Sunday, September 24, 2017
Authors Posts by Aubri Lancaster

Aubri Lancaster

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Aubri Lancaster is an Executive Director with the adult party plan company, Passion Parties where she presents lotions, edibles, games, and toys in a home environment, incorporating sex positivity and sexual empowerment through humor and education. She started her business in 2003 having never had a sex toy of her own before that point and learned along side her fellow consultants and clients as she explored how pleasure can bring partners together and give autonomy to single men and women of the world. She has successfully introduced thousands of women to the concepts of sexual exploration and is in the top 1% of her company’s sales force. She currently resides in Simi Valley, California with her husband and five dogs. Visit her at www.MyPassionAngel.com

Innovative Sex Toys For Your Gift List!

The holidays are upon us – a great time to reflect and give great gifts! This season also happens to be the anniversary of when I started my Passion Parties business 12 years ago, so I couldn’t help but think about how sex toys have evolved in just the last decade.

I’d like to share the top 3 sex toy innovations and some great products to consider for your gift list, whether you’re buying for someone nice or naughty!

Patterns

Pulse, Wave, Echo, Tide, Crest, Bounce, Surf, Peak, and Cha Cha Cha. These are all official names of the patterns of vibration of the We-Vibe 4 Plus, though if you don’t like them, We-Vibe even lets you design your own pattern. Patterns have become such a staple feature of quality toys with many toys even having multiple vibrators within to pass the sensation around. Patterns keep stimulation new, fresh, fun, and customizable. 12 years ago, you were lucky if your toy had more than one speed. Being able to turn it up or turn it down was a big selling point! I remember when we got a pulsating bullet and it was such a huge hit because patterns were quite the novelty.

Innovative Toys for your gift list WeVibePatterns

Rechargeable Batteries

The kids are in bed, your work day is over, you have a few minutes alone and your toy has been waiting for you, neglected for months. Finally you pull it out and turn it on……nothing. Damn. Ok, time to change out the batteries…..the battery drawer is empty. Fine! You steal the batteries out of the Remote Control and open your toy….only to discover a crusty mess. The battery acid has leaked out all over the battery compartment of your precious vibrator. No saving this one. How much did you pay for it? Into the trash it goes!

Enter rechargeable toys! Never again will you ruin your toy by neglect. Most rechargeable toys can hold a charge for months and when active can run for hours! The lack of a battery compartment has the added bonus of making it easy to design toys to be water resistant or even waterproof. Not only that, but in order to help conserve power, many toys now have a “3 Second Rule” where you can turn them off by holding the button down for 3 seconds. Some toys even require you to hold the button to turn it on so it won’t accidentally get bumped in your bag and embarrass you in the elevator on the way up to a Bachelorette Party in a posh hotel. Don’t ask. Moving on.

Innovative Design For your gift list Rechargeable

Material & Design

“Why does it have a face?” “Is that a beaver or a bear?” “Why does it smell funny?” I’m so incredibly thankful that I don’t have to field these questions anymore. Passion Parties has completely eliminated toys from our line that contain Phthalates, a plasticizer that had a strong rubbery odor and only in the last ten years was labeled a carcinogen and had the potential to leach chemicals into the body when used in toys. Silicone is now the preferred material for sex toys gaining more and more prominence due to its non-porous nature and high heat resistance (toys melting into each other was also a fun discussion topic I don’t miss).

However, more than the material, the rechargeable batteries, or the patterns, the thing I am most thankful for is how the design of toys has changed. Toys like the We-Vibe paved the way for a whole new generation of devices that are shaped for how they stimulate rather than the former phallic array we had to choose from. Emphasis is placed on all the spots a toy can reach, how it curves, where the clitoral stimulator might lie, and if you want something pretty to look at, many toys have colorful lights or simple bold pinks, purples, or turquoises.

We are also finally free of the faces and the animals. Early on in sex toy evolution, someone decided that women like cute animals, so why not make all clitoral stimulators look like bunnies, or turtles, or dolphins, or elephants or beavers (yes beavers)? Then there were the faces. I can’t honestly say how true the story is, but rumor had it that some of the toys were designed in Japan where it was illegal to make penis shaped toys so they put faces on them and labeled them “action figures.” Clients would sometimes get freaked out by this feature, but I’d just remind them that if you’re looking at the face, you’re doing something wrong. That’s not where it goes!

So next time you pull out your beautiful Lelo Soraya or have a few minutes to play with your Jimmy Jane Form 2, take a moment to be thankful for all that the sex toy industry has done to improve the quality of these toys. What will the future hold? Maybe We-Vibe has a hint…. Did you know there’s an App for that? Oh yeah.

Innovative Toys for your Gift List Design

Sweet Treats For A Naughty Halloween

One of my favorite parts of Halloween is the candy! When I was a kid, as soon as I’d get home from Trick or Treating, I’d pour my plastic pumpkin’s sugary contents out and look for my favorite 3 Musketeers with all its smooth nougaty goodness.

Now that I’m an adult, I still love my candy, but I’ve discovered a whole new world of sweet delights! Flavored gels turn oral play into an obsession that gets the salivary glands working – my personal Halloween favorite is Pucker Up in Green Apple. Edible massage lotions are another option to rub in all the right places. There’s one called Cremesicle that tastes like ice cream and even helps with the gag reflex. Or for a more subtle delicacy, edible powders made with corn starch to dust wherever one wants their sweetheart’s tongue to wander.

The adult industry has done wonders for eroticizing the taste buds and bringing oral play to a whole new level. I often get asked why my clients should bother with edible products when the kitchen is full of their favorite sweet confections. This is where proper hygiene becomes a much bigger issue than people expect. A woman’s vagina has a delicate Ph balance that can be easily thrown off by introducing sugar, leading to yeast infections. Bacteria from foods can also lead to a UTI as the woman’s urethra is much shorter than a man’s, though he is not immune either.

Products specifically designed for oral sex come in sealed containers, don’t need refrigeration, and generally have a shelf life of one to two years.

Tantalizing one’s palate is truly just the tip of the iceberg though. When you can engage even more of your senses, you can orchestrate a symphony of pleasure. You can find edible gels that actually heat up, creating what the experts call ‘temperature play’ for the giver and the receiver. Passion Parties’ version is called Fireworks. Do be careful though, as it’s not designed for use as a lubricant for penetration, lest the heat spark a wildfire.

Mentholated edible wax called Nibblers makes lips and nipples alike tingle with anticipation. The tradeoff here is that Nibblers needs to stay above the waist as they contain wax which does not go in the vaginal area as it could clog pores. But I guarantee the extra stimulation of the menthol paired with the spreadable wax base is not something you are going to find on the shelf by the candy corn and pumpkin spice cookies!

Finally, let’s not forget the added joy of turning your lover into the object of your consuming desire. Lick, tickle, tease, suck, whatever your pleasure, the tongue is one of the most stimulating tools you have in your passion arsenal! It’s wet, it’s soft, it’s firm, it’s smooth, it’s incredibly flexible and oh so intimate. Involve your hands, try with a vibrator, pair with a masturbation sleeve like Mimi, but whatever you do, don’t forget the Golden Rule, everyone deserves an equal share! Oral sex should never be a one sided engagement and if you give, you should also get. The trick is in the treat!

My Eye-Opening Experience At A Sex Conference

This year was my fourth trip to the Sex Positive Event known as CatalystCon. It was far more of an emotional adventure than I had ever expected. My first year was an eye opener! As a Passion Parties Consultant I deal mostly with suburban housewives who have never seen a vibrator before, let alone know what to do with them. To enter a world of people who not only know what to do with a vibrator, but who have designed them, sold them, tested thousands and openly talked about them was revolutionary.

Each year is a little bit different and largely based on the “choose your own adventure” model of having multiple sessions in the same time slots across two days of the conference. My first year of Catalystcon was my first exposure to the Sex Positive movement which draws strongly from the concept that so long as sex is Safe and Consensual, it should be allowed to proceed in whatever direction an individual wants to go. My second year of Catalystcon was a true educational experience. From Dr. Carol Queen and Dr. Morgan Lawrence I learned that we can move beyond the 5 basic senses to erotic stimulation of our sense of Temperature, Timing, Pain, Muscle Memory and more. From Dr. Ava Cadell we heard about the neuroscience behind love making and all the hormones that different phases of the arousal process bring out in us. My third year of Catalystcon introduced me to the Unslut Project and Mo Beasley walked us through how to be a sex-positive parent and bring age appropriate sex education to our children.

This was my fourth year and the introspective turn it took was not what I expected, but absolutely fundamental to the Sex Positive movement. It started with a panel by Ashely Manta, Damon Holzum, and Yosenio V Lewis titled The Importance of Trauma Informed Sex Education, Writing, and Therapy for Survivors and Professionals. They challenged the normal “Fight” or “Flight” concept of Trauma response by adding a third category, “Freeze.” It’s extremely validating for anyone who has experienced Trauma, especially Sexual Trauma, to know that disassociation, being unable to move or talk, and other similar responses are just as normal as anger, crying, or agitation. I can say that from my own experiences of Sexual Trauma from a past relationship, I would actually shut down and fall asleep during sex to avoid having to be present for it. It’s amazing the ways the body will respond to protect us.

After Trauma we moved directly into Shame! Amy Jo Goddard and Marcia Baczynski challenged us to reveal when we have inadvertently shamed someone else. A blogger admitted to being called out for suggesting her readers should leave Missionary Sex for the “Vanillas” and effectively shaming anyone who enjoyed the Missionary position. Others confessing to blasting “Christians” or “Republicans” as a group rather than the specific ideological views being expressed. We quickly learned how easy it is to get caught in the trap of shaming others while at the same time asking society not to shame us for our sexual desires. At my parties I often have clients react loudly and negatively when the issue of Anal Sex is brought up and I have found that the only way to reduce the instances of such shaming is to remind guests that there may be things I will talk about that are not for them, but I ask them to be respectful of the fact that others in the group may enjoy such activities and we don’t want anyone to feel bad about their desires. A phrase I learned from another consultant and share often at my parties is “don’t yuck someone else’s yum.”

Jean Franzblau took the emotional rollercoaster in a new direction with Sexual Esteem. She gave us a wonderful key phrase “thank you for taking care of yourself” for responding to what would otherwise be perceived as rejection, even for something as seemingly innocuous as a hug, so that we can respect the boundaries laid out by others while also encouraging them to set such boundaries.

However, for me, what turned out to be the most gut punching session of all was one of the most clinical and cerebral presentations I attended. It was conducted by Dr. Joshua Gonzalez on the topic of Sexual Medicine and examined male and female sexual dysfunction and some of the current ways these issues are being treated. Stressing heavily that the use of the word “dysfunction” is loaded with negative implications and not how we would wish to discuss these issues on a personal level, but on a clinical and medical level it is a necessary word to get the scientific industry to take these things seriously and search for answers. He reminded the audience that as everyone is different, one defines a “problem” with sexual function by whether or not it is causing distress. This is such a huge point to make because so many people ask me at my parties if what they experience is “normal” or if something is “wrong” with them. While I never try to offer medical advice at my parties, I love that I can offer them this small Qualifier. If it causes them distress, then it is something worth exploring. On a personal level, this session brought me to tears. After over ten years of experiencing low libido, pain during penetration, and true distress as to my sexual function, all while being told by multiple doctors that there’s nothing wrong with me and I’m “normal,” I finally found a doctor that showed me that “normal” or not, there are many many things that could be coming into play and my issues are just as “normal” as they are potentially treatable. The entire weekend truly came to a climax for me (if you’ll pardon the pun) with this session because it validated that the Trauma I have experienced, the Shame society has made me feel relating to my sexual function, and the need to take care of myself all have real world answers and solutions that it has taken me 34 years on this earth to find. This should not have been such a long road to find these answers, but the lack of Sex Positivity in our culture has made it incredibly difficult to find.

While my journey through this year’s CatalystCon was an emotional one, it’s hard for me to believe that there were 32 other sessions that I didn’t even go to on a range of topics from Porn to Sex Workers to Business advice to Kink and more! I’m thrilled to have another year’s worth of education to bring back to my clients and Hostesses at my parties and I am very much looking forward to next year’s CatalystCon. I can only imagine what direction this next year will take us.