Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Authors Posts by Dr. Ava Cadell

Dr. Ava Cadell

Dr. Ava Cadell is America’s #1 Sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, Sex Counselor, Founder of Loveology University & President of the American College of Sexologists International. Author of 9 books including the upcoming Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga, Dr. Ava is also a sought after media therapist & global speaker; her mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt & shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships.

Valentine’s Test: How To Find Out If You Have A Keeper This Valentine’s Day

How do you know if the person you’re dating is a keeper? I get this question all the time from clients, conference goers – even from friends. And when Valentine’s Day comes around, many people are drawn to evaluate their relationship compatibility and happiness. There’s something about watching a sea of couples descend upon local restaurants, bars and bistros that makes you wonder, “Are they happy?” and then comes the inevitable, “Are we happy?”

In order to help couples evaluate their relationships more easily this Valentine’s season, I’ve come up with a list of questions that will not only provide food for thought, but might even initiate a communication breakthrough. It always amazes me how couples can go for weeks, months, even years without diving deep and connecting on core values, beliefs and goals. I’ve even counseled newlyweds who are shocked to discover they don’t agree on whether or not to have kids.

You don’t need to barrage your lover with all 50 questions at once, but scan the list for the ones that stand out to you. For example, maybe you already know how your partner likes to relax, but you’d love to know when they last had a good cry, or what they consider their most prize possession. This list is good for couples who have just started dating, or are in a relationship.

Explore together with these Valentine’s Day compatibility questions:

  1. What is the worst thing a past date could say about you?
  2. What is your most precious possession?
  3. List the best qualities you have to bring to a relationship.
  4. Do you think you need to make any personal improvements? If so, what?
  5. What are your biggest fears about relationships?
  6. Who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
  7. Apart from your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you?
  8. What is one thing that people do not notice about you right away that you wish they would?
  9. What are 3 things that you cannot live without?
  10. What is your definition of intimacy?
  11. What was the most fun date you ever had?
  12. What is your favorite way to relax?
  13. What disgusts you?
  14. When was the last time you cried?
  15. What do you like to spend money on?
  16. How much money do you need a year to be comfortable?
  17. How would you describe a perfect date?
  18. What 3 qualities must your partner have?
  19. What is the worst habit that you have?
  20. What would you do if you and your partner had a mismatched sex drive?
  21. Describe yourself in one word.
  22. What makes you angry?
  23. Would you say that you are more dominant or submissive?
  24. Who or what do you love?
  25. What do you feel is the biggest success you have achieved in your life?
  26. How many times have you been in love?
  27. Would you rather your partner was funny, seductive, smart or nurturing?
  28. When do you feel most vulnerable?
  29. What lessons have you learned from past relationships?
  30. What is a relationship deal-breaker for you?
  31. What was your most embarrassing relationship moment?
  32. What is your favorite part of your body?
  33. What’s your favorite romantic, sensual or sexual activity?
  34. What makes you believe that you are ready for a relationship?
  35. What turns you on?
  36. What turns you off?
  37. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
  38. What’s the most hurtful criticism you’ve ever received?
  39. Are you fanatical about anything?
  40. What is the biggest failure or drawback you have ever experienced?
  41. Can you overlook anything from your partner’s past?
  42. Do you have any inhibitions?
  43. What do you love about yourself the most?
  44. What are you not willing to change for a relationship?
  45. What do you think are the benefits of being in a relationship?
  46. Do you believe in monogamy?
  47. How do you feel about having kids?
  48. If we have kids, what would your parenting style be?
  49. What would you do if your partner became physically disabled?
  50. What scares you?

If you’re feeling nervous about launching into this kind of couples’ self-discovery, try answering the questions just for yourself at first, and see what comes up for you. Grab a journal and write down your answers to whichever questions pique your interest, and let your feelings flow freely, without judgment. Insight into your own opinions and personal choices can only help foster clarity within the relationship, plus you’ll be one step closer to opening up a mutual dialogue and taking your intimacy to new heights.

May all your Valentine’s wishes come true!

Take This Sexual Assault Survey

The #MeToo phenomenon is unfolding all around us. Every day there is a new celebrity or politician being accused of inappropriate sexual behavior. And those are the only ones that we hear about. As a woman, I’m thrilled that this conversation is moving past the arena of therapist’s offices, and onto the world stage. As a Sexologist, I have so many questions. Why is it happening now? Is it going to end with a fairer world for women? Have views about sexual assault changed over generations?

Anthropologist and sexologist Dr. Leanna Wolfe has been studying people’s views on sexual assault and is currently gathering information on her study called What Is Sexual Assault? I urge everyone to take it now, and help her research become broader and more accurate.


How would you rate the statement, “Is it possible for a man to be raped by a woman?” True or false? What about, “An unwanted pat on the back is sexual assault?” What one person considers assault might be another’s definition of “old school charm.” One woman’s definition of flattery or mild flirtation may be another woman’s idea of inappropriate harassment. There is so much grey area in the arena of sexual assault, that I find myself craving research like Dr. Wolfe’s to make sense of all the nuance, subtleties and not-so-subtleties.

I find it fascinating, for example, that survey participants across the board seem to have a pretty good handle on the definitions of ‘No means No’ and ‘Yes means Yes,’ but when it comes to things like whether vindictive women can ruin a man’s life with rape accusations or whether men are more insensitive about inappropriate touch than any other time in history, millennials and baby boomer generations are miles apart. So, what is happening in society? Studies like this can help us discover more about ourselves.

If we’re going to heal from the onslaught of sexual trauma, knowledge will be the key to our power. And learning about the history of sexual assault is important, so that we can understand how the society we live in has evolved.

Dr. Wolfe presented her research on Sexual Assault: A culture in turmoil… at the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexology, that begins with sexual assault in the Amazon, where Yanomami women would be raped if they attempted to run away from their home. Her research covers heinous crimes in India, where women have been gang raped and murdered by men and family members.

But sexual assault didn’t become part of the national conversation in the United States until the fall of 2016 when President Donald Trump is shown in a 2005 news clip bragging about groping attractive women. Brock Turner, a Stanford student and athlete was given a short jail sentence for raping an intoxicated unconscious woman at a frat party in January 2015. I wonder if now, even just two years later, views would be different at that trial, where the victim’s statement went viral as Turner’s father referred to the rape as “20 minutes of action.” Turner served just three months in jail. A few months after that, the popularity of a documentary film, The Hunting Ground reignited the debate over campus rape. The fact is that since 1987, six national studies – including one released in early 2016 by the Department of Justice show that as many as one in four women are sexually assaulted at college.

These sad statistics bring us to the current “Me Too” movement where a light has been shone on the sheer numbers of women (and men) who have been sexually harassed or assaulted in their lifetimes. Unwanted sexual behavior is rampant, and now that it’s finally in the spotlight, let’s move the discussion forward to solutions. And the first step is to really dig in to documenting the thoughts and beliefs we hold about men, women, sexuality, and what it means to be assaulted.

Take the survey here: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/WhatisSexualAssault

Kinkly’s Sex Blogging Superheroes 2017 Announced!

I love sex bloggers, and I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to call them superheroes since they bring vital, accurate information about sexuality to the Internet, a much needed antidote to the masses of misinformation out there. That’s why I decided to sponsor the Kinkly contest this year through my Loveology University®, where I certify people in love and sex.

The winners of Kinkly’s Sex Blogging Superheroes Contest 2017 were just announced today! And I’m so proud to share them with you. Part of the LU prizes include scholarships to my Love Coach, Master Sexpert and Relationship Expert programs, and a presence right here on Sexpert.com! Meanwhile, here are the sparkling personalities you need to be following in 2017 and beyond! The winners are….

Overall Winner – Sunny Megatron

Sunny already sounds like a superhero with her mega-watt name, and she lives up to it with her treasure trove of sex education in many different categories, putting on sell-out workshops around the world. Here on Sexpert.com, she’s written about kinky massage, BDSM for beginners, how to stage a BDSM scene and much more. She hosts the American Sex Podcast with Ken Melvoin-Berg and the Showtime television series Sex with Sunny Megatron. Her sunny personality (pun intended) shines through everything she does with a contagious enthusiasm for human sexuality. She makes people feel good about their desires and offers them a safe space to explore – never judging, always encouraging and educating. I think it’s a no-brainer to pick Sunny as Kinkly’s Overall Winner!

The Reader’s Choice Award

This year’s reader’s choice award goes to Ruby Ryder, a new face for me – and I love what I see. She’s a sex podcaster, sex educator, speaker, and author of a lot of juicy pegging erotica, which she publishes on her steamy blog at PeggingParadise.com. She also has a separate website for pegging education which tells you all about how and why to do it, addressing any fears or anatomical questions. I’m looking forward to meeting Ruby!

Top New Sex Blog of 2017

Oh’Gush is the Top New Sex Blog winner, and the founder Rose is all about female ejaculation! I have a whole course at LU about the G-spot, so I certainly believe this is a topic worthy of its own beautifully written blog! Rose’s ongoing personal squirting experience is impressive, and she encourages women to feel empowered by their ability. I look forward to the evolution of this blog – whether she’s investigating the latest G-spot research, or giving squirting tips, I think we’re all going to learn something!

Top Sex Toy Review Blog of 2017

I am not surprised that Oh Joy Sex Toy is the Top Sex Toy Review Blog of 2017 because it’s just so much fun! Whenever I see their new posts, I always click because their comic book graphic style is so cool and original. It makes you want to read. Then when you dive in, you realize that Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan also really know what they’re talking about. Not only do they offer cutting edge toy reviews, they’ve also got the sex education content to back it up. They update every Tuesday, and I highly recommend you check them out!

Top Erotica Blog of 2017

Well written erotica is so good at getting the juices flowing that I often suggest it to my clients to open up their sexuality if they’re feeling uninspired. Now I know I can send them to Ella Scandal, this year’s Top Erotica Blogger of 2017. The erotica section of her website has a wide variety of genres including Fetish, Orgy, Threesome, Dear Diary – and my personal favorite – Speed Reads! That’s where she gets right down to the ‘good part’ right away for those people who need a quickie with themselves. Based in the UK, she writes almost all the fiction herself (impressive!) and also reviews toys. Congratulations Ella!

Top Sex Blog For/By Men

Josh Robbins at ImStillJosh.com has been named the Top Sex Blog For & By Men, and with good reason. He’s shining a light on living with HIV and spreading the word of sex education and activism around the world, doing Ted talks and contributing to many high profile publications around the world. He says he likes posts that are ‘a little spicy’ and cites MTVnews and Joel Osteen as his style mashup, and indeed when you go to his site, you definitely get an edu-taining experience with all the latest sex and activism news. Congrats Josh Robbins, an inspiring sex blogger on a mission to banish the stigma of living with HIV, among many other worthy and interesting topics.

Me Too

As I added my name to the thousands of women (and many men) responding to Alyssa Milano’s #MeToo hashtag this week, I was struck by the sheer volume of stories of sexual harassment, physical, emotional or sexual abuse. I literally cannot name one female friend or client who hasn’t been affected by sexual predatory behavior, and seeing all the people in my life come forward on social media with the simple “Me Too” declaration is an ongoing profound experience.

Hollywood actresses are breaking their silence around sexual harassment and abuse of power in the entertainment industry in the wake of Harvey Weinstein’s downfall, and the accusations reveal story after story of disgusting male behavior that is truly outrageous. But sadly, most women I know are so accustomed to the systemic misogyny in almost every industry, that they’re not surprised at all. I include myself in that category.

Like Reese Witherspoon, I was raped by a director. And like her, I was taught to be silent about it and any other sexual harassment I faced, lest it ruin my career or cost me my life. Now as I teach sexual healing decades later, I am most often examining this harassment culture through a lens of recovery, helping women get on with their lives and enjoy their sexuality again. But this recent tidal wave of awareness has me hopeful again that we could begin to stop it at the source. How can we do this?

Tarana Burke, the original creator of the “Me Too” campaign ten years ago believes the solution lies with empathy, and I think she’s right. In solidarity, women have power. In great numbers, our stories do matter, and can’t be swept under the rug of, “Well, look at what she was wearing, she was asking for it,” or “Why didn’t she say something at the time?” Is it finally time to stop expecting victimized women to change the system? I am uplifted seeing all the men that are appalled at the #metoo numbers, and are vowing to ‘call out’ their fellow males when they behave inappropriately.

Harvey Weinstein defended his behavior in part by saying that he grew up in the 1960s and 1970s, when treatment of women was ‘different.’ Can the same defense be used by Bill Cosby, Roman Polanski, Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly, Woody Allen and Donald Trump? Is the ‘Baby Boomer Defense’ going to replace the ‘Twinkie Defense’ in the history of flawed justifications? I can’t help comparing Weinstein to my late husband of 25 years, also a Jewish American man who came of age during that period. He never raped anyone, and managed to maintain a life-long high profile career without putting women’s rights and safety in jeopardy. So why do some men bully and intimidate, while others don’t?

One scientific fact at play here is that testosterone is an intoxicating chemical. I’ve spoken with transgendered men who were surprised at the change in their own behavior when they began transitioning, taking testosterone hormone treatment. Some described feeling a narrower range of emotions, less sympathy for others in general, and increased feelings of aggression. It’s no wonder men are responsible for much more of the predatory behavior that gets reported daily. But obviously this is not an excuse for causing harm and abuse to others. Men must evolve.

Another part of the equation is that harassment takes on so many different forms that it makes it difficult to see every behavior as fitting under the same umbrella. Yet as soon as you allow a grazed breast to go unmentioned, you’re opening the door to something worse on the spectrum “from sexual harassment to murder,” as Burke describes the gamut. I was a Playboy bunny and have hosted many sex-themed radio and TV shows, so you can imagine that I’ve brushed off more harassing comments and behavior than the average woman, so my point of view of what can be “tolerated” (not that it should ever be) will be different from the next person’s. And to make things even more complicated, women have bought into the belief that a man’s sexual approval is something to be sought after. For example, I have a friend in her 50’s tell me recently that she felt so guilty about her elation at getting a catcall walking past a construction site. That’s classic unwanted behavior, yet she had a visceral positive reaction to being treated as ‘fuckable at 50,’ to quote Hollywood lingo. Are women constantly seeking approval because of cultural messaging? Yes, of course, and this is not helping us on the journey toward equality.

So, Weinstein has been ousted by the Academy of Motion Pictures and even out of his own company, and now Roy Price, the head of Amazon Studios, has resigned following accusations of his sexual harassment behavior. But what about the predator culture at large? Director Sarah Polly in her piece in the New York Times this weekend points out aptly that Weinstein is “just one festering pustule in a diseased industry.” So what can we do to heal as a culture?

As we raise the next generation of men, we teach them that they must treat women with respect. We stand up for ourselves and react as immediately as we can to unacceptable behavior. We help each other, women and men, define what unacceptable behavior is, we learn to recognize it without having to debate it. We call it out early and often, and loudly. We stand tall and proud as we look predators in the eye and name their behavior, indicating that we will not be silenced or pretend there is an alternative explanation. We bring lawsuits. We speak up. We forgive ourselves. We heal, and we slowly change the culture from one of prey and predators to one of consent and equality.

Forever Grateful To Playboy & Hef

Playboy has been in my life since I was a double-D when I became a Playboy bunny in London at 18 years old and did a centerfold for Oui magazine, which was owned by Playboy. It was the most money I had ever made and it gave me the confidence I needed to make my own way in the world.

I worked at the Playboy Club serving cocktails in my bunny costume doing the signature ‘Bunny Dip’ move: lean backwards, bend at the knees with the left knee lifted and tucked behind the right leg! The key was to drop off the drinks without spilling them or spilling out of my costume.

When I came to LA, I got my first Playboy TV show called Pillow Previews with producer Jeff Pill (pictured above), where I interviewed sex symbols, along with my co-host Charlie my cat! Next I hosted my own segments on Inside Playboy which was a sexy version of Entertainment Tonight, and that was followed by my third contract to be “Playboy’s Sizzling Sex Cinema Girl” introducing sexy films, like Elvira did for horror films.

I have good memories of those days, and was thrilled when Playboy ran my first feature film called, Spaced Out which was distributed by Miramax. That gave me the opportunity to meet the now-famous producers Bob & Harvey Weinstein when they flew comedian Bob Saget and myself from L.A. to promote the film in Chicago. Bob was the campy voice of the spaceship’s computer and I played the ship’s ditzy engineer.

On the movie poster beside my name it says, “As seen in Oui and Playboy.”

When I decided to get my Doctorate in Human Sexuality and evolve my career from “sex symbol” to “sexpert”, my live seminar video The Power of Seduction became a featured selection in the Playboy Catalog, which is still their online shopping brand.

The last time I was at the Playboy Studios it was for Playboy Radio where I was interviewed along with Dr. John Gray about how to keep relationships passionate.


I also hosted Playboy celebrity Kendra Wilkinson and her husband Hank Baskett at an intimacy retreat for WE TV’s Kendra On Top to help save their marriage. Kendra was the star of E!’s Girls Next Door about life at the Playboy mansion, living with Hef and I know that he was near and dear to her heart.

Hugh Hefner not only launched my career, but was there every step of the way as I reinvented myself again and again, maintaining that Playboy family relationship. He taught  me that “Life is too short to be living somebody else’s dream,” so I am grateful and he will be missed.

“Sexy Doesn’t Have An Expiration Date” at CatalystCon with Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce

I had the pleasure of speaking with my colleague and friend Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce recently about her success with clients in bringing out their inner “sexy.” Nancy is an inspiration to her students and clients, walking the talk in her own life as a dynamic sensual yoga teacher and exotic lifestyle retreat leader.
This video is a sneak peek into what she’ll be talking about at CatalystCon this September 16th, 2017 in her lecture, “Sexy Doesn’t Have An Expiration Date.”
She’s also speaking at Naughty in LA which takes place Sept 30-Oct 2, and again on the Naughty cruise Oct 3-7.

Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce is a Holistic Clinical Sexologist with a Doctoral Degree in Human Sexuality from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California.

She is also a Yoga Therapist with a Structural Yoga Therapy Certification, Mukunda Stiles, Pasadena, California. She teaches partner yoga and Sexycises to couples who want to enhance their intimacy and experience growth at a deeper level. As a Radio Talk Show Host for The Conscious Living Show, she brings awareness to all her passions. Follow all of Nancy’s events here!

Sexpert Interview With Dr. Pepper Schwartz

Recently I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Pepper Schwartz about her latest passion, the importance of giving your relationship an ‘annual wellness check-up.’ Dr. Schwartz is the author of over 25 books, some of them New York Times bestsellers you may have read, like The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples. She’s is the former president of SSSS, the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexualities, and her PhD in sociology truly enables her to relate her sexology work to the people it’s intended to help!

In this telephone video interview, Dr. Schwartz talks about how couples can connect in simple but vital ways, making sure they listen to each other and have their feelings heard and understood. Taking the time to listen to your partner about intimate concerns is something many couples put off endlessly, yet it’s often the only hurdle in the way of a fulfilling sex life.

She gives tips on how to keep up the physical bonds of affection by just holding hands again, being curious about each other, and adding something new to the mix.

As AARP’s www.aarp.org love and relationship expert, Dr. Schwarz makes it her mission to write about sensitive topics like painful sexual intercourse. One of her recommendations is to use Replens a vaginal moisturizer that has no estrogen in it and has been scientifically proven to plump up severely atrophied tissue.

Pepper Schwartz has devoted her life to furthering the fields of intimacy and sexuality as an acclaimed author, researcher, and TV personality. To learn more about her prolific work check out her website at: https://pepperschwartz.com/

Goddess Celebration Liberates Your Essense

Dr. Cat Meyer leading yoga at the Goddess Celebration
The Malibu mansion venue offers views of the ocean, swimming & terrace dining.

The Goddess Celebration happening this August 5, 2017 in a private Malibu estate is an all-day women-only event designed to celebrate the feminine in all its forms of love, healing, strength, passion, creativity and playfulness. Last year over two hundred women attended and were pampered and empowered through play, meditation, massage and more.

Dr. Cat Meyer and Nick Spano co-created this unique event for women to express their inner beauty however they choose, with ‘playshops’ in everything from acroyoga and hula hooping to pole dancing. I love the collaborative, loving environment hosted by sexperts and experts like Miyoko RifkinMadison Orange, Kelly Thayer and Leah Russell.

To help women on their journey to let go and truly feel like goddesses, there are volunteer masked man-servants present who lovingly and silently provide refreshments, organic tasty treats, massages and anything needed by the guests who are encouraged to receive abundance and love without having to reciprocate. Women often feel guilty about ‘taking’ without having to give back, so this atmosphere provides a safe space for them to feel honored and provided for, with no expectations from the other side.

Women can learn how to make a flower crown, discover their favorite scent at the essential oil bar, lounge by the pool or relax at the tea lounge – all the heavenly delights fit for a goddess! It’s Cat’s intention to offer a positive space filled with gratitude, love and support where women can practice self-love and play openly and authentically.

This year’s special guest speaker is Caitlin Crosby with the Giving Keys.

I’ll be giving away my Dr. Ava’s Love Coupons in the goodie bag which will also include pheromone candles from Eye of Love, massage oils from Intimate Earth, and goodies from Uberlube, Exsens, Health Warrior, Love Univ, X-pole, Hint, Navitas Organics and much more.

I encourage women to take advantage of this unique opportunity to “Nourish, Pamper, Play & Empower” themselves, but if unable to attend, you can recreate the same atmosphere with enhancements for all your senses and a partner who is willing to serve without expecting anything in return.

“Single But Dating” – Interview With Author Dr. Nikki Goldstein

It was my pleasure to interview Australia’s top sexpert Dr. Nikki Goldstein about her new book, “Single But Dating – A Field Guide to Dating in the Digital Age” I love Nikki’s authentic approach to dating – she encourages people to relax and be themselves without the game playing. But there’s something more in her advice. A wise perspective we can all use to improve our intimacy.

What inspired you to write your book on being Single but Dating?

After coming out of a long term relationship and exploring my dating options, I felt as though there was so much shame put on me for not being in a relationship. And I hated every time I had to declare that I was single either getting an offer of a set up or a look of pity when even though I was single there was no lack of men in my life. I felt that there was no label that suited the life I was living or described it in a more positive way. I was also sick of being told what to do and how to date as though there was some rule book. I wanted the freedom to work out what was right for me but didn’t always feel as though I had the tools to do so.

Can you share one of your most successful dates and one of your most disastrous dates that offer valuable lessons?

The worst date I had was with a guy I had been chatting to online. He was a bit older than me but attractive in his photos. We had been talking and texting for a short period of time before he asked me out. When I got to the bar he was very different from his picture ( and looked much older) and there was nothing really to talk about. I knew he wasn’t into me and he knew I wasn’t into him. I sat there sipping my cocktail praying for the end. When we said goodbye, there was no mention of another catch up from both of us and it was extremely awkward. But at least the feeling was mutual. Sometimes it can seem like it would work on paper or from what they tell you on the phone, but if there is no chemistry there there is no chemistry. I really think we need to use the online world as just another avenue to meet people, like an online bar. But you still need to go out and see them in person as things might not transpire.

One of the most successful dates I had was soon after I had frozen my eggs. I had been set up with a guy by mutual friends and whilst he didn’t look like my type, I didn’t think I had anything to loose to at least go and meet him. My head space was a lot more calm and relaxed and I was open to just going with the flow and exploring a connection. We had a lovely first date and he was a great person to be out with. It was the first time I wasn’t analyzing him or the situation or tying to work out if there could be a future . I was just about to be present and enjoy his company. I finally had that lightbulb moment of this is how dating should be and a healthy mind set to be dating someone with. We didn’t work out in the long run but we did date for a bit. Our decision to not continue a relationship was based on factors once we got to know each other better.

Many young women are comfortable using online dating, but what about older divorced or widowed women, what advice do you have for them?

People use online dating these days but many still have reservations about it, young and old. Some people feel as though it takes away the romance from meeting someone. But it gives us more options and we need to utilize the technology that’s there. I think a balance is good. Try dating in the physical world but also have a presence online. Choose a site or app that is right for you in terms of the people you are looking for. Where you choose to date can say a lot about what type of dates you are after. There is now a dating site for every different niche so it might take some searching to find one that is right for you. There is no group these days that has been left out of the online dating world. But when you do jump on line, make sure to use it as just a way to meet people not a forum to build online relationships. When you talk to someone for so long because you are trying to feel more comfortable with them, you can build up false expectations and also a connection with a false version that someone can portray over the phone. Have a chat and then go meet them in public. It’s important to see if the in person connection is there.

How important is sex in a successful relationship?

It’s important if it’s important to you. For some people sex is a must and for other’s it’s just not such a big deal and might not be as present as in other relationships. That’s ok if both people are on the same page and intimacy and bonding can be built in other ways. But on a personal level I do believe sex  can be such a benefit to a relationship. It’s a way to bond, to feel close to someone to feel pleasure and intimacy. It’s also a way you can feel good about yourself and your body and benefit from the hormones that are released. If you are not having sex often, it’s important to find other ways to achieve these things.

What’s your next book going to be about?

The areas I’m looking at exploring now are fertility and helping couples solve that question “how do we spice things up.” I feel as though there are a lot of couples out there who are struggling in the bedroom and I want to help that average couple who are scared about seeking sex and relationships advice or don’t know where to start. Keeping things going sexually in a long term relationship can be difficult and I think we need to be more open about the fact that most of us will and do find it a struggle at some stage. I want to help give more useful solutions instead of the fluffy usual ones.

About Dr. Nikki Goldstein

Real, poised and self-assured; she’s Australian’s modern day expert on all things relating to sex, dating, relationships and EVERYTHING in between.

She has a unique ability to normalise the subjects of sex and relationships and her fresh, balanced and candid views make her instantly relatable and approachable.

She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, a Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s esteemed Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality; and is a highly credible authority on the topics of love, sex, dating, romance and relationships.

She appears regularly on the Seven Network, writes monthly for Maxim and Rescu and is a regular contributor to Cleo, Dolly, Cosmo, Daily Mail, Askmen.com, She Says & Latte Life. She can also be heard across Australia’s airwaves, including 2UE, 4BC, i98, Mix (now KIIS) FM, the Edge 96 and across Austereo’s national network.

Voted Australia’s Best Sex Educator for 2012 and 2013, she’s young, bright, honest and already has a credible background many peers would envy.

Prior to receiving her doctorate, Nikki worked in mediation at Relationships Australia for couples going through divorce. It was during this time she was exposed to a key reason why Australian marriages break down. “These traditional relationships were buckling due to societal pressure to conform, a lack of knowledge and education, little or no positive role models and ultimately a lack of communication.”

Pheromones Make You More Attractive, Social & Successful

Have you ever been drawn to someone whose smell was intoxicating and you just couldn’t stop thinking about them? That’s called chemical attraction, and is caused by our natural pheromones that are secreted from our glands, which send signals to trigger specific mating responses in our brain. They are sensed by an organ in the nasal passage known as VMO, then send messages to the brain to interpret signals that can include fertility, confidence, sexual attraction, trustworthiness and even success or power. Consequently, pheromones can produce overwhelming attraction, even when the physical attributes are lacking.

Studies have shown that pheromones can help others to see you as more open, attractive, charismatic, and easy to talk to. They can facilitate conversations, interest and create enhanced friendly feelings. For best results, apply just below the neckline and wrists where you have your sweat glands. For a variety of products infused with pheromones such as candles, fragrances and sunscreen, go to here.

Our natural gender specific pheromones include Androstenone associated with alpha male sexual tension, Androstenedione, a chemical found in sweat, Androstenol, the female pheromone associated with romantic interest and Copulines, the female pheromone released during ovulation that has been shown to increase male testosterone.

Pheromones are emitted from our sweat glands, pulse points and anywhere that we have hair, so you can release attraction-boosting signals by going commando, not showering right after exercising and by not wearing deodorant or fragrances that will mask your natural scent. I’m not suggesting that you don’t maintain good hygiene, but bathing with warm water while cutting down on soap will wash off fewer of your body’s pheromones. You can also enhance your pheromones by eating foods high in zinc such as oysters and other fresh seafood aphrodisiacs known to increase testosterone in men and women.

Independent studies have been conducted at leading universities worldwide, such as Stanford University, the University of California at Berkeley, the University of Chicago and the Karolinska Institute, one of Sweden’s oldest medical schools have shown that pheromones do have a profound effect on human behavior.