician rules out medical problems, it’s usually a lack of an emotional bond that is the problem. Engage in activities that build emotional entanglement.  Wild or scary activities like riding a rollercoaster together or skydiving work well for this.  When you experience an adrenaline rush or feelings of exhilaration together, it channels into other things including better sex. 

2. Slow Down

Never see sex as an obligation or something you have to do because people say it’s good for your relationship.  Take your time, make it last and enjoy it and each other. Work at going at a slower pace and savor the experience.  Remember to focus on foreplay because it stimulates both partners’ sexuality and increases emotional intimacy.

3. Be Honest With Your Partner

Be honest and tell each other what you like, what works and what doesn’t, new positions or techniques you want to try. This level of sexual awareness will take your emotional and sexual relationships to the next level. The secret to any long-lasting relationship is being comfortable and honest talking about the good and bad. If sex is the issue, make sure your partner knows.

4. Surprise Your Partner

A thriving sexual relationship means keeping it new and exciting. Don’t always do the same things you always do.  It shouldn’t be a routine.  Put on something your partner will be excited by. Role play or playout his favorite fantasy.  Try that thing she’s wanted to try but you have been holding back.

5. Get Out Of The Bedroom

Sex isn’t just for the bedroom. Find other places in your house/apartment to have sex. How about the car or the backyard?  Maybe the kitchen counter? Or next to the fireplace in the study?  Get creative and try different places.  Remember to vary the time of day you have sex, too.

6. Take Care Of The Other Stuff

While sex is always great at the beginning of any relationship, factors like stress, money, work and children start taking priority in people’s lives. Manage your life effectively so you can truly enjoy that special alone time you have with your partner.  The idea is that when you’re spending time with your partner, the other things shouldn’t be a factor.

7. Focus On The Positive Attributes Of Each Other

Human nature pushes us towards negativity. This is a sexual killer because when you’re focused on what you dislike about your partner, feelings of resentment accumulate and emotional connection fades.  Remember, we’re all human and no one is perfect.  Focus on the positive in each other and focus on lifting each other up all the time.  Your sexual experiences will thank you.

8. Imagine It Ahead Of Time

Spend five to 10 minutes a day picturing yourself having great sex with your partner. Think about the sounds, sights, smells and how you feel during sex. Many people focus on the physical aspects of sex and ignore the fact that sex can be a mentally and emotionally stimulating experience. The more you prepare mentally, the more amazing the physical becomes.

9. Use Technology To Your Advantage

Technology is everywhere, so use it to add some fire to your love life. Send your partner a sexy text or email while they’re at work. But remember, sometimes you have to put the technology down. In today’s world, picking up the phone and calling or spending time in person can create a better emotional connection and better intimacy as well.

10. Hit the right spots

Have your partner lie down on his or her stomach naked. Start massaging from the feet and work up to his or her head with massage oil, or better yet, massage glide that doubles as a safe sexual lubricant. A relaxed body allows for better blood flow to the extremities which can lead to a stronger erection for men and increased sensations for women. Try some sexy erotic talk to heighten the mood.

Colin Christopher is the author of Manipulate The Date.

Can Supplements Keep You Faithful?

It used to be that people cheated because they couldn’t keep it in their pants, were unhappy in their relationships, or just bored with their partners. Well, that’s just part of the infidelity puzzle. Some doctors are saying that another factor can be genetics.

A few research studies, including the much-talked about 2014 study by Brendan P. Zietsch, a psychologist at the University of Queensland, Australia, showed that people who cheated had a certain variant of vasopressin, a hormone that is associated with attachment and bonding. The research shows that this might be one contributing genetic factor to infidelity.

Psychotherapy, sex therapy, and even spiritual work (whether it’s medication or faith-based), has long been the path to work on marriages plagued by infidelity. However, some prominent doctors, such as John Gray, PhD., author of Men Are from Mars, Women are From Venus, and Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love, have also been using supplemental therapy to help their patients remain faithful. And, it’s working…for them. It should be noted, that it is a controversial practice with little to no scientific backing and not meant to be the “cure to infidelity.”

“Your brain chemicals can be changed to help stop an affair or not want an affair,” says Dr. Eaker Weil. “This really takes a little bit of the stigma and emotional pain out of an affair. I’m not excusing it, but I tell my patients, ‘Listen it’s not entirely in your control.'” Of course, you can’t blame cheating solely on your genes, which is why a combination of psychotherapy with supplements and lifestyle changes is really what the doctors’ are ordering here.

It’s not entirely unlike using St. John’s Wart to help with depression, valerian root to help with anxiety, and supplements to aid in your workouts.

The first step, though, is to find out if there is a chemical imbalance is at play here. ” Some M.D.s will do blood, urine, and/or saliva tests for adrenals, dopamine, serotonin, vasopressin, etc., to see if you do have a chemical imbalance and then can advise you on which supplements are needed to help balance any imbalances out,” she says.

The most impressive and fast acting supplement, according to both, is low dose lithium orotate, which is more commonly also used to treat a variety of issues, anxiety and depression. “It’s all natural and has no side effects. Within days most people notice improved mood, focus, motivation, and low stress. For maximum benefit it’s best combined with therapy along with vitamins B6, D3, K2 and Omega 3,” says Dr. Gray.

Dr. Eaker Weil says that the main reason lithium orotate is so powerful in her practice is because it stimulates oxytocin – the cuddle hormone that makes you feel safe and bonded. “It helps simmer down the vasopressin. I’ve seen it stop the craving for adultery in my practice,” she says. In her couples counseling, she prescribes this supplement to both partners to help them reconnect and reignite their bond. She uses it in conjunction with the prescription oxytocin pill.

Other supplements Gray and Eaker Weil have used include L-theanine, derived from tealeaves, and rhodiola. “Both help to calm and reduce stress, which balances you, grounds you, gives you clarity, and in turn helps with therapy and stopping the need for cheating. Rhodiola also helps with fatigue. We all know that stress and fatigue are contributing factors to infidelity,” says Eaker Weil.

It should be noted that, that “there is no scientific evidence to support treating people with medications or supplements to prevent infidelity,” as one expert in the field who wishes to remain anonymous points out.

Valentine’s Day Relationship Inventory Test

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, or you just started dating someone new, Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion to evaluate your love life.

Sometimes a partner will look great “on paper” in terms of your similar interests or circle of friends, but then as things move forward, the daily behavior and interaction between you just doesn’t make your heart sing. What’s happening here? Is there anything you can do to figure it all out?

Yes there is, and it’s free and easy to accomplish. The truth is that a simple good versus bad list can help you clarify what’s working and what isn’t. Sure, relationships require compromise, but that doesn’t mean you have to settle for being unhappy!

I’m sharing this sample list below from one of my clients, so that you can see the kinds of things I’m suggesting for your list. She had been dating this man for three months, and had sex with him after seven dates. She saw him twice after that before calling me for help. She was confused and conflicted about becoming his girlfriend. In her gut, she knew he wasn’t right for her, but she didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day this year.

I had my client write a list of his good and bad qualities. Reading the list, she had a revelation discovering the 15 bad qualities compared to only 10 good ones. Then I asked her what her 10 top priorities were to make her life better, and we checked off the ones that he could fulfill. She could only find 3 ways out of 10 that he could bring joy to her life, and could easily find 7 that would make her life more miserable.

This is how you can create your own list for your relationship. Make two columns – good and bad – and create your inventory list like this:

Relationship Inventory:

GOOD:                                                                   BAD:

 1. Old Friend  His home location is too far
 2. Kind  He has too many health issues
 3. Gentle   Hardly has any friends
 4. Good job  He goes to bed too late
 5. Financially stable  Doesn’t like to travel
 6. Intelligent   Pessimist prepares for the worse
 7. Romantic  Suffers from OCD & anxiety
8. Sense of humor  Homebody
 9. No kids or wives  Bad lover
 10. Gives compliments  Talks too long on phone
 11.  Political differences
 12.  Brags about old girlfriends
 13.  Complains a lot about people
14.  Shares all his problems
15.  Not generous

Okay, now that you’ve done the hard part, let’s analyze the data to answer the ultimate question of this exercise: Is this person going to make my life better?

Here’s how my client’s evaluation turned out based upon her lifestyle, her priorities, wants, needs and desires.

  1. Travel – NO
  2. Home – NO
  3. Generosity – NO
  4. Sex – NO
  5. Social – NO
  6. Conversation – NO
  7. Bedtime Compatibility – NO
  8. Romance – YES
  9. Compliments – YES
  10. Friendship – YES

So as you can see, the not-so-great news here is that the bad outweighs the good in this analysis. But the good news is that, armed with this information, this woman can now pinpoint the source of her frustration or disappointment within the relationship. Before my client left, I told her she had two choices. She could either discuss these issues with her partner and come to a resolution, or she could make an exit strategy to find someone with whom the good will outweigh the bad!

My client instinctively chose the latter, and I told her not to be sad because this man was just a stepping stone to finding a man worthy of her, physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually. It was the first time I saw her smile, and she told me she felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off her.

You’re better off alone this Valentine’s Day than being with somebody who lacks the qualities that you are looking for in a relationship. Be your own Valentine, and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you!

How To Make A Threesome Happen

Couples can’t always give each other everything they need sexually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes introducing a third person is exactly what you both want to keep your sex life fresh with novelty. Engaging in a threesome can be one of the most memorable sexual experiences a couple can have, but make sure the memories are positive.

Communication is key when it comes to opening up your relationship to a third person. Don’t gloss over your wants and needs before you dive in to the experience. If you feel strongly that there shouldn’t be penetration for example, say so. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for resentments and jealousy. Laying down a basic set of guidelines allows more freedom in the moment.

Where To Find Your Third Wheel

It’s never been easier to find an adult playmate using the Internet, where you can send messages on dating sites such as OkCupid or Plenty of Fish, or go to ThreesomeDatingSite or Adult Friend Finder.  Be clear with your request, and expect some back and forth so that you can all get to know each other. You can use the acronyms MMF (male, male, female) or MFF, MMM and FFF (or any combination) to designate what kind of third you are seeking.

I recommend having a three-way ‘date’ ahead of time with no sexual expectations, so that you can discuss your fantasies and all parties can become comfortable with each other. This extra step makes the sexual anticipation and experience much more satisfying, as you’re all connecting on a deeper level. I’m not saying you have to be best friends (in fact, I discourage having sex with good platonic friends), but when you’ve spent some time and had a conversation together, even if briefly, things generally go much more smoothly in bed later.

Another alternative for finding a third is to go to a bar, swing club or even a BDSM dungeon with the intention of picking up another person who might be interested in participating in a consensual three-way experience. Clear communication is even more important in these settings at the beginning, as you don’t have the benefit of the website introduction to pave the way for your ultimate intention. But when in doubt, listen to your intuition and be on the side of caution as it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Negotiation

Make sure you talk about each person’s interests and desires, including boundaries and deal breakers about kissing, oral sex, intercourse, anal and sleepovers. It’s also a good idea to have a code word or signal for “STOP” that everyone understands, such as traffic light colors RED for STOP and GREEN for GO. In the heat of the moment, you might need a safe way to stop the action.

Try this WANT, WILL, WON’T exercise for sexual activities during the negotiation process. My clients have found it to be a very useful jumping off point for opening up the lines of communication and encouraging each party to fully express their desires and boundaries.

The first slide shows what the desires and boundaries mean, and the second slide is filled in with items from a sexual menu.

Will Want WontWill Want Wont 2

Dinner & Sexy Games

Planning a sexy night for three-way sex can be a lot of fun. Start by ordering everyone’s favorite food and arrange comfortable seating without a cumbersome table in the way. For some flirty conversation, try topics like turns on and turn offs, or show and tell.

Once things get sexy, you can begin to feed each other playfully and lick food off your partner’s body to entice the other person to join in. A little alcohol can also ease the tension and rev up the sex drive, but don’t pour the drinks too strong or too often because consent is sexy, and you want to make sure you’re enhancing your sex life, not creating drama.

Play some icebreaker adult games such as Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare or Strip Poker to get everyone in the mood for naughtiness. Be sure to have plenty of condoms, lube and some sex toys on hand to keep the party playful. Always change condoms when going from anal to vaginal and never share sex toys, so have plenty of each at hand. Use a new condom with each partner!

Take turns getting and giving a four handed massage to relax and then arouse by exploring all of the erogenous zones from head to toe. Organic coconut oil is smooth and silky on the skin, as is massage glide, or warming and cooling, can increase sensitivity and flavored massage products can be a tasty treat for the giver of pleasure, just as much as the receiver.

In The Moment

Say things to make your partner feel confident. Saying, “I love you,” “You’re such a great lover,” and other positive compliments can make your partner feel confident and secure, diminishing any competitive feelings they might have about the third person.

Never leave anyone out. You don’t want a threesome that’s unbalanced, where two people’s interactions dominate at the expense of the third. There’s always a way to expand your touch and attention to include that third person.

Make sure you have water nearby so that your mouth doesn’t get dry right when you want to kiss, lick or suck.

Positions For 1 Man, 2 Women

This is one of the top fantasies for men, but lots of women are game to let their man watch them with another woman. A hot sexual position is for the man to enter his partner in doggy style while she goes down on the other woman. Alternatively, he can be getting a blowjob from the new woman while his partner sits on his face. And of course there are endless combinations of 69-inspired positions to please everyone.

Positions for 1 Woman, 2 Men

This female sex fantasy can result in double penetration and one of the best positions for that is for one man to lay on his back so the woman can sit on him in cowgirl position while the other man inserts his penis from behind her for anal penetration, as she leans forward. This is known as an MFM threesome experience, and of course there are many other sexual positions that include oral pleasures for everyone.

The Role Of Sex Toys

Adding sex toys into your threesome can prolong the experience, add extra visual eroticism and playfulness. It can help women have orgasms more easily, and allow men to take the pressure off the demand on their erections. You can even consider giving your third a sex toy to take home as a memento of the occasion. Some of my favorite sex toys for threesomes are The Screaming O cock ring, We-Vibe wearable vibrator and of course, an adjustable strap-on with a harness.

Exploring Your Same Sex Fantasies

In a sexual threesome, the same sex parties are key in creating chemistry with each other. This is an exciting opportunity to explore same sex fantasies and try out experimentation that you’ve only dreamed of, such as tribbing between women and docking between men.

The Power Of Imaginary Threesomes

If you’re not ready to have another person participate in a three-way yet, then you can make this fantasy come true through the power of suggestion and lots of graphic dirty talk. Describe to each other what the third person would be doing, and how.

If you’re at a loss about how to get started, try using some of these phrases and fill in the blanks, directing your sexy language at your partner and your imaginary third as well.

It feels so good when you touch my__________.

Your ______________ is beautiful.

I want you to ___________ my _____________.

I love your ____________________.

My _______________is so______________.

_______________ me in the __________________.

You are so ______________________.

Pros & Cons Of A Threesome

Pros

Fun – Threesomes can be exciting and naughty, playful and thoroughly entertaining because of their taboo nature. You can expand your sexual horizons with erotic new visuals, new sexual positions and by discovering new erogenous zones.

Hormone boost – Threesomes get your feel-good hormones flowing from increased Testosterone to surging Dopamine.

Exploration – Same sex fantasies and two-on-one fantasies are very common and here’s your opportunity to make them come true.

Discovery – Discover new ways of touching and being touched, and new ways in which you like to be aroused.

Freedom – You can be uninhibited, making love ‘outside the box.’

Increased sex drive – more orgasmic intensity may result from the new excitement of a third partner.

Passion – Threesomes can rekindle passion in a predictable relationship.

Afterglow – You might feel more sexual satisfaction than you’ve ever experienced and want to do it again!

Cons

Jealousy – You might be afraid that your partner will get emotionally attached to the third person, or worry that they are a more skilled lover.

Performance issues – Men might have anxiety about getting an erection or keeping it up in front of two people at once.

Feelings of inadequacy – Men or women may feel intimidated by being ‘compared’ to another person physically or sexually.

Competition – Threesomes bring up issues of rivalry, where one party may engage in a sexual contest with another.

Awkwardness afterwards – Unless you’ve negotiated your ‘happy ending,’ there could be an awkward moment where no one knows what to do when the sex is over.

STDS – Expanding your sexual horizons also means expanding your chances of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Always use condoms.

Embarrassment – Three people makes for more potential embarrassing noises and moments, but try to use a sense of humor to overcome any mishaps.

Look at this pros and cons list with your partner to help make the decision together about whether or not to try a threesome. Ask each other how important a threesome is, on a scale of one to ten, where ten means it’s a dealbreaker for the relationship.

Honor your partner’s feelings about the possibility, and understand that the answer may very well be “No” but if you do go forward as a couple, make sure that your own relationship foundation is strong and that you’re plan is to have well-intentioned sexy fun.

Millennial Sex Survey: Lots of Sex Assault, Little Sex Ed

A recent Sex survey of 15-35 year-olds born between 1980-2000 found that 75% of women and 71% of men thought that “sexual assault is somewhat or very common” on university campuses. 15% of millennial women say they have been sexually assaulted. Meanwhile, 37% of those surveyed report that “sex ed classes were not helpful to them in making sex or relationship decisions.” 23% of them did not have any sex classes in high school, while those who attended religious high schools reported even less “health” classes, confirming that   Catholic schools do a great job with the sex education.

The study, entitled “How race and religion shape millennial attitudes on sexuality and reproductive health” was conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute in Washington, D.C. It also found that 18% of women took the morning after pill, and that people learned about sexual health from their doctors, their friends, and the internet more often than their parents, who are often too embarrassed to talk about it. Even scarier is the revelation that students report both sexual harassment and sexual assault not only occur frequently in college and high school, but in middle school. Note to today’s parents who are terrified of discussing sexual safety and sexual health with their teenage and twenty-something kids: as Joan Rivers used to say “Can we talk?”

Erotic Hypnosis: Safety & Consent Tips

Bliss

If you have an interest in learning and enjoying personal, recreational erotic hypnosis – here are a number of important points for beginners to consider right from the start.

Make sure you learn some basic hypnosis techniques before trying anything erotic. Learn how to get your subject to relax (you can read a progressive relaxation script from a hypnosis book); learn how to deliver simple, positive instructions in the present tense; and learn how to “emerge” your subject from hypnosis. (They will come out of it by themselves, but emerging is a courtesy that provides closure and should never be neglected.)

You’ll want to have clear, careful conversations with you partner about what is accepted, expected, and unacceptable in a session.

Some erotic hypnotist couples like to eroticize and create a fantasy “forbidden” “mind control” experience of hypnosis. In this way, the myths of hypnosis are enacted in a mutually agreed upon fantasy and made momentarily, erotically “true.” Even so, remember that these myths are just that – and that any person can emerge from the fantasy intact.

Rules For Erotic Hypnosis

1) Always stick with negotiated agreements. Be clear about hard and soft boundaries regarding sensations, subject matter, fantasy play, and anything else you need to be comfortable and safe.

2) Build negotiated agreements right into hypnosis script.

3) Use a hypnosis script, including all elements of session. If you are enacting the hypnotist role, let your hypnotic subject read it first and be open to suggestions for changing the script. If you are the subject, remember you can emerge from hypnosis at any time, on your own, if something is not right.

4) Do several hypnosis sessions which are not sexual in nature first, to build trust and confidence (your own and your partner’s).

5) Be aware of “triggers” from sex abuse history. Strongly reconsider using erotic hypnosis in this case. Consult a licensed sex therapist to talk over this kind of erotic play.

6) Other contraindications: if undergoing psychiatric treatment or taking psycho-active meds (such as anti-depressants); if relationship is in trouble – the level of trust between partners may not be enough; avoid hypnosis during times of major upheaval and change.

7) Have a plan for abreactions. Abreactions are (usually rare) times when a person may be upset by subconscious material. Practice calming breath techniques in advance or learn and use EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping on accupressure points).

(www.EFTuniverse.com or www.tapping.com)

You can also create a scripted response for calming, helping.

8) Decide on your safe words in advance (red, yellow, green can work well) and create an ideomotor response (gesture, hand signal) that can also indicate “stop.”

9) If you’re into kinky play, don’t mix hypnosis and real-life bondage – use imaginary, “hypnotic” ropes instead. Never leave your hypnotized subject alone. Also use the highest standards for physical, mental, and emotional safety – agreed upon with your partner.

10) Don’t breach trust by giving suggestions to “change” partner. Always use positive language, encouragement.

11) If you are enacting the hypnotist role, stay attentive and focused. Remember that you, too, might get a little “trancey” so using scripts can help you stay present.

To Spit Or Swallow?

I was in the nail salon, gazing at a turned off television flanked by fake flowers, when the age-old question, “Do you spit or swallow?” eeked into my brain. “Spit or swallow” is the harshly limited ultimatum posed to teenagers, and most of us haven’t heard it since high school. Back then, I’m pretty sure I knew girls who answered both ways. Not being on the receiving end of fellatio, I took little note of who said what or why.

While one hand soaked and the other’s nails were filed, I wondered, “does anyone really spit?” Do women actually take ejaculate into their mouths and then spit it out because they object to swallowing? Is there a reason for objecting to swallowing other than disliking the taste? Doesn’t everyone know that tastebuds are on the tongue and not in the stomach?

While my polish was applied, I determined that no, no one spits. At least not anyone out of high school, and probably not even teenagers, given the extent of information and entertainment on the internet. That might have been that (I’m good at deciding things and singularly declaring them to be true) if the subject hadn’t come up later that night.

Our spit vs. swallow conversation derived from the topic of sexual education and the darnedest things kids say. A friend’s pre-teen had recently learned that oral sex is a thing, and wondered why people do it.

“So, but, do kids actually still talk about ‘spit or swallow’?” I interjected. Does ANYONE spit? I mean, for reasons other than being stimulated by the visual of spitting and then maybe licking it back up?”

I got a few blank looks and the familiar comment, “You’re on the other far side of the spectrum.”

Someone suggested I conduct I survey. We all admitted that, coming from Taboo’s social media followers, the results would be extremely biased. Then I did it anyway.

Here’s what my seven question, extremely biased “Let’s Talk About Head” survey taught me:

60% of women really enjoy giving head. 30% dig it when they’re in the mood, and 10% will do it to please their partners. Conversely, a whopping 90% of men love performing oral sex and only one responded that he didn’t enjoy it at all.

When it comes to climax, 75% of women and 84% of men want to do it in their partners’ mouths.

When I asked how women feel about their partner climaxing in their mouths, 58% said it turns them on. 33% responded “It’s nice, I guess.” 7% refuse it.

Contrarily, 88% of my male respondents are turned on by receiving orgasm orally! High fives!

 Finally, do women spit or swallow?

My super-scientifically sound survey determines that 79% of women swallow.

7% spit because they don’t don’t enjoy swallowing, 5% spit because they find it erotic, and 9% never let ejaculate touch their lips. Those who find spitting erotic were some of the first to respond, so I’m pretty sure they’re my employees, but I stand by the authenticity of my results.

So, okay, a few of you do spit. Color me the teensiest bit wrong and the slightest bit confused. However, I like it when sexual practices surprise me. It means folks are keeping it fresh, which is one of the first rules of good sex.

Another is being true to yourself. While pushing personal boundaries is often stimulating, no one should feel pressured to participate in what makes them uncomfortable.

You do you, but I’ll leave you with a healthful facts about semen:

  • Is a natural anti-depressant
  • Contains anti-anxiety hormones
  • Encourages better sleep through melatonin
  • Improves memory and brain function
  • Contains zinc, an antioxidant that slows aging

Cheers.

Sexycises By Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga

I’m so excited to share my new project, featuring the world’s top sexperts in sexual health and pleasure demonstrating how to stay connected on the journey to sexual fitness and satisfaction. Poses range from playful to passionate, with mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and sexual benefits for individuals and couples.

These are the superlative sexperts making love and intimacy a priority in people’s lives!

sexperts-dr-cat-miyoko

Dr. Cat Meyer is an acroyoga expert, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in holistic psychotherapy and topics of sexuality, including intimacy through yoga. Dr. Cat Meyer’s Refresh Women’s Retreat: Embracing the Peace Within takes place October 14-16, 2016. Her couples yoga class called Sexy Sunday can be found at Create Yoga.

Andrew Sealy (Cat’s partner above) is a yoga artist and movement creator who teaches acroyoga to couples who want to build true intimacy.

Miyoko Rifkin: Acroyoga expert and on-air personality at Playboy Radio and owner/instructor at Domestic Goddess Studio, specializing in intimacy through yoga at Inverted Play.  Check out Miyoko’s Playboy radio show Play With Me!

Eric Blood (with Miyoko in the video) is a dance acroyoga expert who offers workshops for couples who want to connect mentally, physically and sensually.

sexperts-dr-hernando-chaves-erika-jordan

Dr. Hernando Chaves is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, human sexuality professor, media therapist, global speaker and Askmen.com sex columnist with a private practice in Beverly Hills.

Erika Jordan is a Certified Loveologist and love coach, actress, director, certified physical fitness trainer, sexpert and spokesmodel for BroMyGod. She also hosts ErikaJordan.org, a site dedicated to eliminating kill shelters with www.BestFriends.org

 

 

sexpert-dr-nancy-symon

Dr. Nancy Sutton-Pierce specializes in Intimacy Communication, Sensual Movement and Exotic Erotic Lifestyle Coaching. Her background as a registered nurse, health educator, sex & relationship author, radio talk show host and yoga therapist all enhance her passion as an International speaker and sensuality educator. Her Valentine’s Intimacy & Sex magic Retreat takes place February 11-18, 2017.

Symon Murray is an educator who lives a healthy sex positive, open lifestyle.  In lifestyle resorts around the world, Symon has taught all aspects of sexual pleasure; including specific classes in female ejaculation techniques (he is known as the Squirt Master) to both couples and individuals.

sexpert-drjallen-kayvon

Dr. Jallen Rix: Author of Ex-Gay No Way, clinical sexologist, educator, speaker and star of his own one-man show: Celebrating The Intersection of Self-Pleasuring and Self-Compassion. Look for Dr. Jallen in his one-man show Stake in the Ground: Celebrating the Intersection of Self-Pleasing and Self-Compassion

As a yoga teacher, Kayvon Afsarifard is interested in helping others develop their own practice and learn more about their own mind-body-soul connection. He is studying to be a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist at Pepperdine University.

sexpert-dr-anne-nick

 

 

Dr. Anne Ridley is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, psychotherapist, relationship and intimacy expert, public speaker and Certified Loveologist with a private practice in Santa Fe. She’s known as ‘The Modern Aphrodite.’ Here, she is posing with her boyfriend Nick Rosenheim.

 

 

sexpert-dr-amie-christina-engelhardt

Dr. Amie Harwick is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author of The New Sex Bible for Women, global speaker and popular media therapist with a private practice in Beverly Hills.

Christina Engelhardt is a Certified Loveologist and love coach, author of two books, screenwriter, award winning producer, model, actress, photographer and celebrity astrologer.

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Kayna Cassard is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Sex Therapist with a private practice in West LA. She is an Acroyoga expert who teaches therapeutic workshops on play and intimacy skills.

Dominick Cole is a renowned Acroyoga expert and teacher with therapeutic workshops that focus on healing through movement as well as play & intimacy skills.

Connect with Kayna and Dominick at their workshop: Acroyoga Play & Intimacy Skills: A Therapeutic Workshop

 

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Brett Stephenson conducts Erotic Yoga & Deep Tissue Tantra Massage at the dedicated swinger’s party space with a “club” setting, Twist, in San Francisco.

 

 

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Dr. Don Etkes is the author of “Loving With Passion” and holds a Ph.D. in psychology. He has 20 years experience as a life coach, hynotherapist, UCLA-trained sex therapist, professional speaker, and licensed marriage and family therapist.

Dr. Tamar Riley is an IPSA accredited professional and doctor in the field of human sexuality, specializing in hands-on, holistic approach to sexual anxieties that hinder sensual intimacy.

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Dr. Ava Cadell,Christina Engelhardt & Dr. Nancy Sutton-Pierce

Dr. Jane Hamilton is a global sex educator, award-winning producer and director of high quality erotica for women and couples, dynamic speaker and creator of Love is Better with Age.

Dr. Ava Cadell is a sexologist, global speaker media therapist, author of 10 books and 13 instructional videos, AASECT certified sex counselor, Founder of Loveology University and President of the American College of Sexologists international. She was voted Sexpert of the Year by the Sexual Health Expo (SHE).

Special thanks to Robert James and Nick Blond at NuReality Productions and Photos by Enoch Kim

Stay tuned for the latest news on Sexycises by Sexperts book, video, seminars and retreats!

11 Surprising Relationship Tips From A Divorce Lawyer

As a family law attorney, I work with many couples who have made the hard decision to divorce. Having worked with couples from all different backgrounds and age groups, it takes a lot to surprise me, and I’ve seen just about every reason why people decide to separate.

While there’s nothing funny about divorce, my friends jokingly say that I am qualified to be a relationship expert with all the clients I have helped go through the process. It’s true that when you’ve worked with as many couples as I have, listening to their stories of why their marriage fell apart, it really opens your eyes to what makes a strong and thriving marriage, and what makes one not last.

Here are 11 relationship tips I’ve learned from my time in family law.

Understand That Marriage Is Hard Work

Commence your marriage with the idea that you will both work together on “being married” every day. Being married is not a state of being, it is a work in progress. And it is work. So don’t ignore problems when you first notice them. Work on them before they blow up and explode. Treat your spouse like a date every day. Notice the little things that attracted you to begin with and enjoy them every day. Don’t take them for granted. Don’t allow familiarity to breed contempt.

Understand That Your Spouse-to-be Will Not Change

My divorcing clients share why they are getting divorced and that they often knew about their spouse’s behavior “flaw” or their relationship disconnect prior to getting married. About 95% of the time, they believed that it would change. Your spouse will not change, and, in fact, those little imperfections will only worsen over time. Realize early what they are, and determine if you can live with them forever before you tie the knot.

Consider Whether To Sign A Prenuptial Agreement

It gives you a way out – marriage is a forever commitment. Do you really want that? If you’re not ready to promise that you will stay together through thick or thin, perhaps you should not get married. While most attorneys will advise that a prenuptial agreement is a wise financial move, a wiser move is to wait to marry someone to whom you can really make that permanent pledge.

 Marry Someone Who Shares Your Financial Views

Money is the most common cause of divorce. Folks have diverse philosophies about how to handle finances and, once they are teamed together in marriage, never really address how to harmonize their different value systems. They start out in love, and small disconnects go unnoticed. Later, when they are comfortable, they overlook larger disconnects. Later still, they discount them. At some point, their differences become too great to ignore and they can’t make excuses anymore. Because the couple has never learned to address them, the financial issues have caused rifts in their abilities to communicate, to problem solve, and to grow together.

Decide To Grow Together

Let’s talk about finances again. Many people marry before they have solidified their views on many issues, spending included. So take classes on spending, on child rearing, on religion, and on other sensitive topics before the issues start raising their ugly heads. Get educated together. This will ensure that you both have the same information. Then decide together how you will handle complex issues, before they arise and become emotional.

Go To A Marriage Counselor Early And Often

Seeing a counselor should not be an admission of failure, it should be like signing up for guitar lessons or for Tae Kwon Do. If you can’t think of a good reason to go, I can: go to work on your communication, problem-solving, or co-parenting skills.

Ensure One Day Off Together Once A Week

Maintaining a strong relationship takes time spent together. Stay in bed together one morning a week and talk, in bed. No agenda. Well, if there’s any agenda, it’s just to cuddle. If you have to brush your teeth first, get up and do that and then get back in bed. Lock the door; no kids. Cuddle. (One of you needs that, and the other one will find that s/he enjoys it more than s/he thinks s/he will.)

Share A Hobby

Again, it is important to spend time together. You don’t have to share all of the same hobbies, but it is important to share most of them, considering that our hobbies consume much of what little free time we enjoy. Run races. Play golf. Watch movies. Play music together. My husband insists on running the weekend errands with me, instead of splitting up to get them done in twice the time. (I brag about this all the time, even though he first made this declaration 22 years ago!) Whatever interests you share, engage in them together. And if you don’t share them, then one of you must change your interest. My husband took up golf; I had no interest. But he was spending six hours every week out on a golf course somewhere so I took it up, too. I developed an interest, if not in the sport itself, at least in the nature I enjoyed while out on the course, and, more importantly, in the talking we did while we were out there.

Shower Or Bathe Together Often

My husband and I purposely installed a double-headed shower. At least twice a week, we shower at the same time. It’s a great time to plan, and especially to discuss matters outside of the hearing of little ears. My associate’s parents bathed together every night, and she and her husband now follow that same practice. It is a great time to unwind. Either way, it’s easy to add to busy schedules because you both need to bathe, so you’re not adding anything additional to your schedules. And it’s good to be naked with each other every day. It is something private and special that you only share with another, so it will keep you connected. And you never know where it will lead! Which segues into my next tip….

Never Stop Having Sex

It is the one thing that you share together that you do not share with anyone else. Even if you are best friends, you are more than that. You are spouses whose relationship initially grew because of your sexual intimacy with one another. Sex is a basic, biological need. As a married couple, you depend on one another to meet this need. Even if you are tired, not in the mood, or not even attracted to your spouse in that moment, make sex a regular part of your relationship. Vow to make love at least once a week. If you get to the end of a week without having done so, do whatever it takes to be intimate before the clock strikes midnight on the seventh day. It will also add an element of fun to your relationship!

Know That The Grass Isn’t Greener

While it may be tempting to explore a new, exciting, attractive, and interesting person, remember that every person comes with his or her own set of flaws. The turmoil that an affair brings with it is not worth the excitement, and people do not end up any happier once the dust settles. Be happy with the one you have, and actively work together to remember why you chose each other.

Don’t Give Up Too Soon

Remember that you vowed to be together “for better or for worse,” and sometimes, it’s a “for worse” period. But, this too shall pass. The good times will return if you weather the storm together and don’t jump ship.

Hooking Up: What Are The Emotional Risks?

Have marriage, monogamy and longterm commitments really taken a back seat to casual sex?

“Hooking up,” “Friends with Benefits,” “Hit it and Quit it,” “Cuddle Buddies” – whatever you choose to call it – has become the focus of many Internet ‘dating’ sites, and has perhaps also become more socially acceptable, or even expected, if not glamorized in today’s society.

If this is the case, what are the implications for the emotional wellbeing of our dating population? Is the notion of ‘no strings attached’ – “NSA” – really the epitome of simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could it be a nightmare waiting to happen?

Frisky & Risky

Some studies show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, some reports indicate that people are often left emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting effects which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.

Once someone has been a “Hook Up” for an extended period of time, they inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical hormones are responsible for “bonding” individuals together, which is why even long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to them.

In fact, there are some serious consequences with a “no strings attached” sexual life that should be considered beforehand. Here are just a few;

  • Risk for sexually transmitted infections including HIV
  • Unintended pregnancies
  • Potentially ruining friendships
  • Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
  • Loneliness
  • Depression
  • Lower to self-esteem
  • Spiritual conflicts
  • Inability to form healthier relationships

Right For Some People

On the other hand, engaging in sex with “NSA” can be just what the doctor ordered for some. The freedom of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies without feeling fear, guilt or shame. “Hooking up” adds variety to a sex life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are more focused on work or other thing and do not have the desire to be in a committed relationship.

Rules For Hooking Up

Having a sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying, over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on having casual sex, you may consider some of the following tips before moving forward:

A Shared Understanding Is Essential

It’s important to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the NSA arrangement. Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say in the situation.

Honesty & Communication Come First

Be upfront and direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner as well. This will help to minimize confusion.

Find A Balance Between Physical Intimacy & Emotional Detachment

Remember this is just a casual arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for heartache and disappointment.

Limit Time Together

This gets you into dangerous territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable situation.

Keep Your Feelings In Check

If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate a change or end it all together.

Be Considerate

Don’t take advantage of the situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Practice Safe Sex

Never take for granted the importance of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with. Be responsible for your sexual health.

Re-evaluate Your Situation And/Or Agreement

To ensure everyone is on the same page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest, there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things at anytime.

Sex NSA is certainly not for everybody! However, should this be your choice, make sure that you approach it with consent and a thorough understanding of the rules of engagement. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.

If it’s a relationship you’re looking for, do not accept a sex NSA arrangement. Do not enter into a NSA agreement hoping to change your partners mind or trick them into a relationship. You will be the only one to end up being hurt and potentially ruining the friendship. If at any time during the sex NSA agreement you start to notice a change in behavior, it’s important that you address the change immediately. First, decide if you even want to continue the sex NSA then discuss if the original NSA agreement needs modification or if the best course for all is to walk away.