Sunday, May 19, 2019

Top 10 Sexual Resolutions

How can you make 2019 the sexiest year ever? I’ve got a surefire way for you to explore your desires so it can happen for you now!

This is an exercise that I have demonstrated with audiences in the U.S., the U.K. and five cities in Australia, and it’s not only a great ice-breaker for people to discuss their wants and needs, but it results in a tangible blue print for the actions you can take to make your fantasies come true.

I always start out by asking, “Are you making love a priority in your life?” and I usually get mixed results. There are single people focused on their careers who have just started to feel the urge to get ‘out there’ and look for a soul mate, and singles who have been looking forever and keep dating the same type of person who’s making them miserable. There are couples who are afraid they’re growing apart and want to reverse that trend, and couples who are closer than ever, ready to take on new sexual adventures together. There are also couples in predictable relationships where they make love in the same place at the same time in the same position all the time – and at least one of them is not sexually satisfied and could be resentful.

Next I ask everyone write down ten things that they believe would make their love lives better. I encourage you to do this before the new year too! You can choose things like I want to feel confident when I’m naked, or I want more cuddling. Here’s an example of a top ten list from a female client:

1. I want to find the right lover
2. I want to love my entire body
3. I want to overcome my sexual inhibitions
4. I want to overcome my sexual guilt & shame
5. I want to get some amazing sex toys
6. I want to have a sexier bedroom
7. I want to have more time for sex
8. I want sex more often / I want sex to last longer
9. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires
10. I want to have more sexual adventures

Now that you’ve made your list, I want you to keep the five things from your list that are absolutely necessary in order for you to have more happiness, more satisfaction, more fulfilment, more intimacy and more sex. Then delete the other five.

My female client’s top five list:

1. I want to love my entire body (because she couldn’t surrender to a lover without feeling self-conscious about her weight)
2. I want to find the right lover (it had been four years since her divorce)
3. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires (her ex-husband was unwilling to learn about her sexual needs)
4. I want to have more sexual adventures (she tried to get her husband to make love in different positions and try Tantric sex, but he said he wasn’t interested)
5. I want some amazing sex toys (she wants to have orgasms even without a partner)

Now, my client was astonished when I asked her to choose only two essential items from her diminishing list. I gave her ten minutes, five minutes for each! She decided to keep:

1. I want to love my entire body (which includes overcoming sexual inhibitions & using sex toys)
2. I want to find the right lover (which includes sexual adventures and good communication)

The next session I spent with this client was dedicated to discovering how she could love her body. We used a naked “Gingerbread Lady” exercise to help. She drew a simple outline of her body, then I gave her a red crayon to highlight the areas on her body that she didn’t like. She focused on her belly and thighs, so we discussed them both, and came up with reasons for her to turn that disdain into love. With her belly, she was self-conscious about the layer of fat, but as we discussed her joyful pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth, she began to see that there were good associations with her belly as well, including a healthy digestive system that had never given her any problems. With her thighs she managed to transform, “They’re too big” into “They’re strong and I love how the muscles feel when I’m hiking.”

After that we tackled how she could find the right lover. I gave her a pheromone-infused lava rock bracelet from Eye of Love to attract potential partners and help make her feel more confident. Then I recommended that she go to three different places where she might find a man with the qualities she was looking for in a partner – a hardware store, a popular hiking trail and a health food restaurant. You may have gathered that she was looking for a man who was fit, handy and a vegetarian! By the way, she met him when he complimented her bracelet.

The thought-provoking conclusion to this new year’s resolution exercise is that you don’t need as much as you thought you did in order to be sexually fulfilled and satisfied! The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we often write a long list of things we want to change, eliminate or improve that it becomes so overwhelming we don’t do any of them! I don’t want that to happen to you in your love life.

I encourage you to do this exercise because your sexual pleasure is guaranteed to improve the quality of your life, and create memories that last a lifetime.

“Pleasure, Power, and Porn”; Girl Power Talk With Liz Goldwyn and Erica Lust Nov. 8th

On Thursday, November 8th, world renowned Barcelona based indie porn filmmaker Erika Lust, and L.A. based filmmaker and founder of The Sex Ed, Liz Goldwyn, will be in NYC for a conversation about sex, power, porn, and pleasure.
The two will address the responsibility of representing female sexuality across creative mediums, while re-framing the dialogue around pornography and gender equality. Liz and Erika will explore whether explicit film can be used as an educational tool to help us better understand our sexuality, and how we can leverage the intensity of the current political and cultural climate to lead a safer, sex-positive society.
Moderated by Dani Kawatek-Clark of Broadly, the current sexual discourse will include “How can we celebrate sex in ways that emancipate our desire from feelings of shame?” and “Can pleasure, power and porn be redefined as a means to teach us about sex and connection?”
It sounds like an interesting evening of girl (power) talk. And of course, guys are also invited to discuss.
Get tickets here.

About Liz Goldwyn
Liz Goldwyn is an author, filmmaker and founder of The Sex Ed, working in Los Angeles. Goldwyn is the writer and director of the documentary Pretty Things which encompassed 8 years of research and first-person interviews showcasing 20th century burlesque queens. (Fun fact: her grandfather was Hollywood movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn, who founded Metro Goldwyn Mayer Studios.) Following the documentary, her first book, Pretty Things: the Last Generation of American Burlesque Queens, was published worldwide. Goldwyn’s short films include Underwater Ballet, L.A. at Night, The Painted Lady, Dear Diary, Love Meditation and Cello Dream. She is also author of the novel Sporting Guide based on original historical research. Goldwyn’s new educational digital platform The Sex Ed, explores sex, health, and consciousness in the digital age.
About Erika Lust

Erika Lust is an indie adult filmmaker who creates sex-positive, indie adult cinema that portrays sexually intelligent narratives, relatable characters, and realistic hot sex. In 2015, Erika gave her essential TEDx talk It’s Time for Porn to Change. Erika’s groundbreaking XConfessions project is the first crowdsourced erotic film series in the history of adult cinema. Every month, she picks two anonymous fantasies shared on and turns them into captivating, explicit short films. Erika’s cinema reflects her views on sex as a healthy, natural part of life worth celebrating. With more than 150 short films, Erika also produces and finances female guest directors, supporting burgeoning talent across the globe. She defends the importance of having women behind the camera in all key positions.

  • Venue: The William Vale Ballroom, 111 North 12th Street, Brooklyn
  • Date: Thursday, November 8th
  • Time: 7:30 – 9PM
  • Headliners: Liz Goldwyn, author, filmmaker and Founder of The Sex Ed, Erika Lust, award-winning erotic film director (moderated by Dani Kwatek-Clark, Senior Culture Editor, Broadly.
  • Event Synopsis: Let’s talk about sex. How can women celebrate sex in ways that emancipate our desires from feelings of shame? Can porn be redefined as a resource for sex education.

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice for Men’ – Should You Have Sex on the First Date?

Learn more by visiting Erika Jordan at

In this video, I share some questions you can ask yourself before you jump into bed on a first date. It’s not about what’s good or bad, right or wrong – it all depends on the individuals involved and how they feel.

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice For Men’ – Get Her Off Her Phone & Into Bed

Visit me at

I’m a licensed Loveologist and health coach and I’ve got some great advice for men on how to get a woman OFF THE PHONE and into bed.

We’re all distracted by our phones, but what is she looking at? Can you engage with her? Or better yet, can you create a no-phone day for some lusty romance instead? Let me know in the comments below how it works for you, because your sex life suffers when you can’t get her off the screen!

Sexperts Share Secrets at “The New Rules of Sex Summit”

As a graduate and faculty member of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), I get the privilege of teaching students who want to become sexologists, like me. Lauren Brim was a top student in my class and I’m so proud of what she’s created with her New Rules Sex Summit that runs this July 30 – August 8, 2018.

Lauren is collaborating with top sexperts like sex researcher, author and global speaker Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, psychologist and transgender expert Dr. Elise Turen and Sheri Winston, who is a Wholistic Sexuality™ Teacher and founder of the Intimate Arts Center. The Sex Summit topics range from orgasmic potential and sexual consent to sexual healing and getting what you really want in bed. My interview was a lot of fun as Lauren wanted me to talk about sex toys, since she enjoyed my presentation on the evolution of sex toys since the beginning of time.

You can tune in to listen by joining here. My interview airs on July 30, 2018 at 8AM Pacific Time. First I give an overview of the history of sex toys and then we discuss how toys can help with sexual issues or incompatibilities for both individuals and couples. I give advice on what couples can use to create novel experiences in long term relationships and address the worry that many men have about sex toys being a penis replacement.

Also, all the sexperts at the Sex Summit are giving away free gifts when you sign up! Mine is a free download of my entertaining seminar video from the Sexual Health Expo called Unique Orgasms! Watch Dr. Hernando Chaves and myself demonstrate sex toy techniques and discuss orgasms you may not have heard of. It’s part of “The Big O” course at Loveology University®, but I’m giving it away here for free. So don’t forget to sign up and get my gift as well as 19 other fantastic gifts of sexual knowledge!

Erika Jordan’s “Advice for Men” – 3 Steps to a Better Erection

Boost your confidence with these 3 tips for getting a better, longer, stronger erection. You can learn more about my work at where I have lots more advice for men on dating and sex.

Erika Jordan’s ‘Advice For Men’ – Best Sex Positions For Anal

This video gives you the very hot low-down on which sex positions can become anal sex positions, giving them a super-charged erotic twist. Erika’s here to spice up your Netflix & chill evening.

What’s Your Sexual Personality?

One of my life goals is to help couples discover their compatibilities in order to enrich their sex lives. In my decades-long private practice, I’ve helped many people who didn’t know how to relate to each other, mostly because they were speaking their own language instead of learning the language of their partner. So I developed a unique sexual personality to enhance a much more fulfilling love life mentally, physically and sexually.

This work is what inspired me to start my ongoing research project on sexual compatibility which has reached over 2,500 participants since 2015. Please take a moment to take my anonymous survey here. We don’t collect IP addresses or e-mails – it’s completely private so that individuals feel free to express their true feelings. Plus, it’s fun to answer the questions and think about your own preferences and desires! I encourage you to add to this valuable study.

Here are some of the questions in the survey that are answered on a rating scale, to give you an idea of how we’re trying to categorize behavior to come up with compatibility solutions:

  1. How important is it that your long-term partner is good in bed?
  2. Do you like to plan your sexual activity?
  3. How do you express love?
  4. How much do you enjoy the following acts? Erotic embrace while dressed, deep kissing, stroking your sexual partner’s genitals, giving or receiving oral sex, favorite intercourse positions, anal sex.

The study is based on psychology’s well-established ‘Big Five’ personality traits called OCEAN (Open, Conscientious, Extroverted, Agreeable, Neurotic) which began with the research of D. W. Fiske (1949) and was continued by other researchers including Norman (1967), Smith (1967), Goldberg (1981), and McCrae & Costa (1987).

Here are some brief descriptions of the five sexual personalities I created based on the ‘Big Five’ psychological personality types. Read them all and see what jumps out at you as familiar or not ‘you’ at all.  Find yourself and your partner in these personality types, and choose more than one if you like! It’s all about figuring out who you are and how to successfully communicate with others. There are more detailed descriptions in my free e-book Your Sexual Personality: Find and Keep Your Perfect Match.

OCEAN Sexual Personalities


If you have an Open personality, you are creative and outgoing sexually. You feel comfortable giving the kind of love you would like to receive and are more likely to have adventurous fantasies like threesomes, domination or exhibitionism.


Conscientious lovers are the most mindful, and pay attention with all of their five senses. If you’re sexually conscientious, you are more likely to believe that relationships can be “worked on” to achieve compatibility. You require a higher level of trust before becoming intimate with someone, and are more likely to be turned off by the idea of someone else finding your partner sexy.


Sex with an Extroverted person is energetic and exciting as they enjoy risky sex locales and erotic communication. If you are an extrovert sexually, you’re more likely to be the one who initiates sex and more likely to enjoy sex acts others may consider taboo, like group sex or BDSM.


Agreeable personalities in bed are passionate and loveable with lots of enthusiasm to please their lover. If you’re an Agreeable lover, you are the most likely of all the personalities to be turned on by taking a romantic bath, dancing or sharing meals, and are more likely to express your love through compliments.


Neurotic lovers can be the wildest sexually or the least sexual, depending upon their mood, as they are highly emotional and sensitive. If you are considered a Neurotic sexual personality, you are significantly less willing to talk about your desires and you have difficulty expressing your love. You are less likely to be the one who says, “I love you” first in a relationship.

Did you recognize yourself? Many people find they are a combination of personalities, with some traits from one type and others from another. So what can we do with this information? My e-book also gives you lots of sexy tips for each personality type, but here are a few at-a-glance ideas you can use at home today to spice up your sex life.

If You Are Sexually Open…

Feed your sexual appetite and increase intimacy with new sexual activities you haven’t tried, whether it’s Tantric sex or sensual BDSM power play. Striptease is also a great option for you since you have fewer inhibitions. Even if your partner is not as open as you are, they might enjoy the show! For some Open couples, inviting a third into the mix can also be an appealing idea. Sexually Open and Agreeable people are most compatible because both types are able to give the kind of sex that they need for satisfaction.

If You Are Sexually Conscientious…

Build romance with a bubble bath after a stressful day, followed by an erotic massage or mutual masturbation to promote sexual health and wellbeing. Add erotic talk for orgasmic intensity! As a sexually Conscientious person, you might enjoy taking sexy selfies and sending them to your lover in a ‘for your eyes only’ message that gives them a thrill and makes you feel valued and loved. A Conscientious lover with another Conscientious or an Agreeable lover offers the most compatibility because they are both more likely to express their feelings.

If You Are Sexually Extroverted…

You find it easy to talk about your sex fantasies, especially to another Extrovert, or an Open person, who are your best sex matches. Since you are more likely to make the first move initiating sex, be sure to find out your lover’s boundaries on any unexplored erotic desires you want to explore. You are more likely to enjoy a game of strip poker or be on board to discover his P-spot or her G-spot during sex. Role-playing games may also excite you, for example pretending to be strangers at a bar, and going home together as if you’ve never met!

If You Are Sexually Agreeable…

As the most flexible lover of all the personalities, work on getting your sexual needs met by stating your desires through dirty talk. As you’re likely turned on by erotic visuals, ask your lover to do a striptease and masturbate for your voyeuristic pleasure before having sex.

As an Agreeable, you can create a sex match with anyone – even a Neurotic lover can fall in love or lust with you. Try giving or receiving an erotic massage with a happy ending.

If You Are Sexually Neurotic…

For great sexual experiences, focus your attention on pleasing your lover before yourself. And before sex, have a date that involves laughter such as watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club, as this will access parts of your brain that will help you to relax before sex. Masturbation is a surefire winner for your personality type, and you can work on letting that extend into your sexual relationship as mutual masturbation. Sexually Neurotic people are most compatible with Agreeable personalities.

No matter which sexual personality type or combination of types describe you and your partner, have fun exploring your compatibilities together. And remember, every couple can learn from each other, whether the compatibility test says you’re a good match or not. If you have chemistry, you can train each other to express love in the way that you both want and need for a fulfilling relationship. Just taking the test and reading the e-book will make you feel more empowered with the knowledge that communication is something you can improve.

Erika Jordan’s “Advice for Men” – How To Pull Her Hair

Erika Jordan offers her sexpert advice for men at where you can learn tips like this one on how to pull her hair for the sexiest results.

Erika Jordan’s “Advice for Men” – 1 Simple Trick To Keep Your Sex Life Exciting

Erika Jordan offers her sexpert advice for men at where you can learn tips like this one on how to spice up your sex life with one easy trick!