Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Authors Posts by Dr. Ava Cadell

Dr. Ava Cadell

Dr. Ava Cadell is America’s #1 Sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, Sex Counselor, Founder of Loveology University & President of the American College of Sexologists International. Author of 9 books including the upcoming Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga, Dr. Ava is also a sought after media therapist & global speaker; her mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt & shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships.

From Getting Slimed To Sploshing

If you got aroused while watching Josh Duhamel holding up his Kids’ Choice Award proudly as he was getting slimed, or by Heidi Klum covered head to toe in wet and messy green slime, or by Jim Carey being slimed while he was descending from the ceiling or Jack Black shrieking with delight as he got slimed, then you may be a Splosher.

Sploshing (or WAM) stands for “Wet And Messy” and is a term that can become a fetish for people who become sexually aroused while wet and messy substances are applied to a naked body or even clothed people.

As a Splosher you may become excited by the texture of being all wet and messy from rolling around in whipped cream, chocolate sauce, baked beans, oil, mud, paint, beer, milk or any kind of slime. Alternatively, you may find it even more erotic to watch others getting Sploshed. Some Sploshers enjoy giving and getting, covering each other’s body in goop and then eating off each other.

Think of Sploshing as an adult version of having a food fight or getting slimed and have fun, but keep wet and messy substances on top of your lover’s body and do not insert them into their sexual organs.

Sploshing can be a fun, playful way of adding more variety to your sex life.

Bathing together after Sploshing can be sensual, making the entire experience an intimate one that you won’t soon forget.

How To Defeat Passion Assassins

How to Defeat the Passion Assassins & Reconnect Mentally, Physically and Emotionally

First, you’ve got to create an environment that is stress free. Women especially need a clean environment. Wired to be caretakers, they can feel the stress of not having tidy surroundings. Yale professor Amy Arnsten calls this need the “Goldilocks of the Brain.” In order to function at an optimal level, the pre-frontal cortex needs things “just right.”

There are several brain chemicals that come in to play during a relationship. Knowing what triggers their release is an important part of romance.

Once you have created a non-stressful environment, the release of dopamine motivates our pleasure and reward center in our brain.

Oxytocin is an important feel-good hormone that lowers stress. This is also known as the love hormone and can be easily triggered with a six-second hug.

  • Women’s highest level of oxytocin is actually during breastfeeding, eye-contact and cuddling.
  • In general, levels of oxytocin are lower in men, except after an orgasm, where they are raised more than 500 percent. This may explain why men feel very sleepy after an orgasm.

Intention Neuro-cise for Couples: Many times when partners come together for intimacy they each bring with them a gaggle of invisible thought balloons that hover around and between them, making the attempt to connect feel like “one more thing that needs my attention.” Try this as a way to shoo those mind distractions away:

 Reduce as many external distractions as possible. Tidy up, turn off the TV, silence your phone, turn off the computer and turn the clock away from you.

  1. Sit facing each other and take a few deep breaths with eye contact until your breathing is synchronized and you are looking into each others soul through the eyes.
  2. Then rub your own hands together to create warmth.
  3. Raise your hands and place them palm-to-palm against your partner’s for an energetic connection.
  4. Make an imaginary Intention Circle around you both and take turns throwing things out of the circle that no longer serve your relationship, such as jealousy, impatience or even the TV remote control.
  5. Bring positive intentions in one at a time that will enrich your relationship, such as more romance, deeper communication, forgiveness and whatever gifts you want to make your love life even more playful.

For further details get my book NeuroLoveology, The Power to Mindful Love & Sex in Chapter Seven: Passion Assassins http://goo.gl/tnp7gC

Baby Boomer Sex

I just finished working on The Doctor’s TV show where I was asked to comment on Baby Boomer Sex. I said that Baby Boomers sex can be even more satisfying then when they were younger because with age comes better communication, more confidence and the shedding of sexual inhibitions. The older you are, the more comfortable you become in your own skin, which makes you comfortable talking about your desires and fantasies. I also interjected that the quality of intimacy with sex becomes more important than just the quantity of sex acts.

Many women are still enjoying their sexual peak at 40 or 50, while some men may need a little help to keep up! (Excuse the pun). But never fear, there are so many sex enhancers to help men, like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra,  Testosterone, herbal supplements, even penis pumps.

Women must maintain a juicy frame of mind, so that they feel sexy in order to enjoy sexual pleasure because sex begins between the ears and then flows between the legs.

Some women say that sex after Menopause is better because they don’t worry about periods and pregnancy. They are also more comfortable communicating what turns them on and off.

For women whose sex drive is flagging, my advice is still to use it, so that you don’t lose it. Sexual activity is good for your health with or without a partner, so do your Kegel exercises, use lubricants for self-pleasure and partner sex.

If your libido has taken a nose-dive due to fatigue, stress, hormonal changes, a hysterectomy or any other ailment, do seek professional help from your doctor. Sex does not have an expiration date, so you can continue to have hot, passionate sex for the rest of your life.

Baby Making Truths & Tales

The best baby making position for getting pregnant is still Missionary with a pillow under the pelvis, allowing semen to pool around the cervix where it can swim through the hole in the cervix more rapidly. Equally as important, is for the woman to have an orgasm because it makes the vaginal environment more alkaline and her uterine contractions can help sperm swim quickly to fertilize the egg. Since only 25% of woman can achieve orgasm during intercourse, it’s best for her to use a vibrator to stimulate the clitoris during penetration to ensure she orgasms. If the woman has a tipped uterus or cervix, then the best position for conception would be Doggie style as rear-entry lifts the uterus and cervix with the vaginal opening and gives the man maximum control of deep penetration.

Never douche after sex as it will alter the PH balance of the vagina and flush out the cervical fluid that helps the sperm in their egg quest.

Make sure that when using lubricants that it’s sperm-friendly. Many have the undesired result of killing off the swimmers. Pre~Seed is the most popular sperm friendly lubricant on the market and the only one that has been included in independent research studies. Pre~Seed was invented by Dr. Joanna Ellington, a scientist whose research has focused on sperm physiology.

Men need to keep the temperature of their genitals cool for higher sperm count, so avoid hot Jacuzzi’s baths and saunas.

How timing can influence conception

Timing is really important and that means having sex one or two days before ovulation and then again on the day of ovulation, since most women are fertile only during their fertility window.

According to the Shettles Theory, in order to have a boy insemination should occur as close as possible to the moment of ovulation so that the faster, Y-sperm arrive first and achieve conception. When seeking a girl insemination the couple should seek to have sex 2½ to 3 days before ovulation. Dr. Landrum Shettles claimed a 75% to 90% success rate for his simple, at-home method, which advises how to time intercourse to conceive a boy or a girl.

The Whelan Method is pretty much the opposite of the Shettles Method, so to conceive a boy; you should have sex four to six days before ovulation. And to conceive a girl, you should have sex either two to three days before ovulation or on the day of ovulation. Elizabeth Whelan, Sc.D., based the theory that biochemical changes in a woman’s body may favor the Y-bearing (boy producing) sperm occur earlier in a woman’s cycle.

The time of the year is also significant, according to a new study in Israel where 6,000 men with normal sperm production were tested and they discovered that the production of sperm was greater in Winter.

What to do if you want to have a baby girl

The notion is that a woman should be on top so she can control the depth of penetration, instead of deep penetration, men should ejaculate as far as they can from the egg during sexual intercourse. This will ensure that the male sperm, which have a short lifespan, will die before they get the opportunity to reach the egg, thus making sure that you conceive a girl.

Researchers at the University of Exeter in England surveyed 740 first-time mothers and a study by Maastricht University in The Netherlands confirmed to boost the odds of having a girl, mothers should say, YES to calcium and magnesium foods such as yogurt, spinach, tofu, almonds, cashews, beans, oatmeal, broccoli and oranges and, NO, to salt and potassium foods such as anchovies, olives, bacon, salami, smoked salmon, shrimp, potatoes, processed meats, bread and pastries.

The way that this diet influences the gender maybe based upon how it changes the mineral content of a women’s uterine environment (changing the consistency of the cervical mucus), which makes it more hospitable to one type of sperm or another. Similarly, other theories suggest that the “gender diet” can change the pH (acidity) in the woman’s body and therefore change the polarity of the egg. By ingesting the correct ratio of minerals, a woman can alter her uterine environment making it more conducive to attract either an x or y chromosome from the male’s sperm.

What to do if you want to have a baby boy

The theory for making a baby boy is for the man to be on top in Missionary position with the woman’s buttocks on a pillow for deeper penetration to deposit the sperm closest to the cervix. After intercourse, the woman should remain on her back for about fifteen minutes to let the millions of sperm in every ejaculation make their way into the fallopian tubes toward the egg.

As for the woman’s diet, a study in the UK suggests upping calories with plenty of nutrients by at least 400 calories with daily potassium and salty foods that include red meat, cereal, bananas, fish, vegetables and other energy foods.

These sex positions and diets are based on some research, but cannot guarantee the babies gender, however you can have a lot of fun trying.

NOTE: If you’ve been trying to conceive for a year or more without success, visit with a professional fertility specialist.








Please Your Husband By Becoming His Mistress

Many men expect their wives to be their lover, best friend, nurturer, confidant, lifelong partner, playmate, social director, family organizer, shopper, domestic goddess, soul mate and sexpot in the sack. In other words, they want their woman to be more of a mistress and less of of wife. So, here are seven ways that you can make this demanding fantasy into a reality and keep your relationship fulfilling for both of you. As with all of these steps, sexiness comes from within:

1. Look good for him and for yourself.  Just knowing that your man is more physically aroused should give you plenty of tools to turn him on. You can become his fantasy woman by surprising him at the door wearing a skirt or dress so that he can fantasize about what kind of panties you may have on, if any.  Be sure to compliment your outfit with a pair of high-heels to enhance his sense of sight and further eroticize his imagination. Alternatively, you can wear a sexy little apron with nothing underneath when serving him dinner or breakfast in bed. Getting dressed up is also a great way for a woman to get into a juicy frame of mind after a rough day at work or exhausting time with the children.

2. Flirt with your husband. Start by giving him a physical compliment daily and touch him when he least expects it. Just before he leaves for work, squeeze his butt playfully or give him a heart-to-heart hug as soon as he comes home. Smile and lock eyes often to release all of those feel-good endorphins that will make you both feel the pleasure of being in each others presence. Flirting is the bedrock of romance and it will keep the chemistry in your long-term relationship as long as you make it part of your marriage ritual in and out of the bedroom.

3. Make dates spontaneous. Take him out for a seductive date for breakfast, lunch, dinner or anytime you can spend quality time together. Make it memorable by recreating some of the dates you went on before you got married. Sometimes it takes some planning to make the best spontaneous dates work, so prepare a picnic and surprise him by taking him to the beach or a park for a romantic rendezvous.  Commit to taking trips together, even if they are quickie getaways as it can be the glue that takes the relationship to a higher level of intimacy.

4. Be adventurous. Make the first move to seduce your man by pushing him up against a wall and making out or pushing him down on the bed, straddling and kissing him passionately. Try doing something new together so that you get out of your comfort zone and learn new exciting skills such as Power Play by reading the book, 50 Shades of Grey to each other. Go to a Tantric Sex or Kundalini Yoga class and discover the benefits of spiritual sexuality. Learn to Tango together and create sexual anticipation on the dance floor or take an online course on Aphrodisiacs at Loveology University and then cook a menu of love foods together.

5. Don’t ambush him with complaints. Men want their wives to be happy, so the last thing they want to hear about after work is complaints about all the things that went wrong in your home. Greet him with affection, give him some space and let him feel like a King in his domain before you state your list of complaints. If he can’t fix the problem, it will just make him feel helpless and even emasculating, so focus on communicating the positive things that happened in your day and ask him to share his best moments from his day. Don’t keep pent up problems to yourself either, but do share them with friends, family and your husband when the time is right so that they don’t feel like they were ambushed. Be sure to make time for your girlfriends because your guy cannot give you the same emotional connection and he probably doesn’t want to hear about your shopping spree or even your best friend’s new baby.

6. Play into his fantasies. Sharing fantasies has a way of increasing intimacy and it can add creativity to your sex routine. By sharing with someone you trust you can let go of the guilt and shame surrounding your fantasies. And you’re cuing your partner into what is most pleasing to you. Sexual fantasies for men are generally more sexually explicit than women’s. More physically arousing, about objects of desire, more likely to specify sexual acts, more visual in content and more likely to contain details about physical appearance. Encourage him to share his wildest fantasies with you, but do not be judgmental. Talk about which fantasies you both want to turn into reality and which ones should remain as fantasies.

7. Ignite your passion to fuel his fire. When you please yourself, you automatically please your partner because he does not want to work at giving you pleasure and quite frankly it’s not his job anyway. So, identify what gives you the most pleasure by tapping into your five senses. Then take the time to look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you look. You get extra bonus points if you can do this naked. Now you are ready to make passionate love to yourself and treat yourself as if you are madly in love with you. Masturbation is the epitome of self-love and exploration of what makes you feel best. It can help you to explore your sexual fantasies, is a precious gift of self-acceptance and key to living a healthy sexual life. Let your partner watch and it will send him over the moon!

Dalai Lama Lessons

I have wanted to see the Dalai Lama for many years now, and on this speaking tour to India, my wish came true. What could top our memorable trip to the Taj Mahal, but a session with His Holiness himself?

On the plane to northern India I sat next to an attorney from Singapore who had studied with the Dalai Lama before. She was a lovely woman who had been through a tough break-up, and was very interested in my advice on finding true love again. Who knew I had something to teach one of the Dalai Lama’s disciples?

The 14th Dalai Lama lives in a small town in northern India called Dharamshala, a village perched in the foothills of the mountains just east of the Himalayas. From the small airport of Gaggal, Dharamshala is15 km of windy roads with steep drops that made my heart jump many beats every time we turned a hairpin corner with oncoming traffic narrowly scraping by our taxicab. Paula and I quickly took some motion sickness medicine as the driver told us that Actor Richard Gere had paid to pave the roads leading to the Dalia Lama’s home, so one can only imagine how much worse the drive would have been if it wasn’t for the generosity of Richard Gere, a long-time Buddhist and activist in the cause of the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader.

We continued to drive further up the mountain surrounded by Himalayan Oak and Pine trees with green valleys on the horizon where rice, wheat and tea were being grown. There were lots of streams and the air was cool compared to Delhi and Agra, but most notable was the peaceful environment that I had successfully manifested.

Even though it’s India, it feels like Tibet with monks and nuns everywhere you look, and people are speaking Tibetan just as often as Hindu.

Our four-star hotel was listed as a resort paradise with fantastic views of Kangra Valley, but some cockroaches welcomed us in to our room, so Paula did the unthinkable, which was not based upon Buddhist love and compassion and then we slept with the lights on to deter other creepy crawlers from joining us.

We woke up at 5:00 AM anxious to see the Dalai Lama, who was going to arrive at 8:00 AM, but we had to go through several security stations before we were allowed into the temple, leaving behind anything that had batteries. We surrendered our cameras, phones and I was even told that my travel drive was not permitted, so we gave them to the equivalent of a coat check shack Tibetan style in exchange for a plastic number for retrieval upon leaving the temple.

There were a disconcerting amount of soldiers with machine guns, so I guess the price of being the world’s most famous peace-loving Buddhist is that you need protection, but I found it disturbing that they not only had them at the gates to the temple, but were also inside.

It’s hard to believe that a Nobel Peace Prize winner who is among the most revered figures in the world can possibly have enemies who want to harm him.

Dharamshala is the center of the Tibetan exile world in India, following the Tibetan uprising in 1959 and Mcleod Ganj is where the Buddhist Temple is located opposite to the residence of His Holiness, the Dalai Lama.

Finally, we walked up several flights of stairs to the center of the compound canopied by a white tent that was adorned by many cute monkeys whose paws you could see in silhouette as they scurried across. There was a yellow lab on patrol for the monks (His Holiness has a dog!) who was going bananas (pun intended) with all these monkeys. He chased them whenever he could and by the wag of his tail you could tell he really wanted to play.

We had to take our shoes off and kneel on the hard floor waiting for His Holiness to arrive who was running late, but he is the rock star of spirituality so I was happy and excited about being enlightened, even though my legs were killing me.

Then he walked in with incense smoke billowing ahead of him and my pain was gone as I felt the presence of greatness and heard his infectious laughter.

The gold Buddha behind the Dalai Lama’s throne shone magnificently and as he made himself comfortable, monks served us some milky, buttery soup-tea from a copper kettle (which I rejected) followed by giant hockey-pucks of dense bread and we had breakfast with the Dalai Lama.

With this excitement out of the way, we stayed kneeling on the hard floor for four solid hours listening to His Holiness share some of his lessons of life and love.

When observing the Dalai Lama speak English, (rather well I might add), he exudes kindness with courage as he recalls his journey into exile. Without any fear or declaration of victimization, he shows only gratitude, humbleness and humor.

He says that he embraces all religions and still considers himself a student in many philosophical and theologian matters, but I was ready to learn from his wisdom so that I can share his lessons with you.

  1. To achieve the “Sense of Oneness” for a happy and peaceful state of mind, we need to help others to be harmonious.
  2. When we have the wish to help others, we will attain enlightenment.
  3. Our responsibility is to think about humanity as one big happy family.
  4. Without mindfulness, we are living an animalistic existence, so humanity needs to use higher states of intelligence.
  5. It is okay to indulge in life’s materialistic offerings, but not to chase them all the time.
  6. The important thing is to find the meaning beyond physical attachments; otherwise we are in a world of pain and will be afraid of death.
  7. Distractions must be replaced with non-materialistic mindfulness.
  8. The virtues we have created in this life will help us at death.
  9. There is no need for temples because our own mind and heart is the temple.
  10. The mind has no limit and love can be cultivated by overcoming negative emotions.
  11. The basis of peace and nonviolence is compassion and love.
  12. The basis of morality is kindness.
  13. If we do things based upon our ego, then our effect in the world will be negative.
  14. Suffering is caused by ignorance and confusion.
  15. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their own happiness or satisfaction.
  16. When we have inner peace, the external problems do not affect our deep sense of peace and tranquility.
  17. Without inner peace, we may still be unhappy even if we have materialistic wealth.
  18. With compassion we can free others from suffering.
  19. Through training and practice there is infinite wisdom to be learned.
  20. We need to expand our knowledge day by day.

I loved learning from the Dalai Lama and I do feel more enlightened, even though my legs fell asleep and my knees were bruised, it was a small price to pay for such wisdom.

We headed out and I asked a monk if we could take a photo with him, since we couldn’t take one with the Dalai Lama this was the next best thing, especially since he resembled His Holiness. Lama Sangye was his name and he has his very own monastery in Southern India where there is apparently another Tibetan microcosm. He invited us for lunch and led us toward the Tibet Kitchen, a little restaurant filled with monks enjoying their meals. We exchanged e-mails and he invited us to his visit him in December when the Dalai Lama will be teaching at his temple for two weeks.

Then we went shopping and bought so many gifts that we had to buy another suitcase.

Climax In India

Enlightened by the Dalai Lama, cultured by the Taj Mahal and ready to do three more seminars in Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore, Paula and I prepared to spend many hours in Indian airports waiting for our flights, some of which were up to four hours late. I had heard rumors that the airports were unsightly, and the bathrooms unbearable, but I was so impressed by the architecture, interior designs, cleanliness, shops, spas and services that it made it fun to get pampered (I got a foot massage while Paula got a head massage) and we shopped (we both bought shoes) while we waited in fresh stress-free lounges.

We arrived in Mumbai excited to be staying at The Four Seasons Hotel, where we knew that we would have Internet connection, which we did not have in the land of the Dalai Lama.

On our way to the hotel, we passed by the center of India’s booming “Bollywood” film studios and glamorous billboards of beautiful people were everywhere.

Then our driver wanted to show us a popular tourist spot called Mahalaxmi Dhobi Ghat where dirty laundry from all over Mumbai is painstakingly hand washed by the dhobis (washermen) in countless rows of concrete troughs and then hung onto washing lines. This was a culture shock and contrast to the allure of the movie industry, but made me grateful to have a washing machine and tumble dryer.

With no time to shop, we saw lots of colorful bazaars on the streets with antiques, fresh produce, silks and souvenirs from our taxicab as we weaved in out of traffic to avoid hitting auto rickshaws, cows and pedestrians. Hindus consider their Indian cows as sacred, so they are allowed to freely hold up traffic by roaming around in the middle of the road. Paula has taken photos of hundreds of cows from every angle.

Upon arrival at The Four Seasons, we were welcomed with refreshments and taken to a fabulous suite overlooking the Arabian Sea.

I had a meeting with the group leaders who wanted to make sure that my presentation was appropriate for their exclusive organization of successful entrepreneurs and their spouses.

They invested a lot of time and money into designing a beautiful stage for me with a throne fit for a queen and served an incredible array of aphrodisiac appetizers – smoked oyster “shots” in a fresh tomato sauce, dragon fruit and cucumber “spoonful’s” with a tangy vinaigrette, banana chocolate circles to die for – it was quite a lavish event.

Climax in India

My presentation went exceptionally well in Mumbai, as the large audience was receptive to my interactive exercises and I rewarded them with gift bags for the volunteers, which definitely served as incentives.

When it was over Paula and I were ready for a drink to celebrate, so we were chaperoned to The Aer Lounge, Mumbai’s highest rooftop bar with panoramic city and sea views and the endless ceiling of sky and stars on the 34th floor of the Four Seasons.

If we didn’t see much of Mumbai, we saw even less of Chennai. I was looking forward to seeing this part of South India with its coastal region and beaches, but my work schedule was so hectic that we had to start the moment we arrived and then flew out early the next morning. However, Paula spent her downtime in our room at the Sheraton Park Hotel sitting in the mechanical massage chair that vibrated her to a blissful state.

What we lost in Chennai, we made up for in Bangalore, after arriving at the Hotel Taj West End, a 19th century British colonial hotel nestled amidst 22 acres of lush green gardens.  We gave the final seminar in a beautifully decorated room to a fun crowd, hungry for my knowledge on how to add more romance to their love lives through NeuroLoveology. That’s where we met an extraordinary man known as RVM a self-made millionaire who has established a charitable hospital and a home for the homeless and the sick. He also built The Divine Shiv Temple and invited us for a tour on our last day in Bangalore. How could we resist that? When we got there, we were in awe of a majestic 65-foot-tall Lord Shiva statue that is the symbol of this acclaimed temple for people of all faiths. The temple has no roof so we could see the sky, the sun and the birds across Lord Shiva who sits in front of a spectacular Manasarovar, a symbolization of where He lived in Kailash (in the Himalayan Mountains).

RVM gave us a VIP tour leading us by the hand to spiritual activities, where we dropped a coin in the Manasarovar repeating the mantra ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ 7 times after making a special wish. Then we tied a ‘Vigna Haran’ thread at the Ganapathi statue leaving behind our troubles and walked through the rest of his temple, inside and underneath the Shiva statue there is a path where Models of Shiva lings (Sanskrit for “symbol”) in different forms, such as Linga made of ice is maintained.

With our tour over, RVM invited us to see his office premises on the rooftop overlooking his temple and Bangalore. It was a serene paradise with birds, bunnies and puppies, harmoniously engaging with each other, until it was feeding time when all of the creatures rushed toward the food and it became an eating frenzy until it was all gone.

RVM’s office is luminous in white with glass doors surrounded by streams and ponds filled with fish. We went inside, sipped Indian tea, cuddled a baby bunny and petted cute dogs with names like Bliss and Happy, while he showed us some of his foundation products to help make people’s lives better. He gave me his books entitled, PEP (Postive Energy Power), Succsex and I Wanna Be Happy, so guess which one I’m going to read first?  With chapters on Taming Ejaculation, Converting Sex Energy and Sex: All Night Long! I can’t wait to read it from front to back and share it with you in my next blog.

I’ve loved my journey in India from the heart and capital of New Delhi to the passionate people in Punjab, to seeing one of the great wonders of the world in Agra and staying in Dharamsala to visit with His Holiness in the peaceful land of valleys and mountains, to beautiful Bollywood in Mumbai, Coastal Chennai and a mind-blowing climactic finish in Unforgettable Bangalore at The Divine Shiv Temple with RVM.

I have a feeling that this journey isn’t over yet and the final fantasy is still to come!

Symbols Of Love In India

I’m half-way through my NeuroLoveology seminar tour in India, the land of the Kama Sutra, where 64 arts are to be studied that include singing, dancing, playing musical instruments, writing, drawing, spreading flowers upon the ground and 58 other ancient arts of love.

Here the people are friendly and cows are sacred as they roam the streets with total abandon. While being driven from one city to the next, I saw a myriad of dogs and monkeys as well as cows enjoying their lifestyle side by side with the locals going about their businesses. So a shift in mindset is necessary in order to truly appreciate its culture and spirituality with historic monuments in every city where traditional festivities are celebrated often. I was lucky to be here during the Krishna, aja, Hartalika and Ganesh celebrations.

Rich in arts and crafts there are shopping opportunities hard to resist and the prices are really low compared to what we are used to in Western countries, so I bought clothes, jewelry and statues that I knew I would not find anywhere else in the world.

I’ve already had some memorable adventures and met some fascinating people that I will remember for a lifetime.

Delicious Delhi

The New Delhi organization created a beautiful and romantic environment for my inaugural talk, with red satin ribbons on the chairs and a stunning stage for me to present. They dressed magnificently, some women in  gorgeous colorful sarees, while others in designer clothes looking elegant. Most of the couples were in long term marriages, some of which were arranged as part of the Indian culture since the fourth century. All had children and wanted to know how I could help them to reignite passion in their relations.

Symbols of love india 2

They were a gracious crowd who helped me to understand some of the key differences between American and Indian couples, and their feedback has been so valuable to tailor my presentation for the next four cities.
They put my friend Paula and I up in the spectacular ITC Maurya hotel in the Diplomatic Enclave, where many presidents stay when they travel here. I was able to indulge in an Ayurvedic massage with a therapeutic scented oil drip on my forehead. It was an incredible experience with two therapists working on me at once in an elegant stone chamber adorned with ancient Indian metals and woods. My favorite part was the breast massage, which I don’t get in the USA spas as many women don’t realize that it helps to remove harmful toxins, breaks up benign cysts, strengthens the muscles and can even make your breasts look and feel firmer.

I was also excited to see that our room came with a vibrator! They called it a massager, but I know better.

Passion in the Punjab

From Delhi we flew to the Punjab state capitol, Chandigarh, and met our very surly driver who took us to Ludhiana for the next seminar. This was our first taste of Indian highway driving, and it was definitely an adventure! We shared the road with trucks, three-wheeled taxis called tuk-tuks, scooters with entire families aboard, bicycles, horse-drawn carriages, cows, dogs and monkeys! I was so scared that I must have sworn a hundred times while Paula was trying to film our rugged ride. The weather was hot and humid as it is monsoon season, so I was constantly drinking only bottled water to stay hydrated. The problem was that it made me want to pee and there was nowhere to go, so I had to exercise my Kegels all the way until my bladder nearly burst.

I got a warm welcome as soon as I arrived at the Radisson Blu in Ludhiana with two dozen red roses and photos with the staff of this brand new luxury hotel, so I soon forgot about the scary trip. It’s amazing how beautiful fresh cut flowers can suddenly change your mood. Our room was stunning and I hurried to pee, when I suddenly heard disco music in the toilet, which was unexpected, but not a bad idea to mask the sound of tinkling.

The participants in this seminar were quite rowdy, living up to their Punjabi reputation across the country as the most sexually liberated Indian state. They also created a lovely setting in the banquet hall where many couples shared their experiences and hopefully learned a lot from me. We had interactive fun with blindfolds and finger foods and they taught me a new expression for the woman-on-top postion, which they call ‘Top-Riding.’

Symbols of love india

Magical Mystique of the Taj Mahal

After Ludhiana Paula and I had a few days off to ourselves and our first tourist stop was to the magical Taj Mahal in Agra in the state of Uttar Pradesh, approximately 200 kilometers (125 miles) from Delhi. We were told that it would be an easy three hour drive, but soon found out that it was a terrible eight hour drive that I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy. I am still thankful to be alive!

When we finally arrived in Agra, we were exhausted and hoped that the Taj Mahal, wonder of the world was going to be worth it.

After a good nights sleep, I can tell you that The Taj Mahal is a beautiful, unique architectural monument that has to be seen to be believed!

The Mughal emperor Shah Jahan built this enormous symbol of enduring love for his third wife Mumtaz Mahal who died giving birth to their 14th child in 1632. She certainly deserved it!

It took 22 years to build with over 22,000 workers and 1000 elephant’s, including many talented artists and architects whose work is still considered superlative.

He must have been a very romantic man, and perhaps got a little bit carried away with the tax money of the people, causing his eldest son to imprison him in a tower before he could realize his next dream, to build a black Taj Mahal right across the river from his beloved where he himself would be buried.

Symbols of love India 3

We rode in a camel-drawn carriage on the way to see the Taj Mahal, which was very memorable, as I immediately felt motion sickness. Once we arrived at the entrance of the great palace, security was tight and women had a separate line where female guards touch your body to make sure you are not hiding any snacks, cigarettes or lighters as they will be confiscated. Our guide told us to hold on to our bags as we jostled in with all the other tourists in awe of the sight of the Taj Mahal in all it’s glory and perfection.
I took a video of Paula wishing her five year old daughter Violet a Happy Birthday and she took one of me sending love to my husband, but we were surrounded by guides blowing whistles in our ears and groups clambering to take their own videos and pictures.

We had to take off our shoes before we entered the palace to see the tombs with our guide, who managed to avoid all of the long lines to get us in and explained the history to us as we held onto our purses for dear life.

Two hours later we were famished, but our guide insisted on taking us shopping first. A good lesson for men is that women are not interested in shopping when they are hungry, so I convinced him to take us to the fabulous Oberai hotel for lunch, which boasted incredible views of the palatial monument. Rated amongst the leading resorts in the world, The Oberoi Amarvillas had a buffet fit for a king and it was the best meal I had in India so far.

Feeling fulfilled, I’m ready to continue my journey through India and the Kama Sutra’s   Four Kinds of Love.

1) Love acquired by continual habit

Love resulting from the constant and continual performance of some act is called love acquired by constant practice and habit, as for instance the love of sexual intercourse, the love of hunting, the love of drinking, the love of gambling, etc., etc.

2) Love resulting from the imagination

Love which is felt for things to which we are not habituated, and which proceeds entirely from ideas, is called love resulting from imagination, as for instance that love which some men and women and eunuchs feel for the Auparishtaka or mouth congress, and that which is felt by all for such things as embracing, kissing etc.

3) Love resulting from belief

The love which is mutual on both sides, and proved to be true, when each looks upon the other as his or her very own, such is called love resulting from belief by the learned.

4) Love resulting from the perception of external objects

The love resulting from the perception of external objects is quite evident and well known to the world. because the pleasure which it affords is superior to the pleasure of the other kinds of love, which exists only for its sake.
The Kama Sutra of Vatsayayana, Sir Richard Burton, translator (1883)