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Dr. Ava Cadell

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Dr. Ava Cadell is America’s #1 Sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, Sex Counselor, Founder of Loveology University & President of the American College of Sexologists International. Author of 9 books including the upcoming Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga, Dr. Ava is also a sought after media therapist & global speaker; her mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt & shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships.

Win the Jewelry you Choose Contest from Eye of Love & Dr. Ava

ENTER TO WIN the jewelry YOU choose from Eye of Love by posting a photo of the necklace or bracelet and using the hashtag #eyeoflove!

I’m teaming up with pheromone experts Eye of Love to bring you this “Win the Jewelry you Choose” contest! It’s very simple to enter. Go to www.eyeoflove.com/pheromone-jewelry and pick the beautiful lava rock piece you like – whether it’s a pendant necklace, a two-tiered necklace or a dog tag look, or one of two sizes of bracelets. The necklaces all come in silver or gold. If you win, Eye of Love will send you the piece that YOU handpicked for yourself!

DOG TAG NECKLACE WITH BLACK LAVA ROCK

In order to enter to win our draw, all you have to do is post a photo of the piece of jewelry you would like to win and share it on Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #eyeoflove! You can save the photo from the Eye of Love website, or screenshot it from your phone…you can even draw a picture!

We will choose the winner on Valentine’s Day!

TWO-TIERED LAVA ROCK NECKLACE
PENDANT LAVA ROCK NECKLACE

Why Travel is Good for Your Relationship

Travel is a fantastic shorthand way to discover whether or not you and your partner are compatible. It thrusts you both into a microcosm of the life you’ve been imagining together, or if you already live together, it forces you to really ‘see’ your other half, and live in harmony with them. When you’re in a different location together, you’re required to communicate in important ways that affect everything from your physical safety to your financial freedom. I recommend travel to all my clients who complain that their relationships have gone stale, or to clients who are just getting to know their partner, but aren’t sure whether they’re ready to commit.

Shared Experiences

Traveling means shared experiences, and I’m not just talking about a selfie in front of the Great Wall of China. The journey begins at home before you even get in the car, or on the airplane. Even in the planning stage, you’re bonding together, talking about what to take and where you both want to go. And once you’re on the road, you’re discovering each other’s preferences and dislikes, and you’re finding a shared rhythm of your daily cycles of eating and relaxing, sleeping and of course sexy time. These experiences will become lifelong memories and you don’t have to travel long distances to make it special. Even a weekend getaway can be something you’ll be talking about for years to come.

Building a ‘Couple’s Language’

Doing something new sparks a new vocabulary for couples. Whether you’re contemplating how the Leaning Tower of Pisa is still standing, marveling at the sea creatures at an aquarium or watching baboons mating on a safari, you’re introducing new discussions into the relationship that wouldn’t be there in your ordinary routine. New discussions spark fresh ‘inside jokes’ between you, resulting in a strong bond that ties you together with the new exchange of ideas. There’s a feeling of “us against the world” that brings you closer together. You know those couples you envy because they seem to have a secret language that no one else understands? Travel is one way to get there.

It goes without saying that many couples have intimate nicknames for each other, such as ‘Babe,’ ‘Sweetheart’ or ‘Honey.’ But what about naming your lover’s genitals, as Kate Hudson’s character did in “How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days.” She nicknamed Matthew McConaughey’s penis ‘Princess Sophia’ and says, “Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?” This can be great fun when both partners give consent to use pet names for their sexual organs and lends itself to some playfulness, even in public settings where nobody knows what you’re talking about.

Problem Solving Together

Have you ever navigated a GPS with your partner? How about figuring out street signs in a country that uses a Cyrillic alphabet? Or trying to order from an unreadable menu?
These are activities that require patience and calmness with each other, and let’s face it, a sense of humor. One of the best indications that things are going well in a relationship is when two people find the same things funny. If you work together as a team, it’s an accomplishment you can be proud of and that’s what a great relationship is – a successful team.

Better Sex

People ask me why vacation sex is always hotter than regular sex. Is it the hotel room sheets, balcony or view? The complimentary fruit basket or chocolates on the pillows? The hot tub or shower bigger enough for two? Maybe, but that doesn’t explain the couple who get wild in their sleeping bags on camping trips. No, the common denominator here is something else: the elimination of distractions. At home, you’ve got the demands of your routine weighing on you all day long. Should I pick up coffee and milk on my way home? Did I lock the car door? Have you fed the dog? Is there something wrong with the garbage disposal? All-important daily questions, none of them sexy. Conversely, when you’re traveling, there are no daily life distractions keeping you from sharing a kiss when you want to. You can have sex anytime you want because you don’t have to be at work / the gym / book club / soccer practice or PTA meeting at any particular time. A great sex life comes with an ability to freely express yourself. The more you’re reminded of ‘shoulds’ and obligations, the less sexy you feel. Couples who travel together often find they are more easily able to prioritize sex when they get home, because they’ve broken the ‘distraction cycle’ enough times for them to recognize that thinking you have time for sex is simply a state of mind.

Learning about each other

Travel means finding new ways to meet your everyday needs. There are no ready-made casseroles in the fridge at your hotel – you’re going to be winging it for every meal, every trip to the drug store and every coffee break. This means that you become more in-tune with your partner’s minute to minute desires. You’ll remember how that 3 o’clock coffee perked her right up and she was ready to go for a full afternoon of sight-seeing. You’ll learn that he gets hungry by 11am if you haven’t stopped for breakfast, and you both get horny before dinner rather than afterwards, so these things become a priority – and your partner feels understood and cherished. These are the micro-lessons we learn that make us better, more attentive partners. And the lessons usually have take-home value that extend to your life at home when you return.

Travel has many other advantages too – you get to learn about new cultures, try new foods and experiences, hear music you’ve never heard before and see new thought-provoking sights you’ve only seen in pictures or videos. I’ve witnessed first-hand the magic that travel can bestow on a relationship, through my two decades of couples counselling. Even a weekend getaway can get you out of your comfort zone, and into an exciting new world where you become attuned to the nitty gritty of your partner’s needs, and your partner discovers new things about you. Give it a try, and let me know how your relationship is working!

Top 10 Sexual Resolutions

How can you make 2019 the sexiest year ever? I’ve got a surefire way for you to explore your desires so it can happen for you now!

This is an exercise that I have demonstrated with audiences in the U.S., the U.K. and five cities in Australia, and it’s not only a great ice-breaker for people to discuss their wants and needs, but it results in a tangible blue print for the actions you can take to make your fantasies come true.

I always start out by asking, “Are you making love a priority in your life?” and I usually get mixed results. There are single people focused on their careers who have just started to feel the urge to get ‘out there’ and look for a soul mate, and singles who have been looking forever and keep dating the same type of person who’s making them miserable. There are couples who are afraid they’re growing apart and want to reverse that trend, and couples who are closer than ever, ready to take on new sexual adventures together. There are also couples in predictable relationships where they make love in the same place at the same time in the same position all the time – and at least one of them is not sexually satisfied and could be resentful.

Next I ask everyone write down ten things that they believe would make their love lives better. I encourage you to do this before the new year too! You can choose things like I want to feel confident when I’m naked, or I want more cuddling. Here’s an example of a top ten list from a female client:

1. I want to find the right lover
2. I want to love my entire body
3. I want to overcome my sexual inhibitions
4. I want to overcome my sexual guilt & shame
5. I want to get some amazing sex toys
6. I want to have a sexier bedroom
7. I want to have more time for sex
8. I want sex more often / I want sex to last longer
9. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires
10. I want to have more sexual adventures

Now that you’ve made your list, I want you to keep the five things from your list that are absolutely necessary in order for you to have more happiness, more satisfaction, more fulfilment, more intimacy and more sex. Then delete the other five.

My female client’s top five list:

1. I want to love my entire body (because she couldn’t surrender to a lover without feeling self-conscious about her weight)
2. I want to find the right lover (it had been four years since her divorce)
3. I want to be able to communicate my sexual desires (her ex-husband was unwilling to learn about her sexual needs)
4. I want to have more sexual adventures (she tried to get her husband to make love in different positions and try Tantric sex, but he said he wasn’t interested)
5. I want some amazing sex toys (she wants to have orgasms even without a partner)

Now, my client was astonished when I asked her to choose only two essential items from her diminishing list. I gave her ten minutes, five minutes for each! She decided to keep:

1. I want to love my entire body (which includes overcoming sexual inhibitions & using sex toys)
2. I want to find the right lover (which includes sexual adventures and good communication)

The next session I spent with this client was dedicated to discovering how she could love her body. We used a naked “Gingerbread Lady” exercise to help. She drew a simple outline of her body, then I gave her a red crayon to highlight the areas on her body that she didn’t like. She focused on her belly and thighs, so we discussed them both, and came up with reasons for her to turn that disdain into love. With her belly, she was self-conscious about the layer of fat, but as we discussed her joyful pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth, she began to see that there were good associations with her belly as well, including a healthy digestive system that had never given her any problems. With her thighs she managed to transform, “They’re too big” into “They’re strong and I love how the muscles feel when I’m hiking.”

After that we tackled how she could find the right lover. I gave her a pheromone-infused lava rock bracelet from Eye of Love to attract potential partners and help make her feel more confident. Then I recommended that she go to three different places where she might find a man with the qualities she was looking for in a partner – a hardware store, a popular hiking trail and a health food restaurant. You may have gathered that she was looking for a man who was fit, handy and a vegetarian! By the way, she met him when he complimented her bracelet.

The thought-provoking conclusion to this new year’s resolution exercise is that you don’t need as much as you thought you did in order to be sexually fulfilled and satisfied! The problem with New Year’s resolutions is that we often write a long list of things we want to change, eliminate or improve that it becomes so overwhelming we don’t do any of them! I don’t want that to happen to you in your love life.

I encourage you to do this exercise because your sexual pleasure is guaranteed to improve the quality of your life, and create memories that last a lifetime.

Dr. Ava Nominated for X-Biz Sexpert of the Year

I’m honored to been named as a finalist nominee for the Sexpert of the Year award at the 2019 XBIZ Awards which celebrates the most outstanding achievements across the multi-million dollar business of sexual health and pleasure. It means the world to me to receive this validation of my career and life’s passion.

Check out the great company I’m lucky enough to be with on the XBIZ Sexpert of the Year voting page – and vote!

Each year, XBIZ’s “Sexpert of the Year” category honors an individual who has contributed significantly to the sexual health and wellness community, whether it’s through educational initiatives, media outreach, innovative events, or other means of communicating expert advice worldwide.  This is my 5th nomination at XBIZ, and I was privileged to receive the very first Sexpert of the Year award in 2015 from the Sexual Health Expo (SHE).

Nominees for the 2019 XBIZ Awards are selected based on more than 7,000 pre-nominations submitted by members of the adult industry via social network XBIZ.net. Other nominees in the category of Sexpert of the Year are Dr. Chauntelle Tibbals, Dr. Chris Donaghue, Dr. Emily Morse, Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Ducky DooLittle, Elle Chase, Jessica Drake, Ashley Manta and Sandra Daugherty.

I’ve helped singles and couples enrich their love lives in unique ways for over 20 years, and travel the world as a global speaker and media therapist. It’s my mission to certify love coaches at my Loveology University® (loveuniv.com) and to spread positive and accurate knowledge about love and sex around the world. As an entrepreneur I have created many tools for intimacy from my invention of the TriGasm Vibrator, erotic audios, sensual instructional videos, Tantric Lover’s Board Game, sexy Fantasy Playing Cards, pheromone-infused jewelry to my video and seminar project, Sexycises by Sexperts: Yin Yang Yoga For Intimacy.  Currently, I am writing memoir entitled, #ReclaimingMe: Loving Solutions for Sexual Healing. I’m looking forward to sharing my story and creating seminars to help others heal by learning from my healing journey.

The 2019 XBIZ Awards are scheduled for Jan. 17, 2019, with adult superstar Stormy Daniels set to host the annual star-studded red-carpet affair that features a who’s who in the adult industry in movie production, technology, pleasure products, retail and sexuality experts. The XBIZ Awards will coincide with XBIZ 2019, the biggest industry-wide trade show of the year, which annually unites over 1,500 players from international markets to promote business opportunities and examine industry trends.

Every nominee in the Sexpert of the Year category offers their own unique voice that enlightens the sexual health industry, so please take a moment to look at the nominees (including yours truly!) and VOTE!

Sexperts Share Secrets at “The New Rules of Sex Summit”

As a graduate and faculty member of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (IASHS), I get the privilege of teaching students who want to become sexologists, like me. Lauren Brim was a top student in my class and I’m so proud of what she’s created with her New Rules Sex Summit that runs this July 30 – August 8, 2018.

Lauren is collaborating with top sexperts like sex researcher, author and global speaker Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, psychologist and transgender expert Dr. Elise Turen and Sheri Winston, who is a Wholistic Sexuality™ Teacher and founder of the Intimate Arts Center. The Sex Summit topics range from orgasmic potential and sexual consent to sexual healing and getting what you really want in bed. My interview was a lot of fun as Lauren wanted me to talk about sex toys, since she enjoyed my presentation on the evolution of sex toys since the beginning of time.

You can tune in to listen by joining here. My interview airs on July 30, 2018 at 8AM Pacific Time. First I give an overview of the history of sex toys and then we discuss how toys can help with sexual issues or incompatibilities for both individuals and couples. I give advice on what couples can use to create novel experiences in long term relationships and address the worry that many men have about sex toys being a penis replacement.

Also, all the sexperts at the Sex Summit are giving away free gifts when you sign up! Mine is a free download of my entertaining seminar video from the Sexual Health Expo called Unique Orgasms! Watch Dr. Hernando Chaves and myself demonstrate sex toy techniques and discuss orgasms you may not have heard of. It’s part of “The Big O” course at Loveology University®, but I’m giving it away here for free. So don’t forget to sign up and get my gift as well as 19 other fantastic gifts of sexual knowledge!

Interview With Karla Jo Helms: A PR Pro’s Opinion On How to Get #MeToo From Outrage to Progress

I reached out to public relations expert Karla Jo Helms of JoTo PR to hear more about her strategy to transition the #MeTo movement from outrage to progress. She’s worried about the ‘backlash’ to the movement that’s beginning to shape the story as “witch hunt” versus “anti-feminist,” which in my view too, completely misses the point. False accusations are unfortunate, and certainly not all sexual harassment claims are the same – some perpetrators are worse than others – but the suffering that women (and many men) have endured for decades (okay centuries) needs to end, and THAT is the point.

Social media may have been the spark that kindled the #MeToo movement and fanned the flames of division,” says Karla Jo, “but it can prove to be a unifying force if we use it to reset the strategy and create a new narrative.”

Here is my interview with Karla Jo where she discusses the ways in which PR stories can  change the conversation from negative to positive.

Dr. Ava Cadell: I share your concerns about the #metoo backlash, and would also like to see solutions for all of us to come together to make the world a safer place, rather than creating this division between women. I think all women agree that there’s a society-wide problem with violence against women, but of course false accusations are unacceptable. I’m curious about your take on how we can move forward to really make a difference in actual behavior, rather than get lost in this “witch hunt” versus “anti-feminist” story that isn’t what the conversation should be about.

Karla Jo Helms: In my opinion, we need to start publishing POSITIVE stories of women and men working together successfully to improve the world—improving business, improving economic and social issues, improving the environment, education, etc. What you put attention on, you get.  Let’s start putting attention on what we really want—yes, we primarily want to stop being sexually harassed and harmed—but even more foundational than that, we want equality and the actual comradarie of working together to improve our society and culture.  It can be done.  It is being done.  We need more of it—we need to exploit the good.

DA: Are women losing real opportunities because of the #metoo backlash? Which industries are most likely to be afraid of hiring more women for fear of sexual harassment accusations? 

There have been many reports that women are concerned about not getting hired for fear that they’ll make sexual harassment claims. I started seeing it in the news in January, where women lawmakers in the Florida House and Senate were having that experience.  In March the news picked up on it, with Vox publishing findings of a nationwide study. Some women are worried about the men in their lives getting falsely accused, others are worried that the men whose accusations are less serious are getting punished with the same fervor as more serious allegations.

But this entire scenario has yet to really play out completely. From my experience, when issues like this occur, I have seen people speak up LESS about sexual harassment in order to thwart the backlash!  Speaking up can be the hardest thing to do, but speaking up is the only way for real substantive change to happen.

DA: What are the solutions you see to ending harassment in the workplace?

In my professional opinion, harassment in the workplace can be slowed by using a combination of Human Resources and Public Relations together. In fact, the only successful method I have seen get results is when HR is given the power to create strategies and carry them out with executive support, and the stories are amplified at least enough for the culture of the company to be affected. HR and PR departments need to work together.

These are the three main points of action as I see them, and all these things combined will create powerful change. You’ll note that in the first point, I’m advocating for rehabilitation for mild offenders, but this begs the question, “What is a mild offense?” This is a huge conversation in and of itself that needs to be initiated – how to define behaviors and categorize them.

  • HR training, HR reporting, HR transparency to investigating, punishments for egregious offenders, rehabilitation for mild offenders, punishment for false reports/accusations, and ongoing education—not just a set it and forget it set of training modules once a year.
  • PR—publishing internal and external stories, case studies and testimonials about gender quality and working together successfully to improve aspects of a business—and even the world. A continual connection to people’s ‘stories’ is imperative, otherwise the ‘staying power’ of the HR conversations get lost.
  • Continue an ongoing campaign that includes both the HR and PR strategies above so that the workplace culture does not sink back into silence on these sexual harassment issues.

I don’t think you can ever be successful by staying static. Human history has proven that promoting healthy working relationships between men and women needs to be fostered continually to get positive results!

What’s Your Sexual Personality?

One of my life goals is to help couples discover their compatibilities in order to enrich their sex lives. In my decades-long private practice, I’ve helped many people who didn’t know how to relate to each other, mostly because they were speaking their own language instead of learning the language of their partner. So I developed a unique sexual personality to enhance a much more fulfilling love life mentally, physically and sexually.

This work is what inspired me to start my ongoing research project on sexual compatibility which has reached over 2,500 participants since 2015. Please take a moment to take my anonymous survey here. We don’t collect IP addresses or e-mails – it’s completely private so that individuals feel free to express their true feelings. Plus, it’s fun to answer the questions and think about your own preferences and desires! I encourage you to add to this valuable study.

Here are some of the questions in the survey that are answered on a rating scale, to give you an idea of how we’re trying to categorize behavior to come up with compatibility solutions:

  1. How important is it that your long-term partner is good in bed?
  2. Do you like to plan your sexual activity?
  3. How do you express love?
  4. How much do you enjoy the following acts? Erotic embrace while dressed, deep kissing, stroking your sexual partner’s genitals, giving or receiving oral sex, favorite intercourse positions, anal sex.

The study is based on psychology’s well-established ‘Big Five’ personality traits called OCEAN (Open, Conscientious, Extroverted, Agreeable, Neurotic) which began with the research of D. W. Fiske (1949) and was continued by other researchers including Norman (1967), Smith (1967), Goldberg (1981), and McCrae & Costa (1987).

Here are some brief descriptions of the five sexual personalities I created based on the ‘Big Five’ psychological personality types. Read them all and see what jumps out at you as familiar or not ‘you’ at all.  Find yourself and your partner in these personality types, and choose more than one if you like! It’s all about figuring out who you are and how to successfully communicate with others. There are more detailed descriptions in my free e-book Your Sexual Personality: Find and Keep Your Perfect Match.

OCEAN Sexual Personalities

Open

If you have an Open personality, you are creative and outgoing sexually. You feel comfortable giving the kind of love you would like to receive and are more likely to have adventurous fantasies like threesomes, domination or exhibitionism.

Conscientious

Conscientious lovers are the most mindful, and pay attention with all of their five senses. If you’re sexually conscientious, you are more likely to believe that relationships can be “worked on” to achieve compatibility. You require a higher level of trust before becoming intimate with someone, and are more likely to be turned off by the idea of someone else finding your partner sexy.

Extroverted

Sex with an Extroverted person is energetic and exciting as they enjoy risky sex locales and erotic communication. If you are an extrovert sexually, you’re more likely to be the one who initiates sex and more likely to enjoy sex acts others may consider taboo, like group sex or BDSM.

Agreeable

Agreeable personalities in bed are passionate and loveable with lots of enthusiasm to please their lover. If you’re an Agreeable lover, you are the most likely of all the personalities to be turned on by taking a romantic bath, dancing or sharing meals, and are more likely to express your love through compliments.

Neurotic

Neurotic lovers can be the wildest sexually or the least sexual, depending upon their mood, as they are highly emotional and sensitive. If you are considered a Neurotic sexual personality, you are significantly less willing to talk about your desires and you have difficulty expressing your love. You are less likely to be the one who says, “I love you” first in a relationship.

Did you recognize yourself? Many people find they are a combination of personalities, with some traits from one type and others from another. So what can we do with this information? My e-book also gives you lots of sexy tips for each personality type, but here are a few at-a-glance ideas you can use at home today to spice up your sex life.

If You Are Sexually Open…

Feed your sexual appetite and increase intimacy with new sexual activities you haven’t tried, whether it’s Tantric sex or sensual BDSM power play. Striptease is also a great option for you since you have fewer inhibitions. Even if your partner is not as open as you are, they might enjoy the show! For some Open couples, inviting a third into the mix can also be an appealing idea. Sexually Open and Agreeable people are most compatible because both types are able to give the kind of sex that they need for satisfaction.

If You Are Sexually Conscientious…

Build romance with a bubble bath after a stressful day, followed by an erotic massage or mutual masturbation to promote sexual health and wellbeing. Add erotic talk for orgasmic intensity! As a sexually Conscientious person, you might enjoy taking sexy selfies and sending them to your lover in a ‘for your eyes only’ message that gives them a thrill and makes you feel valued and loved. A Conscientious lover with another Conscientious or an Agreeable lover offers the most compatibility because they are both more likely to express their feelings.

If You Are Sexually Extroverted…

You find it easy to talk about your sex fantasies, especially to another Extrovert, or an Open person, who are your best sex matches. Since you are more likely to make the first move initiating sex, be sure to find out your lover’s boundaries on any unexplored erotic desires you want to explore. You are more likely to enjoy a game of strip poker or be on board to discover his P-spot or her G-spot during sex. Role-playing games may also excite you, for example pretending to be strangers at a bar, and going home together as if you’ve never met!

If You Are Sexually Agreeable…

As the most flexible lover of all the personalities, work on getting your sexual needs met by stating your desires through dirty talk. As you’re likely turned on by erotic visuals, ask your lover to do a striptease and masturbate for your voyeuristic pleasure before having sex.

As an Agreeable, you can create a sex match with anyone – even a Neurotic lover can fall in love or lust with you. Try giving or receiving an erotic massage with a happy ending.

If You Are Sexually Neurotic…

For great sexual experiences, focus your attention on pleasing your lover before yourself. And before sex, have a date that involves laughter such as watching a funny movie or going to a comedy club, as this will access parts of your brain that will help you to relax before sex. Masturbation is a surefire winner for your personality type, and you can work on letting that extend into your sexual relationship as mutual masturbation. Sexually Neurotic people are most compatible with Agreeable personalities.

No matter which sexual personality type or combination of types describe you and your partner, have fun exploring your compatibilities together. And remember, every couple can learn from each other, whether the compatibility test says you’re a good match or not. If you have chemistry, you can train each other to express love in the way that you both want and need for a fulfilling relationship. Just taking the test and reading the e-book will make you feel more empowered with the knowledge that communication is something you can improve.

Train Your Brain To Better Sex For $2.99

On April 12, 2018, Early Bird Books will be offering my book Neuroloveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex for only $2.99! I urge all my readers to snatch it up at this price because it’s packed with unique exercises on how to train your brain for better sex and a more fulfilling relationship.

Why should you buy this book? The main reason is that you should be making love a priority in your life! But since I’m an overachiever, I’ll give you ten other reasons:

  1. Experience Self-love and Acceptance

True love can only happen when you love yourself first. My tried and true plan for singles shows you how to benefit from neuroscience to get those brain chemical cocktails flowing, and how to exude confidence and sexiness to find the perfect partner. If you already have a partner, you’ll learn how to maintain passion and boost intimacy.

  1. Find & Maintain that Loving Feeling

Did you know that a 6-second hug releases oxytocin, the bonding and long-term love chemical in the brain? My book is filled with quick, easy ways to use brain science to boost intimacy between you and your partner. So, if you’re not hugging at least twice a day, you need this book.

  1. Replace Distractions with Mindfulness

Check my list of internal and external distractions to see what might be keeping you and your partner from having regular sex. Is the laundry basket visible from your bed? Are you worried the kids will barge in? Is the TV on or the clock facing you? Are you listening to negative self-talk? Learn how to clear away all distractions and get focused on your mutual pleasure.

  1. Enhance Left & Right Brain Communication Skills

Many couples are banging their heads against a wall trying to become closer, but their brains are clashing because they don’t know which brain hemisphere is most prominent for their partner. Find out with easy tests in my book whether your partner is left or right brained, and speak to them in their own language. You’ll be amazed how many couples experience dramatic results with this knowledge.

  1. Take Dating to a Higher Level of Intimacy

Learn all about the many stages of love, and what’s happening to your brain along the way. Feeling like your relationship has lost its fire because you’re suddenly not having sex three times a day? Take back the reins by realizing you’re in the next stage which can be just as exhilarating if you know how to dig deeper and experience more intimacy.

  1. Solve Relationship Problems with Meeting of the Minds

Find out what’s happening inside your partner’s brain, and learn to communicate with each other successfully to create the relationship that you truly desire, not the one that you’re settling for. Through my ‘brain activation’ exercises, you can grow brain cells, change the way you think, and get closer together with renewed mutual responsiveness.

  1. Raise Sex Hormones and Ignite or Rekindle Passion

Explore the five levels of touch to find out whether you and your partner agree on what it means to be passionate, or healing – or how about romantic? Get on the same page with dozens of exercises that teach you how to synchronize your bodies to be fully present and enjoy the best sex of your lives.

SEX equals Sexual Energy eXchange.

  1. Expand Physical, Emotional & Sexual Boundaries

Challenge your relationship to elevate to new heights of enrichment with my intimacy challenges that are also fun to do. Sharing romantic memories, naming your strengths and weaknesses, describing sexy fantasies – these verbal games grow your passion by allowing you to learn about each other. Plus you will never lose your curiosity for each other and have plenty to talk about on date night.

  1. Over 100 Neuro-cises to grow new brain cells and your relationship

Have you ever heard of “Mirror Neurons?” They activate upon watching and emulating the actions of your partner. When we laugh, for example we can actually feel the other person’s sensations, movements and emotions inside us. There are fun exercises in my book that bring couples closer together, using this cool brain function that creates a bridge between two brains. And that’s just one neuro-cise!

  1. Experience Braingasms

Learn the 7 steps to a “Braingasm,” a mind-blowing technique I developed by putting together all the powerful brain science I discovered while writing this book. You can experience a braingasm on your own or with your partner. And remember, sex begins between your ears, and then between your legs!

Don’t forget to sign up for your copy of Neuroloveology at $2.99! It’s one day only on April 12 – just fill in your e-mail here and click to buy when you receive April’s Newsletter.

Stay sexy!

10 Things You Don’t Know about Sex & Disability

There’s a common myth that people with disabilities don’t want, need or are incapable of having sex, but nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is that one in five Americans have some sort of disability, making it the largest minority group in the country, according to Disabled World, an independent news resource on health and disabilities. They estimate that “10% of people in the U.S. have a medical condition considered to be a type of invisible disability.” That is, someone who is dealing with a chronic health issue that you can’t immediately identify as you would with say, a wheelchair or a white cane.

It may seem daunting to have to maneuver, adjust and find comfortable positions to compensate for a physical disability, but it can actually be a blessing that leads to deeper intimacy and better sex. Whether it’s spinal injuries, arthritis, anxiety or depression, fibromyalgia, Trigeminal Neuralgia, cancer, heart disease, migraine headaches, shingles, psoriasis, erectile dysfunction, or anorgasmia (not to mention the common cold), we are all going to experience some kind of disability in the bedroom that will affect our ability to have fulfilling sex. Don’t let it stop you from pursuing sexual pleasure. Sex is our second basic instinct after survival, and it can improve the quality of your life.

Some disabilities affect mobility, others are physiological, and some are emotional, mental or developmental. But by navigating these challenges, we can often untether ourselves from repetition and boredom in the bedroom. The disability supplies the opportunity to expand the meaning and experience of sex. Even if you have one of these debilitating experiences, you can always create intimacy through hugging, kissing, eye contact and open, honest communication, which are all preludes to sex, or can be fulfilling as the main event.

The myth that sex with disabilities is “not worth it” affects everyone, because it also assumes that just because you are an able bodied human being, you intrinsically know how to perform sexual acts and therefore, don’t require any education or guidance on the subject. It assumes that if you can’t figure it out, you should be left to do without it. So, even though everyone knows the mechanics of sex, not everyone knows how to give and receive sexual pleasure.

No one “naturally” knows it all. We do not come organically equipped with knowledge of condoms, nor are we “naturally” skilled to give erotic pleasure. People learn sexual negotiating skills, consent, techniques and boundaries. They learn what sex is and how to make passionate love.

Below are ten specific myths about people with disabilities to clear out and make way for accurate knowledge, sexual skill-building and differently-abled, erotic, intimate experiences.

  1. We are asexual
  2. Our genitals don’t work
  3. Only certain kinds of people hook up with us
  4. The disability is more important than sexuality
  5. Sex with disabilities is “a hassle” or “not worth it”
  6. People naturally know how to have sex, and if we don’t, we shouldn’t be having it
  7. It is better not to risk reproduction
  8. Sexuality is not part of healthcare for disabled people
  9. We are helpless victims, unable to have good sex
  10. People with disabilities aren’t at risk for sexual abuse

All people have the right to opportunities for sexual expression, sexuality education, contraception and sexual abuse prevention and treatment. These rights are often challenged or ignored because of myths.

To learn more about intimacy and disabilities, explore my online course: Intimacy & Disabilities at Loveology University®

Sexperts Honored By SHE Magazine

When I won the very first “Sexpert of the Year” award at the Sexual Health Expo in 2015 (now called Sex Expo), and to be frank, I was taken completely by surprise. I remember seeing the list of high profile nominees like Sunny Megatron and Emily Morse, thinking one of them will surely win, considering everything they contribute to sex education and entertainment.

This month I’m lucky again with a feature article called “From Sex Symbol to Sex Guru” in Sexual Health magazine where Editor-in-chief Ariana Rodriguez interviewed me about how my life journey from a refugee, to orphan, to sex symbol to sexpert led to a successful career in sexology, my new sexual healing book, what’s new with Sexycises and my pheromone jewelry line with Eye of Love.

Shangri-la – Peace to all who enter here :

 

The SexualHealth crew came to my house aka Shangri-La in Malibu for the photo shoot with Ariana, photographer Dean Capture, Sex Expo producer Sara Ramirez. Paula Tiberius, editor of Sexpert.com and my right hand for the past five years and I had a fun time collaborating on poses and outfits to show the different sides of my persona.

Zorro, being grumpy for his close up.

 

 

Zorro, my ten year old Ragdoll cat was locked in a bedroom for most of the day, so by the time he came out for his part of the photoshoot, he was pretty grumpy. But we managed to get some flattering shots of him anyway. Don’t worry, I’m not strangling him.

One of the things I love about the Sexual Health Magazine is that they honor the valuable work being done in sexual wellness by so many different experts. If you look at the recent winners, there’s the TV sexologist and author Dr. Jessica O’Reilly who’s touring the world with her speaking engagements and retreats teaching people how to communicate their desires and improve their love lives and Jessica Drake who has turned her adult film stardom into another career as a sex educator, re-inventing sexual instructional videos with her “Guide To Wicked Sex” series. The 2018 winner is sex and relationship therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue, author of “Sex Outside the Lines,” host of Loveline and Director of Clinical Education for the Sexual Health Alliance. I’m honored to be in the company of these individuals who all have their own unique contribution, like me with my university, www.LoveUniv.com.

My Sexycises team at Sexual Health Expo 2017  with Dr. Cat Meyer, Symon Murray, Dr. Nancy Sutton-Pierce and Miyoko.

I believe these awards are an opportunity to lift up voices all across the spectrum of sex educators and love coaches. The bottom line is that it feels great to be validated by a pioneer publication like Sexual Health Magazine because it lets me know that I’m on the right path.  I love joining forces with my peers to make the world a more loving place.

Read the full March 2018 issue of Sexual Health magazine for many insightful, informative articles by sexperts.

Me posing for a magazine in my sex symbol days.