Monday, September 23, 2019
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Dr. Hernando Chaves

Dr. Hernando Chaves holds a BA in Psychology, a Master of Arts degree in Marital and Family Therapy, and a Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality. He is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Clinical Sexologist, Psychotherapist, Love and Sex Coach and Professor of Human Sexuality. Dr. Chaves is a sexpert educator for Penthouse Magazine's Sex Academy instructional DVD's. He specializes in erotic minorities (BDSM, alternative sexual expression, fetishism) and young adult dating and relationship coaching. He is the sex columnist for offering guidance and technique training to becoming a better, more skilled lover. He is a sex educator and college professor, teaching introduction to human sexuality and advanced human sexuality. As a public speaker with national and international experience, Dr. Chaves encourages the pursuit of sexual knowledge and healthy sexual expression. Dr. Chaves is available for public speaking, media, product endorsements, and one on one private therapy sessions. For a private session with Dr. Chaves the options are in person, phone, Skype, or email at

Dr. Hernando Chaves On Why You Should Work Out With A Penis Training System

Men love to work out their bodies and gain muscle strength and definition in all areas – except the penis. That’s why I wrote the first part to this series called “Why Kegel Exercises Can Change A Man’s Sex Life” where I outline all the benefits.

It doesn’t usually occur to men that the whole pelvic region is an area that can be strengthened and toned. As a sex therapist, of course I know the benefits of male kegels, but when I suggest this training to clients, I often get a look that says, “Huh?”

Now with products like the Private Gym, I can refer clients to a training program that’s easy to follow and gets results. It’s important for me to keep up with what’s new and cutting edge for both my clients and students, but first I had to put my money where my mouth is and do the training myself to make sure this is a product I can fully endorse.

Private Gym has a lot going for it even before you start the regime – it’s an FDA-approved male Kegel training unit that comes with a book, Male Pelvic Fitness, by Andrew Siegel MD, a DVD to demonstrate Kegel exercises, and penile weights for resistance training. The packaging is very appealing to men with its steel grey and vibrant orange color scheme – it looks like a fitness training program, which is key.

The Private Gym program calls for an 8-week regimen made up of two 4-week programs. The first 4 weeks is the basic training and the second 4 weeks is the resistance training. I started with the second 4-week program as I do Kegel exercises regularly. I recommend for everyone else to start with the beginning basic training or you could strain your muscles.

Magnetic Fit

I tried on the plastic/metal ring that goes around the shaft of the penis. It’s snug, adjusts to most erect penises and the weights are magnetized to fit securely on the ring. I found the magnet design creative and comfortable.

Porn For My Own Good

The training begins with 3-times-a-week weight lifting exercises. You need to have an erection to do the training, so….I decided to trade in my Private Gym repetition counter DVD for a porn DVD. I’m sure the creators of the product hear this a lot. I kept count myself and used the ‘inspiration’ to keep it up, literally. I actually enjoyed connecting Kegel exercises with porn. It made the idea of Kegel exercises more erotic and less like homework. I quickly got the feel and the balance. The training is quick, just a few minutes using the DVD.

The DVD has great graphics that show how to do Kegel exercises, and the clear images provide a useful template for your penile and pelvic training. It also offers support with counting your repetitions, but as I mentioned, you might need some more interesting visuals to maintain an erection during the exercise time.

The book that accompanies the kit is excellent. It’s filled with important educational information about penile pelvic health, something that most men never think about, even as they work out the rest of their bodies. It’s really a must-read for anyone who wants to take good care of their penis. And who wouldn’t? I especially like chapter 11, which shows pelvic exercises to do to improve circulation and loosen tension in the pelvis. I recommend it to clients with erectile difficulties, premature ejaculation, and performance anxiety erection concerns. Dr. Siegel is a urologist who has seen it all with his male patient clientele, and his knowledge and insights are extremely useful when it comes to how your anatomy works, and what specific issues you can resolve with exercise.

After the first four weeks, I felt new confidence with my penis. I have been doing kegels for many years, but to have a training program that keeps me on schedule is really helpful. Also, I don’t usually incorporate resistance training as much as I should, so the penile weight system is going to get a lot of usage in the future. These kinds of exercises make an enormous difference to penis strength and truly make sex better. I encourage you to read another ‘hands-on’ review by Ben Greenfield here, where he quotes his wife’s reaction!

For someone with urine leakage, a softer erection, an early ejaculator, or anyone who wants to strengthen their penis now to prevent future penis difficulties, Private Gym would be a wise investment at $100. If you ask me, as many of my clients now do, it’s an excellent long-term investment in sexual health and performance.

Why Kegel Exercises Can Change A Man’s Sex Life

One of the great sexual myths is that Kegel exercises are only for women. Not enough men and women know the sexual health and pleasure benefits of doing Kegel exercises and having strong pelvic floor muscles, but men especially have been kept in the dark.

Your pelvic floor muscles are a series of muscles connected to your pelvic bone and internal genitalia. When a man stands up, they act as a safety net that holds the internal organs inside. But as with all muscles, they stretch and lose muscular tone over time. Doing Kegel exercises involves locating the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles) in your pelvic region and strengthening your muscle tone.

How Do We Locate Them?

Without even knowing, you may already be working out your PC muscles. When you are pushing out those last drops of urine or that amazing, rhythmic “squeeze” that occurs as you ejaculate, that’s you contracting your PC muscles. Because most men don’t urinate or ejaculate enough to give their PC muscles the workout it needs, it’s important to work these muscles out separately.. To locate your PC muscles:

  • During urination, squeeze and hold back or slow down the flow or urine
  • While erect, simulate the urination squeeze and you’ll notice your penis flinch upwards
  • Squeezing or puckering your anus to improve the muscle tone of the rear PC muscle

You may be wondering why I snuck in the anus squeeze. According to Jack Morins’s book, Anal Pleasure and Health, contracting the anus can help to improve fecal incontinence. Also, the anus Kegel exercise can help strengthen the rear portion of the PC muscles near the coccyx.

Sexual Health Benefits of Kegels


Strong PC muscles can also help improve our sexual pleasure in addition to the functioning described below. Strengthening our pelvic floor muscles has been shown to increase orgasmic and ejaculatory power, meaning our orgasms may feel stronger and more intense. Lastly, for more advanced pleasure, Kegel exercises are a common method on the path towards learning male multiple orgasms, which separate orgasm and ejaculation. This can allow a man to have orgasm after orgasm without that annoying refractory period that comes with ejaculation.

Urinary Incontinence

Strong PC muscles can help manage a variety of sexual health concerns. One of the main benefits is to help manage or alleviate urinary incontinence. It’s inevitable that our bodies change with health issues or age. For many men, their urinary sphincter weakens and this can lead to urine leakage. While some urologists will prescribe medication to manage this, many patients can treat this issue with Kegel exercises and strengthening their PC muscles. In addition, anus Kegel exercises combined with your standard penile/pubic focused Kegels, can help create an balanced muscular tone in both the front and rear pelvic floor muscles.

Premature Ejaculation (PE)

Early ejaculation affects approximately 1/3 of men across age groups. There are numerous origins, ranging from previous PE sexual experiences and performance anxiety to speedy masturbation sessions that teach our bodies to ejaculate quickly. One of the most common behavioral treatment interventions for early ejaculation difficulties is strengthening the PC muscles. Consistent Kegel exercise routines and stronger pelvic floor muscles can help aid in ejaculatory control.

Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

Erection difficulties affect millions of men of all ages, yet we often don’t associate ED origins with weaker PC muscles. More often, ED is associated with medical issues such as diabetes, medication side effects, and high blood pressure or psychological concerns like performance anxiety. Like PE, erection difficulties can be positively affected by PC muscle training, as circulation can improve with increased muscle tone. Better circulation can mean stronger erections.

Training Regimen

Like any other muscle in your body, your PC muscles need to be worked out and rested. Designing your own Kegel exercise regimen and sticking with it is essential to reaping the benefits described. They aren’t hard to do and don’t take much time to accomplish. It just takes discipline and consistency.

One example of a training regimen is doing your Kegel workouts 3 times per week on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This allows your muscles some rest time. Each day, make the time to workout three times per day (morning, middle of the day, evening). Try doing 3 sets of 20 repetitions during each session. Essentially, you’ll be doing 60 repetitions 3 times per day.

Because we want to include anus Kegel exercises, make that last set of 20 repetitions focused on your anus Kegels.

  • Monday: 60 morning reps, 60 afternoon reps, 60 evening reps
  • Wednesday: 60 morning reps, 60 afternoon reps, 60 evening reps
  • Friday: 60 morning reps, 60 afternoon reps, 60 evening reps

Remember we are trying to isolate the PC muscles, so be aware of your body and don’t tense other muscles in the body, such as the thighs, buttocks, abdominals, and core muscles. Aim for body relaxation, PC muscle contraction.

It’s best to begin with flaccid penis Kegel exercises and work your way up to erect PC muscle training. For advanced erect PC muscle training , a man can place a small hand towel at the base of his penis. Over time, he can move the towel towards the head of his penis for more resistance, even using a wet hand towel for the additional weight resistance when he feels ready.

With all the products developed for female Kegel exercise training, from insertable training wands and Kegel balls to Dr. Emily Morse’s “Kegel Camp” IPhone  App, the market for male Kegel training  is scarce.

A new product on the market, Private Gym, is the first FDA-approved male Kegel exercise product. It offers men and penis owners a Kegel exercise training kit, complete with a visual training DVD for set/repetition guidance and penile weight system for added resistance. It comes with a book written by a qualified medical doctor, focusing on male pelvic health and the importance of information on PC muscle strength. In addition, the book shows pictures of stretches and exercises to improve male pelvic fitness. Having researched this product, I’m intrigued! I’m going to test it out and offer feedback in a future article.

Why can Kegel exercises change a man’s sex life? As this article points out, it can help you last longer, be harder, not leak, and send orgasmic shivers through your spine. For many men, that can be a game changer. While I don’t think erection and orgasm is everything during sex, I like having the option of including them. The way I see it, caring for your penile and pelvic sexual heath now is an investment into your sexual future.

21st Century Sex Education

What would your sex and relationship life be like if you had better sex education growing up?

It’s one of those questions we rarely think about. The impact could be enormous, even life changing for many people. Consider the possibility of feeling less guilt or shame, more empowerment and comfort with your sexual identity and expression. What a world we could create for ourselves and our relationships.

The reality is most people in the USA and across the world get either poor, limited, or no sex education. In America, we’ve been dominated for decades by a wave of educational idealism lacking in realism and evidence called abstinence-only sex education. In short, it teaches that abstaining from sex is the best and only option while using fear-based teachings, misinformation, scare tactics, and religious dogma to guilt people into feeling bad about their natural sexual thoughts and desires.

Many of us have been exposed to this kind of sex education and the sex science research overwhelmingly shows it’s ineffective and harmful. Rates of unplanned teen pregnancy, contracting sexually transmitted infections, and abortions are typically unchanged or higher for teens who experience abstinence-only sex education while the use of birth control and contraception by teens and adults is typically lower.

What’s the alternative? It’s called comprehensive sex education. It aims to teach that abstinence is an option for people, but also teaches risk reduction strategies for those who would like to engage in sex. This includes teaching condom and birth control use, offering information about sexually transmitted infections, as well as communication and decision making skills for making the choice to have sex. The research shows that comprehensive sex education works much better than abstinence-only sex education with reducing rates of unplanned teen pregnancy, contracting sexually transmitted infections, abortions, and been shown to increase contraception use.

Let’s be frank, comprehensive is a great alternative to abstinence-only. There is no debate. Just like there shouldn’t be an argument over climate change existing or whether organic food is better than fast food. So rather than relive the tired argument that abstinence-only sex education measures up, let’s talk about how we can advocate to make comprehensive sex education better.

For starters, we need to advocate and fight to get comprehensive sex education accepted in the mainstream. There are still far too many parents, politicians, and people that haven’t come to the realization that teaching kids about sex empowers them to make informed decisions and choices based on knowledge. One of the fears people have with teaching age appropriate comprehensive sex education to kids and teens is it will encourage them to have sex. Research has shown that is simply not true.

We often avoid teaching kids and teens age appropriate information out of fear it may harm them. There’s little evidence that it’s harmful to teach kids the basics about sex and their bodies when the information is within their vocabulary and comprehension levels. Often it satisfies reasonable curiosities and arms kids with enough information to begin creating a foundation of knowledge and comfort. As they age, we can build on the basic knowledge and add more advanced sexual information and concepts. This gradual exposure model to sexuality information scares people. Yet we use this model in many areas of education. Consider how we learn math. We began by learning numbers, their values, then how to add, subtract, multiply and divide. Down the road, we learn algebra, geometry, and continue to build on previous knowledge. It can work to gradually expose kids and teens to sexuality information. It has had a positive impact in progressive countries like Holland and Sweden, why not America?

We also need to push for better comprehensive sex education. Many comprehensive sex education programs simply don’t cover enough material. While education about anatomy, contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and safer sex teaching are important, the lack of education with human sexuality is evident and apparent. What might be missing from many comprehensive sex education classes? Here’s a list of topics for starters.

  • Pleasure and instructional information; “How to” education
  • Sex worker rights
  • Sexual shaming and slut-shaming
  • Misogyny culture and double standard thinking
  • Transgender understanding/Gender Identity diversity
  • Sexual orientation diversity
  • Child and adolescent sexuality
  • Sexual coercion and rape culture
  • Nonmonogamy, Polyamory, swinging, and open relationships
  • Sexual media literacy (pornography, internet, social media)
  • Fluid sexual identity awareness
  • Sex and disability education
  • Alternative sexual expression

With any of the topics listed above, education and knowledge in these areas can help shift the attitudes of children, teens, and adults from intolerant to tolerant, and even to acceptance. More expansive education can help decrease the sexual anxiety and discomfort that many people have been socialized to feel. Learning about these topics can open the door to improved sexual confidence and self-acceptance with our selves and the sexual variations we feel and express. We’ve seen more expansive sex education programs work in various cultures such as Holland, Germany, and Sweden, where comprehensive-plus sex education exists. We’ve also seen the changes in individual attitudes and shifts with hostility and discrimination when people are taught and exposed to more progressive and liberal ideas about sex, gender, and orientation.

There are a number of things you can do to educate yourself and those around you. Parents and children can use technology to support our continued sex education mission. Youtube educators like Lacy Green and Dr. Lindsey Doe offer cutting edge sex education videos. Scarleteen and Go Ask Alice are two Internet sites well known for their accurate sex education information. The Birdees app offers fun, interactive Q&A sex education for parents and kids to use together on their tablet.

We can all advocate for better sex education and be sex education allies. Sex education needs you. It needs your voice, your votes, and your help. Be an ally.